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Offlinefuzzysig
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whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations)
    #21015135 - 12/23/14 12:26 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

we are married for last 4 years and have a kid
for about 5-6 years I tried to be the best and do my best but not be a bus boy and do everthing she wants.
turns out that's exactly what she wants.
she wants a bus boy that will support her and do as she pleases.

i still think shes not a bad person just was brainwashed by her mom into this mindset.
money is everything, men are stupid and can never be trusted, women are always right etc.

so now im dealing with this shit.
last few years im finally fed up with pleasing her and not even getting any recognition for it, just more and more complaints that i didn't do the next thing on her list when i just finished doing the one before.

i tried to talk to her many times normal talk and break it down barney style andarguing and tried to convince her to go to couples counceling. she thinks im the problem and she has no problems at all...

sometimes i really just want to slap the sht out of her when she says something stupid like that. but were not in 3rd world country and don't live in the ghetto. so i try to use verbal ammo but its like talking to a wall. it just bounces right off... but when her mom tells her something shes all ears.
i can tell her something and shes like meh (ignore mode) then she turns around and ask her mom she tells her same thing and she listens...
i cant talk to her mom because shes the one that is putting these damn ideas in her head


she also thinks that shes supporting me and the kid even though i pay half of the rent and all the bills and about half of the food cuz i don't eat at home since she rarely cooks i buy my own food.
shes always engaged in some kind of stupid activity to make herself feel busy. and then would complain that shes so busy and taking care of everything when in fact most of it is wasted time because of poor planning and not knowing wtf is going on around her.

buying and returning junk on sale
cleaning the house and then making a mess again because its clean but poorly organized.

when i try to help her organize she said i don't know anything about organizing and didn't listen.
then a salesman lady from sears told her word for word exact same thing and she followed her advice

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OfflineAldous
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: fuzzysig]
    #21015659 - 12/23/14 06:56 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Wow, the way you talk about her... do you even like her anymore?
What made you fall for her?

If there's nothing positive to focus on, just leave already.

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Offlinefuzzysig
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: Aldous]
    #21017667 - 12/23/14 03:33 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

I don't  I kinda start hating her because I don't see any way of resolving this. she just doesn't want to work things out. I tried and tried so many different ways.
the only way she wants is her being in control and me making money and her spending time with her bffs shopping and then returning things to the store. 
problem is I don't want to leave my kid I don't want him to grow up stupid and materialistic like her.
she thinks she is taking good care of him when she doesn't even know how to put him to bed properly. it takes me 5 minutes to put him to bed and takes her 2 hours. it should be backwards.
she doesn't care to research if the food is good for the kid or if the clothes she buys is comfortable. she just looks at the labels and buys whatever clothes looks "hip" . pretty much hes gonna grow up a materialistic hipster with whole bunch of health issues because of shitty care that she provides. I try to buy him the best food I can afford  even though its expensive as shit. and she just go and get shit on sale at Costco and is ok with it.
I already see how other kids in her family grow up and that's not what I want him to grow up like...
except I don't have my family here they live across the country.


its a tough choice im just scared to make the wrong choice again... cuz this is important

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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: fuzzysig]
    #21017718 - 12/23/14 03:45 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

haha she sounds like a woman.  does she use stimulants?

you sound bored and under appreciated.  find someone who has passion who wants to rip your clothes off all the time and who isnt stupid.


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Offlinefuzzysig
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Registered: 10/21/11
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Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: sprinkles]
    #21018376 - 12/23/14 06:22 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

yea sex is great lol I got blinded by the booty
I knew it from the beginning but just didn't expect her to be this extreme case of closet minded...
shitty part is gonna be tough to fight for custody she also thinks that what she saw in the movies about custody and child support is true that she gets whatever the fuck she wants when we divorce.
and I don't think even court would stand up to her stubborness

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Offlinegref
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: fuzzysig]
    #21019955 - 12/24/14 02:28 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Are you just venting or are you also looking for advice?

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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: gref]
    #21020789 - 12/24/14 10:28 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Funny how in reality, most posts in S&R are a total waste of time. The advise is always the same (but I'll repeat it anyway)

Try to talk to her again. If she won't listen, tell her its more than just a problem, its a deal breaker. If she still doesn't listen (and, conversely, you don't listen in return), you should leave her.

Also, its not all her fault, no matter how much of a saint you've portrayed yourself as. If you couldn't tell that she was a spoiled brat from the beginning its partially your fault for being a bad judge of character.

The kid complicates things, yes, but staying in a loveless marriage is never good for a child.



So yea, this canned advise brought to you by every poster ever. You already knew all of these things, but it for sure blows to actually have to act on them. I'm sorry your wife is a suburbanite bitch, happens to the best of us :tongue2:


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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OfflineInfiniteToker
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: bloodsheen]
    #21020833 - 12/24/14 10:43 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

and I will also add if you want to score a non-materialistic woman, look into dating amish girls. just hide all electronics such as the computer. Basically you have to date an amish girl or a North Korean.


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"I'm chilling in a room with a view, there's always room for improvement; so i grab my coat and go and prove it"-Method Man

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Offlinegref
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Registered: 01/28/10
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: InfiniteToker]
    #21021377 - 12/24/14 12:52 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
Funny how in reality, most posts in S&R are a total waste of time. The advise is always the same (but I'll repeat it anyway)




Mine rarely is. Makes me laugh watching people flip their cookies around here when I deal out hard truths.

Quote:

fuzzysig said:
for about 5-6 years I tried to be the best and do my best but not be a bus boy and do everthing she wants.
turns out that's exactly what she wants.
she wants a bus boy that will support her and do as she pleases.




Nope. All those unfair and ridiculous requests she asks of you is not because she really wants them, she's looking for something else.
Hence:
Quote:

fuzzysig said:
I'm finally fed up with pleasing her and not even getting any recognition for it, just more and more complaints that i didn't do the next thing on her list when i just finished doing the one before.



When you do what she wants it doesn't make her happy and all she does is treat you worse! This is bullshit right? What does she really want?

What's actually going on here is she's testing you. Women like strong men and one of the things they do is test their strength by throwing bullshit at them and seeing how they handle it. If you cannot handle her bullshit how will you protect her from the world?
When you fail her tests she loses respect for you and tests more, and it's a terrible downward spiral.

Next time she asks something unfair of you, the proper answer is "No." and don't argue. No means no and the conversation is done. If she throws a tantrum tell her she's acting immature and that you are not putting up with it. She doesn't deserve your loyal presence when she's acting like a brat. Go to a different room or leave the house for a while, let her cool off and realize that when she treats you poorly she loses your attention.
If she's a decent woman to any degree she will come back to you sweetly and may even apologize for her behavior.


If you need assurance of what I'm saying you can hear it again from a clinical psychologist here:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ironshrink/201409/why-women-are-rejecting-perfect-men
This article contains a story of a married couple very similar to yours, it's a real eye opener.

Edited by gref (12/24/14 01:09 PM)

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Offlinefuzzysig
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Registered: 10/21/11
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Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: gref]
    #21022770 - 12/24/14 08:46 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

she wants stupid drama. I went off on her yesterday and she was cool after. I hate that shit.

and she just like any woman doesn't really know what she wants
its not what she wants. she always wants more than what she has. that's how her mom raised her. never happy.
and she always looks at what others have and do and she wants that right away ...

yea I fucked up when I decided to ignore my gut feeling
I knew we would make great kids and that's true also
but I knew we gonna have issues also but I was hoping we can work them out and I tried my best. but its a one way relationship.
im not a saint but im pretty easygoing until you absolutely piss me off and that takes a while I mean a long while to piss me off where I turn evil

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InvisibleMasked
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: fuzzysig]
    #21022888 - 12/24/14 09:11 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Some very similar dynamics going on with your relationship that happened in mine.

Get out now.  She wont work on things like you say.  Just get out.  NOW!  Dont stay for the kid.  Women like her use your love for your kid against you.  They know you arent going anywhere.  Prove her wrong.

You can be a great father still and be a big part of your kids life.  She will not be able to take that right away from you if you are a decent guy with your shit together.  Courts are waking up to the fact that a father is just as important as a mother.

get out and leave that controlling materialistic cunt

Or you could keep riding in circles....getting more and more worn down over the years...building more and more unhealthy attachement in the process until it inevitably crashes anyway....either due to her having an affair(likely from what I can tell about her)  or u having an affair or a jammer from all the stress.


Trust me on this.  It will not get better.  Get out


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Offlinefuzzysig
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: Masked]
    #21023642 - 12/25/14 01:44 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

that was my last option.i grew up in a house like that. and don't know how it would be if my parents split. I know having parents fight all the time sucks but im sure the other option is not that great either

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InvisibleMasked
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: fuzzysig]
    #21023665 - 12/25/14 02:09 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Im telling you from painful first hand experience dude....staying is much much much worse.

Trust me.  Get the fuck out now while you still have a portion of your soul and heart left.

The kids will be much happier with dad and mom not in a toxic relationship together


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: Masked]
    #21023747 - 12/25/14 03:52 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

One thing I hated when I was growing up was to hear my parents constantly fighting like little children. Sounds like she's a controlling bitch


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To define is to confine.

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InvisibleMasked
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21023750 - 12/25/14 03:58 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Well in all fairness...we dont know her side. 

Its a touchy subject for me but I am reminded of similar things in my last relationship.  I will never fully heal from what I went through :sad:

Get out op...for the sake of your children if nothing else.  Pride yourself on being a great father and show your kids a shining example of what a good and healthy relationship should be


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Offlinefuzzysig
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: Masked]
    #21027259 - 12/26/14 09:35 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

good point masked. thanks.
her side is that its never enough...no matter what I do. she wants me to be someone im not.
u know typical female sht.  I marry a guy and then try to "mold him into something else" the shit they read in the magazines and see in soap operas. she takes it seriously

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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: fuzzysig]
    #21029628 - 12/26/14 08:15 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

With every woman I've been with no matter what I do it's never been enough. Even if I complete a huge milestone there's always something else I should have done too. The one thing I can't stand is not getting a "thank you" for anything I do. If I could just some kind of appreciation for everthing i do I would be happy, but it never happens. Good luck man but don't keep your hopes up


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To define is to confine.

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OfflinePDU
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21037435 - 12/28/14 10:15 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
The one thing I can't stand is not getting a "thank you" for anything I do. If I could just some kind of appreciation for everthing i do I would be happy, but it never happens.




This one is pushing me over the edge right now.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Offlinefuzzysig
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: PDU]
    #21037640 - 12/28/14 11:27 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

yea that's one of the problems. and I tried and tried so many ways to talk to her but it just bounces right off.

shes allover me when I treat her like shit tho. i feel like im back in high school. i should probably throw a fit and punch a hole in a wall and maybe break some porcelain... i donno.

i already told her im planning to leave soon so she wont have to worry about it

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Offlinempd
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Re: whats the best action when someone always wants more(unrealistic espectations) [Re: fuzzysig]
    #21040480 - 12/29/14 05:27 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Expectations ruin relationships.  Period the end.


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There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.

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