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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Slipping..
    #2052366 - 10/29/03 01:29 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

My problems are.. so trivial, so stupid, why the fuck do they bother me so much.. why am I completely unable to get rid of this..

Yes, I am drunk, and I probably shouldn't be posting, but.. I can't help it. Today was my first real run in a couple weeks..been having so much trouble, breaking down and being really depressed and crying...

WHY can it not go away!? Why do I have to feel so fucking uncomfortable all the time in social situations...? I cannot get rid of it.. and I just crave.. being around other people, but I can't handle it properly when I am...

Now.. with these stupid fucking problems, silly, trivial problems.. I'm driving all of my friends away, I know it.. everyone. The only thing that keeps me sane is my very few friends.. I was very close, in a period of about one year when I had no friends whatsoever. Not only that.. but I know I'm driving away a recent friend who actually make me feel good about myself.. and even happy.. which i haven't been for 19 years.

Why can't I get rid of it.. why.. I was driving along a freeway today, and I think I got really close, really close.. I saw a really large canyon, and I thought that I might be able to drive over it. Not for long, of course.. not for long.. I did realise my sister was in the car, and it passed quickly. Oh, fuck.. it scares me so much.. I need to do.. something.


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Offlinecanid
irregular meat sprocket
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/26/02
Posts: 11,794
Loc: looking for zeebras, n. c...
Last seen: 3 months, 22 days
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2052473 - 10/29/03 02:00 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

it'll get better bro, and there are things you can do to help it.
try a change of view. break away from something that is causing problems, even if only for a while. take a breath, and wait til you feel better about things before trying to fix them all all over again.

times are tough for everyone, and seemingly more so lately, but we will all do well if only we keep going.


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Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2054034 - 10/29/03 05:32 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I'm considering deleting this. No one seems to care, and why should they? I had a momentary thought of suicide, realised that it was stupid, and that it would be a coward's way out, and then decided not to. Then I went for a run and got really drunk afterwards. If I can just hold off these annoying emotions of mine until the end of the second semester of school, I'll be alright, because then I'll actually have something to focus my mind on.


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Invisiblezeta
Stranger

Registered: 05/25/02
Posts: 3,972
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2054932 - 10/29/03 10:36 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Don't do anything rash, I care about you. If you didn't live 14,400km away I know we would be great friends.  :wink:


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Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,807
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 4 hours, 43 minutes
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2055714 - 10/30/03 02:10 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

"My problems are.. so trivial, so stupid, why the fuck do they bother me so much.."

i feel the same way...for me, its always the little shit that throws me off into downward spiral, but when it comes to big, serious shit happening it hardly bothers me at all! i dont get this...ill get all pissed off and depressed to the point of insanity over a traffic ticket, but when it comes to something, like say 2 of my family members dying within a month, its like im bummed for like a day or so, then back to normal...i dont get this at all... :frown:

"I'm considering deleting this. No one seems to care, and why should they?"

if i learned one thing in the past year or so hanging out at the shroomery, its that the people here DO care...i consider most people on here like family to me, weather they realize it or not...this is the one place i feel i can come to talk about my problems with out the fear of being judged...

id like to tell you that things will get better, and they usually do...but the way things are going right now, with so much negativity in the world around us, it makes any kind of progress extremely difficult...i think we are all in for some real heavy shit in the very near future.... :frown:

just try to keep your head up man....we care about you, we are your friends....if you ever feel the need to talk on a more personal level, feel free to drop me a pm sometime...im always glad to do what i can to help out a fellow human being in distress.... 


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how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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OfflineSanityIsOvrRated
Live for Today

Registered: 10/23/03
Posts: 218
Loc: NY
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2061630 - 10/31/03 09:56 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

((((((HUGS)))))))

I don't know what to say. :frown:  I feel the same way.  And as for it being "stupid trivial" stuff, it always is.  For example, I'm at school in New York, and I hate it.  I have no friends here, I'm spending Halloween in my room, alone, and I'm fucking up in all my classes because I just don't care anymore. 

I'm actually an optimist though.  It's pretty fucked up.  Once this semester is over, I'm heading back to Georgia, and hopefully things will be better.  I'll have one less thing to worry about.  Look at your life and see if there is just ONE small trivial thing you can "fix."  I made peace with my mom and now have a place to live next semester.  Buy yourself an uplifting CD.  Meditate once a week.  Go for a walk every day.  Anything you can do that makes you feel happy, even if only for a few minutes, do it.

Good luck.


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InvisibleShroomismM
Space Travellin
Male User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 64,876
Loc: 9th Dimension Flag
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2061982 - 11/01/03 01:29 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Hey man.. first of all...relax.

Take it easy.. breathe..

You're problems are not trivial.. if they are bothering you so much, then you need to deal with them. You need to look inside for some insight into your problem.. what causes you to be uncomfortable in social situations? What do you do exactly that drives people away? Search inside for the answers, look deep into yourself. Evaluate and analyze.

Things may suck right now, they may suck horribly to the point where you think you can't even handle them. Don't despair! Things WILL get better. If you dwell on the negative if will only make it worse. You just need to focus on making some positive changes, starting with your attitude/thought process/disposition.

Find a hobby.. do something you enjoy.
I would highly recommend meditation.. whether it be sitting in your room staring at a candle, humming a mantra, or just staring off into space with nothing but your thoughts.. you need to focus your mind. By the simple act of practicing focusing your thoughts, it will become easier to actually control them in whatever direction you desire.

Find your inner peace.. find your zen. Your life is not out of your hands and any problems that may arise are only TEMPORARY. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Face your problems, face your fears with positivity and love with the intention of learning from them and overcoming them. This is not out of your grasp.

Perhaps you seek the presence of other people to avoid issues within yourself that you are running from. Stop running. Deal with your inner turmoil directly, and you may find that your social interactions with others will improve as you improve. You must heal within first, before you focus on external relationships.

I have been in your same position at many times in my life, and I thought there was no way out. It does seem that way.. but that is not the case. YOU ARE A SOVEREIGN AND WONDERFUL BEING CAPABLE OF INCREDIBLE THINGS. Find your love and love yourself. Love yourself. It is the only way. Depression allows us to see things within ourselves that need healing, you can choose to dwell on them and live in a pit of misery and despair..or break free from the cycle and focus on making positive change.

I wish you all the happiness I can muster, and send all my positive energy in your direction. If you want to talk privately my PMs are open or you may find me on AIM at Shroomismzen.

be strong!
Love and Light


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OfflineDoublethink
lost cause
Male
Registered: 03/27/02
Posts: 182
Loc: PDX, OR
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2064294 - 11/02/03 05:31 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

It might help if you could narrow down what your problem is. I've been feeling the same lately but I've sort of figured out my problem.. haven't been able to solve it, but just knowing what it is helps. It also helps if you can see a psychologist/counselor/whatever. If you are in college you might even be able to see one on campus for free (schools around here have that).. otherwise it is sometimes very expensive but some psychologists work on a sliding scale based on your income or can work out a payment plan, etc.


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InvisibleRipple
Ripple
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/16/02
Posts: 21,014
Loc: the timbers of Fennario
Re: Slipping.. [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2064490 - 11/02/03 09:56 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

People do care, I care....This community cares..........

Your feeling are not at all trivial or stupid and just because you had a momentary thought of taking your life means your just like everyone else. As long as those feelings don't re-emerge. Try to find something to focus your energy on! Have you ever tried meditation?


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The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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Offlinecanid
irregular meat sprocket
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/26/02
Posts: 11,794
Loc: looking for zeebras, n. c...
Last seen: 3 months, 22 days
Re: Slipping.. [Re: Ripple]
    #2064506 - 11/02/03 10:13 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

well said ripple :smile:.

CSG; you know we are all supportive of eachother around here. stay up bro, the harsh things in life don't deserver that kind of satisfaction.


--------------------



Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
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Amazon Shop: Scales

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