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OfflineFace Down
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Registered: 01/05/14
Posts: 13
Last seen: 10 years, 13 days
Wife and I
    #19407396 - 01/12/14 08:54 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Hey all! Me and my wife have gone through some major life events. The wife has had multiple surgery's and our baby sitter committed suicide. Their were many complications from her surgery and I had to pack a wound the size of a tennis ball for two months. During this  time I feel like I was de-sensitized to her cries and emotions mostly due to the heavy pain killers they had her on. Now that she is somewhat normal no pain killers still healing and pregnant. She can see that I have no sympathy when she looks me in the eyes.

My Question is how do I get the sympathy I lost back for my wife or how could I program myself for this passion.


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
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Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,812
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Re: Wife and I [Re: Face Down]
    #19407416 - 01/12/14 09:00 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

She is pregnant with your child and you feel no sympathy? Are you the least bit anxious?


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OfflineIcyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa
Male


Registered: 11/07/13
Posts: 3,502
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Re: Wife and I [Re: Patlal]
    #19407449 - 01/12/14 09:09 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Mdma?


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And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.


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Offlinesadspacemonkey
!universe!
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Registered: 11/01/06
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Re: Wife and I [Re: Face Down]
    #19407475 - 01/12/14 09:19 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

That's rough...both for you and for her. I don't have a real answer for you but if you're interested in my opinion at least, I would try my best to imagine yourself in her position. Imagine all the pain she had to endure and now the empty hollow feeling that must follow now that she doesn't see that warmth in your eyes. Or perhaps imagine what would happen if you were to lose her...beyond that, maybe treat her to a spa weekend somewhere? That may not be the best idea, or it may cause you to miss her a bit and at times distance can help take that emotional break and then feel more for her when she returns (and she will also feel appreciated.) In any case, best of luck to both of you - at the very least I hope you feel for the child!


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"I can't be told by anyone how to live. If I said to the minister 'Move from your home' he would think I was mad." Bushman : Botswana


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Invisibleunknown1123
Experimental

Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 5,813
Re: Wife and I [Re: sadspacemonkey]
    #19407512 - 01/12/14 09:32 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

She is pregnant and went threw all that hardship, while being doped up? I would have terminated the preggers


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OfflineFace Down
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Re: Wife and I [Re: unknown1123]
    #19407573 - 01/12/14 09:52 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Pregnant right after, she was on Ativan and a few others but stopped immediately in the first 6-8 weeks, coming down off everything was rough.

We have tried some time apart and it didn't help, I don't think we are stuck in a loop but I do believe we are having a major communication break down.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
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Re: Wife and I [Re: Face Down]
    #19407831 - 01/12/14 10:55 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

time sparky. give things a little time, playing nurse does desensitize you a
little and as time progresses you'll be back to normal. when your baby comes,
maybe even before. you'll see a dramatic change in yourself


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Invisibleunknown1123
Experimental

Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 5,813
Re: Wife and I [Re: Face Down]
    #19408462 - 01/12/14 01:53 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Face Down said:
Pregnant right after, she was on Ativan and a few others but stopped immediately in the first 6-8 weeks, coming down off everything was rough.

We have tried some time apart and it didn't help, I don't think we are stuck in a loop but I do believe we are having a major communication break down.



Communication Breakdown:



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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: Wife and I [Re: unknown1123]
    #19408616 - 01/12/14 02:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Take a large dose of shrooms and have her be there you'll love her


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"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.


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InvisibleVahunter
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Loc: Georgia
Re: Wife and I [Re: The Doobie Dude]
    #19409058 - 01/12/14 04:31 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

The cold hard truth is that it will never be like it was. No medicine or future changes will change that. Hate to be a downer.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Wife and I [Re: Face Down]
    #19409083 - 01/12/14 04:39 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Tripping seems to be the obvious answer, I find your issue kind of interesting having been through PTSD. It sounds to me like you're just developing thicker skin and don't recognize that new level of psychological strength for what it is


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Wife and I [Re: The Doobie Dude]
    #19412914 - 01/13/14 03:29 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

The Doobie Dude said:
Take a large dose of shrooms and have her be there you'll love her




This^^

Shrooms could help break down those walls that you put up while she was medicated. Relax and let go of your emotions, I think you will be able to reconnect with her and your unborn child.


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[center


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OfflineFace Down
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Re: Wife and I [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #19418262 - 01/14/14 04:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Thank You all for the advice !


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OfflineCrystal G
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Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
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Re: Wife and I [Re: Face Down]
    #19418286 - 01/14/14 04:58 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Are shrooms even fine to take while pregnant? I know that LSD causes uterine reactions and possible miscarriage, but I can't imagine shrooms would be fine for a pregnant lady. To be honest I would be annoyed if I was pregnant and on top of that I had to "trip-sit" a stumbling, tripping, idiot of a husband.


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Wife and I [Re: Crystal G]
    #19418302 - 01/14/14 05:01 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I don't think she is going to take them, and not everybody is a stumbling idiot on shrooms. I know i'm not, but i get more empathetic and emotional on them.

His feeling of detachment to his wife is what he is proactively looking at correcting.


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[center


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OfflineMurzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
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Re: Wife and I [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #19423548 - 01/15/14 03:51 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I think it's really silly to think drugs can cure that. It happens for a reason and you should find out why you started to feel different about your wife.

You shouldn't have to look after a person you love, just like you shouldnt witness her giving birth.

It changes things to the worse.

How long did you know her before?

Talking about your babysitter implies that you already have at least one child together? How old is it?

You need to give a little more information.

I have to add, I think tripping on shrooms while she's around sober would be the absolutely worst in this situation. If you don't feel right about her, I pretty much bet it won't change to the opposite.

What the fuck is up with people suggesting shit like that?


Edited by Murzelpfrumpft (01/15/14 03:54 PM)


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OfflineFace Down
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Re: Wife and I [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #19423612 - 01/15/14 04:10 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Murzelpfrumpft said:
I think it's really silly to think drugs can cure that. It happens for a reason and you should find out why you started to feel different about your wife.

You shouldn't have to look after a person you love, just like you shouldnt witness her giving birth.

It changes things to the worse.

How long did you know her before?

Talking about your babysitter implies that you already have at least one child together? How old is it?

You need to give a little more information.

I have to add, I think tripping on shrooms while she's around sober would be the absolutely worst in this situation. If you don't feel right about her, I pretty much bet it won't change to the opposite.

What the fuck is up with people suggesting shit like that?




I have to say you make a strong point.. If she wants to get frustrated with me at all during my trip and starts to cry... I might jump out the window.

Information as Follows:

Combat Veteran -  Multiple TBI's

Service Dog - Zeus

Kids - One girl that is 3 and one on the way.

I do feel extremely desensitized from combat and only recently to my loved ones.


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OfflineAlwaysChildish
Engineering Student
Male


Registered: 01/13/14
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Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: Wife and I [Re: Face Down]
    #19425374 - 01/15/14 10:43 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Sounds like you're a pretty stoic dude.  When you say 'sympathy', what do you mean?  You do not care for your wife anymore?  Do you feel the same way toward your daughter?

I think I would be able to better understand the situation if I knew better what you were actually longing for again. 

Also, did these feelings come up because your wife was on pain killers for awhile, or has this been a problem ever since returning to civilian life?


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The simple fact--that psychoactive drugs product their effects by neurotransmitters--points out their true secret:

                All drug sensations, feelings, awareness, or hallucinations can also be achieved without drugs.

Psychoactive drugs work by stimulating the natural function of the brain.  All the thoughts, perceptions, and behaviors already exist. 

                    These drugs do not create anything new.


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OfflineMurzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 2 months, 21 days
Re: Wife and I [Re: AlwaysChildish]
    #19446004 - 01/20/14 04:33 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Well, I think it greatly depends on your chances of recovery from combat.

I'm not really surprised war fucks with your personality, it's probably necessary to become desensitized to avoid being emotionally damaged by combat scenes.

So, how long ago is this? Might your brain injuries still be recovering? Give it some time, a few years at least.

What I can tell from myself is, back when I suffered from major injuries and horrible memories from a crippling accident of mine, I did not think I could ever come back to normal life with what I had to see. It took me years to handle my emotions and memories and finally, after 5 years the pain slowly fades away.

A friend of mine had a dad who served the special forces. He did not really make it back to real life. He was cold as a stone, so he lost his family.

So, take care and don't fuck it up.
Plus, be nice to yourself. Don't do shit to yourself that stresses you out to an extent you suffer permanent emotional damages from it.
I hope you get paid a shitload of money for your injuries and if your wife gets sick again, get someone who deals with it.
There's a very limited amount of stress humans can bear, from some point on your inner life shuts itsself down to prevent damage.
Don't let it get that far ever again.

I wish you the best, take your time and recover.


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InvisibleTomandjerry58
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Registered: 01/27/03
Posts: 5,212
Re: Wife and I [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #19446463 - 01/20/14 07:55 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

to op: I think you r realizing what u r doing so that is the first step in fixing the problem. Personally I think youll be fine as long as u realize it and are taking steps to improve. Talk to a dr about maybe going on some benzos or anti anxiety medication(for u obviously). This will release some anxiety n tension n you and therefore ruboff on her. Also it will allow u to be more patient with her.

Try to do normal things. Like go out to eat or see a movie with her if she feels upto it. Cheers sir... and im am a parent. Not one of those "oprah" people.


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