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OfflineCrawler
Male


Registered: 10/31/14
Posts: 94
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Low self esteem issues *DELETED* * 2
    #21019067 - 12/23/14 09:10 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Post deleted by Crawler

Reason for deletion: .

Edited by Crawler (12/23/14 09:24 PM)

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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Crawler]
    #21019187 - 12/23/14 09:33 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

I had a girl that was extremely self conscious and had terrible low self esteem.  In the end man no matter how beautiful or awesome you tell them they are they only push you away more, I suggest she seeks professional help.  If you try and help her yourself you will only find out that her low self esteem will begin to impact you.  You'll start to think well if my compliments mean nothing am I worth nothing?  It is a vicious cycle, get out now.


--------------------

"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.

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OfflineCrawler
Male


Registered: 10/31/14
Posts: 94
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: The Doobie Dude]
    #21019252 - 12/23/14 09:50 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Mhh I guess theres no choice.
I mean shes also fishing for compliments..
I do compliment her a lot, but after a while it gets annoying.

Edited by Crawler (12/23/14 09:52 PM)

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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Crawler]
    #21019282 - 12/23/14 09:58 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah sounds similar, just find a girl that is proud to be who she is.  Or if you care about this girl take her to see a councilor.


--------------------

"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.

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OfflineSpacerific
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Male


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: The Doobie Dude] * 1
    #21019322 - 12/23/14 10:09 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

OP, with girls IMO all you have to do is be nice to them, that is go out of your way to be nicer than people have been to them in their past. They'll get the point and accept themselves way more.

I'm assuming you've seduced and had some amount of sex with the girl, as if you start being overly nice before that, she'll have a perfectly good way of telling herself you don't "really" like her that much, you're just being nice to get some pussy.

So assuming you've gotten the sex part out of the way and everybody's more relaxed, IMO you have to lay it on thick with the following:

- Massage.
- Cooking. You can even go so far as to learn new recipes for her. By the third or fourth she'll be like OMFG, this is epic beyond measure!
- Proper hugs. I am talking proper, not acquaintance hugs. They don't have to be too frequent, but they to have to be tight and long and sustained, and your mind and senses have to be there, not elsewhere. Put in some push-ups and pull ups if you're not in decent shape yet, you can't do proper hugs without some nice arms and upper body strength. Primate show a lot of affection through skin contact, and if you put in both some nice grip strength in the hugs, and super fine careful soft touch when playing with her skin, she'll get that holy smokes, I'm worth this much attention, AFTER I gave it up to this guy! He must like me... for me!! :biggrin:
- Stories. Simply put in the work and imagination to share your enthusiasm for your things (whatever they are) with her. Last I checked, there's nothing girls like more than to take in the healthy vibrant energy of a guy who's worry-free, and has found his own fun. Nerds and less experienced dudes will fall for the obvious, and when the girl is down, they'll get sad and down too, and ask like in that movie, THX 1138 - "what's wrong? :sad:" This is incorrect. What you want to do is listen to her troubles, nod, hug or kiss on cheek, and then proceed to say things like well, I don't know what to say about your horrible XYZ, but since you're an epic girl, I've taken the liberty to go buy some A and some B and some C, totally organic and not even that irradiated, and I've made them into the best space Lasagna that I've ever made. Oh you didn't even have your first space Lasagna this lifetime? Well, good thing you met me then, or you would have totally missed out completely :lol:  The point is to shift focus form her gloomy troubles, to the present moment, and ideally to super nice, fascinating and amusing topics. You want to be talking in such a way, that when you're done, she'll be entranced, amused, and there will be some delay before she "snaps out of it". Provide these short amusing islands of carefree fun, and you'll be golden. Most people dwell in apathy, they can't fascinate others for shit. If you put in the time to do so, and if you throw in a nice little pirouette and victory dance, as opposed to just saying "hey, I ordered some generic pizza :yawn:" then she'll know she's worth it.

What else what else ... You could go down on her more often than you would for regular girls (which you don't like "a lot") and yeah, remember that sex and making out and romance in general is a very good way to stop mindless negative thoughts right then and there. A bit of tickling goes a long long way :lol:

IF by some chance you haven't gotten to the sex yet, then simply proceed to it, get it out of the way, and then if you really like her, you can do all of the above. If your interest totally fades after the sex part, well then that will tell you whether you really liked her "a lot" or just wanted some tail.

Notice that the stuff above takes attention, time and energy. Unlike words, those things are way harder to fake, because if you don't genuinely like somebody, it's kind of hard to do those things right. Cooking takes time. Massage takes time. Proper hugs take energy, and people feel if you genuinely like them or are just going through the motions. Don't even worry about what you're saying verbally, that has minimal impact. Things that you do for her, that take some actual skill and energy, that some random nerd would have no idea to even consider doing, that will send the message loud and clear that she's worth it :thumbup:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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OfflineSpacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
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Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Crawler]
    #21019398 - 12/23/14 10:27 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Crawler said:
Mhh I guess theres no choice.
I mean shes also fishing for compliments..
I do compliment her a lot, but after a while it gets annoying.




:lol:

So you see my good man? You may not really like her "a lot", as you initially posted above. Might be that you just kinda like her, and she's working hard at sabotaging even that? :strokebeard:

But seriously, if you compliment her verbally, that's not going to do much. I mean verbal compliments are cheap, easily fakeable by even the lowliest of nerds, a girl could get 1000 of them and she could still not trust you.

But a proper orgasm! Ah now we're talking. If you can take a worried anxious girl, and get her to the Oh God Jesus Mary Joseph what on Earth Just happened to me?!?!? - point, then she'll know to chill out, that yes things are well, with you, her, the world, everything and everybody.

From talking, nothing of the sort can come. Unless you skillfully use the talking to cleverly and subtly imply that yes, that kind of orgasm stuff is precisely what's coming her way, later this very evening :biggrin:


Her fishing for compliments is actually an unconscious test. The question is, are you going to take this crap? Are you going to let the girl lead you into annoyance or any other unpleasant boring state, OR, since you're a manly man with plenty of hair on the chest, you will in fact grab the situation by the balls and show her what life can be?

If she's apathetic and undecided and unsure, that's a test to you. Can you provide fresh life, identity, and cock and balls to this newly formed interaction between you two? A proper guy would. An insecure confused nerd wouldn't, he'd just give into her insecurities and bad vibes, and when she's confused and feeling :sad: he'd end up confused and being :sad:. This is totally a test on you, about how well you can save the day and turn rain to sunshine.

And so the story goes. Everything you get is some sort of an unconscious test. Ask yourself, how would a proper caveman settle the situation? By talking? Hell no. Ruffle some feathers in the right way, scratch that itch she has properly, fill her holes emotional needs and ... ah crap, holes dude, holes, orifices, put some proper fire to her loins and she'll know that yes, this area is most definitely safe to relax in, for we have one proper man here on the premises, who can get the job done right :satansmoking:

If she's still got any self esteem or any other kinds of issues AFTER an epic orgasm, THEN it's time to actually talk, not before.

Plan B, if all this isn't worth it to you (girl isn't attractive enough to justify all the expenditure of energy) then leave. Simply say hey, this is a drag on my good vibes, I'm not your shrink nor your babysitter, call me when you want to actually go out and have a nice time. And exit stage left, being fully ready to head for other girls.

The one solution you don't want to go with is continuing this whining, draining, compliments fishing annoyance. Take charge and lead :pirate:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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OfflineCrawler
Male


Registered: 10/31/14
Posts: 94
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Spacerific]
    #21019443 - 12/23/14 10:37 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for the writeup.
We haven't gotten physical yet and I tried turning the focus from her problems to stories. She's way too invested into herself. She listens to the stories, but only shortly and then goes back to self-destruction. 

I noticed it got to a point where this is turning out unhealthy for myself. 

Its unfortunate, beneath all that she is awesome.



I'll just move on.
There's plent of fish in the sea.

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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Crawler]
    #21019452 - 12/23/14 10:39 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

You could always take her to a therapist and go to the gym with her.  Confidence will soon follow suit


--------------------

"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.

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OfflineCrawler
Male


Registered: 10/31/14
Posts: 94
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: The Doobie Dude]
    #21019517 - 12/23/14 10:55 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

She isn't fat she just thinks lowly of herself as a person.


I don't know if she is just someone who is doing this for attention or not. I mean she's smart enough atleast that's the impression I have of her.

She is consciously aware that she is talking bad about herself, while we talk. Its like she acknowledges the voices in her head.

Quote of her: The only way to quite the voices in my head is to play this game (an online game that we play together from time to time)

She might already be seeing a therapist, I just dind't ask.

Thanks for the answers so far, I never had to handle someone that is  on such a self-destruction path. It really felt like I could help her. I wanted to. You know?


Well, i'm off to gym for now.

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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Crawler]
    #21019525 - 12/23/14 10:56 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Bring her with you.  Have her work for herself, no one will convince her otherwise.


--------------------

"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.

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OfflineSpacerific
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Male


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: The Doobie Dude] * 1
    #21019620 - 12/23/14 11:18 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

She is consciously aware that she is talking bad about herself, while we talk. Its like she acknowledges the voices in her head.



Oh dude, all this talking talking and more talking.

KISS her. Hug and squeeze her. Tickle her. Ruffle her hair as one does with kids. Why all the seriousness?

Even if you move on to other girls, I for one would still bang her. It's good for her hormones and whatever's twirling around inside humans. I don't know the specifics, but it's good for ya :thumbup:

Girl's in her head and distracting herself with electronics, bunch of apathy and loneliness in her life, because she deeply deeply LONGS for some actual fucking romance, someone worth dreaming about. Grab her next time you meet and do that sailor-returning move on her, holding her down like this:



If she's not comfy with you yet, fine, just kiss her on the cheek and put her back up, but do the sailor move man, show her that you've got it :biggrin:







See what I mean? Close body contact, guy above, girl swept off her feet, stuff that dreams are made of.

Right now, from what I'm reading, you guys are more like:



I mean I know you're not even kissing yet, but that's the general vibe, mr. nice guy, talking and playing online games with her. Fucking online games. I bet you guys text as well, instead of actually talking, via voice :lol:

I mean far be it from me to tell you how to run your business, but if the girl spends some time with you, she's giving you an opening to take charge and show her what life can be like. Is it going to be talking yadda yadda and playing videogames, or proper contact and animal attraction and playing Tarzan? :lol:

Bang her, bang her sweet brains out, and then if she's not coming around go for other girls. Even if you go for others, the correct play is to bang her, as your hormonal levels will be more awesome, for the other girls you meet later on. She probably needs a fwb anyway by the looks of it, you probably don't even have to buy the cow, you can just get some epic fresh milk when you want it :lol:

To all the people frowning on all the banging and fwb ideas, remember the girl won't just get a guy checking up on her regularly, she'll get a guy that cooks, gives good hugs and puts in epic massages. If that isn't good for her, I don't know what is.

Oh and OP, even though you're not yet kissing nor banging, you should STILL massage her shoulders to de-stress the girl, just on general principle. If you're not that pro at massage yet, just practice on her, I mean you were about to go for other girls anyway.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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OfflineCrawler
Male


Registered: 10/31/14
Posts: 94
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Spacerific]
    #21019686 - 12/23/14 11:38 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Spacerific said:
Quote:

She is consciously aware that she is talking bad about herself, while we talk. Its like she acknowledges the voices in her head.



Oh dude, all this talking talking and more talking.

KISS her. Hug and squeeze her. Tickle her. Ruffle her hair as one does with kids. Why all the seriousness?

Even if you move on to other girls, I for one would still bang her. It's good for her hormones and whatever's twirling around inside humans. I don't know the specifics, but it's good for ya :thumbup:

Girl's in her head and distracting herself with electronics, bunch of apathy and loneliness in her life, because she deeply deeply LONGS for some actual fucking romance, someone worth dreaming about. Grab her next time you meet and do that sailor-returning move on her, holding her down like this:



If she's not comfy with you yet, fine, just kiss her on the cheek and put her back up, but do the sailor move man, show her that you've got it :biggrin:







See what I mean? Close body contact, guy above, girl swept off her feet, stuff that dreams are made of.

Right now, from what I'm reading, you guys are more like:



I mean I know you're not even kissing yet, but that's the general vibe, mr. nice guy, talking and playing online games with her. Fucking online games. I bet you guys text as well, instead of actually talking, via voice :lol:

I mean far be it from me to tell you how to run your business, but if the girl spends some time with you, she's giving you an opening to take charge and show her what life can be like. Is it going to be talking yadda yadda and playing videogames, or proper contact and animal attraction and playing Tarzan? :lol:

Bang her, bang her sweet brains out, and then if she's not coming around go for other girls. Even if you go for others, the correct play is to bang her, as your hormonal levels will be more awesome, for the other girls you meet later on. She probably needs a fwb anyway by the looks of it, you probably don't even have to buy the cow, you can just get some epic fresh milk when you want it :lol:

To all the people frowning on all the banging and fwb ideas, remember the girl won't just get a guy checking up on her regularly, she'll get a guy that cooks, gives good hugs and puts in epic massages. If that isn't good for her, I don't know what is.

Oh and OP, even though you're not yet kissing nor banging, you should STILL massage her shoulders to de-stress the girl, just on general principle. If you're not that pro at massage yet, just practice on her, I mean you were about to go for other girls anyway.





:manofapproval:

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Offlinem4dScientist
Music Always Helps
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Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Crawler] * 1
    #21020239 - 12/24/14 06:45 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

ay man.

theres nothing you could do to "pull her out of it". unfortunately, things like this often take time, and lots of it. she should probably see a therapist, theres always some psychological factors that need to be uncovered for them to begin seeing themselves in a different light. do you like her enough to wait around while she goes through this process? or is she even open to the suggestion? these are things you should talk to her about.

I would say go for it. things like this often lead to very loyal partnerships. if she sees you as someones whos been committed to her in her most troubled of times, you guys will definitely come to share a VERY strong bond.

however, if youre already finding it "annoying" to compliment her, that's a big red flag. imagine 2, 3, even 6 months from now? it should feel good to comfort her, not a burden.

the question you have to ask yourself is is she worth the time? cause that's the only thing that will help the situation.

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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: m4dScientist]
    #21020972 - 12/24/14 11:19 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

IMO especially young people, when they feel down, they have no idea whatsoever what they actually need. I know I had no idea, back in the day.

They may think that they do (new video game, more shoes, more money, whatever) but more often than not it's one of the fundamentals. Companionship, sincere true emotions, someone to be close to, a sense of deep presence and confidence in their own body.

Failing to find that, people seek emotional satisfaction in electronics, food, alcohol and other substances, they get hooked on the dopamine and become workaholics, control freaks, all manner of things.

Even when with somebody, they may just have that sense of discomfort, they're in fact low on this or that substance running through them, but there's rarely an accurate identifying of "Hey, I need a hug" or "Damn, I'd love to feel needed and loved, to be able to help somebody and be appreciated for it". Even more easy to miss are the raw physiological issues. Haven't breathed properly in ages. Haven't exercised and released some endorphins in weeks. Haven't touched the skin or lips of another human in weeks or months.

When I felt down, I'd try some random stuff as well, including fishing for compliments, but that's like randomly asking for a glass of water, when your whole house is on fire. It's very much a solvable problem, but it requires a significantly more thorough solution, than one glass of water (one verbal compliment).

IMO there's reasons not to give those verbal compliments. Chief among them is that too many of them dispel sexual tension, playfulness. I for one have a rule not to compliment girls on their looks. Maybe clothes, accessories, skills, whatever, but not looks, and definitely not when they expect it. Gotta keep'em on their toes, if you're too compliant you get labeled a wuss and they lose interest.

OP, I hope the stars align for you and you make a connection with this girl. Not verbally, not digitally, but like humans have always connected since time immemorial. Eye contact, chemistry, skin contact, breathing, holding hands, nice gestures and so on. Do that and you'll see the fishing for compliments stops. She may have her problems, as do we all, but if you like her you'll accept them and look past them. If not, well hey, that's fine too, but you'll have to keep looking. One of you has to take a chance, to open their heart and put themselves out there, or no magic will happen. If you're the one that's in a better state, if you have more energy to spare, I think the first move is on you.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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OfflineCrawler
Male


Registered: 10/31/14
Posts: 94
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: Low self esteem issues [Re: Spacerific]
    #21022910 - 12/24/14 09:15 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks guys, appreciate all the answers.
I will give it a go with her.

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