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InTheCosmos
Observer



Registered: 06/27/13
Posts: 130
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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I hate this place. 1
#19389339 - 01/08/14 05:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'm pretty much done with my time on this earth. I hate how my life has become, I feel like the most worthless particle to ever exist. My problems are overwhelming and I cant over come my thoughts and emotions anymore. I have nobody. Honestly, what's the point? I thought happiness was a choice, just as much as anger, or sadness. It's not a choice, I cant be happy. I cant choose to not be miserable with every moment im here. Waking up and becoming sad that you actually woke up, is not a feeling that I can just choose to get rid of. I never express my emotions, and I just cant take it anymore. I want to be gone from this realm.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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I hear ya bro. While it might be a choice for some it's certainly not for most imo. You are hardly alone but you have come to it at what I assume is a very young age. I really seriously got sick of everything at about 55 years so I've been dealing with it for about 6 years. It's not pretty. I wish you the very best and I do feel for ya.
There may be some things you can do to lessen the suffering however but you'll be using extreme measures most likely.
I find that Kratom has been helpful for me but I have to deal with this damn addiction. I have it very easy materially also so I'm not going to give further advice beyond that.
I'm not sure if I actually hate it here. I find it disappointingly depressing.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Quote:
InTheCosmos said: I'm pretty much done with my time on this earth. I hate how my life has become, I feel like the most worthless particle to ever exist. My problems are overwhelming and I cant over come my thoughts and emotions anymore. I have nobody. Honestly, what's the point? I thought happiness was a choice, just as much as anger, or sadness. It's not a choice, I cant be happy. I cant choose to not be miserable with every moment im here. Waking up and becoming sad that you actually woke up, is not a feeling that I can just choose to get rid of. I never express my emotions, and I just cant take it anymore. I want to be gone from this realm.
This is exactly how I want my enemies to feel. Ideally there would be physical pain as well.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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That's nice.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: I hate this place. [Re: Icelander] 1
#19389549 - 01/08/14 05:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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usulpsychonaut


Registered: 05/12/08
Posts: 2,814
Loc: Northland, New Zealand.
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Last time I ran out of cannabis I drove to this beach too decapitate myself. I was drinking in my car, waiting for the focus and determination to go through with it when a gangster knocked on my car window, asked for a cigarette paper. I asked him to hook me up with some cannabis leaf and he did. So I got a real good excuse not to end everything and since then I've dealt with numerous hangovers, endless hassles and work. On the up side I get stoned every day and now I even get laid once a week. Just seems that most of us just keep on living and this is what ever it is. It will get better, it will get worse. Anyone with the balls to actually suicide has my respect. Life seems like the easier way to me. As for 'just perception'??? this is meaningless. Of course it is just perception, knowing that suicidal tendencies are just a perception does not make suicidal tendencies any easier to walk through.
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Icyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa



Registered: 11/07/13
Posts: 3,502
Loc: Inbetween.
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
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Re: I hate this place. [Re: Icelander]
#19389590 - 01/08/14 05:41 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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It is a shitty place indeed.. not a reason to suffer though.. man... would you help me kill all humans?
Man, I have balls to suicide.. and to cut them off myself be the need great enough.. think both of those thing would be the last i would do thoigh... havent bothered killing myself yet thoigh.. a task tocomplete and all...
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Anyone with the balls to actually suicide has my respect.
Ditto
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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dragonsmack
Stranger


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 44
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
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Seems like a long time ago but I remember when in my late teens to mid 20s I felt that way too. I remember taking a shotgun to bed in hopes that I would have the balls to follow through that night. Anyway, it took a long time to figure it out but in the end it was ADD and being diagnosed has made me a new person. When your mind is going a million different directions and it never feels like you accomplish shit, you are a loser because you cant accomplish shit which then makes you more depressed, it truly is remarkable that in like 20 minutes after your first dose of adderall you think like a new man. I am now 45 and still have slight issues with depression now and again but am glad I held in there. If you can, get in the docs office and see if you could pick up a generic of it to try for a month.
As for happiness is a choice, it is if the chemicals in your brain are balanced enough for you to be able to choose. If not, you will never be happy but the good news is...it is fixable!!!!!
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Icyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa



Registered: 11/07/13
Posts: 3,502
Loc: Inbetween.
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
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Man.. you do not need a pill to be optimal..
we humans are to be scavenging in the woods, I think... We would eat what we feel eating.. we would ingest all alkaloids and oils we would require to be optimal.. we would be atracted to it...
If you feel like you are depressed, I would suggest starting to do what you feel on a whim... you often need a little kickstarter though, but after a dose of mother earth, you'd be off again
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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InTheCosmos
Observer



Registered: 06/27/13
Posts: 130
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Suicide would be cake for me if I knew what was past this. Every good or bad feeling is pure perception. I get that. I cant get the bad perception out of anything though. Drugs and not being sober only help for a short time if at all for me. I dont really know if I believe its acceptable. All I can say is, everytime I think about dying, I think of suicide. Thats the only way I think of myself going out. I'd love to do it now, but I would want to wait for it to be a perfect time, to get the most reactions out of it. It's too hard to care at all anymore.
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Icyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa



Registered: 11/07/13
Posts: 3,502
Loc: Inbetween.
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
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To get the most reactions? You should kill yourself because you want the experience of it man... if you are stil suffering.. It will continue, i think..
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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presentusthefuture
Stranger


Registered: 09/22/13
Posts: 127
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Re: I hate this place. [Re: Icyus] 1
#19389810 - 01/08/14 06:15 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Jesus...
You guys need to seriously get off the internet. Right now. And go outside. Just take a break.
You need to realize that life is only as enjoyable or depressing as you make it.
There will always be ups and downs in life. Always. That is a given. But just as you slide down into the valley of depression, know that there is a new day just over the horizon with new joys, new possibilities, and new surprises. Where there is life, there is hope.
Instead of sooking on an internet forum, moaning "poor me, life sucks. I just want to blow my brains out. Why was I born!? Wahh" Why don't you pick yourself up out of your shitty situation and do something about it? You can't expect life to just give you constant satisfaction. Go find new joys, new loves. Go visit somebody that you care about. Practice a hobby that you have. Self-improvement really does wonders for depression.
But DO NOT rely on drugs as your main source of joy. That is a slippery slope my friends.
Christ, this forum is just full of whiny little pessimists. Either that or juvenile hippies. It's kind of pathetic...
</endrant>
Edited by presentusthefuture (01/08/14 06:21 PM)
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,891
Last seen: 34 minutes, 16 seconds
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Quote:
InTheCosmos said: I'm pretty much done with my time on this earth. I hate how my life has become, I feel like the most worthless particle to ever exist. My problems are overwhelming and I cant over come my thoughts and emotions anymore. I have nobody. Honestly, what's the point? I thought happiness was a choice, just as much as anger, or sadness. It's not a choice, I cant be happy. I cant choose to not be miserable with every moment im here. Waking up and becoming sad that you actually woke up, is not a feeling that I can just choose to get rid of. I never express my emotions, and I just cant take it anymore. I want to be gone from this realm.
In the end it takes a lot more courage to be emotionally honest than it does to try and hide it. Kudos to you for owning it, shitty as it is. People might urge you to change and you likely want to do exactly that, but IME the best medicine, even if only temporary, is to let the shit be shitty. Again I think it takes a monumental amount of courage to do this. The easier route is to try to deny the shittyness has any reason to be by focusing on solutions / alternatives. ironically that provides shittyness with a purpose. To promote change / escape from unwelcoming circumstances. But what about when it isn't something within our power to change? Well, that purpose becomes self-repeating. Change this, shittyness still there. Ok.. change this. Shittyness still there. At some point shittyness just needs to be, without purpose, without reason, just as it is before anything else comes in to play. And then IME it falls prey to impermanence. No fuel to the burning fire, it burns itself out. At least temporarily.
Wishing you well whatever way you approach your existence. Its not for the faint of heart any way.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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Spacerific
- - - >



Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: I hate this place. [Re: Icyus] 1
#19389850 - 01/08/14 06:23 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Give me a break OP 
I have two words for you. Sean Stephenson.

Read that link, inform yourself a bit and then see if you can come back here and boo hoo about how bad you have it.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: I hate this place. [Re: Spacerific] 1
#19389897 - 01/08/14 06:31 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Spacerific said: Give me a break OP 
I have two words for you. Sean Stephenson.

Read that link, inform yourself a bit and then see if you can come back here and boo hoo about how bad you have it.
Jeez now the guy doesn't even have a right to feel like shit about a shitty situation, life just keeps getting better
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Icyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa



Registered: 11/07/13
Posts: 3,502
Loc: Inbetween.
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
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Quote:
presentusthefuture said: Jesus...
You guys need to seriously get off the internet. Right now. And go outside. Just take a break.
You need to realize that life is only as enjoyable or depressing as you make it.
There will always be ups and downs in life. Always. That is a given. But just as you slide down into the valley of depression, know that there is a new day just over the horizon with new joys, new possibilities, and new surprises. Where there is life, there is hope.
Instead of sooking on an internet forum, moaning "poor me, life sucks. I just want to blow my brains out. Why was I born!? Wahh" Why don't you pick yourself up out of your shitty situation and do something about it? You can't expect life to just give you constant satisfaction. Go find new joys, new loves. Go visit somebody that you care about. Practice a hobby that you have. Self-improvement really does wonders for depression.
But DO NOT rely on drugs as your main source of joy. That is a slippery slope my friends.
Christ, this forum is just full of whiny little pessimists. Either that or juvenile hippies. It's kind of pathetic...
</endrant>
Why did you respond that to me? You are anyway emitting bad vibes... stop it, or you will start coming late for everything..
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,891
Last seen: 34 minutes, 16 seconds
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Quote:
presentusthefuture said: Jesus...
You guys need to seriously get off the internet. Right now. And go outside. Just take a break.
You need to realize that life is only as enjoyable or depressing as you make it.
There will always be ups and downs in life. Always. That is a given. But just as you slide down into the valley of depression, know that there is a new day just over the horizon with new joys, new possibilities, and new surprises. Where there is life, there is hope.
Instead of sooking on an internet forum, moaning "poor me, life sucks. I just want to blow my brains out. Why was I born!? Wahh" Why don't you pick yourself up out of your shitty situation and do something about it? You can't expect life to just give you constant satisfaction. Go find new joys, new loves. Go visit somebody that you care about. Practice a hobby that you have. Self-improvement really does wonders for depression.
But DO NOT rely on drugs as your main source of joy. That is a slippery slope my friends.
Christ, this forum is just full of whiny little pessimists. Either that or juvenile hippies. It's kind of pathetic...
</endrant>
These posts are a part of life. You should practice what you preach. If it is within your power to enjoy life in full then you can enjoy this tiny sliver with ease.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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presentusthefuture
Stranger


Registered: 09/22/13
Posts: 127
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Re: I hate this place. [Re: Kickle]
#19389953 - 01/08/14 06:42 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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And so it goes:
"Misery loves company"
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Quote:
presentusthefuture said: And so it goes:
"Misery loves company"
That's a nice attitude you got there buddy, very admirable.
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