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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
help me win
    #2087705 - 11/10/03 12:04 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

hey I really need help, advice may really help..I appreciate any responses.

I am in love.
What gets me is that should be a good thing, but with me it seems to bring much more misery than happiness.
My previos posts have been a clutter of insanity and I really appreciate those who tried to help me, I think I may be in a good enough state of mind to state my case tonighht.

A little about me before my life became hell.
I suffered the loss of my sister at a young age that has and always will affect who I am.
I have had issues with me mental health for as long as I can remeber..but I have had a beatiful and rewarding experience as a human no matter the sorrow..or maybe because of?

I figured out I was different then most and finally made sense of it when I was a teen and partially because of psychedelics discovered I would follow a spiritual path..
I would like to go on but..

Thats not me today.
I wish it was, but finding a love in a woman is changing me..I will exchange anything to keep what I have found.
Although it saddens me that I am not strong enough, it is that way, and I know this feeling is to strong to turn back.

So I met her at my new job in september, I knew from the beggining that I wanted her, but it was just a attraction.
I know I am a interesting and attractive guy but I was still shocked when she let me kiss her, and even more so when she started falling for me.

So we had terrifyingnly powerful attraction when we would first get physical. but as time past we started getting to know each other really well on the phone , talking for hours. The fact that we work toghether gives us almost 2 different relationships.
I know her almost to well, I even know that she i still considering me for a relationship but has doubts about me ..which is fair , I am not playing the game well, I am completely honest she knows about my mental health issues and she is the first person who I feel truely ashamed of my criminal history and drug abuse.

I think I need to play the game more, I am currently not calling her( even though she i talking to some other guy probally)

I am trying to act like I like her but am not that interested..I am not good at this, I dont understand girls... I am so in love with her.. I know she feels deeply for me, but she seems to be more stable and and I know she can lose me and say there will be someone else.

Why cant Ido that. I realy dont. But I do Know she is the only one for me...of course I would meet other girls , but they all seem so hollow compared to her.. ts so hard just not calling her tonight.. but that seems pathetic considering we still are not in a real relatinship.

I cannot lose again I know I am strong enough to inspire her, I need to change inside, and play the game..I cannot go on if I lose


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InvisibleSuffer
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Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2087781 - 11/10/03 12:26 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

i cant tell you what to do... but i empathize completly

i also dont play the game, and ive lost A LOT because of that. Women are a funny creature... and if youve been able to open up to this one at ALL, your doing better then I at the moment. I recently scared a chick off (i think) cause i didnt want to turn it off anymore... she inspired a spark of emotion in me, and i wanted to go with it... let it guide me.

Unfortunatly, i dont think she took it the way i wanted it to come out... I wanted her to know how special she was to me, and i think i just came on too strong.

So.. i cant tell you how to play the game, but, i know that when you do find someone that makes you contemplate everything else that has ever ment a damn thing to you... you should keep them in your life.

Be strong dude, I know you have it in you.


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2088123 - 11/10/03 01:55 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

If you want to be with her, tell her. Tell her how you feel inside. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Stop torturing yourself with all these questions that you can't answer yourself. You need to get her imput on the situation. Be strong about it. I suggest sitting her down and having a talk about how you both feel. If that is what you want. I mean, if you want to be with her, do it. Talk. That's the only way you will find out. If she doesn't wanna be with you, it may suck, but you at least know instead of putting yourself thru this endless mental torture trying to figure out what is going on and what to do. To me it sounds like you are nervous. Nervous about being close to someone, or in a relationship or something of the like. If that's how you feel, maybe you could talk to her about that as well. Or try to find things you like to do to keep your mind off the situation. I know it's hard to do that. I've been there. I've had to do it myself. I really feel for you. I know it's not an easy situation you are in. Just take a deep breath and take what ever advice you want. Take all the advice into consideration.. then look deep within yourself and decide what is the best thing for YOU to do. You have the answers inside you. You just need to find them.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
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Re: help me win [Re: sykobish]
    #2089421 - 11/10/03 03:03 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

go for it. if it aint gonna happen for real then best to find out sooner than later just to give you some peace of mind.don't be shy, just do it. be yourself. of course, also think about what she thinks and feels. my mom's best and reallyonly advice she ever gave me about women was...listen to them, and to do that successfully, you must open your ears and ask questions. if you do that she may just get whisked away...by you.. give it a shot...maybe try focusing on her needs before your own... a bit of self sacrifice and service as it were....become really good at eating her out...then she'll forgive you anything...this i know for a fact.







































































































.


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...or something







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InvisibleArmFromTheAbyss
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Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 1,364
Loc: Down here in Babylon
Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2089546 - 11/10/03 03:47 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I wouldn't talk to her about how you feel  yet. She probably already can tell you like her, openly talking about it too soon could drive her away. Don't come on too strong.

Keep up with the game, she'll eventually realize you're playing it. Then guage her reaction and take it from there. If you did it right, it should be obvious. But most importantly, more than anything else: use your balls.

Good luck man.
:smile:   


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Offlineshaggy101
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Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
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Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2092603 - 11/11/03 03:16 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I lost.


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2092749 - 11/11/03 03:49 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

:frown: What happened?


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: help me win [Re: sykobish]
    #2095428 - 11/12/03 04:10 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

On monday night she left without saying goodbye. I felt wierd when I got home, I didnt know if she wanted me to call her or not, but I know she likes to talk on the phone late at night.

So I called and we talked for a while, I told her how I felt good, and I didnt feel like talking about anything to deep..
Well somehow we got to talking about how we felt anyway, and I asked her if she wanted me to be honest, I actually expected her to say no( kinda stupid but I really wish she would have )

So I told her I really like her and all I know is that I want her in my life..she got kinda wierd and said she doesnt want to be friends with benefits anymore.. I asked if she wanted to just be friends.. and she said no....because she nos thats not what I want.
so I asked her again if she really wants honesty, she said of course.. and I asked her to be my girl.. she got sad and said she cant.

I asked why and she said alot of reasons.. but finally it came out that she is waiting for another guy to finish colledge and come be with her.. alot of the way shes been acting made sense then.
So I calmly asked if she liked him more then me...she said yes.

I have to respect that she was honest, but I think I died at that moment.
after me saying some stupid shit I apolagized and asked if she would give me a second chance.... she said she would always give me another chance. < thats all that is keeping me alive right now..pathetic huh?

She pretty much said she wants to end our current relationship, not be friends, and not start a knew relationship.

So today at work she wouldnt talk to me, so i whispered im sorry to her
and she coldly said dont be..then when someone asked if I wantd to stay and close a friend said I wnt to close and she looked at him and smiled and said let him close( shes the boss )
They asked again if I wanted to close and I said no let him.
Then she asked if I wanted to leave early and I said yes, and she coldly said "alright bye"

This is where I get stupid again .
Usually when I get off before her she takes a break and comes and talks to me outside( we always end up kissing and leaving on a good note which is key for me )
So I waited and smoked a cig, and the store got really busy so I figured she didnt have time, part of me said just leave she is not out here because she doesnt want to see you, but I didnt listen I waited almost 30 minutes and right when I pulled out her and another person came out..I know that looked really bad

Im ok as long as we still have some chance of being toghether, but when that is gone I am almost positive I will kill myself..and that may come sooner then later
God I hate sounding so pathetic.. I can see through my own words, but it doesnt change the reality.



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Offlinesykobish
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Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2095483 - 11/12/03 04:44 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Sweety, don't kill yourself.  You have alot inside you that a special girl out there is going to miss out on experiencing and getting to know if you do that.  So what, this one didn't work out.  She's not the only girl out there.  I understand that you have deep feelings for her.  But it will get easier to bare with time.  Please believe me.  It may seem like it's the end of the world.. as tho you can't live without them.  As tho you dont WANT to live without them.  And it's going to be hard, but you WILL get thru it.  When you do, you will be so happy that you didn't do anything so drastic.  Maybe this is a test, maybe this is what you need to go thru in order to appreciate what is to come.  What if you took your life, and then, a month down the road, you were to meet this incredible girl.  A girl who is looking for someone just like you.  Life is crazy.  You take chances.  You dont always win them all, but there are always other chances to win.  I know exactly how you feel.  I felt the same way over someone that i loved with all my heart.  I thought i couldn't go on without him.  I cried for many many nights and days.  I refused to eat.. I thought my life was worthless and i just wanted to do away with everything.  I was so wrapped up in my negative feelings.  I went to lunch with my roomie, at the time she was living elsewhere.  We went to eat, cuz i needed someone to talk to.  I let it all out.  I cried in front of strangers at the restaurant.  I had been sucked so deep into my own despair that i had hurt myself.  I had cut my arm a few times to try to make the mental pain i was feeling go away by experiencing physical pain.  It didn't help.  It just made me hurt in both aspects.  She saw it and all she could do was cry.  It felt like an eternity of hell.  But i pulled thru.  As will you.  You have to let it go.  Don't let it suck you in like that.  Don't let the negativity drag you into an abyss of despair.  Fight back.  Prove that YOU control your life.  Prove that you are worth it.  I know you are worth it.  Please, keep fighting the battle.  It will pay off.  And you will be very happy you didn't give up.  I can't express how much i believe in you.  How much i believe you can conquer this.  If you suddenly stopped coming around, i would feel an emptiness inside.  I dont know you in person but i can feel your pain.  I can relate to what you are going thru cuz i was there.  I felt it in just as much depth as you are now.  Please dont give up.  She's not worthy of you if she can't see your greatness.. It's her loss.  I sincerely hope that you PM me or keep me posted on what's going on with you.  Don't worry about ever bothering me or burdening me.. I want to know how you are doing.  I care about how you are doing and what you are feeling.  You'll get thru this.  Please give it a shot. :heartpump:   


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisibleMyInsanityTrip
Stranger

Registered: 03/10/03
Posts: 2,218
Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2095713 - 11/12/03 06:07 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Keep moving forward. She's not as great as you think she is, obviously.


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Offlineshaggy101
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Registered: 08/17/00
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Re: help me win [Re: sykobish]
    #2105019 - 11/14/03 06:22 AM (13 years, 29 days ago)

So I know I love her.
It pisses me off that I had to be so normal and fall for someone ..I have had crushes before that I kinda thought where love, but its true that when you find it you know it.

I have to fight the negativety and not give in..I know this but its soo strong.
Still I finally got a clearer picture thanks to you guys,  and realized two things
If I really, and I mean truely love her, I will let go and let her be happy...no matter the cost to myself.

Yet I am not giving up.
I am going to have to live for myself..it sucks though
its like I am happy with me but I am overwhelmed with how she makes my story complete..she makes it real.

I have to take control and find my own happiness to inspire her..it will be so hard ..every day  going out and working on cars..studying.. remebering whats important to me other than her :frown:
she is all that matters..but I cant think that, and I especially cant let her know that.
I have to inspire myself again.  But I still feel true , and think I will win her

We are going to be friends.. which strangely feels kinda good.  cause now the connection feels true and I dont sense that fear of a dramatic ending
Its going to be sooo hard.. I dont think I can do it
lose to win

work.. who said life should be easy?  I remember seeing a bee on my porch last week, he was getting toppled by the wind.. birth not long ago and death on its way but he was still fighting to be.
 


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Offlinesykobish
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Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: help me win [Re: shaggy101]
    #2105074 - 11/14/03 06:54 AM (13 years, 29 days ago)

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a little better about the whole situation. :thumbup:  That's the first step.  You're slowly pulling out of your negative downward spiral and soon enough, in time, you will move on.  As you said, find happiness within YOU.  Don't depend on anyone else to supply you with that.  Cuz if you ever lose that person, lose that happiness, you will be completely lost.  They say "You have to love yourself, before you can love someone else."

I'm also glad that the two of you have remained friends.. That's great!  You dont know how happy you've made me just knowing that you aren't gonna give up the fight.  If i could hug you right now, i would.

If I really, and I mean truely love her, I will let go and let her be happy...no matter the cost to myself.

I couldn't agree more.  "If you love something, let it go.  If it comes back to you, it's yours.  If it doesn't, it never was."  Set her free.. Move on with you life.  Cherish the good times you spent with her.  Keep those good memories close to your heart.  Every experience in your life, whether it be good or bad, is always a learning experience.  Take what you have learnt and grow as a person.

I know you are gonna come out of this feeling great.  There's a reason why things happen.  You may not realize why at the time, but you will.  This has just opened another door for another instance to occur.  Maybe not right away.. but the wheels are in motion.  You never know what will happen, but one thing you can count on, is that another great thing will happen.  Because you are upset now, when something good happens.. you will appreciate it even more.

I'm here for you whenever you need me.  Please, don't hesitate to PM me. :heart: 


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
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Re: help me win [Re: sykobish]
    #2105229 - 11/14/03 09:09 AM (13 years, 29 days ago)

You know, not to put a total damper on your experience, but real lusty romantic love does mellow after awhile. Most real relationships are built on more, like mutual respect, economic need, friendship, mutual lonliness, andso on.... Those of great physical attraction, or even just plain lust or horniness or even intense soul searching romanticism are usually really a dime a dozen, basically because someone comes and just fills a ready made spot in your mind or heart. You need to remain open to what can surprise you for the better in a relationship instead of reaching out for someone like a candy. Consider the next chick that you really have fun with and feel comfortable around as a girlfriedn, because she will be. You can't cram some ideal into a box.


--------------------
...or something







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Offlinesykobish
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Re: help me win [Re: eve69]
    #2105594 - 11/14/03 11:40 AM (13 years, 29 days ago)

I never said i was trying to cram any ideal into any box. I was simply stating my opinion. I give my two cents. Everyone sees things differently. There are so many different ways you can feel 'love' or any other emotion. I'm not saying what i said above is the only way. But as i was typing it out at the time, that's what was on my mind. You will never love someone in the same way as you loved another. Also, since i'm female, the way i see things will of course be in a different light compared to the way a man sees things.

Maybe if people loved each other in totality.. loved the little quirks that make people who they are, loved and accepted their good and bad traits and didn't smoother each other with jealousy and dishonesty.. maybe, just maybe.. people would stay together alot longer then they do these days..


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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