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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    #1951634 - 09/25/03 05:54 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

i have been high for about a year or two now and i think i know why. i really dont have any friends, the type that last a lifetime. the ones you can talk to about your biggest problems, the ones you can trust. i am an island surronded by my own sorrow.
for those of you that remember my residential treatment hell thread from when i just got here, i mad a huge mistake, i just got back intouch with the people i knoew from before i went away, and it has leas me to the same place as it did before, solitude. i hate it and i dont know why i keep on getting here. although i think its because of the company i keep. i had been in contact with true friends but all of that i threw away, due to my inability to cimmmit. i feel as if i am not a real person and that i am wasting my life. i need to get waay from this all.
i owe the state 500 some dollars so that i can keep driving,
i have 2 jobs, one if which makes me miserable, but i cant afford to quit, and a car that i havent been able to afford fixing for almost a year.

all iwant in lif is some companionship, to find my soulmate. i think that i need to go wawy from all of this for a while untill i can become a real person again, but to go away i need money and i can only get that by doing the things i hate. god this is a mess, nowonder i get high so often, its to escape.
all these thoughts are rushing through my head and i just cant stand it.
i guess all i can do is just work untilli get enough muney to get away from this all. which is what i plan to do. if i will be able to survive this existance i dont know.


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


Edited by zippoz (09/25/03 05:57 PM)


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: i cant stand this shit, [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1951642 - 09/25/03 05:56 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

all i want in life is a small peice of land, a few acres, in the middle of nature, with not many people around. probabl klamath falls OR, or the desert in arizona, thats it. just a little space to call my own and invite likeminded individuals to come and join me, to retreat from the evils of society.


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Registered: 12/04/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: i cant stand this shit, [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1951937 - 09/25/03 07:37 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

Thats pretty much all i want from life too, and now im setting realistic goals and focusing on achieving them. I know how it is with the pot...it just makes your situation bareable, and you get locked in the cycle. Enjoying life is much better...although its up to you to do that however you see fit. Being outside, and talking to strangers prove's to be absolutely what i needed to get into a healthy state of mind.

Its hard making the transition from....low self esteem problemed whatever we are, to productive confident friendly willing members of society.

I also really had to shift my focus from hating everything, to giving it a real chance...


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GO OUTSIDE.


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OfflineCleverName
the cloudsshould know meby now...

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 1,121
Loc: red earth painted with mi...
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1952370 - 09/25/03 09:53 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

i obviously dont know your whole story, but if i were you, i would try to change my routine a bit...stop smoking for a few months...jog or swim alittle everyday, and stretch. try to eat very natural, healthy...these things all contribute to your physical AND mental health. you have to go out and meet people and not expect them to come to you, go places like book stores, colleges, cafes. but like i said, i dont know your whole story.


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if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

this is the purpose


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OfflinegeokillsA
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙
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Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1952429 - 09/25/03 10:18 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

If you really want the change, you will find a way to make it happen.  Why not quit your herb habit for a short while - that will free up some cash, work a bit harder at your jobs and/or look for better paying ones in different areas.  Get a bus pass if it would be more economical than continuing to use your car that is in need of repair. 

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but rather show you an option that is open to you.  If you want to move, you have to start moving towards that goal today - everything comes in steps.  So far as your mental health is concerned, that may be more of a reason to change jobs or just take some time to sort things out.  Maybe quit one of the jobs, take a hike up to some mountain or go sit on the cliffs by the ocean, or even lay on the ground watching the crisp night sky - just something to help you clear your mind without a substance.  The answers are in you, you just have to find 'em.. and of course there are many, so risk it and see where chance takes you.

...and the klamath falls region of oregon owns... oregon owns, for that matter :spliff:
 


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··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙··
...π╥ ╥π...


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Offlineneutralizer
Spiritual beinghaving a Humanexperience
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 635
Loc: This Planet Earth
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: geokills]
    #1952462 - 09/25/03 10:34 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

I would come join you zippoz at your place you talked about.

As far as suggestions, I say that you should seek out those friends you had, these ones:
Quote:

i had been in contact with true friends but all of that i threw away, due to my inability to cimmmit.



You should definately contact them again, if they were the type of friend who really cared about you I'd bet that they'd be willing to take the time to listen to you and to hang out again. I've distanced myself the same way, and I am having a bit of trouble getting back in touch with others, but I am doing it. Don't be afraid of it, that is a problem I have but you just have to reach out and go out on the limb and try to make contact with them again, even it if feels weird or scary. Maybe especially cause it feels scary.


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There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors - Morrison


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InvisibleCracka_X
Spiritual Dirt Worshipper
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Registered: 01/25/03
Posts: 8,780
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Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1952472 - 09/25/03 10:38 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

clevername is right. I used to smoke to escape from it all, but now I fill up that time with running, studying, and just bettering my skills. It has GREATLY increased my self-esteem and I think it'd help you too.


--------------------
The best way to live
is to be like water
For water benefits all things
and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places
a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao        ~Daodejing


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Offlinesykobish
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Registered: 03/15/03
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Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1952497 - 09/25/03 10:48 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

I think all of us at one time or another has hit the part in life where we feel like we are becoming too conditioned within our materialistic lives. What i would suggest is trying to step back a bit. Take a look at life and everything around you. Try not to over work yourself like it sounds like you have been doing. That is never good on your health, mentally nor physically. As geokills said, try to get in touch with nature a little more. Go for a hike. Rejuvenate your energy thru nature. Doing drugs as an escape is never the answer. You begin to feel dependant on them and when you do decide to stop or hold back from doing them so much, everything always seems so much worse then it really is or has to be. I know it's hard, but work on your confidence. You seem like a good guy, like someone i would like to know in real life. Go with that, carry with you the aura of confidence and people will be pulled to you. Hold your head up. You are a good person with a good heart.


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I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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OfflineKraut
Stranger
Registered: 08/27/03
Posts: 20
Loc: Germany
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1953356 - 09/26/03 04:45 AM (14 years, 28 days ago)

If you feel you need to get away from it all then perhaps you should DO IT!
You don?t really need much money to go anywhere if you can pass the luxury you?re used to. Like car, restaurants own flat or so. If you don?t have much you?re responsible for like a child or a homestead than sell your car, tv, etc. and quit your flat and go on your journey.
There are so many low budget possibilities to travel to countries like columbia, paraguay ... . Maybe it?s a good possibility for you to get away from it all and arrange yourself.

Heres a little link that may help you get started.
www.wwoof.org
It?s an organisation that offers you the possibility of a job on a farm and you get fed and accommodated for it. Seems a good attempt to get started in a foreign country to me.

Good luck!


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---------------------------------

Action -> Reaction ... so simple!


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1953396 - 09/26/03 05:20 AM (14 years, 28 days ago)

There's some great advice here, dude! :laugh: And you know, I think you've found a few friends here as well! :grin: 


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Offlinecanid
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Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: Le_Canard]
    #1953441 - 09/26/03 06:08 AM (14 years, 28 days ago)

Quote:


i really dont have any friends, the type that last a lifetime.




as TD said, there are friends here at the shroomery. esp. in the support group. you'd be supprised how deep the bonds between shroomerites can go.

i'm on the irc server as often as i can along with a lot of others if you ever want to talk.


--------------------



Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.


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OfflineStrumpling
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Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
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Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1957147 - 09/27/03 02:29 PM (14 years, 26 days ago)

If you can't stand that life anymore than sit down or start a new life.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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Anonymous #1

Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1964103 - 09/29/03 10:46 PM (14 years, 24 days ago)

You sound just like me... but my situation is even worse than yours. I'm not going to talk about it in detail though because I'm not in one of my depressive whiny moods. I actually had to reach the very bottom before I was forced to make things better. The bottom is the worst. It wasn't a very enjoyable week when I was having panic attacks every hour for no reason. I was committed to the hospital for a second time this year. I've had to quit drugs and any kind of sexual activity altogether because it was making everything worse. I started jogging and lifting weights and it makes me feel so much better that I'm almost addicted to it. Nothing wrong with a healthy addiction though.

one more thing, do you have those thoughts when you're stoned or when you're sober? I've noticed that the more I'm isolated the more thoughts I get... then one day you realize that they don't ever go away and are with you all the time. Dwelling and contributing to the thoughts makes them so much worse. If you don't have them while sober than you will probably be fine.


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OfflineCleverName
the cloudsshould know meby now...

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 1,121
Loc: red earth painted with mi...
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1964208 - 09/29/03 11:26 PM (14 years, 24 days ago)

take some st johns wort...it worked for me well...better than prescription stuff. and make an effort to lighten up...and breath deep from your "heels" or your stomach, not your chest...youd be surprised how good posture and a few deep breaths can be refreshing.


--------------------
if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

this is the purpose


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Offlinecanid
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Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: CleverName]
    #1964618 - 09/30/03 01:38 AM (14 years, 24 days ago)

Quote:


youd be surprised how good posture and a few deep breaths can be refreshing.




this is good advice. the way you carry yourself replects the way you care about yourself. inversely; your bearing can enhance your attitude. it can give you confidence.


--------------------



Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.


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InvisibleZippoZM
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: canid]
    #1971614 - 10/02/03 02:49 AM (14 years, 22 days ago)

yeah so that was one of my weird ass helpless negitive moods that i get in. since my last post heres what has happened
1) i only have one job, i quit/got fired (long story)
2) i called one of my long lost friends and am awating a call back from her
3) i broke some more parts of my allreday broke ass car.
4) this should be number 1 because it preceded all but the car thing,
i tripped and it gave me some renewed interest in life.
5) i regained a long lost feeling for a few moments.
this feeling deserves some explanation. im not sure quite what it was or where it was from. all i knew was that it was from a calm and serene place in my life. that is very odd because i can only relate it to the time before i went to rehab which was a bad time in my life. odd i would say.

i only owe the state about $380 now cuz i took care of some of the stuff i had to pay for.
im in a better place, thanks for the advice!


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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Invisibleflatline
psycho + logical

Registered: 08/02/03
Posts: 120
Re: i cant stand this life anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1971690 - 10/02/03 03:24 AM (14 years, 22 days ago)

i agree about #4 ... gives you an updated perspective on how much of life there is still to explore for us. using that as a stepping stone to get things back on track ...



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