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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Discussing sexual activity with your parents. I got stoned with my mom.
    #20937595 - 12/06/14 12:37 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

1) My mom is nuts. Bipolar mood swings, talks about things that happened 23 years ago like it happened yesterday. The best thing about her is that I can talk to her about anything. She's down to earth.
The caveat is that she feels like she can talk to me about everything in gross detail.

Today during a visit to my house:
Mom: so how does sex work with you?
Me: ?!?! Just like it does with you.
Mom: Do you give blow jobs??
Me: You know what those are?
Mom: Please, your dad nicknamed me Hoover. I used to take----
Me: I cut off my Mom and tried to change the subject.
Mom: Your dad loves when I twist my head around when I do him.
Me:  Want some ice cream???
Mom: What flavor?
Me: butterfinger
Mom: I'll take a bowl. You dad liked when I put peanut butter on him. For a long time it was the only way I could put it in my mouth.

At this point I'm thinking about renaming myself Captain Hurl and fly off Ebolaland while tossing chunks of dinner.

Mom: what about you? How is yous sex life? You always shared it before you changed. 
Me: ........
Mom eats some ice cream and loves it. Then asks: I've always wondered what you looked like after the operation .... Can I see?

My mom asked to see my vagina.
I wished she had waited till I was stoned to do all this.
I causally dipped my arm behind the couch and lifted up my bong. Packed a bowl and took a toke.
POT- HEAD!!!! She yelled. You're a drug addict!!! My baby boy- I mean, girl is a pot head!!

So I'm a little freaked. I mean come on I'm 42. Jesus Christ.  I offered her a hit. She said that she didn't know how to use the bong and that she was used to joints.
You fucking POT-HEAD!!! I yelled.

She said that she didn't need a big ass contraption to smoke weed. I went and got some papers from my office drawer. I came back and she was trying to use the bong- blew in it instead of tokeing.
Wetting up the bowl. oOOoPs?!?
She tokes and says- SHOW ME. Come-on.

So I yankem down and show her. she gets up and stares at it and says--- it's like mine!! How'd they do that?!?!

At this point I was stoned and she started talking about how the cancer meds softened up my dad and he just didn't want to have sex.

After a while I felt comfortable and chatted more. But really though, she's my mom and it's still eeeews.

Anyone else this close to their parents?


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Hugs and Kisses!

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InvisibleCherryBomM
Yoga Gypsy
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
Re: Discussing sexual activity with your parents. I got stoned with my mom. [Re: Macey Howard]
    #20938474 - 12/06/14 04:15 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Lately my mom has been making some sex jokes and comments and stuff, and I always make her stop before things get weird.  I just can't.


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Discussing sexual activity with your parents. I got stoned with my mom. [Re: CherryBom]
    #20938654 - 12/06/14 04:55 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

My mom has always been forwardly open about sex.
She made coming to her with problems very easy. very approachable.

ugh. to hear about the goings on in the bedroom to me .. they are 64 and when people are that old.. I picture their sex like oil and water trying to mix. or people running out of a burning building.

or maybe a dying chia pet.

whatever it may be- it cant be pretty


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InvisibleDistorted Vision
The best. Of the worst.
Male


Registered: 07/30/09
Posts: 4,292
Loc: Indiana Flag
Re: Discussing sexual activity with your parents. I got stoned with my mom. [Re: Macey Howard]
    #20940090 - 12/06/14 10:32 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Lol its terrible isn't... My dad has always told me Shit about my mom like how she's a squirter. And I saw a picture of my mom's vagina up close getting fucked by her boyfriend (and she was standing behind me because I was helping her with moving photos around. Most awkward moment in my life.)... :frown: I've always been pretty open with my parents though.

I still remember during a movie with my mom, the movie said something along the lines of never wasting a boner. (Bucket List i think) And she wanted to make sure I understood this and was very strong on her point that I should never waste a boner. I'm proud of how she is with sexuality, just wish I never saw her vag...lol


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"Yo yo just here to spread my clit and show ya'll what a wonderful and free being we are all inside lets take the acid and turn inside into the outside come on over baby lets smell the roses ohh ohh come on we're about to get lit show my undies to your baby I'll hug it down three times go around frown come on we aint a nice clown kiss me upside down down down come on sorry if you cant handle my wokeness come on lets take her panties off write shroomery on my asshole and taste it lick it make if feel like we was 1978 come on baby lets do the locamotion"-Twig dude

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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Discussing sexual activity with your parents. I got stoned with my mom. [Re: Distorted Vision] * 2
    #20940746 - 12/07/14 03:10 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Distorted Vision said:
Lol its terrible isn't... My dad has always told me Shit about my mom like how she's a squirter. And I saw a picture of my mom's vagina up close getting fucked by her boyfriend (and she was standing behind me because I was helping her with moving photos around. Most awkward moment in my life.)... :frown: I've always been pretty open with my parents though.

I still remember during a movie with my mom, the movie said something along the lines of never wasting a boner. (Bucket List i think) And she wanted to make sure I understood this and was very strong on her point that I should never waste a boner. I'm proud of how she is with sexuality, just wish I never saw her vag...lol




You still have your eyesight after that experience? There is only one time I saw my moms vagina or even touched it. It was when I was being born. Eww my mouth probably slid past it when I came out. Freaking start life out as a pussy licking perve lol.

Shutters at the fuck pic. Wait. I would have critiqued photo and held a talk show style interview about the situation. Broke thru the awkwardness and straight up Katie Couric her.

Lol.

When my mom told me about how big my dad was. I had to shut her down.


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Hugs and Kisses!

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