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OfflineOZA
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When I Lost My Mind and Found Another * 1
    #19385121 - 01/07/14 09:13 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

(This is a bit long.. I feel like I could write a book about it all so here's a shortened version of what could be..)

...It all began in a hotel room in the outskirts of Milwaukee. I drove down from college with my friends R and B to see Umphrey's McGee for their 3 night run at the Riverside Theater over Halloween, 10/31-11/2, 2013. We met up with M and K, two friends from back home who came out to meet us there.

The first night I took a dose. I just got this LSD at school and didn't know its strength, but I quickly realized this was the strongest and cleanest L I've ever had. I won't write much about the first night as it pales in comparison to the importance of the 2nd night both musically and psychedelically. Trip was good though, music was good, comedown was as good as it could have been.

That first night I didn't fall asleep until around 7 AM and was woken up at noon, everybody already having been up for a couple hours. I was a bit tired and it took me a second to catch on to the day but i was more than okay. We went to check out the city of Milwaukee and ended up at the hotel again at 6:30 PM to get our tickets. The plan was to meet some girls we knew at their hotel room right in the city. We got back and I wasn't sure whether I wanted to trip that night or the third (I had meant to trip 2/3 nights), so I tossed a coin. Heads was tonight, tails was tomorrow... The penny landed on heads, the most important coin toss of my life.

I figured I'd take the acid at our hotel room so I'd have time to come up for a while before the show. I took 6 hits down to Milwaukee, a 5 strip and a single dose. The first night I had a single dose and was left with the 5 unperf'd tabs. I neglected to bring scissors and nobody had a knife so I used my teeth. I bit off around a tab, but I figured I'd want another dose so I took another bite.. Paying no attention, I bit off another 2.5-3 hits, adding up to 3.5-4 hits total. M caught me as I did it and saw the surprise in my eyes. He gave me a wink and said "Spitting out those tabs would waste 'em. You've got it man, have a good trip." It was time to go to the the girls' hotel room. I drove since their room was only around 15-20 minutes away. I was already starting to come up by the end of the drive. Right when I noticed I was feeling it, I played "Ripple" by the Grateful Dead over my car stereo.. It's my favorite song by my favorite band and a song I always play to test the mood. The vibes were perfect.

We got to their hotel room at around 7 and I was coming up HARD. I'm usually pretty talkative but I failed to say a word for the first few minutes until one of the girls asked if I was fine. I told them that I had eaten much more acid than intended. They laughed, gave me a spot to lie down on the bed, and gave me some water. They dimmed the lights and played some really psychedelic Dead tunes for me. I remember the fish on the hotel room wallpaper waving along as if they were swimming, my companions' voices all mixing together to make up a single sound blended with the music, and the turned off TV reflecting an array of colors more vivid than I'd ever seen before. I was experiencing CEVs as intense as I'd ever had them.

I was scanning through my mind deep into psychedelia contemplating my life, my future, the world in its entirety, everything. All of a sudden I'm hearing "OZA! let's go we're late for the opener!" Holy fuck, all of a sudden it was 8:30 PM. I had absolutely no conception of time. The mile long walk was quite difficult mentally. It was the first uncontrolled environment I had been in this trip. I go to college deep into nature in a town of 20,000, so seeing the relative masses compared to college was a bit off-putting. Even when used to the city, lots of people are generally an unwanted presence tripping for me. Concerts are a different story since music takes over - I was fine with that. M, an extremely experienced tripper, noticed my anxiety and gave me a few words to better my mood.

We enter the venue and Cosby Sweater was playing. Whoa. I've noticed that every trip contains "layers" - things that you do/places that you go adding up to the complete trip. The first layer, the hotel room, was generally gentle. The walk to the venue was unnerving but I kept together. Walking into the venue down near the stage was just a complete mindfuck, not a positive or negative thing. All of a sudden blaring music was playing and I was 4 people away from the stage watching it all. The band stayed for around 10 more minutes and walked off the stage. Layer complete.

Onto the next - we waited around 20 minutes for Umphrey's to take the stage. Everybody that I was with besides me was drunk and talking a mile a minute. I was mostly silent though, my mind traveling further and further away still. I was still fucking going up. The band came out and opened with a quick 2 minute jam.. Oh man, if you guys know Umphrey's well, then you know about their light show. And if you guys know LSD, you know how cool lights look. The combination of the two: bliss. The highlights of the first set included All In Time, a nice 1348, and a deep ass Hajimemashite. Set break came around and I was finally hitting my peak.

We all went outside to smoke a cigarette. They asked me what I thought of the first set and all I could allow out was a huge smile and giggle. I could hardly talk... Until some random 40+ year old guy I didn't know brought up the Grateful Dead and I was talking a mile a minute. I guess that's the one thing I could talk about tripping sack. I don't even know how I got into that, how I talked coherently, or what I said at all really, but apparently I was good. Everybody I was with laughed watching me - I had said maybe 5 words in the past 2.5 hours and all of a sudden there I was talking to this drunkard about the Dead. He left and I was gone again far in space.

It was awesome looking around at all the colorful hippies and costumed concertgoers surrounding me. It was exactly the environment I wanted to be in if I was in public. I knew I was among trippers. It was soon time to get back to the show and me, M, and B got up to the second row! That was awesome. Well, it would have been if my mind was in the second row rather than in outer space. Frankly I don't remember hearing the second set at all. I've listened to it over and over on archive and I can't pinpoint a single "I remember that song!" or "I remember the lights during that solo!", nothing.

One thing I do remember from the 2nd set.. Around halfway through or maybe towards the end of the second set (don't trust me on time, all I know is that it happened during the second set), some guy comes up next to me just sort of gazing at me. I try to pretend he's not looking at me and I continue to look ahead until I finally give up and look at him. He could have been looking at me for 10 seconds or 20 seconds or 2 minutes, again I had NO conception of time. Anyway, I look at him and the second we make eye contact he leans towards me and goes "you're on some good doses huh?" Whoa, what the fuck? This guy was normal and I didn't take offense or anything, but I have no idea how he figured that one out. I said yeah and he laughed and offered a hit of his joint which I gladly took. He didn't give me another stare and didn't say anything more until the end of the show where we talked about the music.

..And the music played on, but my mind was still not there. It was somewhere gone, "another time's forgotten space" as the Dead put it. M tapped me on my shoulder mid-song-that-I-can't-remember and asked how it was going. (Some background, M has taken dozens of 20+ dose trips. He knows tripping and is one of the smartest people I've ever met..). I told him I was having the deepest trip of my life. He asked me the most doses I've taken and I said this is it. Here's what he said (the exact wording may be off but it was something along these lines)..."you handle it as good as anyone I've known, I don't say this to anybody. Listen, how does a 10 strip sound?" I responded "Now, no way.. but sometime down the line sure." He goes "Listen man, you've gotta do it. There are 3 rules to it. First, you've gotta be with people who you love unconditionally and could handle the doses too. Second you need to have access to the outside, that's where the mind heals. Last, you need the next couple days to be free. The mind has to recover." I asked him if it was worth it and he goes "look at me and how I've been man, of course it is." It's something I haven't done yet, but in due time..

Anyway the band walked off stage and with that, this layer of the trip had ended. We headed back to the girls' hotel for a bit before we decided to head back to the hotel. R asked me if I could drive, to which I laughed hysterically and said I couldn't fucking imagine driving right now... He drove us all back. I left my car and said I needed a bit while everybody else went back to the hotel. M was right, the outside heals. I didn't care that I was outside a rundown hotel in a not-so-good area of town. I cared that the sky and stars were above me and the cool grass below. I went in the hotel room for a moment to grab my jacket and M went back outside with me. For a couple hours we listened to the Dead while talking about life, music, acid, everything and nothing, all.. You could tell a tripper by their ability to transform into the tripping state of mind while sober, and M was no doubt there. I think I'm there now, certainly not to his extent, but to some degree.

Anyway, the night wrapped up and M went to sleep. I had a long hot bath listening to the Dead and then went into bed attempting to write about my experience. There was no chance on that - I hadn't even BEGUN processing it all. It isn't until now actually, over 60 days after the time when I lost my mind and found another, that I wrote a single word about it.

Final words on the overall trip? It's hard to have "final thoughts" on this one. Most trips come and go and a thing or two is learned. This trip stuck with me - this trip IS me.. There will be final thoughts on the trip when I no longer exist. My brother recently asked me what this trip changed in me. I stuttered out my reply, "everything... Yeah, every single part of me. My thoughts, feelings, emotions..." Am I an entirely different person? No, not at all. I'm sure I'm quite the same in the outside.

The best analogy I've thought to compare me pre-trip and post-trip is this: you could multiply 3x3 and get 9 and you could could divide 81 by 9 and get 9. In this analogy I assign no meaning or metaphor to square roots, multiplying, or dividing. Consider it meaningless. My point is, the exterior result, the 9, is still reached even though the interior workings have completely changed. I may reach the same conclusion about something before and after the trip, but the way I reach that conclusion is no longer the same. The decision is reached going down a different road in my mind, although I may take the same exit.. And there are, as Jerry sang in his last years, so many roads to ease my soul..

Off to find more roads. I hope you enjoyed this trip report.


--------------------
The happiness consists in realizing that it is all a great strange dream.


Edited by OZA (01/07/14 09:35 PM)


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OfflineTmethylM
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: OZA]
    #19385354 - 01/07/14 09:55 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

Excellent OZA, firstly, congratulations.
Very well written and interesting, thanks for sharing your experience.
I've yet to have any heavy L experiences but have had multiple ego-loss-trips on mushrooms and have actually come to nearly the same results as you.
It changed my 'everything'.

Mind-opening is a massive understatement.

I feel like I kind of know you now, which wasn't the case beforehand.
What a gift, isn't it?-- To be here, with each other amidst this beautiful journey.

See you around. :heart:


--------------------
¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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OfflineOZA
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Tmethyl]
    #19385379 - 01/07/14 09:59 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

A gift it is indeed. We're in such a beautiful place! Not just the people who have had this sort of trip, but everybody.. Every single person is in the same beautiful world having a similar incredible journey, a lot just don't realize it. Psychedelics aren't necessary for the realization to occur. I'm sure there are thousands of ways, psychedelics sure as shit were my way though.


--------------------
The happiness consists in realizing that it is all a great strange dream.


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OfflineTmethylM
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: OZA]
    #19385533 - 01/07/14 10:24 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

Wanted to thank you for mentioning Ripple by TGD, I never really 'got' them, I honestly only gave them a small chance to be listenable, and just moved on after hearing a few of what I considered to be mediocre songs. But the song 'ripple' changed my mind.

Quote:

OZA said:
Psychedelics aren't necessary for the realization to occur. I'm sure there are thousands of ways, psychedelics sure as shit were my way though.




Definitely, the second most popular/common method being meditation.
I did both actually. First some intense but not quite breakthrough trips, then a break, intense twice daily meditation, then seriously heavy trips followed by more meditation. I can say with great confidence that all the conclusions(understandings) reached through psychedelics can be reached through simple use of your mind, or more accurately; lack of mind. (it just takes a lot longer)

Then there is near-death-experiences, and so on.

Point is though, that there is plenty of oneness to go around, and everybody can partake.


--------------------
¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Edited by Tmethyl (01/07/14 10:29 PM)


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OfflineOZA
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Tmethyl]
    #19385554 - 01/07/14 10:30 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

The Grateful Dead are definitely more of a live band. Ripple is one of the very few songs I'll listen to studio versions of... If you've got some time and want to give their live stuff a try, check this out: https://archive.org/details/gd73-11-17.sbd.gardner.4749.sbeok.shnf


--------------------
The happiness consists in realizing that it is all a great strange dream.


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OfflineTmethylM
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: OZA]
    #19385595 - 01/07/14 10:38 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

I'll do that, thank you sincerely OZA.

Actually, let's trade;
Below is a set of sounds which played during my latest, and most powerful trip. I would consider this trip to be the most profound psychedelic experience I will ever have, I can't imagine anything more intense or.. well words just aren't sufficient.
It's long, but what you hear at the end is quite profound-- or it was for me.

I recommend if you want listen to set aside 1.5 hours time, and take the journey.


--------------------
¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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OfflineOZA
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Tmethyl]
    #19385601 - 01/07/14 10:40 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

I'll tune in when I wake tomorrow


--------------------
The happiness consists in realizing that it is all a great strange dream.


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OfflineTmethylM
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: OZA]
    #19385623 - 01/07/14 10:44 PM (10 years, 23 days ago)

I may just place some sort of sentimental great value on this song because it was there with me, until I lost me, and it was there when I came back.
We will see I guess.


--------------------
¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Offline1620
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Tmethyl]
    #19386116 - 01/08/14 12:46 AM (10 years, 23 days ago)

Read this on reddit earlier sounds like quite the trip.


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OfflineOZA
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: 1620]
    #19386199 - 01/08/14 01:10 AM (10 years, 23 days ago)

Haha I wondered if somebody would read it on both here and reddit


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The happiness consists in realizing that it is all a great strange dream.


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InvisibleFrozenHappiness
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Tmethyl]
    #19387140 - 01/08/14 09:53 AM (10 years, 23 days ago)

Beautiful experience. Very well written.
Thanks for sharing :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


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OfflineShortknight
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: FrozenHappiness]
    #19394667 - 01/09/14 05:07 PM (10 years, 21 days ago)

OZA!!:peace:
That was awesome and awe inspring! I mean it!:sunny: What a frickin' good time eh???! Let the good times roll....! :musicnote:WOOOOOOOO

Shorty:yinyang:


--------------------
Did I say it too loud? Big heart? Or a little misleading!:musicnote:


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OfflineIcyus
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Shortknight]
    #19394676 - 01/09/14 05:09 PM (10 years, 21 days ago)

My path was madness...


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.


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OfflineShortknight
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Shortknight]
    #19394680 - 01/09/14 05:10 PM (10 years, 21 days ago)

And Im gunna listen to ripple right now!:jamming:


--------------------
Did I say it too loud? Big heart? Or a little misleading!:musicnote:


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OfflineOZA
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Re: When I Lost My Mind and Found Another [Re: Shortknight]
    #19409727 - 01/12/14 07:12 PM (10 years, 18 days ago)

Thanks everybody :peace:

Glad you all had the patience to read it and found it worth while


--------------------
The happiness consists in realizing that it is all a great strange dream.


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