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 Lightningfractal
Nutcase
Registered: 06/24/03
Posts: 14,899
Loc: Heaven and Hell
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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 Christianity for kids. 
#2050114 - 10/28/03 09:48 AM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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(Taken from OTD.)
http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html
Check out professor Giraffenstein:
Q: "My friend Bomby The Bombardier beetle can shoot boiling-hot toxic chemicals out of his butt. Why?"
A: "God gave your friend that ability for defense against evil and as a testament against the false doctrine of evolution."
Do you think the beetle knows?
Oh and:
"If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!"
This is the type of nonsensical bullshit that turns my stomach about Christianity.
Christ must really fucking hate Christians.
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Hi how's it going, wanna kick Heroin basically painlessly on your own, in your own house, without any government "help" ,or the "help" of a crazy condescending, judgmental medical doctor? Read this:
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=42&Number=7342616&page=0&fpart=all
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Strumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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that isn't a JOKE?!
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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE
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MAIA
World-BridgerKartikeya (DftS)
 
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 7,396
Loc: Erra - 20 Tauri - M45 Sta...
Last seen: 3 months, 4 days
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Yes, that's lame. Youy know, sometimes when zaping, i watch a little of "church TV", a program made by people belonging to the catholic church, which they say, are new fresh air inside the institution, people with a more opened mind. Sometimes i discuss alone with the TV and what they say, then bang my head in sign of reprove of the many cultural and social values they want to impose. I respect any religion, i don't like to discuss beliefs, as they are different from person to person, i can accept that or better yet i can respect that. What i can't accept is pure stupidity, and when the priest on the TV says to the catholic parents to not permit their kids to watch Harry Potter movies because they promote evil thoughts and teach sorcery, that makes myself angry.
This kind of attitudes was what first made me run away from religion. If one is devoted to a specific religion, what should be done if one do not agree with a superior order or rule ? (Remember those people are representing the institution, they are 'god send' by the church, ministers of the faith.) What should one do then ?
Some obey like lambs.
Others don't obey and keep saying that the church sometimes is backwards but they still see themselves as believers and followers, they are not, that's the hard part when having faith in some religion, you can't just say yes to some commandments but then say no to others. Just believing in Christ and going to the church now and then, doesn't make you a catholic, if you want to be one of them you have to obey, blindly.
And the last kind, me included, which don't trick themselves with a pure waste of mental energy about something they don't truly believe, a conscientious state where being sincere with themselves and their beliefs is a prime objective.
MAIA
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Spiritual being, living a human experience ... The Shroomery Mandala
 
Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
Voltaire
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DoctorJ
Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: Strumpling]
#2050229 - 10/28/03 11:07 AM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!
Rat them out!!! Report them to big brother!! Then you'll get a shiny new merit badge from the Junior Spy League!
You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.
More reinforcement that everyone who is not a christian is evil.
And heaven forbid that a child actually TALKS to one of these people. They dont want kids to have rational conversations with someone from a different perspective. That might destroy the seeds of bigotry that have been so carefully sown in the minds of the youth! The only information that kids should have access to is biased dogma!!! Logical conversations are really just "tricks".
Quote:
Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.
More like very advanced brainwashing techniques!! Perhaps these people might be more easily approacable in the midst of some terrible life crisis, such as divorce or drug rehabilitation. Maybe thats why the clergy are always so involved in these things. Life shaking crises are the perfect opportunity to capitalize on the weakness in the dreaded athiest's defense mechanisms!!!
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 Lazerouth
Drunkard
Registered: 10/15/00
Posts: 1,091
Loc: England
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: DoctorJ]
#2050587 - 10/28/03 12:42 PM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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AHAHAHA
Hopsiah the kanga-jew! I hope I meet an australian jew before I forget that.
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ShrooomKing
Revolving
Registered: 09/12/03
Posts: 153
Loc: Returning to OZ...
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: Lazerouth]
#2050634 - 10/28/03 01:16 PM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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that was great
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A driver knows that it is not the road that is his biggest obstacle, rather it is the poles.
A great driver understands, the poles will always be there, and he must learn to adjust.
I can't keep doing this on my own... with all these... people. -daniel plainview
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hongomon
old hand
Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 910
Loc: comin' at ya
Last seen: 19 years, 11 months
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: Strumpling]
#2050683 - 10/28/03 01:44 PM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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I've had a hard time figuring that out, too. Ever since the God Flag (link in the left column) was posted here a while back. Go there and click on the "Have you accepted Christ yet?" link in the upper left. It's gotta be mockery... 
And then there's those trivia questions!
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,680
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 12 hours, 38 minutes
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i saw in a secular movie that T-rex was a vicious killing machine. is this true?
---No secular movies lie, T-rex was an herbivore its sharp teeth were used to shred plants...
...just as kitchen knives can be used for cutting carrots as well as steaks.
oh, ok....i see. that makes perfect sence, doesnt it kids?
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how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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Earth_Droid
Stranger
Registered: 04/19/02
Posts: 5,240
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
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Oh my god, I am reading down the page. This is horrible, the pictures make it worse. It is hilarious though too.
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caolite
Ambient Drone
Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 276
Loc: Second star on the right.
Last seen: 19 years, 10 months
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: Earth_Droid]
#2050901 - 10/28/03 02:57 PM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hehe now it is time to go shoot myself IN THE FUCKIN HEAD. I hate stupidity on this level....
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gnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 6 months, 8 days
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the prez (was it dubya or his dada?) said sumfin like: "an atheist cannot be a good american citizen" or somesuch BS...
gotta luve dem thumpers...
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old enough to know better
not old enough to care
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Funguy
Homo SapiensEntheogenous
Registered: 01/07/03
Posts: 2,415
Loc: Muffy
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: gnrm23]
#2050953 - 10/28/03 03:16 PM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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I just read over the site and I thought it was hilarious! "Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter." I know "Christians" who are even more bitter. That site is a sellout.
PS- Let me add that when I post a website that does not mean I agree with every single thing on there.
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OTD UNDERDOGS
Is attention your retarded heroin?
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Twirling
Barred Spiral
Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 2,468
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Quote:
Lightningfractal said:
Check out professor Giraffenstein:
holy shit, that giraffe is the most humorous thing I've seen all week!
"Professor, what are fossils and where did they come from?"
"Fossils are the buried remains of the wicked men and animals that perished 4,000 years ago in the flood"
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The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.
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Twirling
Barred Spiral
Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 2,468
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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The next big musical trend... ZOUNDS!
http://objective.jesussave.us/zounds.html
"Dawg... wuzzup with your 'stache?
There's been some talkin' 'bout my moustache. Some of you think it's a wack dye job, but that's straight up not true. Let me give you the 411 about my 'stache... Back in 1995, when I turned away from my former lifestyle and let Christ into my heart, His transforming power was so totally awesome that my hair turned grey -- almost overnight, no jawsin' -- but my moustache miraculously stayed black! I knew this had to be a sign from God... but what was He tryin' to tell me? After a lot of thinkin' and prayin' I worked it out: ya see, the grey hair represents the wisdom that God has given me with all that I have lived through, and the black hair represents my connection with youth. Since the youthful hair is over my mouth, that means He wants me to speak to the youths! It was then that I knew that God's plan for me was to found a youth ministry, to help guide kids away from the mistakes that I made when I was their age. And that's how Zounds was born!"
Lyrics for the song "Wacky Wica Chick":
In the suburbs of our town, there is a girl with a frown.
For her, Christ has no renown. Just a dude in a thorned crown.
Wacky, wacky Wicca chick.
Wacky! Wacky!
Her spells and charms are a trick.
Wacky, Wacky, Wacky!
Dabbles with the Satanic:
Tarot, ouija, and magick.
Wacky! Wacky! Wicca!
Mother Earth, Ishtar, Baal: yes, she claims to know them all.
Goes to a skyclad cabal, spends the Sabbat at the mall.
Wacky, wacky Wicca chick.
Wacky! Wacky!
Weirder than a Catholic.
Wacky, Wacky, Wacky!
Her "Blessed Be"'s just a shtick.
Her other car's a broomstick.
Wacky! Wacky! Wicca!
(Bass solo)
Her religion is a mess. She worships some strange Goddess.
But the Lord don't wear a dress. Now her soul is in distress.
Wacky, wacky Wicca chick.
Wacky! Wacky!
Ambiguously sapphic.
Wacky, Wacky, Wacky!
Heaven or Hell, gotta' pick.
Christ'll be back... Quick! Quick! Quick!
Wacky! Wacky! Wicca!
Wacky! Wacky! Wicca!
Wacky!
Wacky!
Wacky!
Wacky!
Wacky! Wacky! Wicca!
The "Objective Ministries" website denounces the Landover Baptist website, which is a known fake. It also has a link to "Christian Answers" under it's sponser banner. I'm not sold one way or another that it's real or fake.
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The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.
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DoctorJ
Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: Twirling]
#2051297 - 10/28/03 06:24 PM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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"Know your Atheist!
Your life may depend on it!
His eyes will be hidden by dark Tea Shades,
And his pants will be encrusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim
He will resist apprehension with every weapon at his disposal, including yours!"
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ceephax
Tapeworm
Registered: 10/08/03
Posts: 106
Loc: Gastrointestinal track
Last seen: 19 years, 9 months
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i think this is a joke website,
i haven't laughed this hard in a long time
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What am I saying? I'm not even Chinese!
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,680
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 12 hours, 38 minutes
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: Twirling]
#2052796 - 10/29/03 02:09 AM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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Since the youthful hair is over my mouth, that means He wants me to speak to the youths!
silly silly man, your wrong! the youthful hair over your mouth is not a sign to talk to youths, but rather a sign to suck our dicks! 
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how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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Lightningfractal
Nutcase
Registered: 06/24/03
Posts: 14,899
Loc: Heaven and Hell
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: Christianity for kids. [Re: wrestler_az]
#2053136 - 10/29/03 08:10 AM (20 years, 5 months ago) |
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He probably does that already, he don't need no sign for that mang! 
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Hi how's it going, wanna kick Heroin basically painlessly on your own, in your own house, without any government "help" ,or the "help" of a crazy condescending, judgmental medical doctor? Read this:
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=42&Number=7342616&page=0&fpart=all
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seraphim
pugilist andstamp licker
Registered: 07/31/00
Posts: 441
Loc: brooklyn, ny
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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trying to lose the monkey mind a little bit
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