Home | Community | Message Board

MushroomCube.com
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals

Jump to first unread post Pages: < Back | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7  [ show all ]
InvisibleEndure
The Anal Demon
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/17/13
Posts: 4,906
Loc: New York
Re: Weed has made me hate my family [Re: Konyap]
    #19627075 - 02/27/14 04:36 PM (9 years, 11 months ago)

this isnt that hard of a general concept to grasp; you choose the input of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and that reflects the output of the situation, so...

i think' and 'i need'

should be,

'i know' 'i dont need' ....

...to smoke everyday, and when i have vacation , i can enjoy it more since i wont be resorting or pondering the thought of smoking weed, my mind will be taking in the full experience on its own. when im looking for a fix to calm me down and get me into a good mindstate, i can 'meditate' . shit ill go to the beach on a nice day, and meditate to some guided imagery located on my ipod, and feel invincible and in mindful, in the moment. etc.


--------------------
Im only aloud to post once an hour. Because 'Sell Your Soul' doesn't like me. so if I am responding to you, that means you are above of the utmost importance


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleAlexestalex
fallen angel
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 03/20/12
Posts: 5,644
Loc: heart of the sun
Re: Weed has made me hate my family [Re: Endure]
    #19627246 - 02/27/14 05:09 PM (9 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Endure said:
this isnt that hard of a general concept to grasp; you choose the input of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and that reflects the output of the situation, so...

i think' and 'i need'

should be,

'i know' 'i dont need' ....

...to smoke everyday, and when i have vacation , i can enjoy it more since i wont be resorting or pondering the thought of smoking weed, my mind will be taking in the full experience on its own. when im looking for a fix to calm me down and get me into a good mindstate, i can 'meditate' . shit ill go to the beach on a nice day, and meditate to some guided imagery located on my ipod, and feel invincible and in mindful, in the moment. etc.




Remember when you were a kid and you played with toys? You could virtually use your imagination to generate any scenario as you saw fit and as a child, this was incredibly fun. You weren't just sitting there holding two action figures and hitting them together, you were creating a story in your mind. This is something children find incredibly entertaining. But as you grew up, your ability to make believe started to diminish and suddenly it really did become just a matter of sitting there and hitting two toys against each other. It turned stale, dull, and pretty boring.

This is exactly what depression feels like towards most activities that I choose to do. I remember how exciting going to the movies felt a few years ago, how much fun I derived from video games, how much I enjoyed dating, how passionate I was about traveling, and so forth.

It's really hard for me to imagine any activity right now that would sound enjoyable. The only time in the last 3 years where I have ever felt like "oh my god, life is incredible, this is so awesome" was when I was doing oxy or MDMA. Because of the dangerous nature of these drugs, I keep my usage to a minimum, like once every 3 months tops. I've only done MDMA 10 times in my life (over a span of over 2 years) and Oxy twice.

It's not just a matter of me changing my thoughts to enjoy and derive more pleasure from my activities. It's like I'm UNABLE to do that. I feel desensitized, that is the best word to use. I am locked in this perspective of boredom and numbness. It's like all these powerful emotions that the average person is able to experience of intense joy, extreme sorrow, excitement, grief, etc aren't present within me. The fucked up thing is, I didn't always feel this way.

And I've tried so many different methods to boost my mood. I worked out three times a week for about 2 months but didn't feel any sort of joy. I stopped eating junk food completely and gave up smoking cigarettes entirely. No longer being hooked on cigarettes (4 months) has certainly made my life easier and less stressful because it's one less craving, but it certainly hasn't brought me happiness. I feel like I'm doing everything right though. I have friends I hang out with frequently and constantly meet new people at University so my social life certainly isn't lacking. I'm not sitting at home doing nothing, I'm a full time student studying pharmacology with a 10 hour part time job on the side. I've been in relationships too and I'm not even a virgin. I'm housed in very good conditions at home. I don't have any deep guilt or a traumatic past. But I can't imagine anything that could potentially bring me the happiness and joy I felt years ago before this depression hit.

For instance, in 2 weeks I will be going to an all inclusive resort right by a beautiful, Sunny beach in Mexico. Unlimited food, unlimited alcohol, and just complete relaxation. The average person would be delighted, ecstatic, and happy. I've seen how pumped my friends get whenever they travel. But me? I  can't, no matter how much I try, feel anticipated, excited, or happy about it. I wouldn't care in the slightest if the trip were to be cancelled because I know deep inside that no matter where I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing, the desensitization will always be there. 

It's not a matter of me lacking something, it's more that I don't know what I want. And I can't possibly imagine anything that would change my state. I'm not trying to look for pity here in any form by the way. I don't feel suicidal, I don't experience any deep emotional/physical pain on a day to day basis, it's just an odd sense of numbness. If I were to win the lottery tomorrow, I know even that wouldn't make me happy. =/


--------------------

Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it.


Edited by Alexestalex (02/27/14 05:13 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: Weed has made me hate my family [Re: Alexestalex] * 1
    #19627282 - 02/27/14 05:18 PM (9 years, 11 months ago)

you just sound cynical and ungrateful


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleEndure
The Anal Demon
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/17/13
Posts: 4,906
Loc: New York
Re: Weed has made me hate my family [Re: Alexestalex]
    #19627438 - 02/27/14 05:55 PM (9 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Alexestalex said:
Quote:

Endure said:
this isnt that hard of a general concept to grasp; you choose the input of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and that reflects the output of the situation, so...

i think' and 'i need'

should be,

'i know' 'i dont need' ....

...to smoke everyday, and when i have vacation , i can enjoy it more since i wont be resorting or pondering the thought of smoking weed, my mind will be taking in the full experience on its own. when im looking for a fix to calm me down and get me into a good mindstate, i can 'meditate' . shit ill go to the beach on a nice day, and meditate to some guided imagery located on my ipod, and feel invincible and in mindful, in the moment. etc.




Remember when you were a kid and you played with toys? You could virtually use your imagination to generate any scenario as you saw fit and as a child, this was incredibly fun. You weren't just sitting there holding two action figures and hitting them together, you were creating a story in your mind. This is something children find incredibly entertaining. But as you grew up, your ability to make believe started to diminish and suddenly it really did become just a matter of sitting there and hitting two toys against each other. It turned stale, dull, and pretty boring.

This is exactly what depression feels like towards most activities that I choose to do. I remember how exciting going to the movies felt a few years ago, how much fun I derived from video games, how much I enjoyed dating, how passionate I was about traveling, and so forth.

It's really hard for me to imagine any activity right now that would sound enjoyable. The only time in the last 3 years where I have ever felt like "oh my god, life is incredible, this is so awesome" was when I was doing oxy or MDMA. Because of the dangerous nature of these drugs, I keep my usage to a minimum, like once every 3 months tops. I've only done MDMA 10 times in my life (over a span of over 2 years) and Oxy twice.

It's not just a matter of me changing my thoughts to enjoy and derive more pleasure from my activities. It's like I'm UNABLE to do that. I feel desensitized, that is the best word to use. I am locked in this perspective of boredom and numbness. It's like all these powerful emotions that the average person is able to experience of intense joy, extreme sorrow, excitement, grief, etc aren't present within me. The fucked up thing is, I didn't always feel this way.

And I've tried so many different methods to boost my mood. I worked out three times a week for about 2 months but didn't feel any sort of joy. I stopped eating junk food completely and gave up smoking cigarettes entirely. No longer being hooked on cigarettes (4 months) has certainly made my life easier and less stressful because it's one less craving, but it certainly hasn't brought me happiness. I feel like I'm doing everything right though. I have friends I hang out with frequently and constantly meet new people at University so my social life certainly isn't lacking. I'm not sitting at home doing nothing, I'm a full time student studying pharmacology with a 10 hour part time job on the side. I've been in relationships too and I'm not even a virgin. I'm housed in very good conditions at home. I don't have any deep guilt or a traumatic past. But I can't imagine anything that could potentially bring me the happiness and joy I felt years ago before this depression hit.

For instance, in 2 weeks I will be going to an all inclusive resort right by a beautiful, Sunny beach in Mexico. Unlimited food, unlimited alcohol, and just complete relaxation. The average person would be delighted, ecstatic, and happy. I've seen how pumped my friends get whenever they travel. But me? I  can't, no matter how much I try, feel anticipated, excited, or happy about it. I wouldn't care in the slightest if the trip were to be cancelled because I know deep inside that no matter where I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing, the desensitization will always be there. 

It's not a matter of me lacking something, it's more that I don't know what I want. And I can't possibly imagine anything that would change my state. I'm not trying to look for pity here in any form by the way. I don't feel suicidal, I don't experience any deep emotional/physical pain on a day to day basis, it's just an odd sense of numbness. If I were to win the lottery tomorrow, I know even that wouldn't make me happy. =/




you sit here pondering about how you felt back then, you clearly remember those feelings, why can't you project them still? i think your into alot of 'deep thought', and less 'mindfulness' and enjoying the subtle pleasures we are allowed.

also, i get what your saying about being desensitized. there is some guided meditation i actually use to help me with my emotions, since ive numbed the wrong ones down, (enjoyment in activities) and have increased (anxiety and pain) instead. ive noticed significant increases in my mood and my general awareness of everything, i can make eye contact once again with people and smile and it is a 'feeling' that i have missed and have faked for so long, i can do small things like read a book, learn, drink some tea, and be satisfied.

at times someone may be expecting to much, depending on the person; your expecting to much, instead of enjoying the moment (mindfulness), your basing your experience off of selfish expectations.

its all about enjoying the moment, calmness, there is no 'rush' to enjoy something, and as you get older you realize that its the small things, that will bring you pleasure. like the thought of having a fruity alchoholic drink on vacation at the beach, on a canoo, just enjoying your surroundings, the light clear blue sea, the bright blue sky, the sun providing warmth to your skin as a gentle fresh breeze is passing by. being observant and taking in the simple pleasures, will help you alot.


with that said, what does your day look like then? if your spending 3 hours on a game, i can see why everything seems very unpleasurable and dull, stuff like that will get your mind racing and very ADD like instead of enjoying the things around you.


--------------------
Im only aloud to post once an hour. Because 'Sell Your Soul' doesn't like me. so if I am responding to you, that means you are above of the utmost importance


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineEverything
(~} ;-}
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 5,157
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
Re: Weed has made me hate my family [Re: Endure]
    #19630751 - 02/28/14 01:53 PM (9 years, 11 months ago)

That's great! I was just about to say something similar.

Expectations, let them go. How can you be joyful and happy if you expect it? Then it's just like...ok, it standard, it's numbness,

Meditation, give it a go, but don't expect.

Also you should drop attachment to who you think you are, and the attachment to who you were in the past, people are constantly changing and to be attached to the way you were when you were a kid is only going back steps.

Be here now.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLegend
RIP Sasha
Male


Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 28,336
Loc: TX Flag
Re: Weed has made me hate my family [Re: Everything]
    #19635241 - 03/01/14 02:56 PM (9 years, 11 months ago)

Solution: Don't get high on the ganja around family OP.


I can remember when i had just started smoking, every little thing anyone did
could annoy me. I think it's just part of analytic high that cannabis can bring.


--------------------
No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind.
[url=
]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]
Are you lost?


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Weed has made me hate my family [Re: Legend]
    #19635298 - 03/01/14 03:09 PM (9 years, 11 months ago)

i was that way when i was sober, but when i smoked my all my anger would go away


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: < Back | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7  [ show all ]

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Jesus Hated Bald Pussy Adom 1,622 14 06/28/16 02:28 AM
by Coacervate
* I can't seem to say no and I hate it MOTH 593 9 04/05/04 03:53 PM
by valour
* ounce of weed found in.... Thoth 1,486 18 06/29/04 12:57 PM
by Rambone
* I hate how little things will eat you up Cryptic 971 8 09/28/03 10:19 AM
by flanders53
* I hate to admit it, but Americans were right (in this case)
( 1 2 3 4 all )
cybrbeast 7,240 67 11/21/05 11:25 AM
by Madtowntripper
* What do you think of the Rainbow Family?
( 1 2 all )
Anonymous 6,498 26 02/28/04 10:08 PM
by THEBOSS
* Tripping on weed
( 1 2 all )
Rob_K 5,848 23 05/20/03 04:49 AM
by kykeon
* I want to smoke a weed really bad eve69 1,801 7 11/09/03 02:27 AM
by LiquidSmoke

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
5,904 topic views. 11 members, 44 guests and 28 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.021 seconds spending 0.005 seconds on 13 queries.