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InvisibleAsante
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,004
Absent fathers (growing up)
    #19393699 - 01/09/14 01:21 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)




While I grew up my father was relatively distant and my parents divorced while I was still young, my brother and I staying with our mother.

For much of my childhood I missed a father figure in my life and in retrospect I can see how this developmentally was good for me.

Now as I'm 41 he lives in another country and visits me about 2-3x a year, where he spends about 2 months of the year staying over in my home.

Oddly enough I'm only now really getting to know him, and see more of him dan during much of my childhood. About the matter he told me "I didnt know how to relate to kids so I withdrew a bit". I recall that I adored him when I was younger but as an older kid found it hard to relate to him because of the distance I felt he created. Like a stereotypical kid, I assumed it was my fault. It didnt really mend until my 30s, when my mom died and he and I got closer as people.

Absent fathers, lets take about it.

Anyone here had a dad gone AWOL?  How did it affect you? Can you relate to him better now at this age?  Are you turning into an AWOL dad to your kids too?

Let's talk.
Was your father distant/absent and how did it affect you?
You may choose only one
Did it mend later in life?
You may choose only one


Votes accepted from (01/09/14 04:21 AM) to (No end specified)
You must vote before you can view the results of this poll



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Invisiblechicksgrowtoo
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Registered: 12/01/13
Posts: 3,422
Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: Asante]
    #19393743 - 01/09/14 01:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

If my dad stuck around I would be a horrible person....sometimes it's best just to NOT know certain people related or not


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: Asante] * 2
    #19393747 - 01/09/14 01:38 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I was raised by my grandparents from infancy. My mom was only 15 when she got pregnant with me, she still had a lot of partying to do, so did my dad so they "let" my grandma have me. (Really my grandma got tired of them dropping me off so they could go party, and told them either she's getting custody or they need to stop)

Years later my parents divorced and they fucking HATE each other. My dad moved away, my mom stayed in nearby cities and saw me like once a weekend per month in a good year, maybe 3 times a year in a bad one. My dad almost never bothered to send me a birthday card or pick up a phone. I saw him all of 3 times until I was 15. Talked to him on the phone maybe twice.

He tried to get back in my life and that shit just ain't gonna work. I resent him for abandoning me. I was all the time questioning why my parents didn't want anything to do with me (my mom only picked me up when it was convenient for her) like what the fuck is so bad about me that my own parents don't want me?

But it's okay. My father is a horrible person anyways. I'm glad I didn't grow up with him now (my brothers did and he beat my youngest one practically everyday.. Broke his collar bone once, threw him through walls, back handed him because he lost his temper etc they were eventually removed by CPS from my father and given to my mother). The whole goddamn time he had them, he was ruthless at collection child support from my mother. He didn't care if it meant she wasn't going to eat or have a place to live he wanted his damn money. My mom had them for the next 10~ years (until one died and the other was over 18) and she has to this day, not seen one dime of child support money owed to her.

When I eventually asked my dad why he didn't bother to pick up the phone, he told me "Because it would piss your mother off". Biggest crock of shit answer I have ever heard. He can't even own up to not giving a fuck about me, but he wants back in my life. He fucking HATES my mother.. He doesn't give 1 iota of a shit about pissing her off in any other way, but for some reason, he doesn't want to piss her off by talking to me.. Yeah. Fucking. Right.

Fuck that dude. The list goes on, I could spend all day listing all the reasons why he's a shitty human being and the world would honestly be a much better place without him, but I've already written a damn book and haven't even begun to scratch the surface. His entire family has disowned him.. He has not one family member on his side. That should tell you something. 

TL;DR My dad is a piece of shit who abandoned me, doesn't have the balls to admit he made a mistake and is a shitty human being who deserves to die alone.


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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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InvisibleFrozenHappiness
Professional Cereal Box

Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 5,330
Loc: Nagoon Lagoon
Re: Absent feathers (growing up) [Re: Shroomslip]
    #19394389 - 01/09/14 04:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I was cold a lot.



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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
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Registered: 10/09/10
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Re: Absent feathers (growing up) [Re: FrozenHappiness]
    #19394543 - 01/09/14 04:42 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I always wished my dad would be more involved in my life. It's partly my fault, we both don't visit each other because we're both loners :shrug:


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OfflineMisterSandman
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Re: Absent feathers (growing up) [Re: FrozenHappiness]
    #19394572 - 01/09/14 04:48 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

My dad was an alcoholic, he was extremely emotionally abusive and distant. I have very few good memories of my Father, I can probably count them on one hand. He would scream at me all the time, say things like how he wished I had never been born, shit like that. He never taught me any life lessons or skills. He cheated on my mother several times until they finally got divorced when I was 15. I sometimes think it might have been better to just not have a father at all.


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Invisiblesomething super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!
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Registered: 10/29/12
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: Asante]
    #19394648 - 01/09/14 05:04 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Nope, my dad was pretty good until he died.
Sucks to be you guys.


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: something super extreme]
    #19395106 - 01/09/14 06:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

my dad is a old white nerd

we used to watch star trek together for a few years when I was super young

i played sports but honestly I get uncomfertable pretty easy and my friends played different sports so i was never good at any


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Offlinepcplease
Salame

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 6,089
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: something super extreme]
    #19395191 - 01/09/14 06:31 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

sVs said:
Nope, my dad was pretty good until he died.





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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: pcplease] * 3
    #19395219 - 01/09/14 06:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

My father was a good, kind man who took care of his family.


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Invisiblesomething super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: zappaisgod]
    #19395224 - 01/09/14 06:37 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

All too uncommon in these times.


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InvisibleLittleDipster
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Registered: 06/18/10
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: zappaisgod]
    #19395258 - 01/09/14 06:42 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

my dad is awesome. my mom on the other hand....


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Offlinezappaisgod
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: something super extreme]
    #19395277 - 01/09/14 06:45 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

sVs said:
All too uncommon in these times.



Maybe.  I think my children think of me that way.


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Invisiblesomething super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: zappaisgod]
    #19395301 - 01/09/14 06:49 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Should I ever make the mistake of procreation, I'd attempt to give them as good as I was given.
We're pretty adamant on not having any children for the foreseeable future, however.


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Invisibleteknix
𓂀⟁𓅢𓍝𓅃𓊰𓉡 𓁼𓆗⨻
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Registered: 09/16/08
Posts: 11,953
Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: Asante]
    #19395343 - 01/09/14 06:56 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I met my father a couple of times and stayed with him for a summer when I was 13. To his credit he did get me interested in computers and taught me things about them. This was way back when windows 3.1 was cutting edge, lol. He taught me how to remove the cmos to reset the bios password, which still comes in handy.

I was going to live with him but I felt like he didn't really like me there so I went back home. I don't think fathers are as good at being and showing affection the way mothers do, and I sorta missed that I guess.

He always sent child support too, and it ended up helping my brothers and sister to have a place to stay because it went towards buying a house. So I think he did his part in that respect, just wasn't good at being a dad really. (imo) I never really see him and don't really care either way.

I don't think the majority of the dad's are very good at it though.

:shrug:


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InvisibleAsante
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,004
Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: zappaisgod] * 2
    #19397499 - 01/10/14 06:32 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
My father was a good, kind man who took care of his family.





I believe you, you strike me as a man who had a strong male rolemodel and I mean that in a good way. But, and not to dig at you, I always had the impression your mom didnt breastfeed you.


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OfflineIcyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: Asante]
    #19397506 - 01/10/14 06:34 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I had my father my first years... he was still absent.. and thus I distanced myself..


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www.piday.org/million/


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Invisiblebirdland

Registered: 07/24/11
Posts: 2,202
Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: Asante]
    #19397546 - 01/10/14 06:53 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I always had the impression your mom didnt breastfeed you.



:whateveryousayfreak:

How is this meant to affect someone?


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OfflineIcyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: birdland]
    #19397555 - 01/10/14 06:55 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

birdland said:
Quote:

I always had the impression your mom didnt breastfeed you.



:whateveryousayfreak:

How is this meant to affect someone?




Uncomfertable with physical contact...


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www.piday.org/million/


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Offlinehighc
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Registered: 08/31/07
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Re: Absent fathers (growing up) [Re: Icyus]
    #19397568 - 01/10/14 06:59 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

My mom and dad seperated when I was 8 after my dad tried to kill her. Prior to this my dad was a pretty bad man. Was mafia affiliated and has killed numerous people. Home life wasn't far from. He use to beat the fuck out of my mom and me. Very badly. Most of the time for no reason.i found out I was adopted when I was 13 which really made me mad and dispised him.

Between 8 and 17 I just lived with my mom. At 17 I was way to out of control for my mom to handle and she sent me to my dads. I lived with him for a year and then he got cancer and died. I'm glad I got to spend his last days with him. Forgave but not forgotten.

I didn't even cry at his funeral . he was a piece of shit. He did slightly change when I went to relive with him. But damage was done. However, as shitty as he was I wouldn't change who he was or what he did because its those circumstances that made me who I am today and I love me :smile:


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