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Offlinesleepysmoker
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Registered: 01/08/03
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spiritual blockage(sort of)
    #2064006 - 11/02/03 01:09 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

ok, this isnt really asking any qeistions or anything. its just something id like to get off of my mind, and maybe see what other people think about it.

about a year ago i sort of permanetly shifted into a deeper level of conciousness. I quickly realized how i was on a completely different level of understanding than anyone else around me.  i was all of the sudden happier than i had ever been before, more confident, and just more open to everything around me. people started looking up to me, and lots of beautiful girls were finally, once again, paying attention to me. after a while everything slowly sort of wore off, and i was again seen as just anothe normal teenager. i still have that deeper understanding, which i was quick to realize wasnt at all very deep, but i cant seem to get that sence of wholeness that is so wonderfully connected with happiness, confidence, and pretty much everything else good. i read this book called Handbook To Higher Conciousness, but i havent tried very hard to follow what they talk about. i have also sort of gotten into meditation, but i only seem to do it once or maybe twice a week at the most. i have horrible problems with motivation, as i always have. i guess what im looking for is a little inspiration, but now that i just said that it probably wouldn't help at all, but oh well. im wondering/hoping that my only problem is with motivation. it certainly seems that way, but who knows.

i have been planning on making an ayahuasca brew for the past 3 weeks, but just havent got around to doing it, lol. im hoping to maybe learn something from that. maybe itll show me just how much i need to get off of my ass.

this post should probably be under the support group section, but to me its sort of a spiritual block, and id like to especially hear what the people who spend time in this forum have to say.

sorry for wasting your time :confused:

matt 


Edited by sleepysmoker (11/02/03 01:36 AM)


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OfflineRedNucleus
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: sleepysmoker]
    #2064039 - 11/02/03 01:30 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I wouldn't have read it if it was in the support group. don't apologize for wasting time man. Your post is really interesting, and I want to know more about what you're saying, and look into it. I experience changes in my thought patterns from time to time- rejecting religion and ceasing to rely on attempts to gain divine inspiration for instance, has been a big positive change in my life. However, changes in my sober consciousness like the type you're talking about; brought on by the mind bending effects of drugs; have most often been somewhat dysphoric for me. Getting inspirations and disoriented unfamiliar feelings is where most of my drug enjoyment comes from. I'm not making sense, too many ideas in little space. I'm tired.


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Offlinesleepysmoker
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: RedNucleus]
    #2064074 - 11/02/03 02:03 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

no no, that made good sense. weed is really the only drug that has changed my thinking in any way. ive done lots of mushrooms, but they dont seem to have as deep of a trip as weed does for me. its hard to explain what it exactly does to me, but i guess it just sort of tears away at my ego, leaving me in a very vulnerable, deep level of awareness. the change in my sober consciousness was brought about mainly with weed, but there were definitely other factors. i had recentely gotten over some pretty bad depression, i had gotten my license a week earlier, i was reading lots of psychology texts, and i was listening to a lot of real deep rap. id say a combination of all of these things, and the want for this deeper knowledge were the main factors in this change.

the whole motivation thing, affects almost every part of my life. pretty much all i do at home is sit here reading messageboards and playing video games. i dont usually try in school, and have been putting off getting a job for the past year. ill be getting one in a week or two, soi can finally get a car. im thinking the job will help a little. lol, i think im pretty young to be posting on this board.

a list of all that is effected
1.meditation
2.drumming
3.school work
4.job
5.meeting new people
6.cleaning my shit up and getting rid of everything i have no use for
7.excerise and eating right

i want to change how all this stuff is in my life, but its weird how i never do. some of it wouldnt even take that much effort at all. i think im gonna smoke a bowl and think about it.  :grin: 

lol, i need to grow up.


Edited by sleepysmoker (11/02/03 02:08 AM)


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OfflineZenGecko
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: sleepysmoker]
    #2064262 - 11/02/03 05:04 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I experienced something like you. The short version of the story is this. I have always been interested in philosophy and such, and in recent years enlightenment and eastern thought, also physics, and have been doing alot of thinking in the last few years about all the big questions and had begun to start believing in the oneness of everything and all that, and forming various theories surrounding that priniciple, then i tripped for the first time, most of that was a good time, then i thought i was going insain then i thought i might be dead and then i was sure i was dead but anyways i learned alot and near the end of the trip i suddenly had an epiphany a moment i can only describe as similar to kensho in Zen, where in one moment istead of thinging or beiliving things were one way or another like i had been, i knew it, i knew it as much as i know i'm typing this now, anyways it was cool but i eventually kinda just dismissed it because it was drug induced and then a few months later i was reading the 3 pillars of Zen and i started thinking back on that first trip quite alot while continueing to read, eventually i felt compelled to start meditating, i had done it occasionally in the past but not seriously, after about a week or less of meditating for about an hour every night i woke up one day, and during the course of the day i noticed that something was different, i started looking around...the light level changed, everything was somehow more real then it was a moment ago and i noticed that everything was different yet the same, not sure how but i knew it was, infact it all literally looked different and felt different but still the same (i know that doesnt make sense), and all of a sudden a feeling swept over me unlike anything i had even ever concieved of and i just knew how everything was, and that everything is excatly how it should be and there was never anything to fear. Anyways for about two weeks i was in a state of afterglow and near complete fearlessness and increased confidence, and everything continued to look different, it was as if everything i was seeing i was seeing for the first time and seeing it as it truely is, after a few weeks the afterglow mostly faded but i kept most of the experience(and the fearlessness and confidence) and though in the six months or so since that one momemnt it has faded and platued somewhat, i have kept the jist of it, enough so that everything still looks different, and if ever it doesnt upon realizing it doesnt anymore i can instantly (somehow) shift my conscienceness and make it go back to looking different, seeing a movie in the theater is especially trippy now but anyways, if you've had an experience anything like i'm describing be thankful and whenever you feel a blockage remember it, and meditate also, i've found that it helps maintain the new awareness and reinforces it, but i wouldnt expect to ever feel exactly or as much as you did in that moment, few i think are ever that lucky just be thankful that you experienced that grace. And finally, do your best to just let go, and realize you already have what your looking for, do that (harder then it sounds) and just try to realize that everything is exactly as it should be...and enjoy it. Also if you had any insights try to incorporate those into your daily life the more you can do that the more it will reinforce everything. In my lil moment of lucidity i realized a great deal and am still trying to incorporate it all and exercise it in daily life, but in that one moment i was changed and for the better i'd say.
Sincerely,
That which is and has no choice but to be
P.S. Drugs can be helpful but meditation will likely yeild more stable and lasting results in the long run. Also i've seen way trippier shit meditating then on any drug, but actually you should ignore hallucinations and be skeptical of any insights, but keep pushing forward past delusions, and like i said, just let go, of everything, even enlightenment. (i'm still working on all that myself)Above all be paitent.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: sleepysmoker]
    #2064373 - 11/02/03 07:17 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Hey man, I know exactly what you are talking about. The deeper understanding. The fact that you said you read Handbook to Higher Consciousness reassures me. :grin:

I'd say actively work that shit back into your everyday. That book is full of good stuff. It really tied in a lot of things that I had already discovered on my own through different sources and my own experience. I love that fucking book!! hehe
Peace.


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If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: sleepysmoker]
    #2064758 - 11/02/03 01:10 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Sounds to me like you just reached a plateu of sorts...

You reached a new peak, and it felt great, amazing, magnificient. But then something happened to dull that feeling, which you didn't mention.. but could be any number of things. It's probably not even a bad thing either...

Relax, nothing is wrong with you. This is completely normal. You just got bored with your new insights, and/or took them for granted, but perhaps you realized that there is more yet to understand before that state can be a perpetual one. You got a sample of it, and for whatever reason, reverted back to the normal? thought process. Again, this is nothing to be worried about. Spiritual 'blockages', when they do occur, just show us where we have problems that need 'clearing'.

You speak of lacking motivation, which could mean a blockage in the solar plexus chakra. Inspiration comes from within the higher self. Perhaps what happened is you opened your third eye and/or crown chakras, before your lower chakras were fully functional, resulting in temporary 'enlightenment'.. but because there was no solid foundation to build on, it came tumbling down. That's pretty common.

What I can suggest is definitely meditation.. as much as you can spare, in any form that you can. Just focus your mind. This is an all around helper. It will make it easier for you when you actually visualize and interact with your spiritual body.

Grounding yourself, that is, by visualizing an actual spiral of light coming from your root chakra and going deep, deep into the Earth. Imagine it changing colors and see how they work for you.. use the color you feel most comfortable with at the current moment.
When you are comfortable with this, you should feel more secure and in the present. This is something we should all do at least once a day in the morning, if not several times throughout the day to accomodate different moods and attitudes.

Check your aura. It's not hard, close your eyes and "see" the magnetic field surrounding your body. It should be of a solid color and evenly shaped. If there are ridges, or choppiness, or black, or anything that is not "clean and clear".. go ahead and balance it out.. flush the aura and fill it with new color. "push and pull" all the edges so that they are all even.. in front of you, above you, behind you, underneath you, to the sides... The aura should extend a foot or a little more from your body. you will find in some places it will be very close to the body or very far away.. make them all fairly even.

Then you're going to want to visualize a golden sun above your head. Make sure you are well grounded and your aura is clear. Imagine the Earth energies coming up the groundind cord you made, at the same time begin receiving a stream of warm energy from the golden sun.. it would enter the top of your head or crown chakra, and flow through your chakra system..following three paths.. one would go straight down through your chakras and into the Earth.. two would branch off down your arms and fingers. Feel this energy flowing through you, clearing blockages with its golden healing light.. merging with Earth energy in your body, and creating a harmonious interaction in your system. Focus on your intention of healing and clearing any blockages that exist within the system.

Aside from that, all I can suggest is to meditate whenever you feel the need. For inspiration do things that inspire you and that you enjoy. Inspiration comes from the creative force of our spirit, but that channel cannot be fully opened until the lower chakras are in harmony with one another. I call them a system because they are a system, one cannot be fully functional if none of the others are. They experience synergy.. the sum is more than the parts.

You simply opened a higher chakra without being properly grounded and balanced in the lower chakras. At least that's the way it sounds to me with the information you gave. Live and learn ya know.. and next time start with the bottom chakras and work your way up. I made the same mistake, several times. So don't worry, and you didn't waste anyone's time, I am more than happy to assist you. That's what we are here for.

Love and Light


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OfflineAldous
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: sleepysmoker]
    #2065450 - 11/02/03 05:21 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

You could probably use all of the above advice to positive effect. I'd only add one thing.

Get off the weed for a while. Obviously, you're into it (nickname, avatar, plus what you describe ("gonna smoke a bowl and think about it")). No wonder you get problems with motivation.

Of course, weed is a great drug and can be an enlightening tool. The best epiphanies I've had concerning my personal history were on weed, to name just that. But it does take its toll. Demotivation, laziness, lack of concentration, I guess you're familiar with those. And the bad news is: they don't wear off so quickly.

Now for the good news: it's very easy to lay it off, at least for me it was. I quit my daily use without any trouble, then took it back up out of pure desire, and on and off for a while. Now I just sip on the occasional joint that passes through my hands (but then, I'm not in high school anymore, they're not around me all day), but I don't buy weed anymore. If I have some at home, I'll smoke everyday.

Just try it if you can, and if you really wish to gain back motivation. But weed, to me, is definitely the cause.


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Offlinesleepysmoker
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: Aldous]
    #2065587 - 11/02/03 06:20 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)



shroomism- thank you for those suggestions, i will definitely try it all out. i think that stuff about opening a higher chakra without my lower ones being fully functional was right on. udually when i meditate i dont focus on all the chakra and light stuff, but i will definitely give it a try.

fireworks god- hell yeah, that book is awsome. i suggest that everyone who wants to know themselves better read it.

aldous- i just started blazing two nights ago after 8 weeks of not doing it. i have always had problems with motivation. im sure the weed doesnt help any, but i am naturally a pretty lazy person.

zen- thank you, that was an interesting and helpful read. your experiences sound a lot like mine.

its kind of weird how i posted all this stuff right around the time i started doing weed again. it wasnt on purpose. i also just finished this teen court program for getting a citation, and im now looking for a job. maybe theres a big change coming up, and i unconsciously needed insight from other spiritual people, lol. who knows. its nice having everyone here to talk with. none of my family or friends are into this stuff.

matt


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OfflineZenGecko
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Re: spiritual blockage(sort of) [Re: sleepysmoker]
    #2069062 - 11/04/03 12:28 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I'll add also that i agree with the "give weed a break" statement. When i was smoking regularly it was the only time i got depressed in my entire life and for the most part i blame the weed, but then i never seemed to get many of the good side effects just the bad. But having said that, maybe in fact i should be praising the weed, because if i wouldn't have hit that new low, and all my lines of thought become chaotic and never working themselves out, i may have never experienced that illumination once i stopped smoking for a awhile and then started meditating. IT went like this... I'm always thinking and have alot of lines of thought going on almost constantly and eventually they are forgotten or terminate in some conclusion but during this period that seemed to not be happening, and it just became overwhelming, after i stopped smoking for awhile, there came a day when i realized, "AH ok this is how i remember feeling before the weed, ok good everything is back to normal", started meditating shortly after, and after doing that for awhile i woke up one day, and blew way past normal, and mostly been there ever since. Good luck to you
Sincerely,
That which is and has no choice but to be


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