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OfflineAzure Essence
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 8,272
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Last seen: 7 months, 29 days
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Asante] * 2
    #20515378 - 09/03/14 04:48 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

RALLY DOG!!



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OfflineAzure Essence
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 8,272
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 7 months, 29 days
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Azure Essence] * 3
    #20516160 - 09/03/14 07:38 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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OfflineAzure Essence
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 8,272
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Last seen: 7 months, 29 days
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Azure Essence]
    #20516609 - 09/03/14 09:16 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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Offlinehidenseek1
Its got all the dinks.
Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 5,423
Loc: poop
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Azure Essence] * 2
    #20516726 - 09/03/14 09:41 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

some copy pasta

Now, I'm sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.

Okay, here's the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit's teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming "SHIT! SHIT!". Now, my good friend, Tom we'll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting "FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN'T GET IT! FUCK!". By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.

Here's the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, 'Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I'm... I'm FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.

And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he jut fucked up big time because his mom isn't defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.

I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

I'm not really HIV Positive, but that little shit must've gotten in a fuckheap of trouble.


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You can drink at 7 A.M., because the Beastie Boys fought for that right
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pons asinorum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
lsd and the vietnam war changed music forever


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Offlinehidenseek1
Its got all the dinks.
Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 5,423
Loc: poop
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: hidenseek1] * 3
    #20516783 - 09/03/14 10:00 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

An Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair.

He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. so he shouts over to the bartender loudly enough that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there".

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The Arab asks the bartender, "What's the hell is the matter with that Jew?
I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly bugger does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/religion/jews/an-arab-walks-into-a-bar-and-is-about-to-1583129#ixzz3CJelt6V1


--------------------
You can drink at 7 A.M., because the Beastie Boys fought for that right
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pons asinorum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
lsd and the vietnam war changed music forever


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OfflineAzure Essence
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Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 8,272
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 7 months, 29 days
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: hidenseek1]
    #20516957 - 09/03/14 10:46 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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Offlinehidenseek1
Its got all the dinks.
Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 5,423
Loc: poop
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: hidenseek1]
    #20516958 - 09/03/14 10:47 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



--------------------
You can drink at 7 A.M., because the Beastie Boys fought for that right
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pons asinorum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
lsd and the vietnam war changed music forever


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Offlinehidenseek1
Its got all the dinks.
Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 5,423
Loc: poop
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: hidenseek1]
    #20517025 - 09/03/14 11:04 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

A Catholic Priest was disheartened at his empty church every Sunday, especially as the Mosque was packed at every call to prayer.
"What am I doing wrong?" He asked the Mullah.
"Well what happens to a Catholic when they die?" Said the Mullah.
"They spend eternity in heaven in the company of God, Jesus, the virgin Mary, and all the saints the angels," replied the priest.
"Ah, there's your problem," answered the Mullah, " only one virgin."


--------------------
You can drink at 7 A.M., because the Beastie Boys fought for that right
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pons asinorum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
lsd and the vietnam war changed music forever


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Offlinehidenseek1
Its got all the dinks.
Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 5,423
Loc: poop
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: hidenseek1] * 2
    #20517028 - 09/03/14 11:04 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK
01. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
02. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
03. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
04. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
05. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
06. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
07. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
08. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
09. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF


--------------------
You can drink at 7 A.M., because the Beastie Boys fought for that right
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pons asinorum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
lsd and the vietnam war changed music forever


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OfflineAdamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: hidenseek1]
    #20517080 - 09/03/14 11:16 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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Offlinehidenseek1
Its got all the dinks.
Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 5,423
Loc: poop
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: hidenseek1] * 2
    #20517082 - 09/03/14 11:17 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.
Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'S#ite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'S#ite and double s#ite!'
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
'Jaysus... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into
the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?'
Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was pi$$ed. But how'd you know?'
'Mick phoned, you left your wheelchair at the pub.


--------------------
You can drink at 7 A.M., because the Beastie Boys fought for that right
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pons asinorum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
lsd and the vietnam war changed music forever


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OfflineAdamist
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist] * 1
    #20517088 - 09/03/14 11:19 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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OfflineAdamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist]
    #20517090 - 09/03/14 11:19 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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InvisibleFloydseamus
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Registered: 05/20/02
Posts: 1,951
Loc: Long Island Flag
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist]
    #20517093 - 09/03/14 11:21 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

:zomgzomgzomg:


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OfflineAdamist
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist] * 2
    #20517106 - 09/03/14 11:24 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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OfflineAdamist
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist] * 3
    #20517110 - 09/03/14 11:25 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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OfflineAdamist
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist] * 1
    #20517115 - 09/03/14 11:25 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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OfflineAdamist
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist]
    #20517118 - 09/03/14 11:26 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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Edited by Adamist (09/05/14 12:54 AM)


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OfflineAdamist
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist] * 6
    #20517137 - 09/03/14 11:29 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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OfflineAdamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
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Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 4 [Re: Adamist]
    #20517142 - 09/03/14 11:31 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)



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