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OhMrJohnson
Modern Day Alchemist


Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,575
Loc: Terra Incognita
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My struggle with nicotine addiction
#20654985 - 10/03/14 08:27 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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About a half hour ago I smoked the last cigarette in my pack, and have since decided against buying another
I have defiled myself with this delusional habit for far too long, that goes without question.
I'm not exactly sure why I'm making this thread
For it is not answers I seek, nor is it approval or advice
I simply wish to share the story of my struggle, and hear the stories of others who have held the burden of tobacco addiction, with the hope that perhaps there may be some wisdom we can all share with one another
I have smoked tobacco for many years.
It all started one fateful day at a local pond, where an adolescent version of myself was hanging out with some new friends
I don't exactly recall how I felt leading up to that first drag
I think I can say with certainty that I didn't really want a cigarette at the time
But I was curious. All my life I had been unsure what to think of tobacco
Seeing the enchanting signs in the gas station windows made me think of cigarette smoking as a classy, interesting yet mysterious thing to do
All that changed after the first drag.
I still remember the way it made me feel.
Completely weightless, my senses were overpowered by a massive tingling wave of "pleasure" the likes of which I had never felt before in my life
It was my first true drug experience in a recreational sense
And I believe in essence, it was the hook that has kept me snagged to this very day.
As far as I can remember it took a while after that day for my smoking habit to really set itself in motion
During these times I hung out a lot with a friend who I now see was a terrible influence on me.
His mother and grandfather always had cigs so whenever we hung out we had access to basically an unlimited supply
We smoked and talked and smoked and walked, smoked and ate and smoked and played games
We pretty much smoked cigs all the damn time.
Eventually our friendship died out and we lost contact with one another
Although my addiction had only just begun.
It was around this time that my dad became a huge enabler for me
Whenever I ran out, he would always buy me more
I suppose being the alcoholic that he was he felt sympathy towards my plight and an obligation to help me get my fix as he got his
Years went by this way and I just kept on smoking more and more
Then shortly thereafter his house was foreclosed and I moved in with my mom, who was also a smoker at the time
I got a job at the gas station and here I am now, over 2 years later
I've been wanting to give up this shitty addiction for quite a while now
And I've tried doing so more times than I can remember
Sometimes I quit for a day, sometimes a week
My record is 43 days, after a powerful solo LSD trip
The one thing in common with every attempt I make at quitting is the fact that I always go back to it in time.
And I've had enough of this vicious cycle.
I'm still trying to understand why exactly I have this insatiable desire to inhale those sticks of tobacco
Perhaps I will never fully understand.
Have you ever been a tobacco smoker? Did you quit or do you still smoke?
I'm curious to hear what others might have to say about conquering this demon
Because I have reached the boiling point
I'm so sick of quitting and going back and quitting and going back
I want to start exercising I want to stop destroying my body
Perhaps i can never undo the damage that has been done
But I need to try.
Any and all contributions will be appreciated.
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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ZeroToTheNine
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Registered: 10/01/14
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: OhMrJohnson]
#20655032 - 10/03/14 08:37 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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I have smoked and do not let it be a bad thing. I know it is not good for the body IF you think about it. My body has little to do with what I am.
I just let the smoke in and say, this is not a problem, and if it causes me problems, I say, let it be in the body.
Also, if I want to quite, and I have, I say, I am fine just with out this smoke. I am healthy. I am healthy and this is not my problem.
-------------------- H8ters live in hell.
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Cinnor
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: ZeroToTheNine]
#20655069 - 10/03/14 08:46 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Your lungs can heal. I too struggle with nicotine addiction. I doe even smoke that much, maybe a few American Spirits a day or every other day but even if I quite for s few weeks the desire and want for just one more drag on a cig is always there. It sucks and tripping makes me want to smoke while simultaneously making realize how filthy and nasty smoking is.
I always wonder if the shamans of S. America ever get addicted to nicotine smoking the tobacco rustica during ceremonies.
Exercise is great btw
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ZeroToTheNine
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: Cinnor]
#20655149 - 10/03/14 09:02 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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American Spirits is the pack of choice. All else just is, well 25% less.
I smoke American Spirits out of a water-pip. A bong.
-------------------- H8ters live in hell.
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Darwin23
INFJ



Registered: 10/08/10
Posts: 3,279
Loc: United States
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: OhMrJohnson]
#20656183 - 10/04/14 05:07 AM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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I started smoking late, at 21, my brother offered me a clove cigarette and I was instantly hooked. Even early on I could tell it would be a major problem as I was spending money I didn't have just to get one day's worth of cigarettes.
I've tried to quit a handful of times but none with any long-term success. I think I just don't really care a huge deal at this point in my life. One day a switch will flip and I'll have the desire.
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Take a look at my journal
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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: Darwin23]
#20656660 - 10/04/14 09:01 AM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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OP, here's a few perspectives on the issue.
First, why the thread title? Why would this relatively simple matter of going from one phase of your life to another, HAVE TO be framed as a struggle? Surely there must be some ideas that come to mind, about models involving peaceful release, chill and pleasant adieu of a lover you've now outgrown and so on.
IMO the very hatred, anger and bad vibes you pack into your relationship with yourself (in the sense that you're not at all accepting of your inner smoker) probably causes A LOT more unnecessary drama than need be involved here.
So as one idea, please start looking for more positive, enjoyable definitions for this process. It's as easy as starting to build new habits, where before was the old one. I recommend The Power of Habit. It comes in both book and audiobook form so one of these should be easy enough to take in. Please consider investing the time in studying these phenomena, as they'll give you more lasting control over your habits in general. Not just "bad" ones but great ones as well.
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Second, I'm a non-smoker. Whatever you saw in that gas station window, that made you think it was classy, interesting and mysterious, personally I've always seen the exact opposite. I don't mean to insult you, it's just my view that both alcohol and tobacco are cheap cretinous mind and time wasters for the hoi polloi. The moronic unimaginative simpletons. I mean I know there are exceptions to this rule, plenty of writers and awesome people smoked, Alan Watts being for instance my favorite one, but I highly suspect that's a different, informed and mindful, educated and cultivated kind of smoking.
In my mind, never has the smell, taste, aura and general vibe of tobacco been anything but repulsive and vulgar. A sign of low class.
In more recent times I have started partaking in joints with friends, and so part of that is the tobacco. I can say that I've had joints with relatively little hash in them, and the bullshit mindless buzzing sensation of the tobacco, as well as the awful taste have 100% left me wanting. Maybe it works in different ways for different people, I see the attraction in smoking something like Salvia or DMT for instance (both of which I love) but tobacco, I can only share my sincerest WTF? 
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Finally, I'd like to submit the idea, just consider it for a second, that tobacco overall, might be somewhat of a trivial matter. It is in fact not the epic struggle of titans that some parts of your posts make it to be. Is this THE BEST and most inspiring way you can think of, to better yourself? How about larger, more awesome goals that paradoxically are easier and more fun to obtain? Rather than trying to push out tobacco and keep everything else the same, have you considered taking completely roundabout routes, free of conflict and pressure, that would in the end simply wipe the tobacco out?
Examples: - Get friends that are non-smokers. The constant having to go outside, go away, interrupt conversations, that will start putting more and more pressures on smoking, making it more and more difficult, the more non-smoking friends you have. Keep in mind that smokers and non-smokers have rather different habits, specific areas and patterns they hang out in. Smokers meet and socialize on balconies, outside of no-smoking places, and break the ice by the minutia of smoking. Do you have a light, do you have a rolling paper, filter, tobacco, whatever. Learning to exist like a nonsmoker will gradually teach you alternatives, places where to go, things to do with your breaks, etc. Oh and forget about being a nonsmoker and keeping mostly smoker friends. I myself don't see it working long term, it's just way too many enablers. Think of my chances of never eating chocolate, if I have 7 friends that are choco-fatties, eating a few squares SEVERAL TIMES A DAY in my presence. I'd have to be a pretty hardcore choco-hater for that to work long term. Very uphill situation, unnecessarily so.
- Start new activities to engage your hands and attention with, when feeling anxious, stressed or bored. Kinda hard to smoke while playing the flute, mouth harp or harmonica. Rather hard to continuously annoy and disappoint the friends at the new Yoga class you just joined, because you're the only smoker there, or it's you and the wife beater
- Start sprinting in the morning. Tobacco will mess with sprinting, sprinting will mess with tobacco. Don't force yourself at all to slow down the smoking. In fact smoke as much as you want, just start the sprinting habit. It will phase smoking out IMO, the more you do it. I've felt the same with junk food. There's just that feeling when you put your body through proper challenges, that instinctively all the performance-decreasing crap must go. To start the sprinting habit, it'll take you about 2-3 weeks. First mornings (before work, maximum energy, willpower and control over your actions, before interacting with anybody and dealing with any attention grabbing situations) just shoes on and GTFO. That's the Just Show Up week. Shoes on (prepped since evening) and GTFO. Even if you take a cig with you and smoke it on the bench in the park. Stabilize fully the habit of in the morning, shoes on GTFO. Once that's stable, you can start running, doing push ups, whatever. The air and movement will give you a HUGE edge that you don't have now. Every day when you do some heavy smoking, you'll feel it full on the next morning, making you way less likely to smoke that much that next day.
- Smoke mindfully. Take your time. Develop more mindful rituals. Ring one of those meditation bells and close your eyes when puffing, to properly feel the sensation. This, at the very least will reduce your smoking as you will need less smokes per day. The mindless, absent-minded compulsive smoking, that IMO keeps you coming back sooner, because you don't really get your kicks and fix from any of the smokes. Cut away the guilt trip, the endless "I shouldn't, Oh this is a horrible habit, Oh Lord when will I quit, etc." When smoking, smoke fully, not halfway, one hand trying to enjoy while the other guilt trips you into how bad you are. Enjoy fully. Smoke two at once, but mindfully, full attention.
I've seen this thing at the Santo Daime church, and I'm sure the Rastafari movement might have similar things for their joints. At the SD, one looks up, silences the mind, then lifts the joint up to the forehead, then up above toward the sky, inhale, exhale, then low to the lips and puff from it. Full attention, as it's a respected sacrament. Now while you're smoking, tobacco is your sacrament. Be one-minded about it, smoke it properly, and then once that is done and there's no guilt trip associated, you'll be able to quit it properly. The mental and verbal guilt tripping IMO takes energy from actually letting it go, because you give yourself a sort of release. It's a masochistic kind of logic that goes "See? I did something. I know I smoked it, BUT I didn't enjoy it!" I'm sure now that I spell it out, you can start to see you're giving yourself the worst of both worlds. You're neither a happy smoker, nor a happy non-smoker, you're a miserable smoker, not even enjoying this delectable habit.
Hope this provides some food for thought.
In general think at length about the smoke-free you. Start looking at how he would do things differently. Write it, describe it, get some actual details. Things like there's no ashtray in the house (have one day a week for instance, where that goes away) or same for lighters, cigarettes, whatever. Don't force anything by conflict and bad vibes, long term that doesn't last. Take it easy and familiarize yourself deeply with a smokeless life. Put consistent, relentless and ever-growing pressure, more and more tiny obstacles in the way of smoking, and more and more good vibes on the nonsmoking and you'll get there. Might take a while but if it's an enjoyable project that doesn't really matter.
Feel free to ignore what I say and give yourself a couple of short bursts of grief about it, try to willpower your habits into submission, see how awesomely that fails (because willpower is WAY weaker than habit), and maybe once you did that a few times perhaps these deeper, more chill methods will start to seem worth trying
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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infected_2

Registered: 08/09/11
Posts: 844
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: Spacerific]
#20658087 - 10/04/14 04:20 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Talk to any smoker over 25-ish and they'll agree that smoking was the worst mistake of their lives. The money wasted and damage done to health does not make up for the slight buzz.
Personally whilst I haven't and wouldn't ever smoke a cigarette, i mixed tobacco with my weed. So in a roundabout way i've ended up hooked on tobacco. Can turn down cigarettes without a thought but a joint is my weakspot.
Def keep up with the plan. Smoking costs 1000's a year. That alone is a solid reason to ditch it.
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ZeroToTheNine
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: infected_2]
#20658120 - 10/04/14 04:33 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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I just finished a smoke. Mokes or mokeys, weed + tobacco all things of attachment.
I'm still not feeling guilty about it. Let it be, and it shall pass if you will.
You can accomplish this.
People do.
I did.
-------------------- H8ters live in hell.
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sadspacemonkey
!universe!



Registered: 11/01/06
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: OhMrJohnson]
#20658673 - 10/04/14 07:38 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Cinnor said: Your lungs can heal.
agreed
i was one of the few that would party but never smoked
i would stand outside with the smokers and chat and never needed or wanted a ciggarette - it never appealed to me - i did try one in high school. i split with one with a friend after a show, and it was...ok. neither of us smoked again after that.
then, years later...i broke up with my boyfriend, ended up alone, lost....i could feel myself slipping into a dark place. no one influenced me to start smoking. i just remember sitting by myself in my living room, with one of my first packs of ciggarettes...i remember sitting there, alone, and i could sense a dark entity, seducing me, making me want to smoke in a way that was sensual...the entity was making a sick form of love to me, he whispered in my ear that i looked so sexy while i smoked but also.......he wanted me to die the same way as my grandmother, who lost her life to malboros and emphysema...
i quit and stopped a few times. i smoked a few weeks ago before i quit my job and almost felt sick from it. i get no pleasure from it, but sometimes when i get into 'fuck it all' mode i want to start again.
i think tobacco in its pure form probably isn't that bad but check the additives they put it in most of them....it includes rat poison....kind of an insult
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"I can't be told by anyone how to live. If I said to the minister 'Move from your home' he would think I was mad." Bushman : Botswana
Edited by sadspacemonkey (10/04/14 07:39 PM)
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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Quote:
.i remember sitting there, alone, and i could sense a dark entity, seducing me, making me want to smoke in a way that was sensual...the entity was making a sick form of love to me, he whispered in my ear

Was this the entity? 
But seriously I don't see how you guys can find so much epic drama in something as trivial as smoking tobacco. For you it was a dark entity seducing you whispering in your ear, for OP it was classy and mysterious and interesting.
Like, really? Tobacco? 
In any case, best wishes to both of you. Kudos for quitting, best of luck to OP in his journey towards clear lungs.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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OhMrJohnson
Modern Day Alchemist


Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,575
Loc: Terra Incognita
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: Spacerific]
#20663480 - 10/05/14 08:11 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thank you all for your kind words
Having thought about it for a little while and especially having read Spacerific's post,
I think my problem does indeed go deeper than a mere tobacco addiction
Over the past few months I have noticed the overall vibrations of my daily consciousness gradually becoming more negative
I suppose I am unhappy with my life, and the choices I have been making this year which have more or less left me still standing at square one
I know true change comes from within. And there is no doubt in my mind that change is exactly what I need
But the habits which hold me down are hard for me to get away from.
I suppose I will start working on phasing them out with new, better habits, but the negativity my mind creates in regards to conceptualizing these scenarios can be extremely daunting.
--------------------
Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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sadspacemonkey
!universe!



Registered: 11/01/06
Posts: 376
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: Spacerific]
#20664548 - 10/06/14 12:28 AM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Spacerific said:
Quote:
.i remember sitting there, alone, and i could sense a dark entity, seducing me, making me want to smoke in a way that was sensual...the entity was making a sick form of love to me, he whispered in my ear

Was this the entity? 
But seriously I don't see how you guys can find so much epic drama in something as trivial as smoking tobacco. For you it was a dark entity seducing you whispering in your ear, for OP it was classy and mysterious and interesting.
Like, really? Tobacco? 
In any case, best wishes to both of you. Kudos for quitting, best of luck to OP in his journey towards clear lungs. 
yes.....i think he ear fucked me too ! i wanted the classy one though :/
that's ok. :3 we can make sweet love later with or without the smoke
edit: i actually did sense that entity, but i have a very over-active imagination and a sometimes...maudlin way of expressing myself? it is funny now that i think about it, in other ways not so funny....but mostly funny at the moment since i can't sleep or think straight at the moment :P
Edited by sadspacemonkey (10/06/14 12:33 AM)
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mushcap
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: OhMrJohnson]
#20664791 - 10/06/14 03:01 AM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Dear OP, I used to smoke for around 30 years and quit three years back. Nicotine addiction is in fact harder to kick than heroin. If you are really interested in quitting, first go to www.whyquit.com and read up all the articles there. You can then head to http://forums.about.com/discussions/Smoking_Cessation_Forum/ab-quitsmoking and join a group of people who have decided to quit. This is what helped me quit. All the best.
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Spacerific
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: OhMrJohnson]
#20664826 - 10/06/14 03:31 AM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
OhMrJohnson said: Thank you all for your kind words
Having thought about it for a little while and especially having read Spacerific's post,
I think my problem does indeed go deeper than a mere tobacco addiction
Over the past few months I have noticed the overall vibrations of my daily consciousness gradually becoming more negative
I suppose I am unhappy with my life, and the choices I have been making this year which have more or less left me still standing at square one
I know true change comes from within. And there is no doubt in my mind that change is exactly what I need
But the habits which hold me down are hard for me to get away from.
I suppose I will start working on phasing them out with new, better habits, but the negativity my mind creates in regards to conceptualizing these scenarios can be extremely daunting.
Well by all means either post more about your thoughts and stuff here, or make another thread with them specifically, exploring specific topics at length.
What's the alleged source of your troubles? Money? Women? Health? Boredom? The perceived pointlessness of life? All of them can be very much mastered, and done so cheerfully, if approached mindfully and patiently. So do tell.
Or even if you don't know clearly what the problem is exactly, still speak freely about your life, unloading your thoughts from the back of your head into the front (here, or on paper). This will give away the game. At least some (if not most) of your worrying, you'll find is either about things that are easy to fix, or impossible to fix and so worrying is completely misplaced there. As soon as you start unloading and engaging these issues, solutions have already started to move your way.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Trippinhighman
kill the flux



Registered: 06/04/12
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Re: My struggle with nicotine addiction [Re: Spacerific]
#20666949 - 10/06/14 03:04 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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dude all of your posts are tl;dr
I've smoked maybe the equivalent of 2-3 packs of cigs in my life (21 y/o). Can't seem to enjoy them at all. I also look at it like if im gonna put smoke in my lungs I better get fuckin high. Cigs just seem like a waste of money I dunno.
If i'm tripping then cigs are pretty fuckin great.
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