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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 4 months, 28 days
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Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety 1
#20970140 - 12/13/14 07:48 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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It's very unlike me to have casual sex with someone. But since my first and last very serious relationship it has somehow begun happening pretty regularly over past couple of years.
I used to not think of myself as particularly attractive, but after enough girls emphatically expressing how they see my physique and eyes; I've had to come to terms with being a decently looking guy (what a curse :lol) It took so long, because I'm humble (not so much on here), and have never been comfortable with boosting my ego (a Sankara that carried over in the bardos; for the Buddhists here)
So last week I begun casually sleeping with this girl who I've been good friend with for almost four years now (I know some find that weird, but me and her knew it would happen when the time was right). This isn't the first time with this girl either; about 6 months back I seriously fucked it all up pretty bad by saying too much, very bluntly, on a lot of etizolam and alcohol. She's the jealous type (even though she is a mad flirt, which was the first red flag that I couldn't date her). Also she has cheated on a number (definitely more than three) of her boyfriends. Typically I have a rule that if they've ever cheated then that is automatic dismissal from being seen as girlfriend material.
I believe in people changing for the better. But that is a bell that is damn near impossible to unring once you've heard it rung; So it would take a hell of a lot of convincing for me to consider that.
So this was seeming pretty casual, but with four years of cordial friendship we can't help but say to each other "I love you", "you're so amazing"; in the moments of sex.
These words aren't insincere (like a lot the things people say in sex, which I find fake and unattractive), but most would misunderstand the use of the word love. Especially while having sex.
This is why I'm torn, because this girl sees things so similarly to me. We love each other because we have a deep appreciation for each other as positive beings; and it feels good to express that love through physical and verbal means. This still doesn't mean we're "in love" with one another. Many girls I've been with have failed to see the difference.
However, I know she has some level of deeper infatuation with me that I don't share with her.
So she ended our interactions the first time because I had to be honest, when asked a question that she didn't even want to know the answer to. It made it abundantly obvious I wasn't wanting a relationship (which I had prefaced before even kising her, but maybe she thought she could win me over) and that she was much more into me than I was into her (which at that point, I was beginning to pick up on) Basically in my benzo stupor I somehow invited this girl over who I had previously slept with and is extremely attractive. Apparently I was flirting with her, and somehow the idea of a threesome came up. My girl wasn't down, and apparently I got upset and said something embarrassing enough that I won't even mention it here.
A lot of etizolam and booze was involved as you can tell; and while that's no excuse, I did things I know I wouldn't have had I even been just a little more sober.
I'm still not sure we can have sex and just be "friends" though. Girl-A (my sex partner that I just started with again) made a comment about this one Girl-B who was at my house part, and that how my girl would love to have sex with her. I jokingly shouted across the room "Make sure I'm there for that" (they're both very attractive). At the time she didn't seem phased; but I also wasn't facing in her direction.
So later that night while driving home, she kept sighing in a stressful/frustrated way while maintaining a gaze outside the window, completely avoiding eye contact from me. I asked her what was wrong, and she said nothing.
I had to remind her that she's dating an empath, and I can intuitively tell when she's upset, and definitely when she's blatantly lying.
She didn't like me calling her out on her bluff, so she blew up and started going off on how inconsiderate and rude it was for me to suggest partaking in a threesome with a girl she was openly talking about having sex with. She then related this back to a comment I made from our first fling, that night I blacked out on etizolam. That previous suggestion I had made for a threesome,and then that ensuing comment I'd rather not mention here.
For the record, I have absolutely ZERO recollection of the night, but my friends said that she got upset by the suggestion and asked if I thought the other girl was more attractive....
Well you can guess where that went. When you're a very honest person who is picky about their women, all while on a large dose of substances that suspend your inhibitions; it's hard to lie. I honestly probably dind't think twice before answering, but the answer was true. This is why I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
I woke up the next morning not knowing how I got into my friend bedroom. She was crying on my shoulder, and asked me if I remember what happened. She had to tell the whole story again, and I was so appalled by my own behavior that my mind was reeling in too much show to console her pain. I think she was my internal processing as detachment, so she dressed and left.
And then I saw her for the first time about two weeks ago. She had a boyfriend, but called within a day or two of breaking up with him.
Now unfortunately she's not girlfriend material because she's heavily bipolar (I thought I had experienced that with one of my past ex's, but that didn't compare).
This whole short story was for the purpose of insight into my current circumstances. After sleeping with this girl, I suddenly have no interest in pursuing girls (or guys for all those turned gay by mushrooms). I can't really say why either. This morning she had a manic/depressive attack that was more severe than any other I've seen. Totally illogical. Said I was yelling at her, when I gently talking in a compassionate voice. That whole experience was a major turn off; even if she can't help it. But Typically I just want to go find a different girl who is more compatible with my heart.
It's worth noting that once seeing how messed up wreckless sex and drugs have ruined the lives of her family and indirectly ruined her own life (her mom smokes her out with meth) has had some deeper impact on me. It's certainly made me want to reach to my family more and express my appreciation for them. I'll definitely be doing that this Christmas.
But her home life is also why I seriously respect her. She has lots of problems (we all do, but hers are foundational), but she is doing incredibly well considering the circumstances she was born in. She also has the emotional intelligence to work through her traumas. Society teaches us to logically deal with trauma, but logic with only suppress emotion deep down, where it festers and boils until it finally explodes.
It's just interesting because I've slept with crazier girls who were heavy addicts to hard drugs. But when I ended those relationships, I would either meet up with an old ex-gf; or hit up one of the few FwB that I still keep contact with (Most I was friends with long before FwB; some girls seem to not like sharing cock).
But this time, I just want nothing. No sex, no romance (I'm more mental and physical than visual [thought I'm picky when it comes to appearance], so romance, class, and cordial behavior is a must)
Maybe it's guilt that I hurt her so bad that first time that she is still holding emotional baggage against me. No matter how many ways I say sorry, she's going to have to work through that on her own time. I'm honestly surprised she still talk to me. I guess she likes the sex 
My other thought is that maybe I'm done playing the field. Too many people who don't know who they really are, and only want to other tell them to. I'd love to have soul mate. Or at least a partner to share my time traveling with.
But until then, it seems like I don't have any intentions of getting laid.
Has anything comparable to this happened to any of y'all? Was it guilt? Was it frustration with your previous partners? Or maybe the lack of options for partners?
I really would like to pin her up against a tree and bang her in the woods be the lake; but considering she brought up the occurrence that had happened roughly a year ago, it clearly showed she still has some level of infatuation with me.
As facetious as it sounds, I'm slightly infatuated with myself. Partially because I have a lot of skills and affluent talens; but predominately because there is under five people on this planet who I can truly feel they understand me.
My sifu understands me better than I do a lot of the time, and that's something I'm gonna need him to teach me one day. 
Sorry for the novel guys. I hope some of y'all are entertained by the shenanigans.
I'm actually about to meet up with her at the lake and have a nice talk. She's a great long term friend so I always look forward to seeing her.
Even though we did just have passionate sex yesterday, and then argued for a solid few hours; I somehow can still look forward to seeing her, and am able to confidently call her a true friend; and not a "casual girlfriend".
I think my heart is just extremely confused right now.
I wouldn't mind some advice from the guys and girls both who have maybe been in similar places.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Acaterpillar]
#20970165 - 12/13/14 08:01 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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classic love dick. I love you during sex is an amusing one. Im gonna keep reading this, sounds interesting. just had to comment haha
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AroundtheSon
Learning to See



Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 4,427
Loc: Midwest.
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Acaterpillar]
#20970204 - 12/13/14 08:13 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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I would like to encourage you to follow your own heart on the matter. If the heart is undecided, meditate/pray/seek your own.
Wise counsel is always nice, but in judgments of the heart and love - I think it's best to sail alone.
Tread lightly, and as they say, "never give your love unto a foolish heart"
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 4 months, 28 days
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: AroundtheSon]
#20970226 - 12/13/14 08:21 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, sadly she's not compatible for me as a girlfriend. But I do think I could help her immensely in dealing with her own issues, and I want to help because she's my friend. Not because I wanna get my dick wet (that's already gonna happen).
Personally speaking as someone who has been suicidal, lost their best friend in an accident at the age of 10, had been the victim of domestic abuse from mom dad and middle brother, and a recovering drug addict; I can relate in many ways ( beyond my curse of empathy) to those needing counseling.
I'm not calling myself a counselor, but I know how it works; and I could practice if I wasn't scared of being prosecuted.
Instead, I'm going to try to teach her meditation while we're at the lake. Teach her to learn her mind. Identify the different complexes and voices. And then behind to decide with voices she needs to feed and which voices she needs to starve to become the person she wants to be.
My meditation has done significantly more for me than any amount of therapy I've completed. I'm hoping the same can be done for her.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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sun_spots
Good boob day


Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 14,306
Loc: Nirvana
Last seen: 7 years, 6 days
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Acaterpillar]
#20970228 - 12/13/14 08:21 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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You should probably stop doing etizolam. And stop having sex with this chick.
-------------------- ShiVersblood said: shut ur fucking mouth. before a penis is are be enters LordSenate said: Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 4 months, 28 days
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: thelanzii]
#20970261 - 12/13/14 08:30 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nemmies said: classic love dick. I love you during sex is an amusing one. Im gonna keep reading this, sounds interesting. just had to comment haha
You're one of those people who see sex as a casual way to have fun and whisper little lies into each other's ears to boost your arousal.
I don't lie during sex. Neither does she.
We love each other as very close friends. We cleared up what was said almost immediately after we finished. Because we both have gotten in trouble for saying the world "love" too early, and then scaring off the other person when they completely misunderstood your meaning. It's weird, I don't have a sister, but it's almost like having one that I occasionally bang. We think so much alike.
I know that sounds god awful 
open If you read the full OP, you'll see I'm a self-admitted hopeless romantic. So this should really be no surprise to you.
She's much more liberal thought which is another compatibility issue. She has openly flirted with guys around me, and I told her it bothered me. She took it as an attack, and that I was trying to control her; but really I was just expressing my own emotions for her consideration.
She stopped doing that, so I guess she cared about my emotions enough to develop yet another inhibition.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't raised this way, but when I've been at parties and watched guys taking turns going into a room and running a train on a willing girl; it makes me thankful as fuck that I am more conservative in that regard.
But I'm not even really sexually conservative to the full extent. I enjoy exhibitionism, have done web cam shows. Considered doing porn, but the agency that contacted me just wasn't my style.
Anwyays, I'm rambling. She's probably already at the lake waiting on me.
Have a good day fellas
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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Oldgregg
I'm old gregg!


Registered: 03/29/09
Posts: 3,066
Loc: China
Last seen: 2 months, 1 day
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Acaterpillar]
#20970345 - 12/13/14 08:59 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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i've definitely had some casual sex encounters that made me want to just completely refrain from romance and sex for awhile.
I think for me it was just the guilt of having one night stands with people I didn't really care for at all and that I barely knew. It felt dirty and came with a lot of feelings of regret that I still have. So in order to get through this regret I figure i'll just refrain from women in general, which works for a little until I forget about that regret and make the same mistake again
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pslyke
fantasmagoric



Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 4,204
Loc:
Last seen: 4 minutes, 14 seconds
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Acaterpillar] 1
#20970382 - 12/13/14 09:09 AM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Maybe leave your dick out of this girl? Sounds to me like she needs a good, stable friend to give her a hug and to be there for her no matter what. Sex is probably the only way she thinks she can keep you interested. YOu obviously know the situation more intimately, but I have seen this in the past in people with deep emotional difficulties---they can feel unlovable.
-------------------- "What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein "The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Acaterpillar]
#20971061 - 12/13/14 12:17 PM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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TL;DR
I read like half of it then I was like "Yeah, this post is going nowhere fast"
Just chill, life is easier than we make it out to be
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Sheekle]
#20971067 - 12/13/14 12:19 PM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Also, that chick is 5 years old if she starts sighing over and over while looking out the window because she's upset with you instead of being direct and explaining herself.
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,479
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Sheekle]
#20971077 - 12/13/14 12:22 PM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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That chick is just a chick..
Btw I read it. I Don't have much to say 
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: zZZz]
#20971082 - 12/13/14 12:23 PM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Ban chicks
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Acaterpillar]
#20971130 - 12/13/14 12:41 PM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Acaterpillar said:
Quote:
Nemmies said: classic love dick. I love you during sex is an amusing one. Im gonna keep reading this, sounds interesting. just had to comment haha
You're one of those people who see sex as a casual way to have fun and whisper little lies into each other's ears to boost your arousal.
I don't lie during sex. Neither does she.
evidently you know me... I just think its funny the first time you guys said you love each other was during sex. I have never said I love you during sex, I have never even been in love.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: thelanzii]
#20971137 - 12/13/14 12:43 PM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hahaha caterpillar u suck i cant believe ud see one poat by someone and say "ur one of those people" and make some big assumption about them and in ur post call urself an "empath" whatever the hell thats supposed to even mean an shit
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: Casual Sex leading to Celibacy and Sobriety [Re: Sheekle]
#20971163 - 12/13/14 12:49 PM (9 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sheekle said:
TL;DR
I read like half of it then I was like "Yeah, this post is going nowhere fast"
Just chill, life is easier than we make it out to be
there's a whole forum for posts like his. S&R
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