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Anonymous #1

It sucks not being charismatic
    #19376410 - 01/06/14 08:58 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

It does.  I don't have a zeal for life and I'm not running around hugging people so sometimes I'll come off as depressed or a downer to the group.  Those people seem to have it easier as far as getting jobs, spouses, meeting people, and lots of other stuff. 

It's not like it's something that anyone can just change either.  It's rooted in your personality and trying to be charismatic would come off as being fake.

and charismatic people have just as much opportunity to be introspective, read, etc. as non-charismatic people.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #19376499 - 01/06/14 09:26 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Yes, it's true. Being charismatic makes things easier.

But then again, so makes being a millionaire things easier, but most of us aren't and we deal with not being millionaires.
Being a Nobel prize laureate makes it easier to get a job in academia, but most of us aren't and we deal with it.
Being a porn star makes it easier to get laid, but most of us aren't...and we deal with it.

You get the point: you're right, but for your own sake, don't focus on what you're not. Focus on the things you are (or could realistically be) and make the best of that.


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OfflineYage
Z
Male


Registered: 12/14/11
Posts: 512
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19376505 - 01/06/14 09:28 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Meh, It's not that bad. Look at it this way, your a true alien compared to them. They probably go home and wonder if it's better to be more like you or not. Be happy your not stuck running on the church driven impulse constantly, trying to please everyone around.


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OfflineSeaShrooms
The dude
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Registered: 09/13/05
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Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Yage]
    #19376817 - 01/06/14 11:09 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

It is certainly better to look like a porn star than to be charismatic :P


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The life of a condemned soul is hatred.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #19376897 - 01/06/14 11:25 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
It does.  I don't have a zeal for life and I'm not running around hugging people so sometimes I'll come off as depressed or a downer to the group.  Those people seem to have it easier as far as getting jobs, spouses, meeting people, and lots of other stuff. 

It's not like it's something that anyone can just change either.  It's rooted in your personality and trying to be charismatic would come off as being fake.

and charismatic people have just as much opportunity to be introspective, read, etc. as non-charismatic people.




Being charismatic has nothing to do with being fake and everything to do with not giving a fuck about what people think. The only thing stopping you from saying and doing as you please is your own hang-ups on how other people will perceive you. That thing that you call charisma is nothing more than being confident. I would just try to be charismatic. Sure, it may come off as fake to you. Some of your friends might even think you've had a stroke. Either way, it is never too late to take the plunge into the seas of social interaction. People are typically too caught up in what they are doing to notice Hey, anonymous is being nicer than usual and would respond by being nice back. It's a fractal that feels really good and doesn't end once you start it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: empty space]
    #19376928 - 01/06/14 11:32 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

You're saying all introvert people give a shit about about what other people think?


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
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Registered: 10/09/10
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Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: empty space]
    #19376937 - 01/06/14 11:33 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I have the ability to be charismatic despite thr fact that Im extremely introverted. Like everything else it is a skill you can practice and become better at.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19376999 - 01/06/14 11:50 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
You're saying all introvert people give a shit about about what other people think?



No. I'm saying that you give a shit about what other people think.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
It's not like it's something that anyone can just change either.  It's rooted in your personality and trying to be charismatic would come off as being fake.



Why do you care if you come off as being fake? If somebody thinks your kindness is fake, they aren't worth your time.


Edited by empty space (01/06/14 11:52 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: empty space]
    #19377167 - 01/06/14 12:55 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

wouldst consider Charles bukowski an introvert. You're saying that he cares what other people think? That guy made a living being a care-free asshole.

I never said I cared if I came off as beingfake. I said it would come off as being fake.

And why are you equating kindness to charisma?  Do you know what charisma means?


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19377221 - 01/06/14 01:21 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Charisma - a compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others

I believe having a kind and open nature equates to attractiveness and charm. If kindness and openness doesn't inspire devotion in somebody, then they probably aren't looking for the right things out of you anyway.

Ok, so it comes off as being fake and you don't care. So what?


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OfflineMurzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 2 months, 21 days
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19377503 - 01/06/14 02:28 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
It does.  I don't have a zeal for life and I'm not running around hugging people so sometimes I'll come off as depressed or a downer to the group.  Those people seem to have it easier as far as getting jobs, spouses, meeting people, and lots of other stuff. 

It's not like it's something that anyone can just change either.  It's rooted in your personality and trying to be charismatic would come off as being fake.

and charismatic people have just as much opportunity to be introspective, read, etc. as non-charismatic people.




Ever tried MDMA (low dose)?
Helped me a lot on concerning those problems. Permanently to some extent.
Still, 75 mg and the right mood make me develope into some kind of a superhuman being when it comes to social skills. I remember how all these moments of social success and the loss of emotional inhibition felt like and this changed me for the better.
It's a lot less troublesome for me now to show emotions to others, initiate some body contact and to tell them how I feel.

Not saying drugs are the answer to these problems, but they kinda were to mine.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19380703 - 01/07/14 02:22 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
You're saying all introvert people give a shit about about what other people think?



Dude, introversion, charisma, extroversion, empathy - they're all different things, but you bunch them together like it's nobody's business. Apart from my earlier response, I'd also recommend you to acquire a bit more conceptual clarity.


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OfflineSeaShrooms
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Registered: 09/13/05
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Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: koraks]
    #19382087 - 01/07/14 11:58 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I think what he means to say, is that you are putting labels on his person that he does not identify with.


--------------------
The life of a condemned soul is hatred.


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InvisiblePsilopsychosis
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Registered: 07/06/13
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Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Patlal]
    #19390399 - 01/08/14 08:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
I have the ability to be charismatic despite thr fact that Im extremely introverted. Like everything else it is a skill you can practice and become better at.





This.

Just go out of your way to talk to a new random person everyday. Its a lot easier that you think it would be.


Source: a charming introvert


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Offlineusulpsychonaut
Male

Registered: 05/12/08
Posts: 2,814
Loc: Northland, New Zealand. Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19391373 - 01/09/14 12:12 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I know. Its fucked. I really do hate this introversion, there does not seem to be any up side at all. I don't care what people think. There just is no energy, no impulse to interact. I just vanish because I don't have the energy to say good bye. I don't give a shit that it is rude to vanish. I remember alcohol used to give me social energy, now it only numbs the loneliness.


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OfflineDarwin23
INFJ
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Registered: 10/08/10
Posts: 3,279
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Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19395166 - 01/09/14 06:27 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah it does. I've been growing more charismatic over the years though and I feel like it's a trait that people tend to develop over time.


--------------------

Take a look at my journal


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InvisiblePsilopsychosis
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Registered: 07/06/13
Posts: 717
Loc: Flag
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Darwin23]
    #19395512 - 01/09/14 07:28 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

If you were a skinny gangletron would anyone let you mope about being weak or would they tell you to work out?

If you were an idiot would anyone let you mope about being stupid or would they tell you to read, think critically and do mental math?

Charisma is no different from strength or intelligence.



Imagine life is a video game. You need 40 ranks in charm to get the perk that allows you to talk to pretty girls. You have 15 ranks. You get more by practicing that skill(charisma).  How do you do that? By fucking talking to people. It really isn't that difficult.

People just like to take the path of least resistance and never leave their comfort zones.

Start small and work your way up.

Go out tmrw all ye whiners and talk to one random person. I dare you...


You can do it. I believe in you.


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InvisiblePsilopsychosis
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Registered: 07/06/13
Posts: 717
Loc: Flag
Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Psilopsychosis]
    #19395523 - 01/09/14 07:29 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

And look people in the eyes when you are talking to them. It makes it a lot easier.


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Anonymous #1

Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Psilopsychosis]
    #19397667 - 01/10/14 07:32 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I look people in the eyes and go out of my way to talk to strangers sometimes.  I still don't consider myself charismatic.


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OfflineCrystal G
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Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
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Re: It sucks not being charismatic [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19397861 - 01/10/14 08:41 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Charisma is something that is learned. People aren't born charismatic.

I used to be completely socially defunct, an introvert, and had pretty bad social anxiety. I was always saying the wrong thing or something awkward or being totally silent and unresponsive, because I didn't know how to talk properly. Now with lots of practice, I have no problem conversing with strangers, and people find me funny and interesting and charismatic.

I strongly suggest taking cotillion lessons for adults, or a business manners class, or some type of class where you can learn manners and practice the art of social skills with strangers in a group setting.

You say that being charismatic wouldn't be you. Well, just think of being charismatic like acting. It's not hard when you think about it that way. If you were playing a role pretending to be a dumb airhead, you could play that couldn't you? How about a violent sociopath, or a perverted stalker, couldn't you play that too? So why can't you play the role of a charismatic person?


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