|
Some of these posts are very old and might contain outdated information. You may wish to search for newer posts instead.
|
SizlChest
Padawan



Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 814
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
I thought I made a big mistake
#19310917 - 12/22/13 07:46 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
This past week, I had an amazing experience that I'm sure as I analyze it will change my life in a profound way. I have been working on my shroom growing, and harvested a good bit on tuesday. I made 30 .5 gram veg capsules with powder grinded cubes. These cubes were from multi spore, so the genetics and potency have been all over the place, so this time, I decided to take a big dose. I took 18 of these from 4pm to 430pm on Wednesday. After ingesting them, I sat down at my desk to smoke some weed and watch The Hobbit. By 5pm, my body was trembling uncontrollably, and every tense scene, no matter how small impacted me greatly. The visuals were getting amazing, and by 515pm, I knew I was having the most intense trip of my life. At 520pm, I was thinking of the capsules in my belly, digesting and making my trip stronger, and I was actually telling myself that no one has died from eating mushrooms, and I'd be back to normal in 6-8 hours. I forced myself to puke, and all I got up was about .5 gram worth of mushroom mud. I was going to get nearly the full effect of 9 grams of cubes. 525pm, I decided The Hobbit was too intense (I know) for this trip, so I changed the movie to Gravity. (The monsters in the Hobbitt were starting to freak me out, and the screen was nearly unrecognizable) Gravity wasn't any better, and the trip was intensifying with every second. 530pm, I was contemplating calling an ambulance, but I imagined the consequences of that, and the fact they wouldn't be able to make me come down, and the bright lights of a hospital, and the legal consequences, also. I kept telling myself I'm alright, I just ate mushrooms, and I'd be fine. I would cycle through wanting to call an ambulance and go outside my door and wait for them to calling someone else for help. I finally somehow realized that there was nothing that could be done. I went through every room in my apartment, trying to find a comfortable spot to ride it out, but nowhere could I escape from the torment of this relentless trip. I thought about dying, and how it would be an end to this hell. I decided to turn off all music, and get in my bed and wait for death. I made sure the deadbolt was unlocked so the fire department could get in (there were so many scenarios going through my head) to retrieve my body. When I got in bed, and closed my eyes, and just let go was when it got amazing. I drifted in and out of my body, flying through inner space. There seemed like eternities between moments I would recognize I had a body...when I would breath, or swallow. The trip kept building and building, I lost myself. I knew I was going to die. I asked God to show me himself, I prayed and prayed to understand. I am atheist, so I don't believe in God, but I tried anyway. I was going to die. Suddenly, it felt as though by body stopped, and everything was "paused" There was no self at this point, and I only remember small flashes of this time in the trip. I had no body, I was the universe. This went on for eternity. 930pm, I came to, realizing I had pissed myself in bed. I lost track of three hours, where I can only assume, I lost myself in the trip: ego death. I was still at a level 4 at this point in my trip, but I stumbled to my desk to smoke some weed and try and make sense of things. For the next two hours, while I drifted back to this world, I listened to Mastodon and smoked pot with the christmas lights pulsating around me. This was the warmest, most satisfying part of any trip I've ever felt. Everything was wonderful, and I had no fear anymore. I had died and come back to life. This has changed my outlook on the way I will interact with the world. The people I see everyday have no idea what's out there. Everyone walks around with blinders to how amazing it is to be alive, and what alive really feels like.
This was the single most profound experience of my life, and I will never be the same again.
-------------------- PrimalSoup's Tea Tek
   "I always say the tea is like eating a burning tire covered in dog shit while someone steps on your nuts. Good luck!" "Hell, shrooms have blown up from under me and kicked my ass on 2 grams once." "I think ill eat some shrooms right about now, and ill continue to until it doesnt feel like the right thing to do."
|
Mushie23
Entheogens



Registered: 11/19/10
Posts: 789
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19310939 - 12/22/13 07:53 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Good story. TV never seems to work unless it's a low dose...it eventually loses all meaning:/ Glad you rode it out and didn't call 911...they probably would a probed around your house a bit too. I've taken a friend to the hospital before on mushrooms...the ER is not a good place when having one of the strongest trips of your life:)
-------------------- Eat Mushrooms----plug into life and nature.
|
SizlChest
Padawan



Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 814
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: Mushie23]
#19310962 - 12/22/13 08:02 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
YEah, I'm so glad I just let go. It is something amazing, to truly believe you are going to die, and to accept it. It has made me appreciate life all the more.
I was ready to accept all consequences, but I decided if I was going to the hospital, it would be because someone found my body in my room, not from me calling. I had that conversation in my head, or tried to "Help, I'm dying, I ate mushrooms" Then trying to give my address, and yeah, I imagined the bright hospital and everything.....nope nope nope. Better to just die in my bed.
But, even now, I feel completely reborn with a new fire for my career, and my life. So glad I had this experience.
-------------------- PrimalSoup's Tea Tek
   "I always say the tea is like eating a burning tire covered in dog shit while someone steps on your nuts. Good luck!" "Hell, shrooms have blown up from under me and kicked my ass on 2 grams once." "I think ill eat some shrooms right about now, and ill continue to until it doesnt feel like the right thing to do."
|
blckmynnse8
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/11
Posts: 206
Last seen: 6 months, 20 days
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19310987 - 12/22/13 08:14 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Doing yoga, especially with an emphasis on stretching the back muscles and then holding plank pose for at least one minute before going into a trip has helped immensely. Also some kind of low chanting (even if it's just something like "om", or a low humming) that keeps the throat relaxed.
I have a belief that the trembling/twitching/spasms have something to do with old psychological baggage stored in muscular tension coming to the surface. So doing some stretching/strength exercises helps to release that old stuff.
Here are some of the things I used to go through with heroic doses (8+ grams dry):
Anxiety/terror Staggering around the apartment in a panic Rapid heartbeat Unable to speak Feeling like I was choking/difficulty breathing Feeling like paralysis was setting in Thinking that I was going to die Worrying that I would make some kind of noise that would cause the neighbors to call EMS That someone was going to find out because I lost control of my behavior and that my life would be ruined Thinking that all of a sudden I had some kind of incurable disease My nervous system was about to be permanently damaged Oozing phlegm, runny noise, watery eyes ...and other similar things
Over time these experiences have decreased exponentially. Now any of the above symptoms encountered are only like a mild bump before flying like an arrow, straight and far, across the abyss.
There seems to be a need for mastery of the lower animal instincts for survival.
--------------------
|
blckmynnse8
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/11
Posts: 206
Last seen: 6 months, 20 days
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: blckmynnse8]
#19310999 - 12/22/13 08:20 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
It is well known in mystical/magical circles that the ego will do anything possible to hold on and will use such devices as terror and horrific visual images to attempt to break your concentration.
--------------------
|
SizlChest
Padawan



Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 814
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: blckmynnse8]
#19311045 - 12/22/13 08:45 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Yeah, my nose was pouring. I was very aware of the vastness of my nasal cavity, also. I agree with the spasm thing, too, and I will try Yoga, and stretching exercises.
Yes, the more I fought it, the scarier it was. Everything I tried to keep myself in this world made it worse, so I decided to let go.
I had every one of those symptoms you listed, also.
-------------------- PrimalSoup's Tea Tek
   "I always say the tea is like eating a burning tire covered in dog shit while someone steps on your nuts. Good luck!" "Hell, shrooms have blown up from under me and kicked my ass on 2 grams once." "I think ill eat some shrooms right about now, and ill continue to until it doesnt feel like the right thing to do."
|
blckmynnse8
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/11
Posts: 206
Last seen: 6 months, 20 days
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19311066 - 12/22/13 08:56 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Definitely keep going, my friend! And I assure you once again that those negative effects will decrease and eventually all but disappear over time.
The difficult phase didn't really have to last very long, and keeping everything as simple as possible also helped. After having everything I would need for the following day in order, I would limit my "accessories" to a bottle of water near the bed and some music so I wouldn't find the need to be fumbling around for stuff or have to walk to the fridge.
Now the heroic doses are like diving off of a cliff into purifying waters, and eventually rising back to the surface feeling purified and refreshed. I feel more integrated each time and my mental faculties are becoming sharper.
--------------------
|
Aopocetx
Writer



Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: blckmynnse8]
#19311098 - 12/22/13 09:10 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
You guys should read The Psychedelic Experience. It talks all about fear and stuff like that and how to beat it.
|
blckmynnse8
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/11
Posts: 206
Last seen: 6 months, 20 days
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: Aopocetx]
#19311272 - 12/22/13 10:11 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
I'll have to check that book out for sure. After experiencing my "death meditation" over a year ago I randomly encountered and old documentary on the Tibetan Book Of The Dead from the 1970's which was a major turning point for me.
--------------------
|
Darkenshroom
PsychedelicExplorationist


Registered: 02/24/06
Posts: 683
Loc: I don't exist on this pla...
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: Aopocetx]
#19311308 - 12/22/13 10:21 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Aopocetx said: You guys should read The Psychedelic Experience. It talks all about fear and stuff like that and how to beat it.
A beautiful book.
Darken
-------------------- ~The first and most important step in cultivation of the wonderful mushroom, is the cultivation of patience for without it you doom yourself to failure~
|
V1rusH0st
¸.♥´´¯`•.¸¸.ღƸ̵Ӝ̵Ʒ



Registered: 07/02/13
Posts: 900
Loc: Hyperspace
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19313514 - 12/22/13 08:12 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
SizlChest said: But, even now, I feel completely reborn with a new fire for my career, and my life. So glad I had this experience.
What field of work are you in? If you are comfortable saying so.
--------------------
"They are trained to believe, not to know. Belief can be manipulated. Only knowledge is dangerous." Frank Herbert
Edited by V1rusH0st (12/22/13 08:13 PM)
|
SizlChest
Padawan



Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 814
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: V1rusH0st]
#19313562 - 12/22/13 08:32 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Chef.
-------------------- PrimalSoup's Tea Tek
   "I always say the tea is like eating a burning tire covered in dog shit while someone steps on your nuts. Good luck!" "Hell, shrooms have blown up from under me and kicked my ass on 2 grams once." "I think ill eat some shrooms right about now, and ill continue to until it doesnt feel like the right thing to do."
|
GreySatyr
Pagan-Psyche


Registered: 06/20/13
Posts: 3,376
Loc: North Carolina
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19313671 - 12/22/13 09:01 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Become a Buddhist monk an follow the path..
-------------------- ...also, go to hell, huh?
|
SizlChest
Padawan



Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 814
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: GreySatyr]
#19383391 - 01/07/14 04:09 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
SO! I bought some new scales with higher resolution, not just grams and tenths of grams, but hundredths of grams. 1.09, etc...
Those 18 .5 gram caps were in reality full gram caps. Every time I have tripped recently, since I started growing has been twice what I thought it was. I tried weighing a nickel on the old scales, and the new ones. Sure enough, a nickel weighs 2.5 grams on my old scales and 5 grams on my new ones.....so, the trip report for this dose is 18 fucking grams! Amazing! I still think my mushies are not very potent, since I am still isolating them, but, I am still reeling from this trip, and am amazed that I've been taking such high doses. Is my tolerance just higher than most?
Anyway, I'm planning a 5 gram trip to see where that actually gets me. Just wanted to let you fine folks know about my good mistake.
-------------------- PrimalSoup's Tea Tek
   "I always say the tea is like eating a burning tire covered in dog shit while someone steps on your nuts. Good luck!" "Hell, shrooms have blown up from under me and kicked my ass on 2 grams once." "I think ill eat some shrooms right about now, and ill continue to until it doesnt feel like the right thing to do."
|
Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19383532 - 01/07/14 04:28 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
It seems like you handled the experience pretty well man. Had a similar trip on LSD about a year ago except I didn't piss myself
Never really viewed anything the same after that day
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
|
SizlChest
Padawan



Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 814
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
|
I've always thought I'd get myself in trouble with my dosing if I ever had a vial of LSD. I can see myself spilling it on my hand, or something and dosing epically. I love acid and haven't had any in years, but, I'd love a four hit trip. I'm too scared of the deep web to order it, although I have the money.....
-------------------- PrimalSoup's Tea Tek
   "I always say the tea is like eating a burning tire covered in dog shit while someone steps on your nuts. Good luck!" "Hell, shrooms have blown up from under me and kicked my ass on 2 grams once." "I think ill eat some shrooms right about now, and ill continue to until it doesnt feel like the right thing to do."
|
Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19383565 - 01/07/14 04:33 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
Yeah I feel you. My connect recently moved away so now I'm basically fucked. Lucy always has a way of finding me though so I guess i'm just gonna wait it out
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
|
Agentchewy
Pantheism.


Registered: 12/12/12
Posts: 3,960
Loc: vietnam
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19383588 - 01/07/14 04:37 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
Imagine if everyone who has gone down the rabbit hole and "died" really did do so in that dimension of space and you continued your life in a parallel realm.

This ties into Derealization as you don't truly feel connected to your body anymore but feel "one" in most cases
--------------------
If I knew the way, I would take you home.
|
SizlChest
Padawan



Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 814
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: Agentchewy]
#19383620 - 01/07/14 04:44 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Agentchewy said: Imagine if everyone who has gone down the rabbit hole and "died" really did do so in that dimension of space and you continued your life in a parallel realm.
Mind. Blown.
-------------------- PrimalSoup's Tea Tek
   "I always say the tea is like eating a burning tire covered in dog shit while someone steps on your nuts. Good luck!" "Hell, shrooms have blown up from under me and kicked my ass on 2 grams once." "I think ill eat some shrooms right about now, and ill continue to until it doesnt feel like the right thing to do."
|
Happy Littletree
One

Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 1,386
Loc: slightly elevated from ea...
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
|
Re: I thought I made a big mistake [Re: SizlChest]
#19383744 - 01/07/14 05:05 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
That oneness and eternal feeling you had.. that is God or at least what I consider God to be.
|
|