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Anonymous #1

Please explain polyamory to me
    #20950144 - 12/08/14 10:59 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

This girl, I guess I would consider her a friends with benefits said I was the amazing in bed and gave her the best orgasm of her life.  Although I could perform more than adequately in bed she still felt the need to sleep with other men.

I am not really into poly relationships.  I want the attention to be solely on me cause I am selfish like that. 

My question here is basically what is the incentive to be poly? and why would that girl although saying my sexual performance was high above average still felt the need to have sex with other people/

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InvisibleBretdaniel
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Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 11,083
Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20950376 - 12/09/14 12:02 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Because relationships are not about sex and you shouldn't base your relationships on orgasms. People take monogamy to heart because they feel like sex and being with the same person shows how much you love someone when this isnt a good outlook on your relationships,l typically relationships end because one of you ended up sleeping with someone else.

You are confusing selfish with jealousy because deep down you are worried that someone elses sexual performance will be more adequate than yours and eventually she will stray from you, which more times than not your partner prefers comfort and familiarity over that of stranger sex. Having sex with other people besides your partner is more about the excitement and giving into the moment than having a "connection". Maybe you should try to have a talk with her and find out her motives first and if you can't handle an open relationship then move on.

Edited by Bretdaniel (12/09/14 12:07 AM)

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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Registered: 07/11/06
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Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20950406 - 12/09/14 12:12 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
This girl, I guess I would consider her a friends with benefits said I was the amazing in bed and gave her the best orgasm of her life.  Although I could perform more than adequately in bed she still felt the need to sleep with other men.

I am not really into poly relationships.  I want the attention to be solely on me cause I am selfish like that. 

My question here is basically what is the incentive to be poly? and why would that girl although saying my sexual performance was high above average still felt the need to have sex with other people/




The incentive for polyamory isn't to find "better" sex, it's to find "different" sex. IME most people have different sets of talents and proclivities that make them completely different sexual animals; no two lovers are the same. Most polyamorous couples are simply interested in staying open to a variety of different sexual experiences. I don't know the situation very well with you and your FWB but you shouldn't take her polyamory as an indication that she is unsatisfied with you as a lover unless she explicitly says so.


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.


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InvisibleKilgore Trout
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Registered: 07/09/12
Posts: 9,863
Loc: Metro City, USA
Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20950587 - 12/09/14 01:24 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

I've always wanted to be in a poly relationship, but the opportunity has never really arisen, so this tangent will be from a speculative position.

Obviously everyone's motives are different, but I'd venture to say most people aren't poly just for the chance to have multiple sexual partners, but rather to have multiple partners to satisfy multiple needs. It's selfish and unfair to expect a partner (generally speaking here) to accommodate all of your needs when some of said needs might inherently contradict feelings/beliefs/personality of the partner; naturally the simplest solution would be to find another, more adequate partner to nurture the neglected need.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Kilgore Trout]
    #20950593 - 12/09/14 01:27 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

I think those needs to need to be fulfilled within.  I don't really understand the needs thing.

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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe
Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20950608 - 12/09/14 01:32 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I think those needs to need to be fulfilled within.  I don't really understand the needs thing.




We all got needs. Why are you upset that your FWB wants to have other FWBs? I'm guessing it's because you don't feel that your need for security and attention in your sexual relationship with her is satisfied if she has other FWBs.


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Sophistic Radiance] * 2
    #20950628 - 12/09/14 01:47 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

probably.  I am trying to get to the point where I am almost fully self reliant.  My needs for security, pleasure, wellbeing, etc.  I all want to come from within cause all is transient and attachment to another has brought me a lot of dissasatisfaction.  I hope to achieve this by meditating for hours a day and buddhist practice.  Thanks for all the replies everyone.

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Offlineapplesmasher420
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Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #20950700 - 12/09/14 02:21 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

People have different reasons for it. Personally Ive got a thick complex plan for my life and dont plan on getting in any sort of commited relationship until im 30+

I know exactly what im looking for too in the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I doubt ill be meeting her anytime soon hah.

In the meantime Im surrounded by all these beautiful like minded people. I love connecting physically with all my friends. It feels great, brings me and my friends closer together, and builds trust. Im certainly picky about who I have sex with but as far as general touch, and play im usually very open to it from any sex although I consider myself straight.

In my experience Friends who touch eachother more, care for eachother more, you learn more about eachother, and become more comfortable and happy around eachother. :hug:

There is no downside I can think of as long as you practice safe sex. Because I have several lovers its important that anyone new has been tested since they have been with their last lover before I consider letting them have a taste of me. As when you have sex with someone your essentially having sex with everyone they have ever slept with disease wise. :paranoid:


--------------------


Everything I post is CGI :shrug:

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InvisibleSrirachi
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Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
Re: Please explain polyamory to me [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20969403 - 12/12/14 11:26 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Steak is outstanding, imo. Filet mignon is really excellent, chateaubriand being one of the best meals I've ever had. Let's say THE best meal I've ever had.

Still, after eating it every day for a week, you'll be a little sick of it, and having a Big Mac sounds really good.

It's an over-simplistic explanation, but I hope you see the point. Some people could live on nothing but chateaubriand, others need to break up the monotony with something different.

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