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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of...
#19876851 - 04/21/14 05:42 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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So, just took my morning shit only to realize that my TP roll was gone.
...and i was out of more TP rolls... ...and i was out of paper towels... ...and i was out of napkins... ...
...
...
...
...
...so this morning was the first time i've ever whiped my ass with coffee filters...
ouch.
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Asante
Omnicyclion prophet


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,643
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: memes]
#19876857 - 04/21/14 05:45 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I would have done it with my left hand and washed it. You may be shocked but billions of people do it that way, literally. I never have but home alone its a good time to experience it.
Never give someone from India something with your left hand, for that reason.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Geomycostic
Floater

Registered: 02/09/14
Posts: 25
Loc: My mind
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: Asante]
#19876861 - 04/21/14 05:49 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Asante said:
Go take a shower prolly be the cleanest wipe u ever had hehe
-------------------- “The day science begins to study non-physical phenomena, it will make more progress in one decade than in all the previous centuries of its existence.” ~ Nikola Tesla
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: Geomycostic]
#19876867 - 04/21/14 05:54 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I've thought of using the hand, but just seems off to me. (obviously) i'd rather use a rough coffee filter (with spit! - still bad)
as far as the shower goes: that's my usual go-to for morning shits and/or really dirty shits. but i had to run pants out to the dry cleaners first thing so they could get 'em back tomorrow night -- which meant no time to shower
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shivas.wisdom
בּ



Registered: 02/19/09
Posts: 13,487
Loc: Turtle Island
Last seen: 14 hours, 1 minute
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: Asante]
#19876868 - 04/21/14 05:55 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Asante said: I would have done it with my left hand and washed it. You may be shocked but billions of people do it that way, literally. I never have but home alone its a good time to experience it.
believe it or not, this method results in a much cleaner butthole afterwards--you're actually cleaning with water, not just smearing shit up and down yer crack
should be considered a life skill
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NewfoundFreedom
Manure whore


Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 1,915
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: memes]
#19876875 - 04/21/14 06:01 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I installed one of these next to my toilet to use as a bidet.

I only use TP to dry off.
Spray with your dominant hand and clean your b-hole with your non-dominant hand. Wash hands afterwards like you would normally.
Using toilet paper is not only wasteful but it's not very clean. If you fell face first into a pile of shit you wouldn't just wipe it off with some paper, would you?
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Asante
Omnicyclion prophet


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,643
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: shivas.wisdom] 1
#19876876 - 04/21/14 06:01 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'm not knocking it. One time I was stoned and I received to surprise a box of adult diaper test samples. I was stoned and didnt knock it. I put one on and had a pee. It was amazing it took it all, dry, no leaking. Optimistic I decided to take a shit. Nope, that wasnt as rosy. I decided to sit down. I must admit I felt better. I cleaned up and took a shower.
They're great if you cant hold your water but if you are anally incontinent they suck as much as you'd imagine.
Lets pray we never have to rely on those.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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rulesq
Bad Mogambo



Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: shivas.wisdom]
#19876879 - 04/21/14 06:03 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I dont really even use TP anymore, showering afterwards is just... idk. Like A LOT better 
Of course there are situations(such as OP's) when showering afterwards just isn't an option, and I can live with that no problem. But honestly, I feel so fucking dirty until I get to take a shower.
Also, I have a hairy asscrack and no one likes dingleberries, soo.. water ftw
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Edited by rulesq (04/21/14 06:05 AM)
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Asante
Omnicyclion prophet


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,643
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: rulesq] 1
#19876883 - 04/21/14 06:08 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Soon you'll be shitting in the shower and stomping the logs into the drain. Then that becomes normal. Then you get a girlfriend, you shower together and she'll alert you that her idea of a romantic shower and yours are a bit at odds. Then you marry and she goes See If I Care and does it too, then you grow old together and do it for each other.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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rulesq
Bad Mogambo



Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: Asante]
#19876886 - 04/21/14 06:11 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah, really don't see that happening anytime soon(the girlfriend part, that is )
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CosmicFool
Psychoholic



Registered: 05/14/06
Posts: 9,581
Loc: 203
Last seen: 7 days, 23 hours
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: rulesq]
#19876908 - 04/21/14 06:30 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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back in the day people used to use corn cobs then they would just feed them to the pigs and then sears catalogs became a good source of butt paper
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BennD.42
Stranger



Registered: 02/28/14
Posts: 149
Loc: Upstate new york
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: CosmicFool]
#19876918 - 04/21/14 06:38 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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...use one of yer shirt sleeves...you have 2 of em! Then you can wear that shirt next time you gotta go,and if you happen to be out again,-sleeve number 2 for your number two!!!
-------------------- ...I'd much rather be fishing,!!!
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: memes]
#19876932 - 04/21/14 06:51 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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You and I are Ghetto Bruvs, brah!
--------------------
"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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dr_gonz
Registered: 08/18/03
Posts: 44,654
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: dr_gonz]
#19876942 - 04/21/14 06:59 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
dr_gonz said: I feel like there's an Apolly machine in all of this. You should make a machine that wipes asses 
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: memes]
#19876945 - 04/21/14 07:05 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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I need more powerful motors! Otherwise, I totally would make a shitting fake ass along with a powerful motor with wadded up asswipes.
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: shivas.wisdom] 1
#19877158 - 04/21/14 09:02 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
shivas.wisdom said:
Quote:
Asante said: I would have done it with my left hand and washed it. You may be shocked but billions of people do it that way, literally. I never have but home alone its a good time to experience it.
believe it or not, this method results in a much cleaner butthole afterwards--you're actually cleaning with water, not just smearing shit up and down yer crack
should be considered a life skill
THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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rulesq
Bad Mogambo



Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: Sheekle] 1
#19877164 - 04/21/14 09:05 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
Sheekle said:
Quote:
shivas.wisdom said:
Quote:
Asante said: I would have done it with my left hand and washed it. You may be shocked but billions of people do it that way, literally. I never have but home alone its a good time to experience it.
believe it or not, this method results in a much cleaner butthole afterwards--you're actually cleaning with water, not just smearing shit up and down yer crack
should be considered a life skill
THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING
Nuthrt
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate


Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... *DELETED* [Re: Sheekle]
#19877264 - 04/21/14 09:46 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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Post deleted by Lion
Reason for deletion: .
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: The Asshole Dilemma: i'm out of... [Re: Lion]
#19877270 - 04/21/14 09:49 AM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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sheekle loves pepperoni
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