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Invisiblequestioning
shaker
Registered: 10/30/03
Posts: 64
Loc: joisey
attraction, love, sparks
    #2073951 - 11/05/03 06:32 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

here's something i always wondered. Why is it that some people, seemingly perfect for each other, don't view each other romantically? What is it that seperates friends from lovers?

My best friend is a guy, i've known him for many years, and i'm extremely close to him. He's everything i look for in a potential boyfriend. We've talked before, we're both extremely attracted to the other, he thinks i'd be a wonderful girlfriend in every way for him. But there's just no chance we'll ever be more than friends. The physical attraction is there, we have all the qualities the other desires. But that spark isn't there.

I'm not trying to change the situation, or find a way to get him. I'm just wondering what it is that makes that difference between friend and lover. Logically, there is no logic in this. Our friends tease us and tell us how they can't understand why we aren't married already. I can't understand it, and neither does he, we just know it's not right.

Any thoughts to this topic?


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important questions sometimes involve a quest to answer.


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: questioning]
    #2074071 - 11/05/03 07:02 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

well you are attracted to one another simply by your genetics... there is not getting around that. You are friends... as well, like two guy friends or two gal friends... or whatever. But that doesnt necessitate "chemistry"... maybe there is an emotional bond that is not there... maybe thats that place that is "not right". I think thats what is "spark" a lot of times... its two people coming together to form an emotional pathway... A spark... "its those tiny little sparks..."


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What?


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: questioning]
    #2074075 - 11/05/03 07:02 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

It all has to do with chemistry, my dear. :laugh: And that's not just a saying! Humans give off pheromones just like other creatures.


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Invisiblequestioning
shaker
Registered: 10/30/03
Posts: 64
Loc: joisey
Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: adrug]
    #2074133 - 11/05/03 07:17 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

such obvious answers to what i thought was a complex question! not everyone i'm attracted to is what i want, and vice versa. I suppose it's as simple as pheromones. thanks!


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important questions sometimes involve a quest to answer.


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InvisibleComfortably_Numb
FriendlyStranger
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Registered: 10/30/03
Posts: 277
Loc: Here (not everywhere)
Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: questioning]
    #2074234 - 11/05/03 07:44 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

How long have you known him? I'm guessing you were friends at a young age, probably before you developed an attraction for each other. If you grew up as friends, you shared experiences that you don't typically experience with someone you fall in love with. You view friends under a different light. It's that initial attraction you have with someone that can last for the duration of a long-term relationship and that you don't typically have with a friend.

I could be completely wrong, this is just a hunch. Seeing as I have little experience in this area I wouldn't take what I said too seriously.


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OfflinePsilygirl
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: questioning]
    #2074696 - 11/05/03 09:50 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

i never understood this, either...

i have had some really great guy friends in the past, they're essetially everything i'm looking for. but for some reason, i just wasnt attracted to them, even though everything inside me told me i should be.

and on that same note i've been attracted to guys who i definitely should have stayed away from and who were not good for me.

i dont know what it is, but damn it can be confusing! i guess its just pheromones, that initial spark, chemistry.... all the things mentioned above. i guess we'll never know for sure.


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"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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OfflineEarth_Droid
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: Psilygirl]
    #2074706 - 11/05/03 09:52 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I feel my horny chemicals acting up around tons of girls.


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InvisibleClean
the lense
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Registered: 05/11/03
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: Earth_Droid]
    #2074756 - 11/05/03 10:04 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

maybe we subconsciously choose everyone we have relationships with because there is a lesson to be learned therein?

lol

maybe it's pheromones :smile:


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Offlineentiformatie
EvolutionaryMovements
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: questioning]
    #2074799 - 11/05/03 10:15 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

man... that happened to me with a best friend (girl) of mine... we were relly close. like, we'd hold hands and stuff, but we never kisses or anything (although once i skored a kiss on the cheek, woohoo!). but as soon as she developed interest in this girl (they are both bi), i felt like i needed to reclaim that part of my friend back. so i called her the first time i was rolling, but she was asleep, so the next day she called me back to ask me what was so important. i told her i was in love with her. everything went downhill from there.

eventually things got better, even tho we arent as close, she's still one of the two people who mean the most to me.

moral of my story: i don't know. be careful with shit like this. don't fuck up a perfectly good friendship. you might find out that the reason you don't want a relationship with him is cause you know it wouldn't work out. who knows. im just seyin be kerful with things so precious as a friendship that close. :-)


--------------------
/opinion
.sean


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OfflineNoviseer
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: entiformatie]
    #2074854 - 11/05/03 10:33 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I had a similar best friend that was a girl, and I finally got the balls to tell her I loved her, while she was dating some other guy. She told me she loved me too, her relationship with the other guy fell apart within the week, and we dated for over a year. Be careful, but act when the time is right.


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_______________________________________________________________
namaste said:
no flamz in da ODD, if you got nothing to contribute then keep yo lips zipped
_________________________________________________________________


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Invisiblequestioning
shaker
Registered: 10/30/03
Posts: 64
Loc: joisey
Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: Noviseer]
    #2075475 - 11/06/03 01:09 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

i guess i left out an important part, we definitly did hook up. We got drunk alone, the last nite before he moved. Hooked up, and that was that. The next day things went back to the same as always, and we never really mentioned it. I think he feels the same way i do, that it was just an experiment. I had to know if it could be more, if i was letting a guy i could be in love with, just walk away without me. But i didn't feel anything, it was fun for sure. Not awkward, or weird, or anything. But nothing extra sparked, it was comfortable. we're just friends, truley platonic on both sides.

I like the thought about picking relationships for learning lessons. It seems that the guys i've gone out with, all taught me a great lesson that i never could have learned without them in my life, the hurt i walked away with was entirely worth the lesson. When i think about the things they did to me, i want to get mad at them, but i can't, i almost love them for teaching me such an incredible amount about myself. or not teaching me, but letting me teach myself.


--------------------
important questions sometimes involve a quest to answer.


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: questioning]
    #2076183 - 11/06/03 07:12 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

My thoughts when I have been in similar situations is - Maybe it's because you have established a pattern of interaction with that person. That is, it is a lot more difficult to take the 'risk' of flirting and changing the pattern with that person than someone else because you stand to lose a lot more if not to do with the friendship then with pride.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: enotake2]
    #2076185 - 11/06/03 07:16 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

enotake2 said:
My thoughts when I have been in similar situations is - Maybe it's because you have established a pattern of interaction with that person. That is, it is a lot more difficult to take the 'risk' of flirting and changing the pattern with that person than someone else because you stand to lose a lot more if not to do with the friendship then with pride. 




I was going to say something like this, but I lack experience in the field so I decided to not risk it. :grin:

Perhaps the love is there, but you are not really conscious of it because you are so used to being together and not being conscious of it. Or something. Maybe the love grew so gradually that it has always been in the background... who knows?! :grin:
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineGrav
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2077302 - 11/06/03 04:04 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

have you ever thought that perhaps the friendship is more powerful than the intimate relationship?

what is an intimate relationship? it's about finding your physical mate in this world... in this life right now... someone you can live with

some friends energy seems to almost be too powerful for this life to try and grasp or contain... if you know what i mean? like you could hook up but you appreciate each other's freedom too much to flow wherever instead of grappling onto each other... or maybe you both subconsciously understand that you are meant to hookup amidst the stars when you leave your physical bodies behind.


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InvisiblealakonaS
I threw my slippers at the beast
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Registered: 07/09/03
Posts: 14,710
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Re: attraction, love, sparks [Re: questioning]
    #2082809 - 11/08/03 01:50 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Im not sure, but it seems to me that emotions work in funny ways.

Its funny, to me, that the people who we love the most are the people we probably have no business being with, and more often than not, our true mate is right before us.


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making you want to be a better person since 2008. 

idiotek said:
  How do I get Alakona to like me? Fucking skank won't show me any tits, why should I give her a cock shot?  Fuck that. I figure if I fill her PM box with my dick photo, it's almost the same thing as filling her real box with my real dick?

TrippinTeddy said:
sometimes when I'm raping a bitch, I like to tickle her ribs and under neath her arms, and I say "loosen up bitch, lets have fun now because if I have to kill your squirming ass, only one of us will be having fun, and you can't have a party all by yourself can you?" Then its usually all laughs and good times from there.


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