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Stranger Registered: 12/10/14 Posts: 8 Last seen: 9 years, 4 months |
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Hey guys!
I tried to write to the best of my ability. I'm by no means a writer, but either way enjoy the read! ![]() A fairly accurate representation of my visuals... So I wrote this report after attending a group of 23 about 6 months ago. My thoughts about ayahuasca has changed greatly since that experience because it really did something quite disturbing to my psyche and I consider myself quite strong willed (heroic mushroom trips under the belt pre-aya without problems). Edited Version (slightly shorter): My intention was set for the night. Through the last decade untreated celiac disease had caused me a lot of trauma, physical pain, neurological damage and time spent in agonizing pain. Letting go was difficult, but it was finally time to put it to rest and move on. To prepare for the night we were to eat a strict diet three weeks pre-ceremony. My body felt weak, but my focus was crystal clear. The shaman turned to me. No word. It was go time. Nervous about what the night had to offer I stumbled up and summoned the courage to walk over, and sat down in front of him. He poured the shot, directed it towards the altar and then gave it to me. I looked at it for a few seconds, focused on my intentions one last time before it went down. While waiting for the effect to come on I sat against the wall meditating. Ten minutes passed. Twenty. A tingly sensation jolted through my body. Roughly forty minutes went by. It started to take hold. Energy began sweeping through my body. Patterns emerged in the darkness. They transformed into massive geometrical shapes. Quietly the shaman began to whistle and hum. Then he began singing one of his Icaros. The visuals got more intense by the second and started to move in rhythm with the singing. "Let me show you something", ayahuasca said. The brew began teaching me various things. This is the fabrics of the universe. This is how everything is built. We all come from the same material. Sudden insight appeared and things got put under the microscope. It kept teaching me things about my personal life and actions I had performed. I was merely a spectator and through my own dialogue it was teaching me amazing things about the universe and life. New phrases kept shooting through me as I tried to understand what she was showing me. Roughly two hours in we got offered a second dose. We repeated the same process, but this time the brew was already activated in the system and within minutes it took hold. It was increasing very quickly. Going deeper into my consciousness I started to meet things long forgot. Memories all the way back to my childhood. Many were struggling to let go, so we were handed liquid tobacco to get the purging going. My ego was clinging with all its might. It was playing tricks with my mind, that "maybe" it wouldn't work properly on me. I didn't have to purge, but deep down I was clawing to what I knew as myself and reality. People started to purge. Twenty people pouring their guts out. It started to sound dark and evil. Hell suddenly appeared. My body was so heavy it became impossible to move. My head was about to implode by a massive pressure. Analyzing even deeper what the brew was telling me. I kept begging. “Please, grandmother, ayahuasca. Help me understand. I want to understand. Tell me what you are trying to show me!”. Silence. My dialogue started running at a thousand words per second. Things just got worse and worse. After what felt like eternity things became more clear. One can not have good without bad. This is all a part of life. One have to endure pain to really feel pleasure. As soon as it hooked something happened. The bad feelings dissipated and my body felt lighter again. More at ease. It didn’t take long before a wretched sickness took a hold of me. Something I had never felt in my life. Like an entity was wrapped around my head and it was trying to get down my throat. Something moving inside my body, trying to get out. It was time to throw up. I needed to throw up, but nothing came up! I wanted to cry. The purging intensity kept rising and it became a so unbearable I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to disappear. Thoughts like "What had I signed up for", "Why pay money to be in hell!?" went through my mind. It didn't make sense to me at the time. It felt like an eternity. My body was too overpowered to call for help, but in my mind I was screaming. Time went on and another eternity passed. It was time to get help. No time to feel sorry for myself and so with every strength in my body I sat up and I called for the shaman. One time. Two times. Another eternity passed and he finally came over. Short of breath I managed to summon the words. “please… help me… I can’t get it out”. He poured a third shot and came over. “This will make you purge”, he said. My trust was completely in his hands and so it went down. After all, 5 years apprenticeship doesn’t come without its merits. How could it get any worse, I thought. Before finishing the sentence, it instantly hit and a massive energy took hold. My body was being crushed down into the mattress. An insane buzzing sound and a beeping continuously built in each ear until it got so loud that I thought the universe had to explode soon. My body started to stretched more and more. Petrified to say the least. Suddenly my ego shattered into a billion pieces. I ceased to exist. Each atom of my body tossed into every direction of the universe. This was it. This is how it feels like to die. The purging got heavier and heavier. People were constantly throwing up with brutal force. Suddenly I was no longer in the human domain, but in an animal realm of maggots, bacteria, and all the lower life forms. This must have gone on for at least 2-3 hours and my ego was dying over and over. It kept getting worse and I couldn’t hack it. Wanting to just disappear and be done with it. Just let me die already. I was ready. It suddenly hit me like an arrow of wisdom to the head. The lesson from earlier. You can never have pleasure without pain. You can never have good without bad. My mind rapidly started pacing at the speed of light. More and more perspective came too light. “For the lesson to make a deep enough impact to last for the rest of my life I have to endure”, I thought. Suddenly the realization came to me that, after enduring all the pain in my life, I now could truly appreciate being healthy. A new and profound appreciation. An eternal gratitude for being alive. It then turned towards the other people in the room. Their pain suddenly became mine and my wish was for all of them to face their demons and put them to the ground as well. It made me realize how much love I have towards people. Love for my family. Love for my friends and pets. This love swept over me and I could feel its intensity get stronger and stronger. “I LOVE MY FAMILY. I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY WHOLE BEEING!!”. I cried in joy and smiled from ear to ear. Wanting to live with every fiber and atom in the body. With passion. With dedication. It was hard resisting the urge to call everyone I knew, and tell them how amazing they are. How they all deserve the best in their lives. How they all need to know how wonderful human begins they are. This sensation kept giving and giving. All the way from when the sun was starting to rise till it was super bright. I continued to lay on the mat till 9 am with a massive smile on my face huddled up in a fetal position. It was possible to sleep. After going on a journey through self-awareness, consciousness, to the realm of the divine, through hell, been reborn and back to our reality. Energised, but very tired as we had been up from 9 pm till 8 am working. My mind ran a thousand miles pr second. At one with the universe. Excited to get back home to tell my parents and give them a giant hug. Everything will be ok. Full Story Quote: A month after the experience I took one hit of extremely clean acid in the forest with a friend on a super sunny day. That experience seemed to close whatever I had opened on the journey prior and made me feel more grounded again. I plan to attend healing session coming week and if that does not work, private ayahuasca ceremonies to fix whatever pandora's box I opened. I had no idea what chakras or crowns were back then. I had no idea how to fend for myself in these planes. I thought tripping on LSD and mushrooms gave me some padding to make the experience. Edited by psychoteraphy (12/10/14 07:09 AM)
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Alien Resources Manager Registered: 08/05/11 Posts: 1,444 Last seen: 7 years, 2 months |
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Sounds kind of like my ayahuasca ceremony in Peru where I think they overdosed me, I thought I was dying of heart failure, and I tripped for about 8 hours when it should have been only 4. I agree with your observations about duality and needing darkness to experience light. "Why pay to to be in hell"? Because after you have survived hell you can contrast it to normal life and turn normal life into heaven. Everything is relative.
Ayahuasca has the reverse effect of all of the recreational drugs. When you use a normal drug, the aftereffect is drain you, cause negative things in your life, downregulate your receptors, and cause depress/anxiety/etc. However, the effect of ayahuasca is to cause positive changes and UPregulate your receptors (that is physiologically what it does as a side effect). I too made the mistake of using LSD after a couple weeks to integrate my experience and compare it to LSD. The net effect was a zero sum where LSD brought me back down to my pre-enlightened state where I was before I took ayahuasca. I quickly regretted it. I thought "I just went to hell to purge that bitch lucy out of my system and now she is back. What a waste.". So now I've been experimenting with ayahuasca on my own (I've been starting VERY slowly with small doses) in an attempt to get myself back to the enlightened state. I'm almost there...
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Stranger Registered: 12/10/14 Posts: 8 Last seen: 9 years, 4 months |
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I guess it makes sense that having experienced hell the everyday life will be less of a burden. Was it due to integration issues which in turn led to the lucy trip? Or was it just because you felt like having another trip?
For me it wasn't before 2-3 months post ayahuasca that I decided to do lucy, but she grounded me again... even though that trip went from the most amazing thing I have ever experienced to my brain glitching the F out and loose total footing on our world. I was stuck in a loop. Mind, vision, body & soul. The whole walk from the forest to my friends place is just one giant blur. You see I wasn't seeing normal movement any more. Every person or being were just spiritual energy. Every movement was still framed put together into this funky frameshow where the first frame went backwards and the newer moved forward. The older shrinking in size as the new ones came in front... it was insanely bizzar. It went from that to total anarchy. Lost total control for no reason. 30 cyclists entered the woods and I was highly confused so we decided to go back to the apt. I kept forgetting I was on lucy, even though my sitter and other bud reminded me over and over. I could see paramedics trying to help me, but it was too late. I couldn't even talk it was just jibberish. I broke my brain. I knew I broke it and I could do NOTHING to fix it. After probably 30 minutes when coming to terms with it... everything settled and I got my vision back. ps. there were no paramedics... just me freaking the f out even when I know there is no reason ^^ These two events have scared me quite a bit, but I don't want to leave things this way. I am still curious and want to use these tools in a more structured and secure manner. How did you approach brewing your own brew if I may ask? I have been thining the same thing actually. Do it solo and gradually increase the strength. Write down every nuance and detail to keep track and document the trips as best as possible. One thing I read about ayahuasca, which may or may not be true: it puts you in a false sense of enlightenment. It is not the same as reaching it thought years of meditation. It may feel the same, but they it is just a lure to get you into the astral planes. Has to do with other entities and what not. I haven't read enough to fully understand that stuff, and it may be total bs. It just makes me very wary of these things. What are your thoughts on that aspect of these tools? Is it safe without learning to defend ourselves while traveling through different planes? Edited by psychoteraphy (12/11/14 05:47 AM)
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Alien Resources Manager Registered: 08/05/11 Posts: 1,444 Last seen: 7 years, 2 months |
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I wasn't having difficulty integrating my ayahuasca trip, in fact I thought it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I used LSD again simply out of curiosity. I wanted to compare the intensity and value of the LSD trip, to the ayahuasca trip. I also tried candyflipping (MDMA+LSD) to see compare against the intensity of THAT, and because I wasn't ready to quit LSD yet without trying candyflipping at least once.
My LSD trips were nothing like yours. They were just regular trips and bored me. Either my tabs had gotten really weak or, after 50+ trips, I have this wicked permanent tolerance and can't appreciate LSD anymore. I've been experimenting with ayauasca brews/extracts for 4 months and have been starting VERY slowly. I actually used only caapi for the first 3 months, in order to assess my reactions and tolerance to the MAOI. I started with a 5g dose and moved upwards to 20g, 50g, 100g, and finally 200g of various different extracts/species. I have been doing all of this solo, except the first time I added Chakruna, panicked, and had to call someone to come sit me. I've done two experiments with Chakruna. The first one was a 100g Caapi + 17g Chakruna followed by a redose of 40g Caapi + 33g Chakruna 2 hours later. The second one was 110g Caapi + 30g Chakruna followed by a redose of 30g Caapi an hour later. My next experiment will be 150g Caapi + 30g Chakruna, and the one after that will be 150g + 40g Chakruna. I'm trying to acclimate myself to the Chakruna very slowly so I don't get shocked with a panic attack where I fear that I am dying. I am not deluded into thinking that ayahuasca or psychedelics is a complete path to enlightenment. However, I am not simply a user of psychedelics. My roots are deeply ingrained in metaphysics, going back a decade before I started using psychedelics. I also practice meditation and psionics while I am sober. During my first ayahuasca ceremony, I had the shamans there casting spells to protect me. Now that I am drinking alone, I use some light magick to protect myself in lieu of the shamans. I do a few magickal preparations before each trip including casting a magick circle.
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Stranger Registered: 12/10/14 Posts: 8 Last seen: 9 years, 4 months |
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Interesting. We also candy flipped the day of the forest trip, but only once we got back after probably 6 hours and things had calmed down. Let me tell you this though. This one drop was stronger than 2.5-3 hits of the "good" acid I used to get. The person I bought it off told me it was insanely strong and probably was 100% clean. I've never experienced anything like it before. That experience will stay with me the rest of my life as I have never seen anything so beautiful. Particles dancing. The trees dancing. The clouds grooving. Everything just flowing. Energy everywhere and you could feel it... It was my friends first experience with acid so he was rather lucky.
I don't think doing 50 trips will build up a tolerance! My old dealer used to trip a lot and it never worked like that on him, but it might be different from person to person. My guess it wasn't the best quality stash, but then again I might be wrong. I'm really intrigued by your solo sessions though. That takes balls and I applaud you for that. Going super slow is probably a good idea as I've read some nasty stories about people taking too much due to they don't know how the plant works and affects them. I believe my first trip was a mix of caapi and chakruna, but I can't really remember... I would love to find out, but the person who arranged the ceremony doesn't remember. Been to too many new ones lol ^^ I hope you will write some reports as I'm really keen on hearing what you get out of the experiences. Did you use a specific tek to extract and brew them? And where did you manage to get them? I'm afraid to order online due to strict customs in our country...
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Alien Resources Manager Registered: 08/05/11 Posts: 1,444 Last seen: 7 years, 2 months |
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I probably simply dont have a good source of acid.
I already wrote two trips reports on my chakruna experiments here: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/ You can actually just eat/drink pre-made extracts of caapi and brew only the chakruna if you want. Here is a simple brew tek: 1. Measure chakruna leaves and crumble them into pot A 2. Add 1L water and a few drops of apple-cider-vinegar to pot A 3. Boil pot A for 4 hours, possibly adding water when neccessary if too much water evaporates 4. Strain all of the water out pot A into pot B through a cloth. 5. Repeat steps 2-4 another two times so that a total of three boils have been done with the same plant material. 6. Cook pot B on low heat to evaporate excess water until the brew is down to a drinkable size. Get the volume of liquid as small as possible without scorching the material and losing it to the sides of the pot. 7. Pour out pot B into drinking cup or storage bottle. Drip water onto the pot to catch any material that is stuck. Caapi and Chakruna can easily be found on google from online vendors that accept major credit cards. I happen to use Maya for caapi at the moment though I suspect it might be weak. I cant mention the Chakruna source here because it might be sourcing. Depending on your country, the vendors might not ship the Chakruna, or even the Caapi. I am in the USA where Caapi is legal and Chakruna is in a grey area where it's supposedly legal only in plant form, but illegal once extracted. I haven't had any problems with shipment, but I don't know about your country. Edited by PsychoKinesiS (12/13/14 02:58 PM)
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Fungus Punk Registered: 04/20/14 Posts: 13,394 Last seen: 4 days, 16 hours |
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This sounds pretty horrible haha.
But I am confused as to the ceremony, if you are experienced with p yscedelics, why not do this by yourself at home? What are you paying for besides the drug?
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Stranger Registered: 12/10/14 Posts: 8 Last seen: 9 years, 4 months |
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PsychoKinesiS:
I can see that ordering it in the US might be easier as you get it from south america. I'm from Norway and I doubt it'll pass through customs as we have super strict clearance. They check everything that seems suspicious. It is still worth a shot though. Thanks for the reports and tek. Gonna read it tonight! And as for currency I'll definitely get some bitcoins or litecoins of some sort to buy it so its not possible to trace it back to my credit card. That way they have no proof I ordered it. Mushpunx: Yes horrible, but also infinite bliss after my head and body stopped acting all messed up. The thing is. These plants open up to other planes. Astral planes to be more specific. There are unknown entities which reside in these planes, and you want someone with knowledge on how to protect against them. I've been told that going to public ceremonies can be just as bad though as dark entities can follow the other attendees and attach to you. I honestly don't know much about that stuff because before ayahuasca I thought it all was rather bs. Now, I'm not so sure any more. What I felt under that ceremony was so real that I can't see how it is not possible. Considering DMT is within all of us and inside so many things in this planet. It is in us for a reason. I am on the other hand keen on doing it solo in the future, but before that I'm definitely going to have some solo sessions with a single teacher to help me understand the process properly and how to defend myself.
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Alien Resources Manager Registered: 08/05/11 Posts: 1,444 Last seen: 7 years, 2 months |
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Quote: You are paying for a full 8 hour workday for one to three people. A legitimate south american ayahuasca ceremoney has a LOT more service besides just the brew. There can be a whole day or two of pre-ceremony and post-ceremony services such as cleansings, flushes, pre-purgings, medical screening, prayers, spells, protections, attunements, meditations, blessings and burials of various gems, psychic readings using coca leaves, interpretations of your visions, and tributes to the earth. While you are tripping, you have the shamans singing icaros and doing work on you. The icaros are supposed to heal and re-shape your aura. They believe that this is a serious healing process, not just a trip. Also, you will have the shamans and staff sitting on you to make sure you are ok and to help you should things get turbulent. There may even be a nurse or a doctor there. The center I went to supposedly had an antidote that could end the trip in 10 minutes. Trust me if you blast yourself into oblivion with a high dose like many of these centers do, you are going to want people there to help you. I remember being so far gone that after 4 hours when I awoke, I could not walk, and needed to be helped to the bathroom. Quote: Maya actually ships from the Netherlands. Edited by PsychoKinesiS (12/14/14 01:39 AM)
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Fungus Punk Registered: 04/20/14 Posts: 13,394 Last seen: 4 days, 16 hours |
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Meh.. I dunno Ill hold my real judgement until I try one for myself.
Honestly, I'm glad more normal people are taking an interest in pycedelics. But I kinda feel these ceremonies are a step backwards in a bad way. At least as far as pyscedelic therapy goes I feel it comes from the stereotype of the wise old Indian. Or if I go find a gypsy I can see my future. People are always going to be people, even in the rainforest.
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horrible, but also infinite bliss after my head and body stopped acting all messed up. 