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Anonymous #1

Open Relationship Sort of
    #21068807 - 01/04/15 10:55 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

My girlfriend likes having sex with other guys, she has told me that is purely for fun and that it boosts her confidence, as other guys are giving her attention too, and that is not the same at all as having sex with me, it just feels good. We had both given it a shot before and I didn't really like while she did. I told her she can't do it anymore, after I let her sleep with 2 of my friends, yes my friends, not just random people either. She still wants to do it again and I know that she still talks to them on Facebook, and hints things but never truly does anything wrong.
I'm not sure what to think of this, I know she does still enjoy when we have sex, and I know she does enjoy it more than with them because I've heard my friends and her. Some of my other friends are telling me that she's being a huge slut, and I sort of agree, but I also understand that she is a person and she needs to experience the things she wants and needs, I know she'll still care about me and stuff, but i feel like our relationship will lose its sexual bond. I could do the same thing probably but I have no one to have sex with, as all of my friends are male, so its a purely one sided deal. Can anyone please give their opinion on what I should do about the relationship, or any input at all, your perspective, anything at all. I just feel lost and I've tried talking it out with my girlfriend but our conversation just goes in circles.

edit: or am I just beta as fuck and should just get over life, also I just got a new job that is very labor intesive and I have lost over 10 pounds in the past two months so I know I look better than ever

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Offlinewyvern
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21068851 - 01/04/15 11:03 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Perhaps you could have her set you up with some of her friends as well. Since you did with yours. Maybe a group night might work. There are some swingers clubs where her and your needs would get met. Sometimes it is easier with strangers than your friends. Less drama in the long run. But always wear a rain coat. There's nasty stuff out there. Good Luck

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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21068857 - 01/04/15 11:05 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

this doesn't sound healthy man.  An open relationship is when both parties share the same view on the relationship, and it sounds like you're uncomfortable with it, and IMO getting treated poorly.


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I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #21068863 - 01/04/15 11:06 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

She just always gets what she wants, she has admitted that she still wants to but won't because she knows it makes me feel bad. I didn't set her up with the friends, they're her friends too.

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InvisiblePatrickKn
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Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,847
Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21069086 - 01/04/15 11:58 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Perhaps just be friends w/ benefits and cut the 'traditional' relationship ties?

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Anonymous #1

Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: PatrickKn]
    #21069116 - 01/05/15 12:02 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

PatrickKn said:
Perhaps just be friends w/ benefits and cut the 'traditional' relationship ties?



When you say it like that I feel like I'm just keeping the relationship and stopping her to have control and because I'm jealous I wouldn't be able to do the same if I were single.

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InvisiblePatrickKn
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21069121 - 01/05/15 12:04 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, but if you're uncomfortable with it, yet it suits her lifestyle all the same and it's not in her nature to stop (and there is no reason to so long as it's open), then it might not be good for your own emotional needs.

Edited by PatrickKn (01/05/15 12:09 AM)

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OfflineBlack_Sunset
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: wyvern]
    #21069225 - 01/05/15 12:34 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

wyvern said:
Perhaps you could have her set you up with some of her friends as well. Since you did with yours. Maybe a group night might work. There are some swingers clubs where her and your needs would get met. Sometimes it is easier with strangers than your friends. Less drama in the long run. But always wear a rain coat. There's nasty stuff out there. Good Luck





I think this is a good idea, but only if you are interested in having sex with other people, too - not to spite her.

Your attitude on the whole thing isn't 'beta', you coming from a place of understanding and that is respectable. You want to allow her to be her true self. Right on!

Right now I don't have much else to say as for advice. Your relationship sounds like it doesn't completely hinge on sex which is why it's still together, but you're going to need to figure out how to be okay with this if you want to stay with her.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Black_Sunset] * 2
    #21069234 - 01/05/15 12:39 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Sounds shitty dude. I would not be comfortable with my girlfriend fucking multiple people. Just straight up tell her it makes you feel weird and you don't like it.


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To define is to confine.

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InvisibletheRAPeutic
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21069359 - 01/05/15 01:34 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Breh you sound beta as fuck. You're gonna end up hiring black men to fuck her while you sit in the corner masturbating and filming. Wow, just wow. You don't sound very assertive at all..

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Offlineganjfather
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: theRAPeutic]
    #21069398 - 01/05/15 01:56 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Sounds to me like you're hung up and should find someone who fits you better, someone who wants a traditional relationship, like you do..


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21070765 - 01/05/15 11:09 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Sounds like this just doesn't work. And in the end, most 'open' relationships turn sour- very quickly, or it takes a little longer, but in the end, the vast majority of people just don't like it. There's no shame in that and it has nothing to do with being 'beta' or whatever. In your place, I would give your girlfriend two options: either be committed to each other or break up. Odds are the latter option is what it will boil down to, but it seems like a good idea to try and give it another go, but at terms that are acceptable to both parties. Don't stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy because you have to give her more freedom than you want to put up with.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: koraks]
    #21070810 - 01/05/15 11:22 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

She still makes me happy and I haven't let it bother me that she had sex with other guys. We were both virgins when we met so I feel like maybe I should look at being an open relationship for a little while as we never really got to experience dating and those things before our relationship. I just wish we met in a few years instead of in highschool. We're only young by the way, as in under 20.

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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21070877 - 01/05/15 11:40 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

If you don't have a problem with it man. I guess give it a try considering you're getting pussy with no real commitment. I just wouldn't be cool with a girl I'm semi with banging a ton of guys. I was getting with a girl that was still with her ex but I understood because they dated for so long. I guess it's the same deal :shrug: just try not to get hurt brother, it's a fine line


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To define is to confine.

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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21071099 - 01/05/15 12:28 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

You know, in this case I say it's worth giving it a shot for a little if you can. Virgin relationships sound like gold when you're a virgin... But they turn frustrating quickly. I was in one, then immediately into another LTR. As a practically pansexual male the sexual aspect of it is absurdly frustrating. I love my lady more than the world but that doesn't make it easier.

I say engage this thing full on. Have sex, don't be jealous,still make her feel like the "one" and see where it goes. The alternative is to break up. Now or down the road she will want to explore too much

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InvisibleSrirachi
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21071136 - 01/05/15 12:40 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Love is when you are more concerned about how your actions make the other person feel than with doing what you want.

You might love her, but she's just fucking you. You heard her with your friends? OMG dude. She fucked them while you were in earshot. If she's not retarded, and since you didn't mention that she was, I assume she's not - she knew that would eat away a small part of your soul and did it anyway. Fact is, that probably made it even hotter for her.

Monosexuals should not consort with polysexuals. You're a one-woman kinda guy, it sounds like, and she is a three-dick chick. This will not end well for you. Trust me.

If you prefer chicks that don't fuck your friends, I'd advise you to hit that shit hard and dirty one more time, then find a new girlfriend. Don't get all emo though and just leave without tearing that ass up one more time. Your goal should be to make sure that whatever one of your friends does to her after you cut her loose, you already did. We're talking fur, blood, piss and feces on the bed after you're done kinda sex. Then when you spend the next year and a half wondering if you did the right thing, because you've still not been laid and your friends are passing her around like chalk at a pool hall, you'll be able to look back on that last time you nailed her and smile.

I think you have the right attitude - you accept her as she is, and I would encourage you to not hate her for it even though it does hurt. Don't try to make it work though, that's my advice... important parts of you will shrivel up and die if you try to change your nature so that you can accept her polysexual behavior. It isn't worth doing that to yourself for anyone.

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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Srirachi]
    #21071151 - 01/05/15 12:45 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Srirachi said:
Love is when you are more concerned about how your actions make the other person feel than with doing what you want.

You might love her, but she's just fucking you. You heard her with your friends? OMG dude. She fucked them while you were in earshot. If she's not retarded, and since you didn't mention that she was, I assume she's not - she knew that would eat away a small part of your soul and did it anyway. Fact is, that probably made it even hotter for her.

Monosexuals should not consort with polysexuals. You're a one-woman kinda guy, it sounds like, and she is a three-dick chick. This will not end well for you. Trust me.

If you prefer chicks that don't fuck your friends, I'd advise you to hit that shit hard and dirty one more time, then find a new girlfriend. Don't get all emo though and just leave without tearing that ass up one more time. Your goal should be to make sure that whatever one of your friends does to her after you cut her loose, you already did. We're talking fur, blood, piss and feces on the bed after you're done kinda sex. Then when you spend the next year and a half wondering if you did the right thing, because you've still not been laid and your friends are passing her around like chalk at a pool hall, you'll be able to look back on that last time you nailed her and smile.

I think you have the right attitude - you accept her as she is, and I would encourage you to not hate her for it even though it does hurt. Don't try to make it work though, that's my advice... important parts of you will shrivel up and die if you try to change your nature so that you can accept her polysexual behavior. It isn't worth doing that to yourself for anyone.



Actually he's right dude. You guys both have different views


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21071216 - 01/05/15 01:01 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

While i've been in few relationships, i'm approaching them from a new perspective these days.

You say you're in an open relationship, but that's still a title or a status, as in compared to a "closed" relationship.

Why not just listen to your heart and the connection that you share with her? It's a lot easier than trying to make expectations on how you're allowed to be around other people and each other, and it gives you time to grow.

You see, if you really are compatible, then eventually those feelings of trust and commitment will grow because you love each other. Your bond won't rely on your relationship status, and exclusivity will arise through the evolution of love, not just as an imposed sanctuary in which love can incubate. And if exclusivity is never a part of your relationship, sexually, then it needs not be a symbol of your love ( if you could be jiggy with something like that... idk if i would, but some are )


However, there's always a catch. Maybe you already have these mature, developed feelings for her, but even still she feels the need to explore other sexual partners. That's usually just an indication that she's not ready to settle into a long-term groove with anyone yet, and instead of trying to force her to, maybe it's best to just observe her doing her thing, and maybe she'll come around to you once she's had some fun.

In that latter situation, it's best to remember that you can explore other people too, you don't have to make yourself exclusive. But if she's still your #1, like your best friend, and she's still really diggin' on you, then anyone you meet and get involved with you should probably explain to them what's going on eventually. Open communications! :heart: hope my rambling helped somewhat

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OnlineNorthernerM
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Re: Open Relationship Sort of [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #21075467 - 01/06/15 06:24 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Been there done that bro...

Dump her quick and don't look back. She clearly has a different value system to you when it comes to this. No changing that. It all goes back to developmental sexuality, and you guys are clearly not the same. You are just gonna get even more messed up and lose sleep and feel shit about the thing until you dump her anyways. Nip it in the bud.


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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.

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