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Offlinelood_dood
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Registered: 05/20/14
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Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced.
    #20942415 - 12/07/14 02:09 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Tl,dr: Moving out against my will to financially support my gf and three strangers at my expense, but might be a good thing. Confused and would like to hear from you all.

Well I'm in a weird transitional phase of me short long life. My gf and I've been living in a house with my cousin and a bunch of friends at a really reduced rate, in a house and neighborhood we've been in for ten plus years now.

I've been out and about before living between friends, dorms, bus stations, public parks, boats, couches, abandoned subway cars, and a stint in Asia where I felt independence for the first time. Well anyway, every time stuff's fallen through or transitions and whatnot have been going on, I've always found myself back at this house. On one hand it is comfy because it's always been there in an oddly semi-stable way but on the other hand every time I wind up back here I feel defeated and have to live with the high volume stress that comes with being here.

I'd been toying with the idea of moving out in a few months, but my gf has had enough with this town and place after living here only for 4 months (cant blame her though) and surprised me with a bunch of upcoming apartment visits in the major city not far from here.

On one hand I'm really looking forward to getting out; this place has been holding me back, but on the other hand I've finally gotten a stable career-ish thing going and I've done good saving money. I plan on being back in Asia mid-end summer anyway but this will be my first time living in an apartment (in the united states) that I'm paying for monthly with food, utilities, and all that jazz out of cash earned in pocket (on top of my student loans). It's in a major city so it is expensive but not out of my budget. It has me somewhat secretly scared as hell though. Growing up between stints of homelessness and backbreaking impoverished situations, the dollar tag frightens me a bit. I mean it's $600/mo split between the two of us for a room in a house with three other people I don't know living in it. That's not the worse of it though.

I don't like people relying on me for things on the financial spectrum at all. Before her, if I fucked up bad, I could bum it out on the streets as long as I'd need to before picking myself back up and going at it again. The sudden switch from "I'm with you" to "I need your financial support or I'll be living in the gutters" happened out of nowhere, like it was out of my control. I could be an asshat and tell her to scram but I love her and she wouldn't last ten minutes on the street. Problem is she also has very little idea of how stressful money stuff can be for me. She spends a bit recklessly sometimes. Usually her own money though but from now on if she messes up I'll have no choice but to pick up the pieces.

On top of that, having three other people I don't know or care about relying on me for rent is stressful because I have no idea what they are going to be like about how I live there.

I mean, I am very easy to live with and an extremely clean person (like, I like to clean a lot so I don't stress others about mess or make people feel guilty) but I don't know if they well be overwhelmingly messy or just straight edge wierdos who are going to give me shit for smoking weed here and there or doing my spiritual trips. I also don't know if they will let me keep growing my tubs. I mean, I do it for me as a personal hobby. Growing alone makes me feel like a more complete person, and the product I use for self meditation. I don't sell or anything but I know cooking the grains and drying and sterilizing and this and that can cause some smells for a few hours. This town I am in also doesn't care about me doing something like this but idk if I am gonna get narked when I move out into the city. Idk. It's very stressful. I know it is for my own good, and it's all for the best, but it feels so out of my control. I ain't no control freak in an external sense, but I have lost control of my life due to no fault of my own (sometimes my own fault though haha) so many times I get really down at when things I haven't agreed on but need to do strike like this.

I'd almost rather just live alone in the bus terminals while writing poetry and going to work instead of having to take part in this institution in order to keep everyone but myself happy. :confused:

Thanks for reading my bug-out posts. I'm just not sure what I'm gonna do.


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:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:

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Offlinefapjack
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Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 16,574
Loc: Central New Jersey
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: lood_dood]
    #20942479 - 12/07/14 02:20 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Why are you supporting 3 people?  If I were you I would at least force them to go on food stamps so you don't have to buy food.


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OfflineJesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 9 years, 3 days
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: fapjack]
    #20942523 - 12/07/14 02:29 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

What is she doing? She needs to either be in school or working and contributing to rent/bills.

Feminism demanded equality, now they have to earn it.


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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

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Offlinelood_dood
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Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 3 months, 6 days
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: lood_dood]
    #20942573 - 12/07/14 02:38 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

She is finishing school and is helping a bit. She gets SSI assistance because of mental health issues that  prevent her from working (she is trying to ween off of it though). She gets $700/mo which leaves her enough room to pay $350 for rent/utilities, and the rest for food and transport. But because it's not a lot, anything extra she needs will go through me, which isn't too bad but with my job security being what it is, I get very very afraid of letting everyone down and becoming the guy who winds up screwing people over because they were counting on me financially.

The other people are roommates I'd be with on craigslist. I mean, I wouldn't be buying their food and they are paying their parts of rent but I am always so freaked out that someone could just not pay their rent or burden me with their financial problems, and I don't know them. It's just the fear of living with rando roommates.
And if I couldn't grow there, I would feel really empty I think. Shroomery opened me up to something that finds me the greatest inner peace and I don't want to throw it away because the people I'd need to live with are square or something.

There is also the fear they would eat my food, nark me out, steal shit, etc. Right now saving as much money as I can so I can leave the country is top priority :scat:


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:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:

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OfflineJesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 9 years, 3 days
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: lood_dood]
    #20942597 - 12/07/14 02:43 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

lood_dood said:
She is finishing school and is helping a bit. She gets SSI assistance because of mental health issues that  prevent her from working (she is trying to ween off of it though). She gets $700/mo which leaves her enough room to pay $350 for rent/utilities, and the rest for food and transport. But because it's not a lot, anything extra she needs will go through me, which isn't too bad but with my job security being what it is, I get very very afraid of letting everyone down and becoming the guy who winds up screwing people over because they were counting on me financially.

The other people are roommates I'd be with on craigslist. I mean, I wouldn't be buying their food and they are paying their parts of rent but I am always so freaked out that someone could just not pay their rent or burden me with their financial problems, and I don't know them. It's just the fear of living with rando roommates.
And if I couldn't grow there, I would feel really empty I think. Shroomery opened me up to something that finds me the greatest inner peace and I don't want to throw it away because the people I'd need to live with are square or something.

There is also the fear they would eat my food, nark me out, steal shit, etc. Right now saving as much money as I can so I can leave the country is top priority :scat:



Dude, do NOT live with strangers from craigslist. Just trust me, it almost never goes well. Think long and hard about what you're doing, listen to your instincts - if you see red flags, don't instantly dismiss them or let other people dismiss them for you.

Also, if she wants you to be financially stable to support her - YOUR needs are more important and must be met to maintain your job over her being "fed up" with the city you're in or whatever.

Speak your piece even if your voice shakes


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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

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Offlinelood_dood
Magical Badger Catcher
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Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 3 months, 6 days
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: lood_dood]
    #20942640 - 12/07/14 02:52 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

That's what frightens me. She doesn't understand that most of the people in that area are students who will be moving out unexpectedly once summer comes around. I mean, I'll be looking to move out at the end of summer anyway but that means there are 4 months in which idk if I'll be able to afford the place, which might force me to stay in the states longer than I want to.

It's hard getting through to her with this stuff because of her anxieties but she is right. The place I am in right now is cheap, food and utilities are always covered, and its not too too far from my work. On the flip side the place is always a stye. I could deep clean it from top to bottom on my day off, and within three days the whole place will be trashed again. My cousin who I live with has anger issues that make living here very uncomfortable, and heating this place isn't cheap so the heat is always off. I've learned to cope after spending years here, but for her it is too much. There are more downsides to staying here but it would make this post unreadable, and I've been wanting to leave for a while anyway, but it's just that the idea that we would be leaving as soon as the month ends just took me aback.


--------------------
:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:

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OfflineJesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 9 years, 3 days
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: lood_dood] * 1
    #20942669 - 12/07/14 02:56 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

lood_dood said:
That's what frightens me. She doesn't understand that most of the people in that area are students who will be moving out unexpectedly once summer comes around. I mean, I'll be looking to move out at the end of summer anyway but that means there are 4 months in which idk if I'll be able to afford the place, which might force me to stay in the states longer than I want to.

It's hard getting through to her with this stuff because of her anxieties but she is right. The place I am in right now is cheap, food and utilities are always covered, and its not too too far from my work. On the flip side the place is always a stye. I could deep clean it from top to bottom on my day off, and within three days the whole place will be trashed again. My cousin who I live with has anger issues that make living here very uncomfortable, and heating this place isn't cheap so the heat is always off. I've learned to cope after spending years here, but for her it is too much. There are more downsides to staying here but it would make this post unreadable, and I've been wanting to leave for a while anyway, but it's just that the idea that we would be leaving as soon as the month ends just took me aback.




Hey man, your life - just giving you some advice. Maybe weigh it this way, which is more important, the trip to asia or this move or whatever? Weigh it out, make the decision, stick to it and move on - case closed.

I hope it all goes well for you.


--------------------


And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

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Offlinelood_dood
Magical Badger Catcher
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Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 3 months, 6 days
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: lood_dood]
    #20942691 - 12/07/14 03:00 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah, you do give good advice :smile:
I'm just freaking out a bit and need clarity. She recently went off on me about my mycology hobby and wants me to ditch it and that's been grinding on my mind too.

I think your CL advice is very good to keep top priority while we do search.


--------------------
:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:

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OfflineJesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 9 years, 3 days
Re: Forced transitions at my expense. I'm all anxious, bummed, and exitced. [Re: lood_dood]
    #20942730 - 12/07/14 03:07 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

lood_dood said:
Yeah, you do give good advice :smile:
I'm just freaking out a bit and need clarity. She recently went off on me about my mycology hobby and wants me to ditch it and that's been grinding on my mind too.

I think your CL advice is very good to keep top priority while we do search.



:thumbup:

Dude, let me give you something to think about here. If this woman turns on you for whatever reason, she knows something with tremendous leverage over your life (assuming you are growing) and can get you in jail real quick. I would ditch growing if not to make her happy so much as to have one less thing that she or anyone else (like say, a roommate snooping in your room that wants to rat you out?) has over you.

Learn to hunt for them if you want them that bad - possession charges probably aren't as serious as manufacturing. Be careful.

You gotta remember with drug production - even one other person knowing is too many.

Now, if you are just growing legal edibles, nevermind anything I said, and rock on :headbang:


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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

Edited by JesusIsLord (12/07/14 03:08 PM)

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