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anyone else have problems opening up to people? well, i sure do
Maybe its my past telling me what happens when i do open up, or maybe its that i don't want to (or im scared to) admit it to myself?
Sometimes I REALLY want to open up again, to admit to myself, as well as the people i care for what it is im really feeling. I get to the point where I feel like I should, and I revert to a self defense mechanism... I turn it off (or at least ignore it) and write myself off as a RETARD... because I know whats happened in the past, and I don't want to get hurt again (more likely, I don't want to hurt myself again).
How does one trust what they feel when it has caused so much pain? How can I accept what I feel when I don't even understand what it? Why do I even debate this anymore? I should know by now that I just don't open up to ANYONE. I haven't been able to in a long time, and ive become comfortable with that fact.
So why is it so hard to accept it this time?
not really looking for answers to these questions... just laying them on the table Its not that life is even all that bad right now, im happy (for once), and im very much enjoying my opertunities and experiences. I wont open up now, I cant (im not even sure I remember how), but I cant help but hear a whisper in my soul screaming at me to allow it.
Getting hurt will happen again, but if you never open up you'll be lonely.
I suggest opening up, waking up. You may have not even noticed someone trying to get through to you as you ignore it. I've been on the shit end of that situation, it sucks man, especially if love is involved. If you do open up, the quality of life for you will be so much better, and you'll have plenty of people close to you... so that if you are hurt, you can talk to the people you still have. If you never open up, you'll never have anyone for support.
Life is beautifully fucked up. But it's a whole lot better, in the long run, to go through it with open eyes.
Most likely the cause of your introverted behavior lies in past experiences with you opening up and being hurt/taken advantage of by people.. stop me if I'm wrong.. causing you to 'shut down' your ..heart communication.. perhaps leading to an imbalance in the heart and throat chakras if you believe in that sort of thing...
The solution? Well there's certainly no magic pill or one step solution.. but it probably lies in a variety of aspects in your life. First determine what it is you are trying to 'open up' and express...to who and for what reasons. Is it to heal relationships? Form a tighter bond? Or just allow you to get some things off your chest? There could be millions of reasons.. figure it out.
We are all shaped by past experiences. I too had/have a problem 'opening up' to people.. even those I am closest with and love the most. I used to not even be capable of showing emotion... because I simply "flicked the switch" and turned it off.. and put up a huge, twenty foot thick brick wall...
Tear down the wall. It only hinders you. Let people know how you feel. You don't have to start off with your deepest feelings.. start plain and simple. As you begin to open up to people, you will see how they react, if they will open to you, a trust will be formed. The more trust you gain, the deeper you can go. You will find out through this process who you can really trust with your feelings.
You need to go through and erase those 'bad memories' of past experiences where people hurt you when you opened up. Well, you don't have to erase them per se..just acknowledge them at the least.. know that they are there.. identify what the root of the problem is. Know that not everyone will hurt you, and even those people that did may have done so simply out of ignorance. Form new experiences to replace the old ones.
Yeah, it's not as simple as snapping your fingers.. but it can be done. Start small and work your way up. Tell people how you feel about even the most trivial shit. Those you care about, and care about you, will recognize your attempts at opening new avenues of communication, and a tighter bond and trust will likely follow.
Just follow your heart and don't let your ego/past bad experiences taint your present. Move forward.
I feel simillarly a lot of the time. Although i will share parts of myself with people... to really express who i am is a task which i cant come to grips with. every time i think about it, i think about all the bad times that this has happened to me. You know what im talking about, those humiliating feelings, thinking people are laughing at you... or not even that... I never have been able to figure out exactly where it came from. But most of the time, i feel my insides are almost like stones... hardened from the long emotional winters. Im afraid to open up to people... i just dont see why i should waste my time with people who wouldnt give me the time of day. A lot of times i find myself being a smart ass.... but such a smart ass people wouldnt realize, and sometimes i do it where they would notice... and i dont care. Maybe its the bitterness... learned habbits, but ive tried to learn to now put that bad energy back out into the world. Not that i dont... or that i feel better because i dont do it. But i think it forces me to come to grips with these issues. When it comes to relationships though, after my last one, im totally fried. A carbon residue, who knows not who is who.