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Anonymous #1

I REALLY need some advice...
    #19387256 - 01/08/14 10:23 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

So I have been wanting to talk to some people about this for some time... Just to get some opinions. I am 21 years old, and live in Georgia. I moved here in '08 from Ohio, where I was kind of torn away from my school, friends, etc., because of my dad relocating to a new job. So there was this girl, let's call her J. I had always had a thing for her since I think I saw her in third or fourth grade (we went to the same elementary, middle, and highschool). We were always friends, and around freshman year in highschool, things started to take a little sweep upward and we found ourselves "in like," with each other, yet really I was completely enamored with this girl... She was my dream girl. And then BOOM. I get the news that we are moving to Georgia. I didn't really know what to do, and I think I did a really good job fooling myself that I was ok. Its amazing how strong the Ego is, and how much you can handle in social situations... Some people are naturally strong, others weak in this category. Anyway, I had dreadlocks at the time, which was a big way of figuring out who was "cool" and who was just lame and wouldn't talk to the guy with dreads. Some people were outright rude and told me to wash my hair, whatever! My dreadlocks were actually some of the best I've seen (not to brag) but my mother put them in, so you know they were good! Anyway, back to the story. I adapted very well to life in GA, started rock climbing, etc. Had all kinds of distractions, ended up getting into a few little relationships, all the meanwhile J was getting on with her life just fine. I would visit Ohio in the summers, and see J. Whenever we would see each other, we were always in other relationships sort of, so we never felt "right" about expressing feelings for one another, yet its like we both obviously know they were there.

Last year I got into psychedelics, exploring myself and all of those things. I have been in a relationship with this girl E for almost two years now. She is very cool, I don't know what to say... I love her, in a special way. But I also still feel such strong feelings toward J. I want a life with a woman who can keep me motivated, make me try my hardest and stuff. With E it feels like she loves me too much for what I already am. I don't have to try so I feel. Its like I end up making conflict so she has something to not like me for. Its fucked up. I love her though. I mean, the sex we have is like nothing I've ever had. I've never even kissed J, yet the feeling when I'm near her is undeniable. I don't get this butterfly feeling when I look into E's eyes. Yet, realistically, what chance do I have with J? She lives in another place, yet we are both doing nothing with our lives. J and I are not in school (E is) and both want to somehow live semi-sustainable lifestyle, farm and garden, craft furniture, etc.

So now my aunt who lives in Ohio has cancer, and is going through chemo. She's doing great with treatments, but I'm here visiting. I got the news that I could take a trip up here with my mother last week. It was an impromptu trip, but I also got a tip that I might be losing my job, so I didn't feel compelled to stick around. E was going to come, but she had to work and we actually got into a little argument thing and decided to take a break from seeing each other while I'm gone and that week before. Not a break so we can see other people or anything, we just gave each other a little space is all. Now, one day, we decided to hang out. I think it was one of the days before I came up here to Ohio. Anyway, I did a psychedelic, it doesn't matter which one for this story... My girlfriend E watched as I fucking lost my mind in this crazed schizo-like state. I was totally gone. Babbling, glossolalia, etc. Anyway, during this intense trip (okay it was DMT) the spirits and everything was telling me that E was going to cheat on me at some point. I should also mention that there was a huge episode a year ago where I was using mushrooms and had a breakdown in my life and realized that I wanted to move back to ohio and see J. I broke up with E for about a month, over the course of which I realized J did not want to be in a relationship with me. I think I totally freaked her out just coming out like that, breaking up with my girlfriend to be with her. It was certainly rash and not planned, but I was acting from my heart and what I feel. I can't explain the feeling J gives me. Is that love? The inexplicable attraction. I'd like to really know why when I take psychedelics, or dream, that I am told and shown that I should really be putting my love toward J. Just last night I had a dream about her that we were laying in bed together. We are going to see each other today. She had one day off work this week while I am in town, and we are spending some time together even though it is her mothers birthday.

What are all your guys' thoughts on this? What would you do? Are you supposed to shut up and go with what is realistic so to speak, or do you go after what your heart feels? Its so tough. I'm killing myself over this whole thing.


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OfflineBassfreak
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Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19387650 - 01/08/14 11:46 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

like how well do you know J? like at this point in her life, not from middle or high school

is it really worth the risk when you have what sounds like a great gf who loves you? youd throw that all away in hopes that A) J likes you and B) she wants to go out with you and C) she is the person that you have built up in your mind

idk man. sounds a little crazy. psychadelics shudnt be what determines who your in love with. those shud be sober decision

honestly man, id stick with ur gf. not even like ur playing it safe, but bc she loves you man. do you love her? from your post is seems like you do but idk. if u love her then you shouldnt try to be cheating on her. i think cheating is fucked up and completely wrong


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Bassfreak]
    #19387990 - 01/08/14 12:37 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Bassfreak said:
like how well do you know J? like at this point in her life, not from middle or high school

is it really worth the risk when you have what sounds like a great gf who loves you? youd throw that all away in hopes that A) J likes you and B) she wants to go out with you and C) she is the person that you have built up in your mind

idk man. sounds a little crazy. psychadelics shudnt be what determines who your in love with. those shud be sober decision

honestly man, id stick with ur gf. not even like ur playing it safe, but bc she loves you man. do you love her? from your post is seems like you do but idk. if u love her then you shouldnt try to be cheating on her. i think cheating is fucked up and completely wrong



I would never cheat on her, its just that I don't know how ultimately happy I am. And the circumstances that she and I ended up together, etc. I think you're totally right! I don't want to throw away a girl who loves me, but why do I have such a hard time finding the spark? Its just that feeling you know? There is one issue with E's health that compromises our ability to have vaginal intercourse, and I don't know how I'm supposed to react to this. Doctors have told her there is nothing that can be done. I guess its a sensitivity issue so to speak. But basically, it sucks that we can't bond through vaginal sex. We have anal, but its just not the same. I don't know much about J intensely personal these days, but I think today I just want to lay it all on the table and hear her thoughts. Maybe she will be the one who can clear a few things up.


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OfflineBassfreak
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Registered: 08/24/10
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Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19388022 - 01/08/14 12:44 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

yeah from your first post it did kind of seem like you arent into ur gf as much as shes into you. maybe your looking for excuses to get outta the relationship. i mean if ur trippin and u had a realiztion thats shes gonna cheat on you then idk to me it seems like your looking for excuses to leave her

if thats the case then follow your heart i guess

telling J your feelings isnt cheating....yet


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Bassfreak]
    #19388037 - 01/08/14 12:49 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Bassfreak said:
yeah from your first post it did kind of seem like you arent into ur gf as much as shes into you. maybe your looking for excuses to get outta the relationship. i mean if ur trippin and u had a realiztion thats shes gonna cheat on you then idk to me it seems like your looking for excuses to leave her

if thats the case then follow your heart i guess

telling J your feelings isnt cheating....yet



I don't trip that often anymore... I went through a phase about a year and a half ago. But anyway, Its more just the day to day stuff with E. I love certain qualities, but there are always things that put me off. And its not even moral stuff. Well kind of, she doesn't have a car, her family doesn't really like me or get along with anyone for that matter, just all kinds of shit at this point that is out of my control (like the health issue preventing sex). I just can't get some of the really good times J and I had out of my mind, and then there is the odd occasion like last night where I have intense dreams about her.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19388042 - 01/08/14 12:51 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I think another big issue is I'm so jealous of E and what we have and her being with another guy. For some reason its like, unless I had J, I could never psychologically stand to see E with another person because I know how freaky she is.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19388056 - 01/08/14 12:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Also in the time that E and I took a month hiatus, she fucked two guys. One was my best friend basically, the other was some random guy at a party but she kept this a secret for almost a year. One day in the shower I just had this feeling that she was keeping something from me, and it turned out that she had never told me about this other guy. That tore me apart! I didn't fuck anyone or even do anything but chase after J while we were apart.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19388505 - 01/08/14 02:46 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I'm in almost the same exact situation, except I have abandoned seeking after my J because I realize it is something that is not meant to be in this time. I know exactly how you feel about everything about E down to her fucking your best friend while you were broken up because I've been through it all with my girl. You need to end things with her, but I know that it's not that easy. I'm still with my E. I wish I had the answer, but I don't. I'm here with you buddy :hug:

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Also in the time that E and I took a month hiatus, she fucked two guys. One was my best friend basically, the other was some random guy at a party but she kept this a secret for almost a year. One day in the shower I just had this feeling that she was keeping something from me, and it turned out that she had never told me about this other guy. That tore me apart! I didn't fuck anyone or even do anything but chase after J while we were apart.



It really makes you feel important to her, doesn't it? Know that this is not a reflection of your value but a reflection of her self-value.

Why did you get back together with her?


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Edited by empty space (01/08/14 02:47 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: empty space]
    #19388618 - 01/08/14 03:08 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
It really makes you feel important to her, doesn't it? Know that this is not a reflection of your value but a reflection of her self-value.

Why did you get back together with her?



Can you explain more? What makes me feel important to her? The fact that I didn't fuck anyone? Or are you saying that her self-value is skewed that she feels the need to go fuck guys (insecurities). Bottom line, your question of why I got back together with her is still a mystery. I had been denied by J at that time, and I felt insecure I guess! I wanted my comfort back, but wasn't willing to put the work and effort into finding a new and more acceptable comfort. Sex maybe? I would like to think that for myself, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but then again, a year without vaginal sex and I'm going insane.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19389648 - 01/08/14 05:50 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Sorry the first question was sarcasm. It doesn't make you feel good at all. The same thing happened to me and at this point I look back and laugh... dryly.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Or are you saying that her self-value is skewed that she feels the need to go fuck guys (insecurities). Bottom line, your question of why I got back together with her is still a mystery. I had been denied by J at that time, and I felt insecure I guess! I wanted my comfort back, but wasn't willing to put the work and effort into finding a new and more acceptable comfort. Sex maybe? I would like to think that for myself, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but then again, a year without vaginal sex and I'm going insane.



Her self-value is skewed and so when her relationship ends, instead of taking a second to reflect on herself and get grounded, she goes and gets fucked. Plus she fucked your best friend, which whether or not it was the conscious reason, she did that to fuck with your emotions. Pretty much, she tried to bring your self-value down to the level of her self-value and succeeded. Now, you are feeling stuck in a relationship that you don't feel too crazy about but you are staying in because your girlfriend loves and dotes on you and puts in that extra effort because she feels bad for fucking you over and subconsciously knows that you regularly question whether or not you should be in the relationship that you both should be moving on from. Am I wrong?


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: empty space]
    #19390381 - 01/08/14 08:14 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
Sorry the first question was sarcasm. It doesn't make you feel good at all. The same thing happened to me and at this point I look back and laugh... dryly.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Or are you saying that her self-value is skewed that she feels the need to go fuck guys (insecurities). Bottom line, your question of why I got back together with her is still a mystery. I had been denied by J at that time, and I felt insecure I guess! I wanted my comfort back, but wasn't willing to put the work and effort into finding a new and more acceptable comfort. Sex maybe? I would like to think that for myself, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but then again, a year without vaginal sex and I'm going insane.



Her self-value is skewed and so when her relationship ends, instead of taking a second to reflect on herself and get grounded, she goes and gets fucked. Plus she fucked your best friend, which whether or not it was the conscious reason, she did that to fuck with your emotions. Pretty much, she tried to bring your self-value down to the level of her self-value and succeeded. Now, you are feeling stuck in a relationship that you don't feel too crazy about but you are staying in because your girlfriend loves and dotes on you and puts in that extra effort because she feels bad for fucking you over and subconsciously knows that you regularly question whether or not you should be in the relationship that you both should be moving on from. Am I wrong?



You are so right. Now here's the crux. I hung out with J today, we were going to go sledding but that shit was icy. I didn't want to break a tailbone. Anyway, we got coffee, and talked for a few hours. We've been texting tonight and talking about things, and basically, she is in the same boat I am. She is enamored with some guy who I don't know, and he doesn't like her back. Now, we are spending more time together soon. She wants to hang out more and just get to know each other better at this point. What do you think? One thing. J could not stop blushing the whole time over coffee. I know she was interested in me in the past, and can see subtle body signals and stuff which lead me to believe she has something for me. And she wants to spend more time together, so idk. I feel totally lost.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
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Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19395565 - 01/09/14 07:39 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I think a few things:

If you love E like you say, then you should break up with her before thinking about dating J because you are doing her (and yourself) a disservice by continuing the relationship.

You should give yourself time to be single after you break up with E. When you break up with her, emotions will emerge and events will take place that you cannot predict and these will make your attempts to manifest a healthy relationship with J very difficult if not impossible. Relationship hopping is not healthy and if your relationship with J ends messily, you may lose her as friend.

You should wait for J and her boyfriend to break up before you try to date her. If she is enamored with him, she is going to need time to figure out her head afterwards.

Like I said, enjoy being single. Focus on the areas of your life that you have neglected while you were with E. Get paid. Hang out with your friends. Make art. Build connections. Find out what you want from yourself and do it. Then you will have a better idea of what you want from a relationship. You may realize that J is the one for you, your soul mate, your fonfon-ru.You may realize that you don't want J at all. Whatever you do realize, you will be very satisfied with your realization and I assure that you will be glad that you took the time to realize it.

:peace::heart::sun:


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Edited by empty space (01/09/14 11:39 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: empty space]
    #19397692 - 01/10/14 07:40 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
break up with her

You should wait for J and her boyfriend to break up before you try to date her. If she is enamored with him, she is going to need time to figure out her head afterwards.

Like I said, enjoy being single. Focus on the areas of your life that you have neglected while you were with E. Get paid. Hang out with your friends. Make art. Build connections. Find out what you want from yourself and do it. Then you will have a better idea of what you want from a relationship. You may realize that J is the one for you, your soul mate, your fonfon-ru.You may realize that you don't want J at all. Whatever you do realize, you will be very satisfied with your realization and I assure that you will be glad that you took the time to realize it.

:peace::heart::sun:



All this. I agree 100%. J is not dating this guy. Its just apparent she thinks about him and compares all other men to him. But yeah man I'm back in my home state, living it up, healing my auntie, spending time with friends (going to jam with some old homies tonight). I got paid yesterday doing some plumbing work. Its the grand parade man! I couldn't have said it any better myself. Yeah its hard to break things off with E mentally speaking, but shit, I get over things so quickly and its my ability to have hope for the future and just keep striding forward. Whatever happens happens! If J is my fonfon-ru then hell yeah. If not, hell yeah because that will somehow get me one step closer to realizing how I can go about finding my true fonfon-ru. Thanks for all your help! I really appreciate the love. :murray:


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: empty space]
    #19397704 - 01/10/14 07:43 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
Her self-value is skewed and so when her relationship ends, instead of taking a second to reflect on herself and get grounded, she goes and gets fucked. Plus she fucked your best friend, which whether or not it was the conscious reason, she did that to fuck with your emotions. Pretty much, she tried to bring your self-value down to the level of her self-value and succeeded. Now, you are feeling stuck in a relationship that you don't feel too crazy about but you are staying in because your girlfriend loves and dotes on you and puts in that extra effort because she feels bad for fucking you over and subconsciously knows that you regularly question whether or not you should be in the relationship that you both should be moving on from. Am I wrong?



This is just so good man. You must be in the exact same situation or have been in the past. I've re-read this a hundred times over.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
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Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19398065 - 01/10/14 09:39 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Sounds like things are going well. I'm really happy for you bud!

Yes,  I was in the exact same situation previously. You are almost done. The last step, the most important one and the one that I failed, is dont let E back into your life. You may try to convince yourself that it is a good idea. It's not. Trust me. I fell for it and I'm still with my E. I'm over it and I'm about to buy her a bus ticket home, but a mutual friend of ours that I knew through her died last weekend and the funeral is on Monday so I am waiting for that. Aand her period so I know she's not pregnant. I am counting down the days and oh god can I not wait. I really hope she is not pregnant.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: empty space]
    #19398851 - 01/10/14 12:41 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
Sounds like things are going well. I'm really happy for you bud!

I really hope she is not pregnant.



Thanks man! And I'm rooting for you too! Good luck!


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #19399392 - 01/10/14 02:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

OP...gotta tell you my story about old friends from school. There was this girl that was just a very cool person ....witty, funny but... also very thin and overly concerned about her appearance. We were close friends that wouldn't jeopardize that friendship with sex. Around my senior year she blossomed....I mean fucking blossomed! Boobies, ass ....everything in the right proportions. I wound up dating another girl who, in turn, got pregnant and I wound up marrying her...then moving 125 miles away.

That was the last I saw or heard from my old friend for 35 years. During this time, I had gotten divorced and married again then divorced again...I often thought about my  friend but she had gotten married and changed her name and there was no fb or even internet to try to find her. Her families house had burned down so I didn't know where she lived. I never really looked real hard, but I always thought of her when I returned to my home town.

Long story short....she sent a fb friend request a couple years ago and I remember feeling faint when I saw it....i was overcome with unresolved emotions. We texted each other and found that we were both in relationships but neither were happy....so, I arranged a dinner date to catch up. Fuck!....she still looked amazing! We talked and talked and found out that we both had been thinking of each other throughout the years and she had tried to find me several times. She told me that she was in love with me back then (I had no idea) and that she was crushed when I moved away. She wound up marrying  (and then divorcing) the school stud... that every other girl dreamed of being with.

Two weeks later she sent me a text saying that her and her kids were going to the beach for a week and asked if I would want to hang out. Well....I did with the premise of sleeping on the couch but that didn't happen...we were in bed the first night..lol. We wound up falling in the deepest imaginable love that I believe two people could find...and are together today. Even though 35 years had passed, it is like we knew each other all the time. You see, I believe that those early days are the most formative years of a persons life...those bonds are for life. So, my friend....I urge you to break it off with the local girl that cheated on you and spill your guts to your old friend.....it might just be the love of your life and you don't have to wait 35 years like I did.:sunny::peace::goodluck:M


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #19415168 - 01/13/14 11:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

She is not pregnant!! I really don't know where to go from here though.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: I REALLY need some advice... [Re: empty space]
    #19415273 - 01/14/14 12:05 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Holy shit I dont get it. Why is it so hard for me to end this? Its driving me fucking crazy.

She has figured out her living situation. She got herself a job. She's on food stamps. She is about to be independent from me, which is exactly what I wanted. She is figuring her shit out.

She hurt me really badly. I'm very confused.

God fucking damnit. I'm so frustrated. I want to be alone, I want to do my own fucking thing.

See, the thing is... she wants to do her own thing. But every time she gets it figured out, she sabotages herself. Maybe I sabotage myself as well.

We had something figured out. Then she fucked it up and came back. I brought her back, but holy fuck if she didnt manipulate me into it.

Now Ive let somebody elses needs come before mine for a month longer than I promised myself I would. I promised myself I would do what is best for myself and focus on my own life and stop giving a fuck about this girl.

But I didnt. And now she has figured her shit out like I wanted her to. Yet I just want to move on anyway. And I'm really fucking confused.

I dont have a J anymore. I dont want to fuck anybody else. I dont give a flying fuck about sex. I just want to live and get paid so I can make music and raise a kid and have him/her be as much of a fucking savage badass motherfucker as myself.

I can do that all by myself. I feel like I can only do that by myself. I feel like she holds me back from doing what I need to do on a regular basis. It is what has made me want to move on for the longest time, but I didnt have the balls to move on until recently.

And then she showed me that she really wants to do it right. So being the loving open minded individual that I am, I took the chance. Again. And AGAIN. And she drove me fucking crazy and as of two days ago I was about to kick her out of my house.

I was just going to kick her to the curb and do my thing. I guess I didnt think she could do it. Now she has proved me wrong. Or has she? I dont fucking know.

She has a house. She most likely has a job too now. I could wait a few days to see if this pans out for her. To see if she pulls it off. But I dont want to.

At the same time, I feel a responsibility to give her a chance.

Do you see why I am so damn confused?

I want to crawl into a ball and never move again.


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