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quinn
some kinda love


Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 6,799
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The Fall
#19357192 - 01/02/14 03:14 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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do you feel that you were good and pure and progressing up to a point in your life after which you 'fell'?
do you you feel you have been lost ever since or have you been able to recover to the level where you fell from?
if both or neither please share how you interpret your life if you're up to it..
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: The Fall [Re: quinn]
#19357202 - 01/02/14 03:27 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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quinn
some kinda love


Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 6,799
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Re: The Fall [Re: quinn]
#19357205 - 01/02/14 03:30 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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i personally do have this kind of interpretation going.. i viewed my childhood as a very happy time and saw myself as a good person who was full of confidence and talked a lot.
around adolescence i got pretty messed up and amongst other things i broke up with my best mate, got mildly teased and my penis 'didnt work' which left me furiously trying to masturbate for many years and for a brief period when i was 16 i suspected i was the messiah (because they dont reproduce, obviously)
it is a weird thing that chastity and moral purity shit christians got going.
anywhoo from roughly that adolescent point i had trouble socializing and withdrew heavily, i also cultivated certain negative thoughts and habits and become introverted and non-communicative.
it can definately be seen as a fall imo...
interestingly several members on my mum's side had similar reactions to growing up so it could be genetic disposition as well as family outlook playing into it.
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: The Fall [Re: quinn]
#19357223 - 01/02/14 03:38 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Kids are cruel, and it's a tough age to get teased. I'm not going to spill too many beans I hate cleaning those little suckers up later. But yeah, once fucked up things are harder to get unfucked. You can never go back, you can't change shit. It's fucking done doodled.
But that's the way the ball rolls, and either you are on top and looking out over the hills and far away, or crushed under the dark suffocating weight.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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quinn
some kinda love


Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 6,799
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heh nicely said man.. the teasing was almost non existent for me compared to others.. just unfortunately placed imo and never dealt with... but right on gotta keep on truckin
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: The Fall [Re: quinn]
#19357246 - 01/02/14 03:59 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
quinn said: heh nicely said man.. the teasing was almost non existent for me compared to others.. just unfortunately placed imo and never dealt with... but right on gotta keep on truckin
For some reason, there are more jackasses per capita in high school than any other place on earth. The same jackasses get together fucking 40 years later to pat each other on the back and talk shit about the other people not there, yet again!
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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birdland

Registered: 07/24/11
Posts: 2,202
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Re: The Fall [Re: quinn]
#19357299 - 01/02/14 04:34 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I voted yes to falling and no to recovering.
Around the age of 12 - 13 I became very depressed and reserved. Most likely this was due to living alone with my mum who also became very depressed at that time due to chronic pain and who knows possibly other things too, but it was also due to becoming one of those kids at school with no friends really, who end up taking most of the shit 
Both of those things were just plain shit, and home and school are like your whole life at that age, so I changed a lot during that period. I developed all sorts of self-defeating mental habits and anxieties.
Then to now - I'm less withdrawn, less anxious, not necessarily depressed from a clinical standpoint, (I mean I experience pleasure here and there ) but I wouldn't say I've recovered. Those years shaped who I am today in a major way, I'm pretty sure I still had less anxieties before falling into that rut than I do now.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,759
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I fell as a child broken been healing since I was 3 still broken initially it was quite alarming then I realized broken is normal.
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birdland

Registered: 07/24/11
Posts: 2,202
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Quote:
broken is normal.
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,891
Last seen: 3 hours, 6 minutes
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From time to time I feel that way in the moment but not when looking backwards. I don't have any glory days to have fallen from. Its changed a lot to be sure but many changes were a product of dissatisfaction in the first place. Hard to say that dissatisfaction now is really a fall, its the same ole same ole.
Have I recovered? Yeah I never stay dissatisfied for long. It can spoil a lot of good things when present but I can also count on it fading away. Just last night I was pretty messed up so I sat on my couch. My girlfriend tried to console me, asked what she could do to help, etc. I was quiet for a minute then responded that nothing at all needed to be done. That I just needed to sit with the bubbling cauldron for a while without adding any new ingredients. So that's what I did for about 20 minutes and then I was able to play.
Sometimes its days or even weeks. But play and ease find there way back into the picture.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: The Fall [Re: Kickle]
#19358769 - 01/02/14 02:12 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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"their" way. not there.
Ha ha the importance of playing the grammar Nazi!
My cat teaches me the importance of play. It relaxes us both. He waits for the play by sitting in his little box next to the bigger box with the play items.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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I feel my life to be a steady uphill/downhill thing.
Things will be great for a bit, then really bad for a while. I honestly feel really alone, more so lately since christmas. I'm finding it really hard to actually care about anything, I keep thinking that things will get better but really nothings changing. Even thinking positive isn't really doing much which is strange because usually that helps somewhat.
Right now I feel like I should shave my head, move away and just start over but to be honest that would be really stupid right now. What I've found is that it really is hard to just start over, I mean people from my past have this image of who they think I am, and that is honestly so hard to change unless you make a drastic change that's obvious to other people.
That;s why I like meeting new people, they have no view of who you are other than your initial appearance and how you present yourself at that moment.
Have I fallen? I honestly don't know at this point, things could be so much worse to be honest.... I've definatly hit a wall and it's hard to get back from where I am right now.
Have I recovered? I don't know.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: The Fall [Re: quinn] 1
#19360177 - 01/02/14 06:47 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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My life has been progressively improving since around the age of 13. It was pretty horrible before then and pretty awesome now, with good prospects.
Still, who knows what horrors the future may hold.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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I'm really glad for you brother. I'm always seriously grateful to hear someone having a better time of it. It's so seldom it seems to go that way.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Still pretty challenging, working manual labor, living in poverty, dealing with the elements and a sometimes dangerous lifestyle. The difference is as a kid there was no music, drugs, sex, travel all the bads still here but the hedonism's been getting better
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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You are following my philosophy of making the best of a less than ideal condition. It works to a degree.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: I fell as a child broken been healing since I was 3 still broken initially it was quite alarming then I realized broken is normal.
Born Under A Bad Sign he's been down since he began to crawl
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,759
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see?!?! si!
--------------------
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: see?!?! si!
you've been on this train for a while now
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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