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OfflinemindOmy
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Supermarket Psychic
    #19360611 - 01/02/14 08:34 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

So.. my Grandpa is an old Korean Vet, and comes up with the most stupid jokes and puns, but where ever he got this, I have no idea. I about died when he told me this story this morning when I met him for donuts and coffee. Hope you all enjoy.


A woman at the grocery store went to the register with these items in
her cart:



* a carton of eggs
* a quart of orange juice
* a head of romaine lettuce
* a 2 lb. can of coffee
* a 1 lb. package of bacon.



As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
cashier.


While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."


The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.


She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk
to her marital status.


Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"






The drunk replied, "Cause you're uglier than shit".

HAPPY NEW YEAR!


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: mindOmy]
    #19360616 - 01/02/14 08:37 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

There should be a thread for archiving funny things


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OfflineEllis Dee
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: mindOmy]
    #19360618 - 01/02/14 08:37 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

That was a professional stand up joke, I believe it was part of the act of "Larry the Cable Guy" in one of his HBO specials. I think it was Larry's original material, your grandpa just turned it into a story joke instead of a first person story like Larry told it as...


--------------------
"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon

And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: Ellis Dee]
    #19360625 - 01/02/14 08:40 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

Quote:

Ellis Dee said:
That was a professional stand up joke, I believe it was part of the act of "Larry the Cable Guy" in one of his HBO specials. I think it was Larry's original material, your grandpa just turned it into a story joke instead of a first person story like Larry told it as...



OP's dad should sue for copyright infringement


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OfflinemindOmy
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: Ellis Dee]
    #19360630 - 01/02/14 08:41 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

Thad make since, but even though, I liked it and thought I'd share. Plus I don't have TV(cable/sat.) so I probably would have never have heard it.


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OfflinemindOmy
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: morrowasted]
    #19360646 - 01/02/14 08:44 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

Quote:

morrowasted said:
Quote:

Ellis Dee said:
That was a professional stand up joke, I believe it was part of the act of "Larry the Cable Guy" in one of his HBO specials. I think it was Larry's original material, your grandpa just turned it into a story joke instead of a first person story like Larry told it as...



OP's dad should sue for copyright infringement





hahah yeah he'd get a kick out of that. Ill tell him some Korean stole it from him, he'll go ape shit  :ruggedwink:

Disclaimer: Of course, no offense to the Koreans..


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Offlinelot_justice
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: Ellis Dee]
    #19360753 - 01/02/14 09:11 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

Quote:

Ellis Dee said:
That was a professional stand up joke, I believe it was part of the act of "Larry the Cable Guy" in one of his HBO specials. I think it was Larry's original material, your grandpa just turned it into a story joke instead of a first person story like Larry told it as...




Larry has original material?


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OfflineEllis Dee
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: lot_justice]
    #19360763 - 01/02/14 09:13 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

Quote:

lot_justice said:
Quote:

Ellis Dee said:
That was a professional stand up joke, I believe it was part of the act of "Larry the Cable Guy" in one of his HBO specials. I think it was Larry's original material, your grandpa just turned it into a story joke instead of a first person story like Larry told it as...




Larry has original material?



There might not be any such thing as original material in comedy the comedy scene. When I went to comedy clubs a lot I did notice a lot of the same jokes and themes in a lot of different acts.


--------------------
"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon

And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,


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OfflinemindOmy
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Re: Supermarket Psychic [Re: Ellis Dee]
    #19360794 - 01/02/14 09:24 PM (10 years, 28 days ago)

I remember when Dave Chappell came to a local club called Crackers..
He had the WHOLE place rollin, not even two minutes in..just raggin on the name of the club. And the fact that he was Black, in a comedy club named Crackers, priceless..

His joke not mine..


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