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These past few weeks have been the first that I haven't felt crazy and spiralled out into nothingness, in quite some time. I remember it only being a matter of days before some alluring whisper would come back around to drag me in there... wherever it is.
I started goin to a gym (conveniently placed about 2 minutes from my apartment) I'm also maintaining this place with my roomate and of course I have alot of studying to do. I see these aspects in two different lights. One, I am working towards something, mainly being fit, and workin towards a job as a videogame designer (starting at computer science) again, that's the Job I want. I don't consider music a job... music is more a priority like drinking water is. I also see these activities as almost a Healing process. things to keep me on a schedule and out of a depression I know all too well, that always comes to visit me in my extended periods of idleness.
I've had many realizations recently about what it means to be living in this society, how many opportunities there are (equally matched by pitfalls), and my main focus right now is getting back to a human responsibility that i put off for years when I dropped acid and went chasing the... well you know what I mean. I know that love is there... I'm not worried about it vanishing anymore. It's a stronger power than I believe I can fathom. so instead of that, I need to worry about getting a job now, and supporting myself for the rest of my human life.
the shroomery holds alot of meaning for me still even though I don't come here nearly as much. This place almost seems like a ripple in time for someone like me. a neutral area full of questioning voices. It's funny every few days I'll feel like I have to post something... like report in with you guys with what sort of mysteries of life I've unravelled, but I'm usually at a loss when I get to the text window.
I don't know what to say, only want to let you know that I'm still towing the same line I think most of you are, and I hope we get where we need to be eventually. Peace