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InvisiblePeace of Mind 1
Incel Basement Dweller
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Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 15,027
I feel the need to apologize, so here it is...
    #20939560 - 12/06/14 07:38 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Friday night into this morning was truly a nightmare. I'm not gonna sit here and type up a novel like I did with those other threads, so I'll make this as brief as possible.

I made a complete ass of myself last night, I was so drugged up, and although this is a drug forum, my attitude, my persona, my very character was NOTHING to be proud of. I know for sure I lost some respect from those who may have respected me before.

Look, you guys probably have better shit to do than give two fucks about my relapse, or my apology, but there's a few people I want to acknowledge.

Redwood - Need I comment? My habit scares you, and it's because you care about me, and I truly apologize for my weakness in resorting to drugs, you know I'm always here for you.

Doobie Dude - Fuckin' guy called me several times throughout the night, as late as 4 or 5 in the morning to make sure I was okay, hell, to make sure I wasn't fucking dead. We're friends in real life, but dude, thank you for being there and showing you give a fuck.

Pris - You told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear, I like that and it really made me rethink and reevaluate my choices in life, thank you man. You are really a better dude than most give you credit for, and if people saw the advice you gave me, maybe those who dislike you would give you a little more respect, I know I have a lot more for you now.

XLCaps - A good Shroomery buddy of mine, usually known to be quite sarcastic, but not last night, he expressed a true concern for me and little things like that during my guilt filled, psychotic episode cocaine relapse REALLY helped. I may not have responded to all your posts, but they were ALL acknowledged and much appreciated.

yogabunny - We spoke more though PM, but you had a very similar situation to mine, SCARILY similar actually, and you really helped me feel human again. I DID fuck up, but you took the time to help me realize I just made a mistake and it doesn't make me a shitty person or a failure, it was a bad decision that resulted in even worse results. Your words meant a lot, thank you.


To be honest, I thank the whole Shroomery in general just for existing. It's amazing how some of the people you think hate you, are actually there for you when they really see you needed help, I don't know, it was comforting.

Look, I'm not dumb, most of you couldn't give two fucks about my apology, my thanks, my addictions, my relapse, and I totally understand, you have better shit to do than to waste effort on some drug addicts problems, but still, for myself, I had to make this thread.

I have relapsed many times over the years, but for some reason this one really impacted me the most, because honestly, I have not been that fucked up in a long time, and it is NOT something I'm proud of and it is definitely the furthest thing from "cool", even on a drug forum.

I did make an ass of myself, and I'm sure many of you will remember that and likely see me differently, hell, I see MYSELF differently after that, but I guess the lesson I took from it is this.

Don't relapse, there's a reason I stayed away from cocaine, it's because I go too far. I mean, most people do, it's one of those "never satisfied" drugs, so of course most of us know what it's like, but I'm clearly too destructive with it and I really became somebody I'm ashamed of. I think the reason this was the worst relapse for me, is because now I actually found a girl who gives a fuck about me, and I think the guilt was 10 times as intense because I had to man up and realize it isn't all about me anymore.

I used to get fucked up with no concern because there was nobody's feelings to worry about, but this time I was so foolish. I found somebody that means the world to me, literally, she's my everything, and I guess I was so used to using drugs with no regard for others because, well, I had nobody to care about, and no one really gave a shit how dangerously high I was, I used to be reckless because I figured "ehh, who's concerned anyway?". Now that I have somebody who means so much to me, and I mean so much to her, the drug itself became a completely different high, and my guilt mentality just multiplied by 1000000. If anything hurt the most, it was knowing that she was left wondering if I'm okay, and it just made me lose it.

I know, nobody gives a shit, I don't expect anyone to, I made this post because I felt I had to, that's all. It just comforts ME.

What I'm really trying to say, is for those of you involved in those threads I made who saw me in a near psychotic state, I apologize and I beg that you can look past that and try not to hold that against me, I don't know what happened, but I absolutely blacked out and don't remember much of anything. I remember some things, but when I looked back at some of the shit I said, I wasn't only embarrassed, but just... ashamed.

So, I'm asking if any of you can look past that and realize that it was just an intense drug fueled psychotic episode, that I am completely ashamed of and try not to see me in a different way because of it. I'm not a stupid person, but damn, I make very stupid decisions regarding my health and with drugs I tend to disregard the feelings of those who care about me. On one hand, I'm glad this happened, because the person I became under the influence, is somebody I NEVER want to be again.

Once again, for most of you this is meaningless and isn't your problem, I understand, I just had to make this thread for my own comfort. Thank you.

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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Modern Day Alchemist

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,581
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: Peace of Mind 1] * 1
    #20939579 - 12/06/14 07:44 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

We all do dumb shit when we're fucked up as Mike Tyson would say

You're a good man stay off the blow and keep it that way:thumbup:


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!

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Offlinesun_spots
Good boob day
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Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 14,306
Loc: Nirvana
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: Peace of Mind 1] * 3
    #20939830 - 12/06/14 08:51 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Sounds like you've made some important decisions.  You're on the right track; now you just have to stay on it.  Don't let your self-doubt get in the way of personal progress - easier said than done, but by no means impossible.  And don't forget you've got friends here any time you need them.  :hug: :sunny:


--------------------
ShiVersblood said:
shut ur fucking mouth. before a penis is are be enters

LordSenate said:
Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: sun_spots] * 1
    #20939851 - 12/06/14 08:59 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

sun_spots said:
Sounds like you've made some important decisions.  You're on the right track; now you just have to stay on it.  Don't let your self-doubt get in the way of personal progress - easier said than done, but by no means impossible.  And don't forget you've got friends here any time you need them.  :hug: :sunny:





well said and I certainly agree that we are here when he needs us


PoM, dude, you've done nothing to me to warrant an apology but I'll go ahead
and forgive you for any future transgressions you decide to bring my way

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Invisibletrekie
Metal man
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Registered: 05/11/09
Posts: 11,085
Loc: Larger cities Flag
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #20939864 - 12/06/14 09:03 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Dude you weren't that bad. I've made far worst threads and once even got a 30 day ban while under the influence of well lots. 

Many of the long term posters have had a drug fueld physio episode. No big deal you didn't really hurt anyone besides your self and not that badly.
Many struggle with addiction here and or other mental health issues. You might relapse don't beat yourself up over it. Shit wish there was a magic solution but everyone is different.

For my issues lots of weed seems to help but I quit that and everything else. Not all that it's cracked up to be. You can :pm: but Dont know how much I can help I'm a Fucking mess myself.


--------------------
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.


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OfflineRorge
Scoundrel
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Registered: 10/25/10
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Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #20939887 - 12/06/14 09:14 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

You got a girl now? amiright?

This is essentially all masturbation on your part, edifying your current persona of druggie fuckup with a girl. Get a fucking grip.

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InvisibleyogabunnyM
fancy cat
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Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #20939906 - 12/06/14 09:22 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Hope you got some sleep or are getting some sleep soon!!!

:bunnyhug:


--------------------

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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: yogabunny]
    #20940004 - 12/06/14 10:03 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Glad you're ok man!  Honestly you were fucking hysterical on the phone but honesty you just need to put the drugs down.  Be sober, be vigilant.


--------------------

"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.

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Offlineakira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ

Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 82,455
Loc: Onypeirophóros
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: The Doobie Dude]
    #20940350 - 12/06/14 11:50 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

really, POM it's time to realize that you're more of an adult at 23 (ish?) then most people at 40. congrats!

and to paraphrase and certain member here "your body starts getting weaker at 40... but your mind starts getting stronger"

so just think of this as you being ahead of the curve on that.

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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: akira_akuma]
    #20940514 - 12/07/14 12:42 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

I missed something here.

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InvisiblePeace of Mind 1
Incel Basement Dweller
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Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 15,027
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: Rorge]
    #20940989 - 12/07/14 07:06 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks guys for all the support, it means so much! I finally caught up on some sleep and I'm feeling much better. I really can't thank you guys enough.

Quote:

Rorge said:
You got a girl now? amiright?

This is essentially all masturbation on your part, edifying your current persona of druggie fuckup with a girl. Get a fucking grip.



Well your post is crap and you have no clue what you're talking about.

Get a grip? Uhh, you don't think I've figured that out by now? In case you haven't noticed, you were the only one here who attempted to be boring and edgy. You know NOTHING about me, my girlfriend and my addictions. Also, yeah I fucked up by relapsing, but you CAN'T call me a fuck up, because that I am not. Did I fuck up this weekend? No doubt about it. Am I a fuck up in life? Hell no. What's so great about you that you feel you have the right, on a DRUG FORUM to sit there and act as though you're ever so wise and know my motives? You're not a psychologist, and if you were, I'd say fuck you, and certainly wouldn't choose you as mine, because clearly you'd suck at your job.

I am NOT attempting moralize, or "edify" my drug addition with a girl, where the fuck did you get that idea? I haven't felt this genuinely guilty in a long fucking time, if ever, and you really think I'm using that as a way to justify it? Then honestly, you've got issues of your own you need to do deal with because clearly you're projecting your own insecurities onto me.

I sincerely believe you have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but just felt the need to be a dick. Get a fucking grip.


EDIT: Eh, sorry man, I don't mean to get all short with you or anything, I got defensive and am still feeling very hazy and mentally exhausted. I just got that way because of how you described me being with my girl, it isn't true.

It isn't always a matter of "If you relapse, you don't love her", even if she gave me an ultimatum, "me or the drugs", and I relapsed a few months from now, that wouldn't mean I don't love her. My girl is NOT the type who would pin me up against a wall like that though, she really is great. She WANTS SO BAD for me to stop the hard drugs forever, but she wouldn't leave me over a relapse. If I became a constant user, that's a different story and she'd have every right. I just hate that mentality, especially because trust me, the girl KNOWS I love her. Besides, it's not like I relapse thinking "Oh, she'll get over it", not at all, I sit there wallowing in guilt and misery over what I should do, and sometimes I'm just too damn weak.

It's just upsetting because I didn't disregard her feelings when I relapsed, the guilt ate at my soul, but I was weak and gave in.

Edited by Peace of Mind 1 (12/07/14 07:44 AM)

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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
RIP LS :(
Female User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 15,711
Loc: Switzerland Flag
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: OhMrJohnson]
    #20941367 - 12/07/14 09:50 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

OhMrJohnson said:
We all do dumb shit when we're fucked up as Mike Tyson would say

You're a good man stay off the blow and keep it that way:thumbup:




--------------------

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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: VivaLaMushie]
    #20941382 - 12/07/14 09:54 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

you going to na or aa meetings?  Those seem to help.  Forgive yourself.

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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,312
Re: I feel the need to apologize, so here it is... [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #20941514 - 12/07/14 10:33 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Im never sarcastic. :snub:

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