The much awaited experience, from the non analytical point of view (if you dont wanna read the whole thing, you can scroll to the bold headings below...there is alot of time spent on uneventful story tellign):
8:00pm - Friday - They pulled into the drive. Nervously i greeted them at the door.
"put on your shoe's and lets go" she said.
"oh?"
"but i dont wanna go out."
"We'll give you alcohol, we're going to Celeste's. Common!"
Somewhat anxious, i invited them in and put on my shoes. I didnt know what to expect, nervous as always...i dont really attend social functions or drink, but have been meaning to. "Tonights gonna be fun", i thought. Over the next hour we discovered the house party was cancelled and met up with other friends...Sitting under a large, attractive tree. Its long outstretched limbs reaching out to me, and reaching for the heavens...musta' been 300 years old. "This isnt a night for alcohol" i said to myself....
And the scene is set...
You see, i had been planning a trip for the next day...i was apprehensive. My psyche has been strained, and it needs its rest...yet, still, it was eagerly taunting me to put my mail package to the test.
I procured myself a ride home, and in 5 minutes i prepared a teaspoon (3 grams) of Syrian Rue, and 8 lsa containing seeds of the species Hawian baby woorose. On the way i also attained a bottle containing a small amount of lemon juice, and a can of grapefruit beverage. Aware that i would be pressured to drink later in the evening i warned my friends;
"dont give me alcohol tonite, it'll kill me"
exaggerating the MAOI's effects to get the point across. Asking why, I explained the effects of MAO inhibation...and a few minutes later consumed my seeds with 3 might gulps of carbonated beverage...
The scene is set, a peaceful and brisk September night. I lean against my tree, surrounded by drunken youth I am loosely acquainted with.
Over eager to prepare my seed's, i quickly discover that they are uncrushable with a pocket knife and after about 15 minutes of trying, give up and add to the lemon Juice.
The night is picking up. More drunken youth spewing incoherent babble which crates friendships so strong. 20 minutes pass and the syrian Rue has gotten ahold of me, light psychedelic warmness has touched my soul. I smile an anticipatory smile.
At about 45 minutes, i consume my lemon juice and seeds, and soon discover that teeth make quick work of the seeds hard outer shell. Grinding all 8 to a pulp, i choke back the lemon juice, and prepare my wait, wondering..."will purging come?"
Within minutes the first flashes of Lysergia dance through my nervous system. A very slow, gradual come up proceeds. I feel comfortable, elated, slightly motor impaired. The tree... I climb it, and swiftly move around its large stooping branches, climbing towards the heavens, I sit and observe. Serenity is this moment.
Now, this was not a powerful come up, and we're about 70 minutes past ingestion. More emotional than anything, very subtle, but noticable to the trained sensory observationist. More powerful than the warmth attributed to caffine, but much much less than that attributed to her much famous indole hallucinagen cousin, LSD. However, nausea had taken ahold quite seriously at this point, not to the extent of puking...but to the point where i was constantly aware of my discomfort, One could easily attribute such discomfort to drinking citric acid though.
At about 11 o'clock a herd of delinquent youth...you know, the messy haired, broad shouldered, arrogant jocks...the one's that like to drink lots and prove themselves as masculine monsters, showed. I was feeling uninhibited, and my very drunk friend and I, playfully arrogant, seriously joked about hating these strangers. Closer, we approached them with no intention of mingling, more intent upon mocking among ourselves. I was feeling unhibited, people were drunk, loud...there was a strange vibe in the community park this Friday night. Joking more, i was feeling very good..but not about to mix with *these* people. So...When in doubt...dance. Not much..but enough to get the energy flowing in me, and enough to bring me a smile and absolute happiness.
Then...
Everyone left. Just like that, the group broke down. I hopped in someones car while giggling to myself, and new meeting places were arranged via the cellular telecommuniations i dispise ever so much.
"To the end we go" said the driver. "the end, what the hell is the end...that has negative implications! The end!" i thought, very curious...i was. And to the end we went, a familiar place, one of the first places i did cocaine. Just a place to park...gather, and consume. Still, i knew very few people, and the trip was grabbing hold now. Im Cold! Familiar mushroom shivers come over me... For about an hour or so, i Stumbled around speaking when spoken too...mostly dwelling on my nausea, and..experiencing *something* in my head.
*something* - is very hard to explain. It was a light feeling, similar to the first time i did acid...LIke a ball of static electricity was randomly stimulating spots inside my skull, However, this was very subtle...very noticable...annoying, disconcerting...uncomfortable and distracting..but hardly a feeling!
After some time, probably into the early hours of the morning now, a good friend unconscious beside me, and a drunk friend at the wheel, we split into groups. Our vehicle was off the backroads to find some cliffs...
Now, drunk driving bothers me very much. Although my friend is an excellent driver, even when drunk...he was pushing it too much, and i voiced my concern. Not in a paranoid or asshole way, i told him he worries me, i told him we all fuck up...and when you fuck up going 150 in a half ton truck, the consequences are grave, and i told him i was worried about my friends. He tried to comfort me, but i persisted, and he slowed down.
For the next hour and half we drove around the mountains on rough dirt roads in the total comfort of a luxurious truck, saw some deer, watched the sky, and just drove. Never found the cliffs...but on the way down, he say a patch of tree's cleared at the side of the road, and drove for it...Into the tree's we go. At this point i just put my head down and tried to concentrate on feeling good. We're in thick forest...driving around on motorbike trails in an F-150, very tight and sketchy, but he takes it easy...then, as we come to the end of our trail and he back up.. "Bam bam"...."PSSSSSSSH". We have a flat, in the middle of the woods, the cell phone just died, and im tripping my balls off and of no use.
Now the trip starts...
Buddy hops out, confident as hell, gets the tools he needs and really makes me feel comfortable with the situation. When i get out...its total darkness, and very cold. Very uncomfortable for me, the body load was getting to be very heavy. Im stumbling around, cracking sticks...
that Static! Its building...and building, with the stress, it grows, my heart beat is increasing, and cant communicate properly, cant stand still...cant stand straight.
"I wonder if there's bears" his girlfriend say's...and i start looking around. Just today my dad was telling me about 4 recent bear attacks IN TOWN and it started flashing through my mind. Its too much, the darkness is an abyss...and im shaking im so cold...its too much. Then i start having very detailed visions manifesting as CEV's, Demons and other horrific things getting me in the dark...imagining stumbling off into the darkness and dying, turning blue and suffering hypothermia...just all these terrible scenerio's...rather, the consequences of these scenarios playing infront of my eyes. I cant take it, and bail on my friend, who is jacking the truck. For the remainder i sit in the comfort of the truck, huddled in as close of a ball as i could...just thinking myself down. "i cant wait to get to bed. i just want to rest" is the prevailing thought of the moment.
In minute's he has the tire replaced and come's in and smile's at me, comforting, i thank him. Promptly he gets out of the tree's and we head home.
Its so weird...
As we pull infront of my house and i hop out of the truck, im bombarded with weirdness. Disassociated from my body...its hard to co-ordinate the minor movements needed to balance..As quickly as possible i made it to the door and somehow go the key in and turned. I made a slip down the stairs, but made it down. In such a disorganized fashion, i burst through my door, stumbled through the beaded gateway and infront of the mirror i sat. Rough shape...i was gone, my eyes were enormous, my face was pastey and gross and my movements were robotic and disgusting. I sat to my all comforting computer chair, and grabbed a bud..stuffed it in my pipe and sucked it down. I couldnt even feel the smoke, but it sure launched me off into rocket space. Visuals were appearing, very minor swirls...just images dancing across my field of vision. I promptly suck back another bowl, stand...and fully clothed, pull my hood over my toque, pull back my covers and get comfy.
The bed was amazing, soooo good. It felt like a hotel bed, firm and comforting, it felt as if was intimate with the blanket...i snuggled it up close to my face, and its warmth spread over me. Upon closing my eye's i discovered a whole 'nother world. Banners of words with independantly spinning letters flew across my black eyelids, and weird flashes of visions entertained me. I then played with my thoughts. They were very irregular..i could think about whatever i liked, coherently, but the way they related themselves and the way they came up...it was just very fascinating. Beyond words, inexplicable. Unlike any other substance ive ever taken...this one provided a very different mind trip. It wasnt bringing about revelatory idea's, or fascinating thought's, or anything to terribly tangible, but it changed how i thought..It changed the basic functioning processes of my brain.
It was at this point, strong theme's of *straight edge'dness* came over me. As stated earlier, i have exhausted my psyche recently from tripping, and i felt taxxed before this trip. During the week i picked up a book about being drug free, and its title kept flashing in my head. I should point out, these flashes as i call them, they are like very visual photographic recall. I struggled with this thought, as i consider changing my brain chemistry and using my life as an experiment very essential to my meaningful existance, and afterall, what would it be to live without meaning? This past summer my mind has been manifesting itself on good living..on eating good foods and avoiding bad one's, lots of water, love affairs with tree's, lots of walking and feeling rewarded after working hard...I even wore moccasins 100% of the time, so i could feel the flow with the earth. (yeah, maybe i am getting a bit cosmic from tripping, eh?) I toyed with this thought, i recalled experience's i had read where people had overcome addiction or negative lifestyle choices with HBWR, and i wondered if it was my catalyst.
I go with the flow of my trips, its almost as if i accept the direction they allow me to take as the absolute truth and follow fullheartedly when i return to reality. To stop taking all forms of mind altering substance's would be the end of the current *me*. My personality is so based around drug's that i would change fullheartedly, probably for the better... However, ive been battling getting out of depression and other emotional problems...and recently have...and am just working on re-integrating with the rest of the world. Perhaps, i thought, it would be better to leave this *me* behind. I had visions of my friends offering me drugs, and smiling, and saying no thanks, and getting high off life. Being sober...like i havent been for any extended period, in years, thinking un-influenced thoughts and going with what my soul tells me to. I envisioned satisfying the soul, by saying no.
Anyways, about an hour passed, and i woke up...Wow! was that ever Lucid! I was hot as hell, attempted to strip down and it caused me problems...barely making it to the bathroom, i relieved myself, and it felt so good. Standing up just destroyed me...i could not take it, i wobbled my way back to bad as fast as possible...and with no clothes on the second time around, the bed had a new level of comfort.
I quickly proceeded to get lost in my thoughts and CEV's and fall into a long lucid dream. 9 Hours later i was still feeling the effects, got up, showered...and felt dirty. The body load was still taxxing me horribly, my stomach was empty and i was hungry, i was exhausted. I noticed my room was disorganized...seed's and bud over the kitchen counter, clothes on the floor, unrolled socks, unmade bed, messy hotknife plate, dishes...Pretty normal. I cleaned, i couldnt stand the dirtiness, i cleaned really good, i scrubbed my cupboard doors, and washed my hands many times, and the floor...and then i settled down to smoke a bowl. I was still in a head trip, but the body load was the main remainder that i was still tripping.
Today has been a day of reflection and intense lethargy. I feel as if i overdosed on hash eating and this is my second day into the hangover. Im feeling very compassionate today...and my muscles feel as if they are filled with lactic acid, like after an intense competitive cross country bike race. Ive been thinking alot, clearly...
this substance isnt revolutionary, it isnt even that great. I know i wont be repeating for quite awhile, but i do recognize its value. I feel many people could eat these seed's and easily oversee the *trip* as just bad feeling's and not get anything out of it, these people are not intune. This substance reminded me of a very subtle mdma and lsd experience with body feeling of snorting ritalin. It is very powerful on some fundamental level of the psyche, its hard to recognize, but this substance could definately be very helpful in certain, rare occasions. I think it has little recreation value, and that the body load is somewhat representative of their toxicity.
-------------------- GO OUTSIDE.
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