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Moonbeam
Loner


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 201
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
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In love with best friend 1
#19356802 - 01/02/14 12:37 AM (10 years, 29 days ago) |
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It feels odd to finally say, but it's true. I've known this girl since the first day of 6th grade and have been in her friend group ever since. We have always had such a deep connection and are naturally drawn to each other. We can talk about literally anything. Anyway, she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years over the summer (let's just say it ran it's course). She worked at my place of work for a few brief months and I was able to spend so much time with her! We would literally laugh and chat the entire time - she was my favorite person to work with. We'd also carpool to and from work most of the time and towards the end of her working there we'd smoke and vape afterwards. It was magical and lit the eternal flame inside me; I felt so happy. She eventually quit for another job because our manager can be too much, I was actually jealous of her leaving! Well the smoke seshes continued even after she was working elsewhere. We'd always smoke in either hers or my car outside of my house. We'd talk about EVERYTHING, we were fascinated by what each other would say. Around the end of October we were in my car one night and I suggested going inside and vaping in my room since it was pretty chilly. She agreed and I threw on netflix while we vaped. Eventually I asked to join her on the bed and she said she didn't mind, she was laying one way on her belly and I laid back the opposite way. I ended up giving her a light-hearted foot massage and we called it a night. The NEXT night however we had a scare with a policeman who pulled up next to my car as we were smoking so we ended up going back inside my house (the policeman let us go since I lived there). We had already smoked in the car and vaped more inside so we were zonin'. I had netflix on again and I remember giving her several hugs - celebrating our escape from being screwed over for weed. I still remember the moment perfectly: I was looking at her from the side and I asked if I could kiss her. She said yes. It was LITERALLY the most electric moment of my life. I had wanted to kiss her for years! Things escalated from that night and we ended up getting very close for the next month. We'd kiss and fool around and all that jazz. I ended up finding out that she had always liked me and thought that we'd be close. She told me she didn't want a relationship from the beginning and that she couldn't promise me anything, but I didn't care. It was worth it just to be with her: I'd forget about all my troubles and would just SMILE the entire time.
Eventually, around Thanksgiving, she said that we were too on edge of a relationship. Obviously, I understood and agreed to back off (her ex was extremely possessive and jealous. Literally he'd treat my friend and I differently if he knew we had hung out with her the day before. He also knows her and I have a connection and it drives him crazy). Our friends were back from school that week and there were some really odd vibes. Especially since her ex-boyfriend is one of my good friends and I have known him since 4th grade. He is still madly in love with her, to the point where it's just unhealthy. He's obsessed to the point that he constantly checks his phone to see if she's responded, even though it's obvious she hasn't (they want to remain friends and recently started talking again).
We ended up getting coffee a few weeks ago and we discussed letters that we wrote each other. Basically she didn't WANT to stop seeing me, but felt she had to. I told her I couldn't imagine her NOT in my life at all and she agreed. She has a problem with making guys fall in love with her on accident (she is beautiful) and I mentioned that I knew I was just another on that line. She reassured me by saying that I wasn't, because she actually gave a shit about me. I'm not entirely sure if she meant that in a romantic way or what. She told me I just make her happy and smile and I told her the same. After I agreed to somewhat of a "hiatus", we started talking about our sensuality and specific experiences. We ended up having sex in the back of my car that night. She mentioned she wasn't surprised since we actually care for eachother. She also said she wanted to feel "free"
Anyway, I haven't really hungout with her alone since that night, though we text everyday. She's a bad texter because she hates it, so I end up putting a lot more into the texts and conversations. I think by now she wants me to just take it easy, but it's hard to! Literally if you saw even a picture of this girl you'd understand. Not that I'm only physically attracted to her, we are very similar and low-key and I love her mind.
This has taken forever to write and I'm sorry it's so massive. I just have a lot to say on the subject. I haven't told her I loved her, but I plan on it within the next few months. My guess is she won't respond to it too well, she'll probably be shocked and will try to convince me I don't. I don't want to overwhelm her now so i'm trying to not hit her up as frequently, like I know her ex is doing.
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Edited by Moonbeam (01/02/14 12:40 AM)
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hmmn


Registered: 01/09/13
Posts: 372
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Moonbeam]
#19357074 - 01/02/14 02:15 AM (10 years, 29 days ago) |
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Thanks for sharing, man...sounds painful. 
About how old are y'all? Have you been in many relationships before?
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weilii-coyote


Registered: 09/13/09
Posts: 207
Loc: South
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Moonbeam]
#19357092 - 01/02/14 02:20 AM (10 years, 29 days ago) |
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Wow man, I feel your pain. I am in basically the same situation
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Bassfreak
ManBearPig



Registered: 08/24/10
Posts: 18,014
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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just man up and tell her exactly how u feel. otherwise ur wasting all this time on one girl
tell her u want a relationship. a relationship is only for 2 people and thats the people in the relationship. fuck everyone else. it gets to the point where u gotta forget about bro code and do things for yourself otherwise it will never happen
dont wait a few months. tell her the next time ur both hanging out with eachother alone. make your intentions clear
it shea hot theres def other guys trying to get on that so dont sit around and wait for another guy to start going out with her
if she says no then just move on and forget. it will be hard but its what u gotta do. i mean she probly knows how u feel about her anyways. so just go for it. def dont wait "months"
-------------------- Tom Brady is a God Free Tom Brady
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Moonbeam
Loner


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 201
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Bassfreak]
#19359336 - 01/02/14 04:07 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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We're 20. She's been in several relationships, but I have only been in one and it was pretty short-lived. I know it probably sounds ridiculous just for me to say I'm in love with her, but when I'm with her I'm the happiest I've ever been and nothing else matters. That's not a feeling that should be wasted.
And Bassfreak - the thing is she has repeatedly told me that she doesn't want a relationship right now. She wants to feel free and be able to grow and live her life. She knows I'm very fond of her, but she usually doesn't verbally reciprocate the feelings because she doesn't want to lead me on at this point in time. The reason I'd wait a few months is so I wouldn't be throwing the LOVE word on her so soon and wouldn't put her in such a horrible position. She said she feels like life is a little odd right now and that it will blow over. Also that we need to be "patient", though she's still not promising me anything
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Moonbeam]
#19359345 - 01/02/14 04:10 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
Moonbeam said: I haven't told her I loved her, but I plan on it within the next few months. My guess is she won't respond to it too well, she'll probably be shocked and will try to convince me I don't. I don't want to overwhelm her now so i'm trying to not hit her up as frequently, like I know her ex is doing.
lol what's so bad about telling her you love her? i can't possibly imagine not responding well to anyone telling me they love me ever, unless they were like "im so in love with you that im nothing without you and need you every second of every day and totally like addicted to you and need you fully all the time" and stuff cuz then that'd be weird
but she can still be like totally free and stuff while like being open about loving each other and stuff
like u don't have to be in like a "commited monogomous relationship" or anything like its all just like life
or something
like i dunno
lol
loL
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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GoldenEye
...



Registered: 05/24/13
Posts: 4,340
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 6 months, 19 days
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Sheekle]
#19359403 - 01/02/14 04:19 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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If you want to have a chance, do not confess the feelings verbally.
Start giving off mixed signals and get flirty with her friends.
Say things like: "you should stop wearing those pants around me, they make your ass look so hot, I might jump you and ruin our friendship."
She does not see you in a sexual way and you need to change that.
Just confessing will lead nowhere. I have learned this the hard way.
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Moonbeam
Loner


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 201
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: GoldenEye]
#19359444 - 01/02/14 04:26 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
GoldenEye said: If you want to have a chance, do not confess the feelings verbally.
Start giving off mixed signals and get flirty with her friends.
Say things like: "you should stop wearing those pants around me, they make your ass look so hot, I might jump you and ruin our friendship."
She does not see you in a sexual way and you need to change that.
Just confessing will lead nowhere. I have learned this the hard way.
Her friends are also my friends, and we've had sex so I'm definitely not going to do that lol.
Sheekle - I didn't really think of it like that. I'm a very intense person and she knows that, but that's almost liberating to hear. I won't have an opportunity to tell her though until a week or two from now. Our friends are all back from school and she said she'll get to me eventually, but that she needs space at the moment
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sof4r0ckeRs1984



Registered: 07/30/10
Posts: 1,886
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Moonbeam]
#19359822 - 01/02/14 05:34 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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This concerns me much but I'm no guy who can give good advice on that.
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Bassfreak
ManBearPig



Registered: 08/24/10
Posts: 18,014
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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i just think when a girl says they wanna be free right now it sounds like such a fuckin cop out and generic excuse...if she liked you enough she would just go out with you and follow what her heart says, she wouldnt just be like oh yeah i really like you but i just feel like dating you later
if i were you, id drop it and go after other girls, just stop thinking about her that way
im sure you two can stay friends but a serious relationship sounds unlikely btwn the 2 of you
it doesnt sound very fair that you have to sit around and wait for her for however many months just in hopes that she chooses you...id move on, at least for now...ur young, dont waste so much time on one chick that isnt even a guarantee, theres plenty of other girls
-------------------- Tom Brady is a God Free Tom Brady
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Bassfreak
ManBearPig



Registered: 08/24/10
Posts: 18,014
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: GoldenEye]
#19359944 - 01/02/14 05:57 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
GoldenEye said: If you want to have a chance, do not confess the feelings verbally.
Start giving off mixed signals and get flirty with her friends.
Say things like: "you should stop wearing those pants around me, they make your ass look so hot, I might jump you and ruin our friendship."
She does not see you in a sexual way and you need to change that.
Just confessing will lead nowhere. I have learned this the hard way.
this is called being "friendzoned"...its happened to a lot of us
-------------------- Tom Brady is a God Free Tom Brady
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Vsnares.Zappa
bend over


Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,153
Last seen: 3 months, 16 days
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Bassfreak]
#19359999 - 01/02/14 06:11 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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forget her completely, no communication whatsoever for a year, try to meet other people Op.
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Moonbeam
Loner


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 201
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
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Ugh, that makes me feel a little nauseous. I really don't want to just drop her from my life.
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sunbleeder

Registered: 12/05/13
Posts: 99
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Moonbeam]
#19360749 - 01/02/14 09:11 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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Don't stop talking to her, what kind of dumb fucking advice is that? They've been friends since 6th grade. Ride it out and see where it goes. By reading what you wrote it seems like she cares about you.
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Vsnares.Zappa
bend over


Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,153
Last seen: 3 months, 16 days
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: sunbleeder]
#19360809 - 01/02/14 09:27 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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Sometimes it's better to just end a relationship...I wouldnt want to be in that situation for too long.
She cares for him but she don't want to be in an intimate relationship ....there's a difference. Op must accept this.
Edited by Vsnares.Zappa (01/02/14 09:28 PM)
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Bassfreak]
#19360859 - 01/02/14 09:35 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
Bassfreak said: just man up and tell her exactly how u feel.
tell her u want a relationship. a relationship is only for 2 people and thats the people in the relationship. fuck everyone else. it gets to the point where u gotta forget about bro code and do things for yourself otherwise it will never happen
dont wait a few months. tell her the next time ur both hanging out with eachother alone. make your intentions clear
damn... you're making since and not being a dick about it. I couldnt agree more. this is exactly the way to handle it.
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sunbleeder

Registered: 12/05/13
Posts: 99
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Quote:
Vsnares.Zappa said: Sometimes it's better to just end a relationship...I wouldnt want to be in that situation for too long.
She cares for him but she don't want to be in an intimate relationship ....there's a difference. Op must accept this.
Intimacy may come in time. Even it doesn't you don't end a long friendship over something like that. The girl has feelings too and I'm sure she would be pretty crushed if he just stop talking to her just because she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship.
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Atrium
Cunt Tickler


Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 1,284
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: sunbleeder] 1
#19360949 - 01/02/14 09:55 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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She's what age again homie? She's either looking for someone "better" always or is just not so much into you as you are into her ie doesn't think of you as a high priority. She wants to be free, either to be with multiple men, or free from not dating you specificly. It's not so painful when you realize it. Women are just like men only they own the pussy and therefore most of the power of the relationship... Because some men give them that. Back off, chill out, and let her make her mind. Either she's gonna do what she wants not caring for you and you'd be better off without her, or she'll come out to say she reallhy did want you, but don't go beta and profess love quite yet. That may ruin everything.
-------------------- The only thing about Chemistry I like is all the psychedelics that come from it. The only reason I study Psychology is to have a legitimate excuse to enjoy Chemistry.
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Moonbeam
Loner


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 201
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Atrium]
#19361006 - 01/02/14 10:08 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
Jamesdnh said: Back off, chill out, and let her make her mind. Either she's gonna do what she wants not caring for you and you'd be better off without her, or she'll come out to say she reallhy did want you, but don't go beta and profess love quite yet. That may ruin everything.
That's what I was really thinking - it's hard to know what to do when you're in the position. Only time will tell, the problem is I think about her a lot so it goes by very slow.
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Edited by Moonbeam (01/02/14 10:10 PM)
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Vsnares.Zappa
bend over


Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,153
Last seen: 3 months, 16 days
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Re: In love with best friend [Re: Atrium]
#19361016 - 01/02/14 10:11 PM (10 years, 28 days ago) |
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my point exactly.
Edit: try to find ways of being happy on your own.
Edited by Vsnares.Zappa (01/02/14 10:11 PM)
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