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danlennon3
LivingIsEasyWithEyesClosed.....



Registered: 10/29/02
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Loc: usa
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How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes 1
#20452129 - 08/21/14 01:27 AM (9 years, 6 months ago) |
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I have had the same group of friends since grade school. We were always a tight knit group and as we grew older, we slowly grew apart... Which I know is a completely normal thing as people age. Over 3 years ago I moved down by the shore. Other than the summers, it absolutely SUCKS to live down here. The last couple summers, not many of my friends came to visit me. This summer I truly thought was going to be different. I had a close friend commit suicide in June. I have never been so depressed and hurt in my entire life (and I have been struggling with depression on and off all my life). I tried to reach out to my friends and practically begged them to come down to visit me, even if it was just once or twice during the summer... And yet again I spent a summer down here alone. These friends live less than an hour away.
I just dont think I can let this slide anymore. They knew I was SEVERELY depressed. Im not the type of person to bring other people down when I feel down. It makes me SO happy when someone comes to visit me. The summer is almost over. I dont know what to think of these people who I have called my friends. As much as I think about suicide, I would NEVER do such a selfish thing to the people I love... But at the same time, when Im feeling this depressed I sometimes wonder why I suffer so deeply, and question why I go on with my life to not hurt others with such a selfish act like suicide.
Are these people truly my friends?
-------------------- "Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"
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infected_2

Registered: 08/09/11
Posts: 844
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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: danlennon3] 1
#20453802 - 08/21/14 12:29 PM (9 years, 6 months ago) |
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they could be as equally depressed, sat at home waiting for someone to visit. Have you offered to go them instead of the other way round?
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Citizen X
Buzz Killinton

Registered: 01/19/14
Posts: 7,843
Loc: Djibouti
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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: infected_2] 1
#20454391 - 08/21/14 02:55 PM (9 years, 6 months ago) |
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That what I was thinking too?
And get some help for depression, you don't have to go it alone. There's a ton of things you can do. I would consult with a doctor, or two. Depression I guess can be quite tricky, you have get some treatment, and I'm also thinking you might be dealing with anxiety as well.
Talk to a doctor, I think it could help
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Acidreamer
altered ego



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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: Citizen X] 1
#20472714 - 08/24/14 11:12 PM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."
But in response to your question, I'm sorry to hear about your friend's suicide and your depression. It sounds like maybe your other friends aren't as invested in sustaining committed friendships with you. I don't know whether that's really a matter of forgiveness, or more of being able to move on and end the friendship with love in your heart for them. If that feels wrong, you could always broach the subject of whether they feel like there's still a connection between you and if so, how to revive it.
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Shaw


Registered: 06/27/01
Posts: 2,257
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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: Acidreamer] 1
#20474191 - 08/25/14 10:38 AM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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suicide is selfish, but living with severe depression is horrible. at least your friend is no longer depressed. i really hate it when someone suicides without tying up the loose ends. leaving questions and chaos isn't fair to anyone. your friends are probably trying to keep their lives together and may not feel they can take the time away from keeping their heads above water. everyone is fighting their own battles. there are people around somewhere that want to be friends. they may not be your age, or in the demographic you expect, but there are friends to be had. you just have to find them. good luck man.
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danlennon3
LivingIsEasyWithEyesClosed.....



Registered: 10/29/02
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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: Shaw]
#20477310 - 08/25/14 10:34 PM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
infected_2 said: they could be as equally depressed, sat at home waiting for someone to visit. Have you offered to go them instead of the other way round?
I go up there all the time. Whenever one of my friend asks to hang out sometime, we plan it and I come up to visit.
Quote:
Shaw said: suicide is selfish, but living with severe depression is horrible. at least your friend is no longer depressed. i really hate it when someone suicides without tying up the loose ends. leaving questions and chaos isn't fair to anyone. your friends are probably trying to keep their lives together and may not feel they can take the time away from keeping their heads above water. everyone is fighting their own battles. there are people around somewhere that want to be friends. they may not be your age, or in the demographic you expect, but there are friends to be had. you just have to find them. good luck man.
Yea my friend didnt tell anyone and it was out of the blue Im happy hes no longer in pain, but it still hurts when I think about what happened.
-------------------- "Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"
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Konyap

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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: danlennon3]
#20491034 - 08/28/14 09:52 PM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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you can forgive someone without trusting them
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: Konyap]
#20491040 - 08/28/14 09:54 PM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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Also I've lost 3 or 4 extremely close friends and family members I'd say as well.
Men are just like girls sometimes, they can't let shit slide past their ego.
All men are bastards
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Ped
Interested In Your Brain



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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: danlennon3]
#20491120 - 08/28/14 10:19 PM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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Whether they are true friends or not, if you take care to keep a compassionate mind toward them, you will be insulated from whatever disappointments might otherwise be forthcoming. I'm sorry you are so depressed. Suicidal ideation is painful and scary, even when you're confident the act is off-limits for you. Is it practical for you to find someone to talk to about your traumatic experience with suicide?
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KornFloyd95
College kid



Registered: 08/29/14
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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: Ped]
#20496682 - 08/30/14 08:20 AM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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People do make mistakes. With depression it's so easy to assume that the world simply doesn't care if people don't initiate a conversation or seem interested in seeing you. I know all my friends rarely initiate a conversation, I'm almost always the one too. I have suffered from depression since age eleven, so eight long years of ups, downs, spiraling mood swings, and crying spells that seemed to drain the reason for living from my mind.
I can tell you that if you go out into the community and perhaps volunteer, join a club or group, etc, that it helps. Being alone is simply an easy way for your thoughts to take full control, and unfortunately in those of us who suffer from depression, our minds seek every chance it seems to make us miserable. You CAN control these thoughts though. When you find yourself thinking a negative thought, simply stop and replace it with a positive one. Look back on your entire life and make a list of your achievements, things that make you proud. 
Exercise also helps immensely. But as for your friends, I'm sure they don't mean to ignore you. Reach out to them, they might be going through tough times as well.
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Spacerific
- - - >



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Re: How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone For the Same Mistakes [Re: KornFloyd95] 1
#20516141 - 09/03/14 07:34 PM (9 years, 5 months ago) |
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OP, I have major, major issues with your world view.
These people didn't visit you because frankly, you're boring. A drag. I wouldn't visit you either, with the vibes you display here.
Explain a bit, what did you call them over for, specifically? Let's go camping? Let's get an awesome barbecue together? Come meet my awesome female cousins that just turned single? ANYTHING at all that would warrant getting out of one's house and spend time and gas money to get one's arse to your house?
Did you call them over for tripping, if they trip?
What was the alleged point of fun that they're allegedly called to share and partake in? "Come because I'm needy and unimaginative" is NOT a valid reason to call people over.
Before you start with the whole "you don't know what it's like" I will tell you I do know. I've been the depressed dude, the without friends dude, the stay indoors play videogames watch porn for years dude. I know very well about the depressed life. I had delusional expectations and wishful thinking just like you seem to display in this thread. It doesn't change one thing. People will follow fun and interest and good vibes. If you don't have any. then don't expect people to allow you to dump your emotional crap on them. If you did this kind of thing in the past, IMO that's just bad management.
Consider that you may have gathered a few poor quality friends. What are you going to do about it? Get out and find new ones, or just post here about it?
Also, about your depression, what exactly are you trying to do with your life? What projects, hobbies and activities are you involved in, to allow you to spend time outside your home and outside of the thoughts about your dead friends and other people that don't visit?
What constructive stuff do you fill your time with?
Are there no festivals nor gatherings nor parties where you live? Are there no Meetup meetings of any sorts? No picnics, dance, drumming sessions, martial arts clubs, NOTHING? What desert have you moved to?
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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