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Offlineelgatogordo
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Registered: 10/06/11
Posts: 494
Last seen: 11 months, 11 days
true self expression?
    #19357825 - 01/02/14 10:28 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

On new years eve I ingested an unknown (gramwise) amount of mushroom tea. The batch was made out of a half ounce of very nice cubes. Suffice it to say that I drank a lot.

By the time a half an hour had passed I was already being slowly dragged into an overbearing haze of indescribable psychedelic majesty, visually this trip was nothing like anything I had ever experienced. My sense of sight was more or less useless for a good amount of time, though I had very little sense of time at all.

At around the first hour mark my friends decided to throw in Alejandro Jodorowsky's El Topo which is a jarring movie when sober to say the least, let alone while on mushrooms. While I was very reluctant to view some of the disturbing imagery/subject matter of the film while heavily influenced by mushrooms I decided I would sit through it and close my eyes during scenes I didn't feel like watching.

In combination with the (very) heavy visuals I was experiencing this trip was truly a sight to behold. Strange images from the film would linger behind closed eyelids and meld into an ever changing multi-colored tapestry, the work of my own mind.

While this experience was heavy on visuals there is something deeper I gained from braving the intensity of what had to have been the strength of around 7gs of mushrooms and also watching this movie.

Jodorowsky's film making has always struck a curious chord with me in the way that the dialogue and direction seem to have much in common with the internal dialogue/visual space I will experience from time to time, whether tripping or sober. I am a very self-critical person by nature, and there are many things that emerge from the creative space of my own mind that cause me great suffering, mostly images or words.

See there are many times I will have a certain morally deranged thought involving any number indescribable acts, and I will feel guilty for it. Why am I having this terrible, disgusting, horrific thought? Is there something wrong with me? Am I psychotic? Then the thing begins to break down from there... Thoughts stop making sense.

Then there are other times when thoughts are cohesive, beautiful, maybe joy even emerges. And the train of thought seems to be on the right track.

Now I'll try to get to the point here... The creative space invoked throughout the course of El Topo is an expression of human experience in all of its disgusting, deranged, disturbed, beautiful, transcendent glory. To me this is of great significance. This trip and this movie have helped me realize that when certain horrific and nonsensical thought forms take shape to not be afraid. It appears now that this may be one of the highest forms of self expression, and what seems to be absolute nonsense on a rational and ethical level may very well be necessary to the physics of mind on an unconscious level.

Goes back to the Taoist/Zen trip for me... While this experience was somewhat trying it did seem to reinforce non-fear mongering behavior which is what I have been working on since day one. Mushrooms have always put me in this space and I guess it had just been sort of a while.

Heheh anyways if this doesn't make sense to others I apologize, perhaps this post is another example of strange and mysterious self-expression.


--------------------
"To those who doubt - your wounds will never heal
To those who question my creation - I'm not real"


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Offlinehushmush

Registered: 12/30/13
Posts: 165
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
Re: true self expression? [Re: elgatogordo]
    #19357863 - 01/02/14 10:43 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Great report!


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Offlineelgatogordo
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Registered: 10/06/11
Posts: 494
Last seen: 11 months, 11 days
Re: true self expression? [Re: hushmush]
    #19373548 - 01/05/14 03:44 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

hushmush said:
Great report!



Thank you kind sir/madam


--------------------
"To those who doubt - your wounds will never heal
To those who question my creation - I'm not real"


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OfflineAopocetx
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Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: true self expression? [Re: elgatogordo]
    #19374325 - 01/05/14 06:55 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Interesting thoughts.


--------------------


---------> Acacia confusa trip report <--------

############ DPT HCL trip report with Q&A ###########

Follow my psychedelic instagram @psychedelicpage


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OfflineDeathcore
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Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 1,934
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: true self expression? [Re: Aopocetx]
    #19374464 - 01/05/14 07:33 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

very cool
i know exactly what you mean


but here's a theory


your programming is fading away but your ego fights back by telling you its wrong



like a shaved pussy resembling a lolita or underage, she's still a girl regardless and although there's that saying pussy is pussy, because you like pussy you might get a little tickle seeing any shaved pussy, even though its wrong to sleep with children according to society

(no i don't sleep with children nor do i want to but if you see a fat ass nice tits and clean snatched 16 year old you ass naked legs spread 9/10 you're getting a boner)


and to further my point in a nonsexual way....torturing a torturer for revenge...visualizing and justifying your imagination..


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Offlineelgatogordo
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Registered: 10/06/11
Posts: 494
Last seen: 11 months, 11 days
Re: true self expression? [Re: Deathcore]
    #19395335 - 01/09/14 06:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deathcore said:
very cool
i know exactly what you mean


but here's a theory


your programming is fading away but your ego fights back by telling you its wrong



like a shaved pussy resembling a lolita or underage, she's still a girl regardless and although there's that saying pussy is pussy, because you like pussy you might get a little tickle seeing any shaved pussy, even though its wrong to sleep with children according to society

(no i don't sleep with children nor do i want to but if you see a fat ass nice tits and clean snatched 16 year old you ass naked legs spread 9/10 you're getting a boner)


and to further my point in a nonsexual way....torturing a torturer for revenge...visualizing and justifying your imagination..




Good thought! I do understand what you are getting at here... Maybe seems more like the freudian super-ego ie. one's societal/cultural moral framework....

Seems to be an extremely slippery slope between peace of mind and chaotic psychosis.


--------------------
"To those who doubt - your wounds will never heal
To those who question my creation - I'm not real"


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OfflineDeathcore
Stranger


Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 1,934
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: true self expression? [Re: elgatogordo]
    #19395368 - 01/09/14 07:00 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

all in the eyes of the beholder..

The tough question is what is the grand scheme?


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Offlineelgatogordo
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Registered: 10/06/11
Posts: 494
Last seen: 11 months, 11 days
Re: true self expression? [Re: Deathcore]
    #19412646 - 01/13/14 02:20 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deathcore said:
all in the eyes of the beholder..

The tough question is what is the grand scheme?




It appears to me to be undefinable.


--------------------
"To those who doubt - your wounds will never heal
To those who question my creation - I'm not real"


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