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jimmyguy
Registered: 01/07/14
Posts: 315
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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i have lost my warmth.
#19634772 - 03/01/14 01:06 PM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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well when i was six my parents divorced (known reasons) me and bro growed with mother. since then i saw my father couple of times, last one was when i was around 12. now i am 23 and studying in medical school. now a days i am thinking that i might be harshy with my mother. when we speak i find nothing to speak with her, its not only about the absence of subject that we can speak but the speech always goes back to past, and i find my self blaming her about the things that she has been wrong. well the reason is complexer. i had been alone alot when i was in childhood times, i remember her leaving us alone and going to the bars with her bitch friends. this didnt touch my brother but me,,, i was waiting till morning with fear( fear that i will lose her) but she really didnt care about this. she done this more than i remember. i grew with worry by than. she was feeding us of course but her morning times was at work and night times sometimes were at bars and sometimes at home. when i was in puberty times she used to dress things that i was ashamed to walk down the street or go by bus with her. As you can imagine when other men looked my mother i just couldnt take it to be with her. i was angry to people but more to her, because she wanted attraction with her dress all the time and she didnt really care about my feelings. she dressed like what she wanted. and so i stopped going anywhere with her, no bus, no market, no walking, she didnt stop dressing half portion, her brother ( my uncle ) stoped all contact with her because of her dressing. by that times she had with me this stupitest fights, nearly every day. i ran away couple of times.,, also i remember when we fought it was intensive,,, i was a puberty boy but she was a parent.. instead of teaching, she fought more with me might be because of stress of job or being alone or whatever it is. sometimes while fighting she was droping her self down, laying and playing death"" stop breathing and make us scare.!!! "when i opened my love to her she used this against me nearly always, sometimes beating while fighting, sometimes other things alike. Also i started to beat my brother by that times( i am really sorry for that times ) he started to run away from me and from the house. and he started to hang out with this boys from the streets because of me. i became a sadistic boy with family problems.. my brother became a street hobo. i think it was all because of parents. Now my brother is egoist guy with no respect to mother,( but its not because of me. my mother and brother also fought everyday and they still do this. i asked for his forgiveness anyway. 5 years ago i decided to study in a foreign country and get away,now i am away of them about 5,5 years,studying dentistry. i feel free with my soul. i meet them every year about 1-2 mounts no more. i feel cold to her. when she speaks she speaks out of sense for me. she speaks about things that she doesnt know about. She is supporting me economically, and she loves me i know. i respect her ,,, but i dont feel the warmth that a boy feels to his mother...i dont show my feelings even tho i love her. i dont know what to say, its all about education may be.
thank you for reading and i am open for your ideas. stay in peace.
-------------------- i love you
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g00ru
lit pants tit licker
Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 21,088
Loc: georgia, us
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: i have lost my warmth. [Re: jimmyguy] 1
#19634872 - 03/01/14 01:28 PM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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obvious answer, tell her exactly what you just wrote here? sounds like you know how you feel, you just need to let her know.
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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jimmyguy
Registered: 01/07/14
Posts: 315
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: i have lost my warmth. [Re: g00ru]
#19635356 - 03/01/14 03:21 PM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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thanks man. i believe it will not change anything, i want to know but, is this woman as mother made wrong decidions? from your side how is this mother seems to you guys. do you agree that these things are not normal? i cannot look objectively...
-------------------- i love you
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ElPtoDeStaMaria
Stranger
Registered: 03/01/14
Posts: 24
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: i have lost my warmth. [Re: jimmyguy]
#19635530 - 03/01/14 03:55 PM (10 years, 30 days ago) |
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well your mother is still a person that god knows how many mistakes she did and still does.But she is your mother no one will ever love you more then her and never remember that. you can never force youserlf upon others even family just let time pass.wake up and make coffee. ask your mother and your brother if he wants some.doesnt have to be coffee but somewhat helpful.Help around the house.not even now and then BUT ALWAYS dishes are get dirty every day.Not just the dishes.clean the bathroom be alittle helpful in the house. it sounds like your ashamed of your mother but remember when a girlfriend dumps you what did you do normaly?get wasted fuck with anything in site.sorry to say this women do this too and your mother is a woman.now its just normal.now i wont say that leaving you guys was a good idea but i certainly seen worst.You complain that they divorced when you were 6 did you stop to think what was it for her??taking care of 2 little shits in the house and she wanting alittle social life.now you can could have said ummm i can leave them alone sleeping for a few hours one day then she sees nothing happens...more times it doesnt matter i had a fun night.
BUT with all this said Im just a stranger on the net like us all and we imagine alot of stuff that most likey isnt true. but one thing is for sure stop making excuses for yourself on a shroom forum.Man up and try to make a change
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already
Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,309
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I was going to PM you this, but I feel like a more public reply would have a greater effect.
Quote:
ElPtoDeStaMaria said: well your mother is still a person that god knows how many mistakes she did and still does.But she is your mother no one will ever love you more then her and never remember that
I don't agree with this. And I'm not saying that because I feel like I know your mother. I don't believe that family must be forced. True family is chosen and earned. There are some rainbow family around here, that I believe would agree with that.
When I was a young boy, I never really felt connected with my mother. She was never really a good mother, really. I remember for instance, walking down the street, being in a stroller. We walked past a nice looking man, I said hi. My mother swung around in front of the stroller, and proceeded to pinch my hand and very angrily say, "Don't you talk to strangers!" It was very traumatic for myself. She also was terrible to my sister. In kindergarten for instance, she started teaching my sister sexual things like condom uses and other fucked up shit, then got mad at her when she repeated it at school and got my mom in trouble.
My dad was always the one there for us. He once told me a story, driving past the Wawanosh Zoo(some members will know), with us kids in the car. My dad wanted to go as a family, but all she could think about was going alone, without us kids.
I could go on and on man, and if you would like me to, I will, just for you. But don't feel down on yourself for being broken down. It's not a big deal to not love someone when you don't feel loved yourself.
Honour thy father and thy mother? I feel God only truly believes this, as long as you, yourself is respected. In the same note though, it says honour them, it says nothing of love that has no bounds.
I do not love my mother, as she does not her own kids. All she cares for, is her new family. I haven't spoken to her in years. In fact, the last time I reached out to her, I did so with all my heart, and received nothing. Not a word. She does not care, and I've showed her nothing but love.
As someone who will soon be a parent himself, a good parent must accept that you are nuturing this little person to be their own. No matter how you feel about yourself, it's irrelevant. As long as they themselves are good people. A truly good parent, recognizes that after you've taught them all you can, that they will be your greatest teacher.
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ElPtoDeStaMaria
Stranger
Registered: 03/01/14
Posts: 24
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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now of course there are aweful people that shouldnt be able to reproduce. but no mother pays for his upbringing, studies, housing, food and not care. now i can say as a norm a mother loves their kids.
also how in the world you remember shit when you were in a stroller?
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already
Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,309
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I remember lots of things from when I was little.
I remember being 1 or so and playing with alphabet blocks. I have memories being in a high chair being fed.
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sprinkles
otd president
Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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yeah, isn't it nice growing up with an alcoholic parent(s)?
I remember thinking the same things as a kid. wondering if my parents were dead because they never made it home. They fought a lot. with each other and other people. saw a lot of baaad violence but whatever. Nothing shocks me, i have pretty thick skin because of it. They are still really bad alcoholics. And will be till they die. ... I was never going to be one, but i became one anyway. I have never held resentments toward them. Its not in my personality. What i learned was to never have expectations. You can't predict or control whats going to happen at any given time, so you just deal with it and pray no one dies. Judging her might make you feel better now, but the best thing is to choose to be different than she was. I didn't start drinking till 26. God has a terrible way of putting you in the exact same place of people you frown on. The main reason i don't hold grudges and resentments is because i like being forgiven for my mistakes. So it's easy for me to forgive others for theirs. Peace and love your mother Jimmy. vegan hippy weirdo. blame her for that.
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jimmyguy
Registered: 01/07/14
Posts: 315
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: i have lost my warmth. [Re: sprinkles]
#19643274 - 03/03/14 07:10 AM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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let me say thanks for your comments, and yeah "no one actually will love you like your mother does"... lets just say... time...
-------------------- i love you
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jimmyguy
Registered: 01/07/14
Posts: 315
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Quote:
XLCaps said: I was going to PM you this, but I feel like a more public reply would have a greater effect.
Quote:
ElPtoDeStaMaria said: well your mother is still a person that god knows how many mistakes she did and still does.But she is your mother no one will ever love you more then her and never remember that
I don't agree with this. And I'm not saying that because I feel like I know your mother. I don't believe that family must be forced. True family is chosen and earned. There are some rainbow family around here, that I believe would agree with that.
When I was a young boy, I never really felt connected with my mother. She was never really a good mother, really. I remember for instance, walking down the street, being in a stroller. We walked past a nice looking man, I said hi. My mother swung around in front of the stroller, and proceeded to pinch my hand and very angrily say, "Don't you talk to strangers!" It was very traumatic for myself. She also was terrible to my sister. In kindergarten for instance, she started teaching my sister sexual things like condom uses and other fucked up shit, then got mad at her when she repeated it at school and got my mom in trouble.
My dad was always the one there for us. He once told me a story, driving past the Wawanosh Zoo(some members will know), with us kids in the car. My dad wanted to go as a family, but all she could think about was going alone, without us kids.
I could go on and on man, and if you would like me to, I will, just for you. But don't feel down on yourself for being broken down. It's not a big deal to not love someone when you don't feel loved yourself.
Honour thy father and thy mother? I feel God only truly believes this, as long as you, yourself is respected. In the same note though, it says honour them, it says nothing of love that has no bounds.
I do not love my mother, as she does not her own kids. All she cares for, is her new family. I haven't spoken to her in years. In fact, the last time I reached out to her, I did so with all my heart, and received nothing. Not a word. She does not care, and I've showed her nothing but love.
As someone who will soon be a parent himself, a good parent must accept that you are nuturing this little person to be their own. No matter how you feel about yourself, it's irrelevant. As long as they themselves are good people. A truly good parent, recognizes that after you've taught them all you can, that they will be your greatest teacher.
sad to hear that.. but we all know people are different, so are mothers. your mother maybe wasnt one of them. but i hope you will be one and have a happy family one day brother.
-------------------- i love you
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