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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl
    #19352695 - 12/31/13 08:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I was at a small coffee shop with a friend and the barista found out she went to high school with us. We chit chatted for a bit and i was being silly and later on she sat with us when no one was around and we just chilled. Then she kind of facebook stalked me and my friend and added us. She messaged "yay! hiiii" when i accepted, then i said "hi :laugh:" and she said "Yay!" followed by a ":D".

So anyway, i really suck at socializing and that's because i spent the last couple years living like a depressed hermit. It'd be cool if i could be this girl's friend and break into her social circle and find a cool group of people to hang out with. But I kind of feel like a loser for having no friends and i don't want to just straight up tell her "hey i have no friends can i have some of yours?"

So how do i proceed from here. Can someone literally give me step by step instructions on exactly how to respond to her facebook messages in a way that'll lead to us hanging out again without me looking creepy or desperate?

and i can't go back to the coffee shop because my friend is only here for the break and he's moved back across the state for college.


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19352720 - 12/31/13 08:40 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Then she kind of facebook stalked me and my friend and added us. She messaged "yay! hiiii" when i accepted, then i said "hi :laugh:" and she said "Yay!" followed by a ":D".




Did you read what you just wrote? This girl already wants to be your friend, the work is done. Why did you just call yourself socially incompetent? Lol, your post says opposite.

Just goof off with her first, say a couple silly flirty things, then ask her when you two are going to hang out again. Badda bing, badda bang, badda boom.

Edit: Just read the last line of your post. Why can't you go back, exactly?


Edited by DebuteMachine (12/31/13 08:41 PM)


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InvisibleMe_Roy
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 3,230
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352744 - 12/31/13 08:48 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Go to the coffee shop to see her.


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352747 - 12/31/13 08:48 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

i almost didn't want to add her to facebook cause then she'd see my nonexistant social life... i haven't touched my facebook for years. She enjoyed chilling with me and my friend because we both came across as cool guys, but she didn't really get to know me. If she knew i was a loser with no friends she might find me much less likable as a person. So I basically need to find a way to get her to keep finding me as a likable person despite my current situation...

And I can't go back because then i'd go back by myself without my friend and it would be obvoius that I would only be going to see her and that seems desperate and something a loser would do. I can only go back if she asks me to or something.

I think i could safely call myself socially incompetent because i have no clue how to escalate this to a friendship. Wtf do I say?? We never hung out in the first place, and it seems so forward to just ask her to hang out over facebook so I need to really ease into it, but i'm not sure how. What kind of silly flirty things can I say?


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OfflineCavemanJohnson
Real Classy

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 430
Loc: NorCal
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352767 - 12/31/13 08:53 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Its obvious she likes you, no need to feel like a loser. Go back to the coffee shop and let her know it was just to see her :mindblown:


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak] * 4
    #19352771 - 12/31/13 08:55 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

for fucks sake she works at a fucking coffee shop! go into the fucking coffee shop and stop kicking yourself around. it's starting to irritate me and i dont even know you son!

as a bartender i make friends and am friendly to people I WANT to come back! go buy a coffee dipshit and make conversation.

fuck man, im not trying to be mean but you need a kick in the ass.

THE WORK IS ALREADY DONE! YOURE IN, DONT BE SCARED OF SUCCESS!


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352826 - 12/31/13 09:08 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

well i don't want to just grab a drink, make some small talk awkwardly, then leave... but at the same time i don't know how to hang out for an extended period of time at a coffee shop by myself without feeling awkward.

i want to somehow get her to invite me to hang out with her and her people... but i don't have enough friends to make myself look cool enough now that my friend is gone...

sorry if i am frustrating you. Let's say I do go to the coffee shop, by myself. I never went there before and only went there because of my friend. So just what the hell do I say? I'll make small talk with her and buy a drink, then what happens when the conversation dies down?


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Offlinelazyfingers
grrr
Male
Registered: 08/07/09
Posts: 3,347
Last seen: 4 years, 25 days
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak] * 5
    #19352831 - 12/31/13 09:11 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

pay her money and tell her you need to be pleasured emotionally.


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352836 - 12/31/13 09:15 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Nah you're not frustrating me, I'm actually just being a bit hyper because it's NYE lol. Here is a suggestion, I hope other post some as well for variety.

What did you guys talk about last time? Also what makes you want to be her friend so badly? That's something I'm just wondering from your point of view.


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Offlineevileye001
Stranger then you
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Registered: 02/23/13 Happy 11th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 2,341
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352846 - 12/31/13 09:19 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
well i don't want to just grab a drink, make some small talk awkwardly, then leave... but at the same time i don't know how to hang out for an extended period of time at a coffee shop by myself without feeling awkward.

i want to somehow get her to invite me to hang out with her and her people... but i don't have enough friends to make myself look cool enough now that my friend is gone...

sorry if i am frustrating you. Let's say I do go to the coffee shop, by myself. I never went there before and only went there because of my friend. So just what the hell do I say? I'll make small talk with her and buy a drink, then what happens when the conversation dies down?




wow. ok

read this as if i were saying it to you.


i dont have enough friends to look cool enough to hang out with her.

really?

go to the coffee shop as if you were just stopping for a coffee. SHE LIKES YOU, at least as a friend if nothing else so act like she is a dude to lessen your tension until you can feel the situation out. when you go to the shop a conversation will start since she is your "buddy". you dont need it to last to long, if it gets weird just say you have to go and "talk to you later" and try again. chances are it wont tho. ask her about how she has been, what she is up to. friends/ family will pop up eventually and probly quite soon. when it dose ask her about her friends. what do they do? how do you know them? they seem cool... exc, when she is talking about her social life say you would like to meet them, they seem cool. follow with a fb text or somthing within a coupple of days to show you really ment it.

within a 15 min cup of coffee all that could come out easly and naturally without seeming awkward..


--------------------
we are the universe contemplating its self.



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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evileye001]
    #19352850 - 12/31/13 09:21 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:whathesaid:

At some point you're going to want to ask her for her phone number. No one uses facebook bro. Even if they look like they do, it's just a status quo thing.


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352853 - 12/31/13 09:22 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

She was very social and not afraid to take risks. Here's two guys that she doesn't know at all, and she comes up to us and just says "do you mind if i sit with you guys?" and just starts talking. I really admire and respect that, and want to be around cool people like that. And someone like that has to have a lot of cool friends too.

I don't really remember too well what we talked about... i said some goofy and silly stuff, she asked me about my earrings, we talked about our high school and how she's a freshmen when we were seniors .. she broke up with her boyfriend in front of us lol and my friend speculated that she just sat with us to make her bf mad and jealous, but the 2nd time we came she sat with us again even though her bf wasn't there.

But right now, i'm thinking about how to respond to her last message of "Yay! :laugh:" ..... i mean, that's kind of a conversation ender lol. It feels like i'm grasping at conversational straws if I respond back with something unrelated...


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352859 - 12/31/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Ok thanks evileye001 your post makes a lot of sense, i am going to have to think more about exactly what I need to say if I decide to go back to visit her


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352861 - 12/31/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Just show up bro. If she just broke up with her bf she has a void. She picked you.

You are the chosen one. :bowdown:

Also just some food for thought. Unless you are a rapist, a pedophile, or some closet bible thumper I don't see how you could fuck this up.


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Offlineevileye001
Stranger then you
Male User Gallery


Registered: 02/23/13 Happy 11th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 2,341
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352886 - 12/31/13 09:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
Ok thanks evileye001 your post makes a lot of sense, i am going to have to think more about exactly what I need to say if I decide to go back to visit her




DONT! i know its hard but over thinking it is what will make it awkward. i garentee you will have it all planed out and the first sentice out of her mouth will throw your plan out the window, you will freeze and freak out since your so worried.

and yay!:laugh: is not a conversation ender, its a conversation opener. when she did that she left a good taste in your mouth (no pun intended) and made it so YOU can point the conversation in any direction you want to.

its not like if you send a edgey message she will just stop talking to you. she wasnt to see what you will send next dude. seeing what your thinking about the situation. yea she might not have been wanting a flirty reply witch is fine, you seem like you want to make friends more then anything right now but its a open invitation to see what you want!

even if you stay in the friend zone... you still get a new group of friends.


--------------------
we are the universe contemplating its self.



Edited by evileye001 (12/31/13 09:38 PM)


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Offlinelazyfingers
grrr
Male
Registered: 08/07/09
Posts: 3,347
Last seen: 4 years, 25 days
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine] * 2
    #19352928 - 12/31/13 09:48 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

script:

Barista: Hi can I take your order

you: fine I'll have a coffee, hey didn't you say we went to the same highschool

barista: yes

you: so I can get your number right?

Barista : no

you:  why not?  Join me in friendship!

Barista: ummm no

you: woah wait a second you think I just wanna sleep with you, but you're wrong I just came here to order coffee and make friends. I thought that we might have some interesting things to talk about, but I see that I am wrong. (bring out her guilt with words).  Please forgive me by giving me your number.

Barista : If you don't leave Im getting my manager

You: ok Im leaving without my coffee, what kind of establishment is this? I ask for one thing you can make, and you don't give it to me. and the other thing I asked for is just 10 numbers.

Barista: Im a lesbian

you: that's ok I love women too.

Barista: I have a boyfriend

you: well I just wanted someone to connect with.

Barista: I like to lock men in my basement and starve them.

You : and you don't sleep with them?

Barista: no, I torture them.

You : ok , I'm in. Here's a pen (and paper). Here's my card. Here's my number.


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InvisibletheRAPeutic
Hueman
Male

Registered: 07/22/13
Posts: 8,702
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: lazyfingers]
    #19352971 - 12/31/13 09:59 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:rofl:  lazyfingers

OP don't plan everything out; Like said above it's going to screw you up trying to stick to some script. Go in there without thinking forward of what you need to talk about, and let loose. Good luck.


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Offlineevileye001
Stranger then you
Male User Gallery


Registered: 02/23/13 Happy 11th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 2,341
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: lazyfingers]
    #19352996 - 12/31/13 10:06 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

lazyfingers said:
script:

Barista: Hi can I take your order

you: fine I'll have a coffee, hey didn't you say we went to the same highschool

barista: yes

you: so I can get your number right?

Barista : no

you:  why not?  Join me in friendship!

Barista: ummm no

you: woah wait a second you think I just wanna sleep with you, but you're wrong I just came here to order coffee and make friends. I thought that we might have some interesting things to talk about, but I see that I am wrong. (bring out her guilt with words).  Please forgive me by giving me your number.

Barista : If you don't leave Im getting my manager

You: ok Im leaving without my coffee, what kind of establishment is this? I ask for one thing you can make, and you don't give it to me. and the other thing I asked for is just 10 numbers.

Barista: Im a lesbian

you: that's ok I love women too.

Barista: I have a boyfriend

you: well I just wanted someone to connect with.

Barista: I like to lock men in my basement and starve them.

You : and you don't sleep with them?

Barista: no, I torture them.

You : ok , I'm in. Here's a pen (and paper). Here's my card. Here's my number.




please dont tell me your serious? really?

if not then i officially label you as a

:Trollface:


--------------------
we are the universe contemplating its self.



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InvisibleMe_Roy
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 3,230
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: theRAPeutic]
    #19353114 - 12/31/13 10:51 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

You're not that into Facebook. That's perfect -- it shows that you like hanging out with people irl.

You'll have to go to the coffee shop alone -- that's also perfect. She'll probably gather that you're interested in her in some way or another. This is how you start a relationship.

Just bring a book in case the conversation doesn't come naturally and you have to kill some time.


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Invisiblelets drive around
That kid with a stupid low Jetta
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Registered: 07/25/13
Posts: 1,060
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Me_Roy]
    #19353121 - 12/31/13 10:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Me_Roy said:
Go to the coffee shop to see her.




And ask her when she is planning on taking you out to dinner.


--------------------



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