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Invisiblequestioning
shaker
Registered: 10/30/03
Posts: 64
Loc: joisey
not sure if this really belongs here...
    #2072173 - 11/05/03 04:06 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I'm not sure if this belongs here, or if it's just something i need to deal with.  This is sort of my pledge to change things.  If you see anything i say as lazy, bickering, whatever, TELL ME, give me that kick in the ass to get going.  I come here because i don't know any of you, and i think it'll be easier for me to take what you say constructively, instead of as a personal criticism or insulting.  I'll probably update this with what steps i'm taking to change things, so that it's more final, i'll feel more compelled to do it if i say outloud that i will.

Here's the thing, i've got my passions, and i do them with all my heart.  Great right?  But anything i don't love, i ignore.  If i don't want something, i neglect it, even if it's just my responsibility.  This can be applied to every part of my life, work, school, friendships, family, even myself. 

I love my family, but i'm not an active member of the household, and it's not fair to them.  I take them for the good, but i don't do my fair share.  Right now, i have so many things i COULD be doing, but instead, i'm posting to some strangers about not doing it. 

My love for music has hit an all time high, i can't get enough of it.  If i miss a great show, i get too bummed out.  In fact, i'm missing thanksgiving with my family to go to a show.  they don't mind, but still.  I shouldn't even consider it.  Maybe i'll make my first step in solving this problem by staying home with my family, because it's right.

My friends locally, i've outgrown.  I don't have anything in common with them, so i tend to stay home a lot.  It's not good for me to be home so much, but if i don't love it, i don't do it.  I have a hard time finding people that understand me.  I have a hard time accepting that.

I have so many hobbies that i have outgrown, things i would give anything to love again, but for some reason i don't.  Some spark is missing.  I can't figure out why it left or where it went, but i wish i could find a way to get it back.  it was such a big part of me.  I think that's part of why i lack interest in other things now that i think of it.  I figure, eventually, i'll lose interest.  Why bother starting something new? 

As far as school goes, i know what i want to do, i know what i want to be.  I want to be a mom and a wife and take care of the house, take care of my family.  But if that fails, i'll have my backup.  I'm going to school again and getting myself prepared for my future.  Hopefully, my school will go to waste and i'll get the life my heart desires, but if not, i certainly won't be stuck.  That's something i've worked very hard on figuring out, and am proud to say i'm on the right track.  Knowledge is power, and even if i never become a psychologist, i can apply it to other areas of my life, and others, if they request. 

My family.  Where do i start?  I love them beyond words.  They will always be there for me, and i will always be there for them.  But i just don't seem to get along with them.  We argue nonstop, and after so many years, i find it hard to control my temper.  One member of my family had messed up and i'm trying to allow him back into my life after shutting him out for years, but some how, i can't.  He tries to make up for it, but i find fault in his attempt. He's got so many faults, and so do i.  It's not fair of me to expect him to be perfect when it's an impossible thing to ask. 
The rest of my family and i get along better.  They get irritated with me, because of my laziness.  Then i get irritated with them for being irritated with me.  Some how, i need to stop myself from getting irritated.  Find a way to realize that they're saying the truth and that i need to stop making excuses and start taking responsibility.  I've tried hard, obviously not hard enough.  My thing is, is i hate that feeling of being attacked.  I shut down.  If i feel someone is saying something to hurt me, or put me down, i fire back and put up my gaurd.  I can't figure out away to break that gaurd down and let their words penetrate on a constuctive level.

Right now, i'm getting off the computer and doing some things i need to do to make the lives of those around me more pleasant, things that are my responsibility and should not be neglected.  If anyone has any insight, advice, or anything at all, please PM me or post or whatever.  I'd appreciate any help i can get. Thanks. :heart: 


--------------------
important questions sometimes involve a quest to answer.


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Offlinewhole9
LOVE ME BITCH

Registered: 04/28/03
Posts: 3,265
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
Re: not sure if this really belongs here... [Re: questioning]
    #2072284 - 11/05/03 05:29 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Sounds like you know where you want to go, and you know where you stand, so basically just do what you know you have to do and youll be where you want to be! I think friends are the most important part of anyones life, so if you cant find friends around your place then you need to move on and out. Talk to new people, dont be shy. Or stay here on the shroomery for a while and chill with us! I personally only have 4 friends in my life right now, but all of them are the best of the best friends and I have known them for almost my entire life. I have lots of friends on the shroomery, and I really do know that people here care about me and it makes me feel good =] so I suggest you start posting here more, and learn some new things about yourself and other people and it should help you socialize with others. Good luck with whatever you choose to do! <3


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Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,599
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 25 minutes, 55 seconds
Re: not sure if this really belongs here... [Re: questioning]
    #2072340 - 11/05/03 06:18 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

well lets see here, where does one start?
well, first off let me congratulate you on the fact that you are willing to admit this is a problem in your life....this is often the hardest part of the game...
i think it'll be easier for me to take what you say constructively, instead of as a personal criticism or insulting.....
>>this is one of the many wonderful traits of the support forum here at the shroomery...none of us know you enough to pass judgement. so feel free to be completly honest with us and more importantly yourself...sometimes one gets so caught up in denial, and are too busy lying to themselfs that they keep themselves in the dark on alot of issues...plus we cant really help you take the right steps with half of the story

But anything i don't love, i ignore....
>>do you love stopping at a red light when you are busy trying to get somewhere? if not, do you just ignore it and pass on through?
do you love getting pulled over by that cop that saw you run the red light? do you just keep on driving?
do you love paying taxes? do you love going to the hospital when you get sick?

my point is, that it is possible to give attention to things that you dont "love" to do....we all do it every day, and i dont think its fair that you sum it all up in a nutshell like that....i think there may be a little more to it than that...

with out knowing too much of the details its hard to say really, but it seems like you pick and choose (even if its just on a sub concious level) which aspects of your life you let this statement apply to...you obviously dont care too much for school, as you put it,
"Hopefully, my school will go to waste and i'll get the life my heart desires" but yet you still go to school...deffinitly not ignoring it.
and you love your family beyond words, yet judging from your post it seems you feel this is a part of your life that needs more attention....a part that you are ignoring...if you had no trouble giving attention to the things you love, then this should not be an issue... 

it seems to me your going through a point in your life that i, and many others on here have, have gone through as well....your kind of at a standstill, not sure really what to do... sure you have your goals and hobbies and such, but the fact that you lost interest in your hobbies shows that your either changing interests (which will also in turn have an effect on your goals) or at least questioning them, wondering if its the right thing for you...you remember loving them at one point, and would like to have that feeling back, but the spark isnt there....maybe it is time for a new hobby/set of goals even though you fear you will just lose interest in them as well...i mean, it couldnt hurt right?

and though the rest of the world continues to move on, you sit back unassure of your next steps,and you are left in its wake...

well let me tell you, the wake of the world flying by is a pretty big one, filled with lots of choppy waters...the real world doest like people sittin around looking at the stars...move it people, we got a quota to reach! really though, todays society doesnt allow for much laziness....

"do something, even if its wrong!"   

lol, that was the world talking not me :grin:

anyway, i think this may also be why you lost interest in your friends, and why you are having troubles with finding motivation in your life....

so my advice, calm down take a deap breath and go find some new hobbies/friends... this is a good place to start, lots of good frinedly people here...re evaluate what it is you are expecting from life... are you expecting too much? too little? and also if you feel you are being too lazy....STOP! i mean come on, theres not much else to it than that....ya it can be tough, but there is really not much else to it....i know this from experience, if you feel theres something you need to be doing, do it :grin:

anyway, i apologize if none of this made sence, im at the tail end of a 4 gram mushroom trip, and my brain is still thinking all crazy stuff :grin: 

i hope you were able to figure out what i was talking about, cause after re reading it, it looks like a mess....

welcome to the shroomery :grin: 


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Invisiblequestioning
shaker
Registered: 10/30/03
Posts: 64
Loc: joisey
Re: not sure if this really belongs here... [Re: wrestler_az]
    #2073874 - 11/05/03 06:07 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

it made perfect sense.

i do have friends, i travel and tour a lot, so my friends live in other areas.  massachusetts, ny, conneticut.  I live in nj, and i'm beginning to meet up with kids that aren't too far away.  Still, the closest is an hour, so it makes it hard to just chill, normally only when we plan in advance.  I just feel alone a lot, but i have my dog, he always keeps me company, and my family. 

I called my dad today, we had a short conversation, and i kept it light.  Just hi, how are you, hows work.  Short and no real significant conversation, but we made it thru without any tension.  It's a start.  One day i hope we can really talk about important things without fighting. 

i feel a bit weird posting all of this, but it made me feel better than i thought it would.  It's different than writing to myself. 
I know that everything will work itself out in one way or another, but my previous approach was 'let it happen, and it will'.  apparantly i gotta make things happen  :shocked: :wink:


--------------------
important questions sometimes involve a quest to answer.


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Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,599
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 25 minutes, 55 seconds
Re: not sure if this really belongs here... [Re: questioning]
    #2074762 - 11/05/03 10:05 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

im glad you were able to make some sence out of my ramblings...after reading it sober (not tripping as i was when i wrote it) i was scared that i may have attempted to go to deep with it, and make some statements that you may find accusing/judgmental type...

keep working on the talking with your family...they do care alot about you, even though sometimes its a little weird the way they go about showing it....my family is the same way, you just got to learn to read between the lines a little...your family will be your strongest allie, but sometimes it takes alot of diplomatic effort to be able to form it with them...

dont feel weird about posting here, like i said, none of us here want to do anything except help you through your hard times....we will do all we can, and sometimes it just helps to get shit off your chest... i often come here with my problems, not looking for any advice or comfort really, but to just vent my frustrations and concerns...it really does wonders!

keep the positive attitude, and you will find out what you need to do and how to do it...these things take time, and alot of effort, but in the end it is well worth it and you will be a stronger person for having gone through it

Quote:

'let it happen, and it will'. apparantly i gotta make things happen 




:grin: yes, indeed! things will end up happening, but if you dont take the initiative to manipulate them in the proper direction, you may find out that you are not getting the disired outcome...

keep these words in mind through out your daily struggles, and remember what it is you are trying to acomplish...this is a wonderful realization and will help you get over this if you can continue to live by it! good luck and congradulations.... 


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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