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Offlinejahfeelirie
meatwad

Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 531
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please.
    #2002378 - 10/12/03 02:05 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I've been recapitulating experiences where I have found myself being untrue to... well... me. My inner self, my true being... whatever is appropriate.

In these experiences, I am faced with direct questions about my life by either myself or those close to me... and sometimes, because of residual self-awareness and self-confidence issues... the questions can come from anyone in general.  But thats a whole-other topic in itself.

When answering said questions, excuses, diversions, white lies aid to comfort and circumvent the real issues.  It is sort of a trick on my mind.  If i dont give the truth, then the truth isnt reality anymore.  I can give excuses about everything.

One example:

I have been in a relationship for 5 years, very steady... I love her very much... and we are a pretty good match as far as all that goes. 

Well, a very good, older friend of mine (used to be an art professor of mine) confronted me about our relationship now that I am out of college and in the 'rat race'.  The question was, why dont you two just move in together? 

Well, Id have to give a full on story of my life to answer that question.  Much of this residual programming that I am sorting through relates to women and morality... the typical bullshit you get
from the babyboomin, conservative catholic suburbia culture.  Typical for me at least :wink:

So, I answered his question in a few different ways... My girlfriend's obligations to other people to move in with them and my need for an office to do my 3d work in, etc.  The list could have chugged on forever.  But being the sage that this guy is, he goaded me about it and laughed at me a little.

So finally I just say, well... I guess I'm not ready for it yet.  Thats the real deal.

So, how easy was it for me to just say how i feel about it, rather than try to please the other person's ideas or cover up my insecurities with circular, fuzzy logic like that?  Too easy.

I guess I just try to remember this now, and be a more straight-shooter about my feelings... I don't know, but I think its a worthwhile subject to research.

so, whats your excuse? 


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my signature is too long


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,851
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 22 days, 14 hours
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: jahfeelirie]
    #2002386 - 10/12/03 02:10 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

jahfeelirie said:
so, whats your excuse?




My dog died...
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2002445 - 10/12/03 02:48 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I seem to have a bit of a problem with this too. Being straight-forward is not one of my greatest gifts, that's for sure. Someone told me once that I have an excuse for everything, which of course I then made an excuse for. :smirk:


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OfflineOook
Oook!

Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 533
Loc: England
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: adrug]
    #2002547 - 10/12/03 03:49 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

If we were meant to tell the truth they wouldnt have invented lie detectors.

Does avoiding the point/ not saying anything count as an excuse?


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Offlinejahfeelirie
meatwad

Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 531
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: Oook]
    #2002683 - 10/12/03 04:53 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Id say so.  You are excusing yourself of answering the question by playing aloof :wink:



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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: jahfeelirie]
    #2002690 - 10/12/03 04:58 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

The "real" reason? Excuses? dude I don't understand your angle on this..

The "real" reason is the same reason I would tell any girl - I simply don't want to be "committed" to one woman at least until I'm 30.


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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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Offlinejahfeelirie
meatwad

Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 531
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: Strumpling]
    #2003106 - 10/12/03 07:58 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Okay, thats your take on that example. My point wasnt whether or not I wanted to be living with my girlfriend just yet or not... It was a mind ramble about how many times I make excuses for myself in life and the wasted energy upholding those excuses.

So you're one of those wait till yer 30 and pick up a 20 year old eh?  :wink:


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OfflineNiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: jahfeelirie]
    #2003183 - 10/12/03 08:24 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I tend to dance around some issues as well, detail all the tiny secondary reasons for any given thing I've done and avoid the main or only significant factor. Like, in my most recent break up I listed all the smaller factors of why I wanted to leave him and see a different guy, but could have and should have just said "Look, I'm more attracted to him emotionally, spiritually and physically. When I saw him again I lost interest in you, I'm sorry." Of course that's too blatant and not nearly diplomatic enough for me. I really should stop dancing around the facts though, and just be totally honest.

Rather than being direct and honest I tried to explain my way out, I made a million excuses when I should have just said that I was no longer interested and that I was sorry about it all.

I think that's something I'm going to try and change.


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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: jahfeelirie]
    #2004253 - 10/13/03 02:39 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

ahh lol so you mean what's one's excuse for making excuses about things?


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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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Offlinejahfeelirie
meatwad

Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 531
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: Strumpling]
    #2004591 - 10/13/03 07:46 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

precisely :wink:


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Offlineunlikelyhero
Ramblin' Man

Registered: 12/31/02
Posts: 106
Loc: Lancaster (Uni), Darlingt...
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
Re: Whats the real reason? No more excuses, please. [Re: jahfeelirie]
    #2004733 - 10/13/03 10:28 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

This is weird because I've been thinking these exact thoughts myself recently. I thought I was very honest to myself but I often find myself bullshitting myself or telling white lies to people in order not to hurt them. This generally messes everything up for myself and others so it's obviously not the way to go. I just got out of a year relationship the other day and I don't know whether it's because I'm scared of commitment, like someone else, or it just wasn't working. All I know is that we worked really well up to a point.

UH


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They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference - Bill Hicks


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