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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl
    #19352695 - 12/31/13 08:32 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

I was at a small coffee shop with a friend and the barista found out she went to high school with us. We chit chatted for a bit and i was being silly and later on she sat with us when no one was around and we just chilled. Then she kind of facebook stalked me and my friend and added us. She messaged "yay! hiiii" when i accepted, then i said "hi :laugh:" and she said "Yay!" followed by a ":D".

So anyway, i really suck at socializing and that's because i spent the last couple years living like a depressed hermit. It'd be cool if i could be this girl's friend and break into her social circle and find a cool group of people to hang out with. But I kind of feel like a loser for having no friends and i don't want to just straight up tell her "hey i have no friends can i have some of yours?"

So how do i proceed from here. Can someone literally give me step by step instructions on exactly how to respond to her facebook messages in a way that'll lead to us hanging out again without me looking creepy or desperate?

and i can't go back to the coffee shop because my friend is only here for the break and he's moved back across the state for college.


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19352720 - 12/31/13 08:40 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

Then she kind of facebook stalked me and my friend and added us. She messaged "yay! hiiii" when i accepted, then i said "hi :laugh:" and she said "Yay!" followed by a ":D".




Did you read what you just wrote? This girl already wants to be your friend, the work is done. Why did you just call yourself socially incompetent? Lol, your post says opposite.

Just goof off with her first, say a couple silly flirty things, then ask her when you two are going to hang out again. Badda bing, badda bang, badda boom.

Edit: Just read the last line of your post. Why can't you go back, exactly?


Edited by DebuteMachine (12/31/13 08:41 PM)


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InvisibleMe_Roy
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 3,230
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352744 - 12/31/13 08:48 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Go to the coffee shop to see her.


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352747 - 12/31/13 08:48 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

i almost didn't want to add her to facebook cause then she'd see my nonexistant social life... i haven't touched my facebook for years. She enjoyed chilling with me and my friend because we both came across as cool guys, but she didn't really get to know me. If she knew i was a loser with no friends she might find me much less likable as a person. So I basically need to find a way to get her to keep finding me as a likable person despite my current situation...

And I can't go back because then i'd go back by myself without my friend and it would be obvoius that I would only be going to see her and that seems desperate and something a loser would do. I can only go back if she asks me to or something.

I think i could safely call myself socially incompetent because i have no clue how to escalate this to a friendship. Wtf do I say?? We never hung out in the first place, and it seems so forward to just ask her to hang out over facebook so I need to really ease into it, but i'm not sure how. What kind of silly flirty things can I say?


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OfflineCavemanJohnson
Real Classy

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 430
Loc: NorCal
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352767 - 12/31/13 08:53 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Its obvious she likes you, no need to feel like a loser. Go back to the coffee shop and let her know it was just to see her :mindblown:


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak] * 4
    #19352771 - 12/31/13 08:55 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

for fucks sake she works at a fucking coffee shop! go into the fucking coffee shop and stop kicking yourself around. it's starting to irritate me and i dont even know you son!

as a bartender i make friends and am friendly to people I WANT to come back! go buy a coffee dipshit and make conversation.

fuck man, im not trying to be mean but you need a kick in the ass.

THE WORK IS ALREADY DONE! YOURE IN, DONT BE SCARED OF SUCCESS!


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352826 - 12/31/13 09:08 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

well i don't want to just grab a drink, make some small talk awkwardly, then leave... but at the same time i don't know how to hang out for an extended period of time at a coffee shop by myself without feeling awkward.

i want to somehow get her to invite me to hang out with her and her people... but i don't have enough friends to make myself look cool enough now that my friend is gone...

sorry if i am frustrating you. Let's say I do go to the coffee shop, by myself. I never went there before and only went there because of my friend. So just what the hell do I say? I'll make small talk with her and buy a drink, then what happens when the conversation dies down?


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Offlinelazyfingers
grrr
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak] * 5
    #19352831 - 12/31/13 09:11 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

pay her money and tell her you need to be pleasured emotionally.


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352836 - 12/31/13 09:15 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Nah you're not frustrating me, I'm actually just being a bit hyper because it's NYE lol. Here is a suggestion, I hope other post some as well for variety.

What did you guys talk about last time? Also what makes you want to be her friend so badly? That's something I'm just wondering from your point of view.


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Offlineevileye001
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Registered: 02/23/13
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352846 - 12/31/13 09:19 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
well i don't want to just grab a drink, make some small talk awkwardly, then leave... but at the same time i don't know how to hang out for an extended period of time at a coffee shop by myself without feeling awkward.

i want to somehow get her to invite me to hang out with her and her people... but i don't have enough friends to make myself look cool enough now that my friend is gone...

sorry if i am frustrating you. Let's say I do go to the coffee shop, by myself. I never went there before and only went there because of my friend. So just what the hell do I say? I'll make small talk with her and buy a drink, then what happens when the conversation dies down?




wow. ok

read this as if i were saying it to you.


i dont have enough friends to look cool enough to hang out with her.

really?

go to the coffee shop as if you were just stopping for a coffee. SHE LIKES YOU, at least as a friend if nothing else so act like she is a dude to lessen your tension until you can feel the situation out. when you go to the shop a conversation will start since she is your "buddy". you dont need it to last to long, if it gets weird just say you have to go and "talk to you later" and try again. chances are it wont tho. ask her about how she has been, what she is up to. friends/ family will pop up eventually and probly quite soon. when it dose ask her about her friends. what do they do? how do you know them? they seem cool... exc, when she is talking about her social life say you would like to meet them, they seem cool. follow with a fb text or somthing within a coupple of days to show you really ment it.

within a 15 min cup of coffee all that could come out easly and naturally without seeming awkward..


--------------------
we are the universe contemplating its self.



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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evileye001]
    #19352850 - 12/31/13 09:21 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

:whathesaid:

At some point you're going to want to ask her for her phone number. No one uses facebook bro. Even if they look like they do, it's just a status quo thing.


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19352853 - 12/31/13 09:22 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

She was very social and not afraid to take risks. Here's two guys that she doesn't know at all, and she comes up to us and just says "do you mind if i sit with you guys?" and just starts talking. I really admire and respect that, and want to be around cool people like that. And someone like that has to have a lot of cool friends too.

I don't really remember too well what we talked about... i said some goofy and silly stuff, she asked me about my earrings, we talked about our high school and how she's a freshmen when we were seniors .. she broke up with her boyfriend in front of us lol and my friend speculated that she just sat with us to make her bf mad and jealous, but the 2nd time we came she sat with us again even though her bf wasn't there.

But right now, i'm thinking about how to respond to her last message of "Yay! :laugh:" ..... i mean, that's kind of a conversation ender lol. It feels like i'm grasping at conversational straws if I respond back with something unrelated...


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352859 - 12/31/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Ok thanks evileye001 your post makes a lot of sense, i am going to have to think more about exactly what I need to say if I decide to go back to visit her


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352861 - 12/31/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Just show up bro. If she just broke up with her bf she has a void. She picked you.

You are the chosen one. :bowdown:

Also just some food for thought. Unless you are a rapist, a pedophile, or some closet bible thumper I don't see how you could fuck this up.


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Offlineevileye001
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Registered: 02/23/13
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19352886 - 12/31/13 09:36 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
Ok thanks evileye001 your post makes a lot of sense, i am going to have to think more about exactly what I need to say if I decide to go back to visit her




DONT! i know its hard but over thinking it is what will make it awkward. i garentee you will have it all planed out and the first sentice out of her mouth will throw your plan out the window, you will freeze and freak out since your so worried.

and yay!:laugh: is not a conversation ender, its a conversation opener. when she did that she left a good taste in your mouth (no pun intended) and made it so YOU can point the conversation in any direction you want to.

its not like if you send a edgey message she will just stop talking to you. she wasnt to see what you will send next dude. seeing what your thinking about the situation. yea she might not have been wanting a flirty reply witch is fine, you seem like you want to make friends more then anything right now but its a open invitation to see what you want!

even if you stay in the friend zone... you still get a new group of friends.


--------------------
we are the universe contemplating its self.



Edited by evileye001 (12/31/13 09:38 PM)


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Offlinelazyfingers
grrr
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Registered: 08/07/09
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine] * 2
    #19352928 - 12/31/13 09:48 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

script:

Barista: Hi can I take your order

you: fine I'll have a coffee, hey didn't you say we went to the same highschool

barista: yes

you: so I can get your number right?

Barista : no

you:  why not?  Join me in friendship!

Barista: ummm no

you: woah wait a second you think I just wanna sleep with you, but you're wrong I just came here to order coffee and make friends. I thought that we might have some interesting things to talk about, but I see that I am wrong. (bring out her guilt with words).  Please forgive me by giving me your number.

Barista : If you don't leave Im getting my manager

You: ok Im leaving without my coffee, what kind of establishment is this? I ask for one thing you can make, and you don't give it to me. and the other thing I asked for is just 10 numbers.

Barista: Im a lesbian

you: that's ok I love women too.

Barista: I have a boyfriend

you: well I just wanted someone to connect with.

Barista: I like to lock men in my basement and starve them.

You : and you don't sleep with them?

Barista: no, I torture them.

You : ok , I'm in. Here's a pen (and paper). Here's my card. Here's my number.


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InvisibletheRAPeutic
Hueman
Male

Registered: 07/22/13
Posts: 8,702
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: lazyfingers]
    #19352971 - 12/31/13 09:59 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

:rofl:  lazyfingers

OP don't plan everything out; Like said above it's going to screw you up trying to stick to some script. Go in there without thinking forward of what you need to talk about, and let loose. Good luck.


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Offlineevileye001
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Registered: 02/23/13
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: lazyfingers]
    #19352996 - 12/31/13 10:06 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

lazyfingers said:
script:

Barista: Hi can I take your order

you: fine I'll have a coffee, hey didn't you say we went to the same highschool

barista: yes

you: so I can get your number right?

Barista : no

you:  why not?  Join me in friendship!

Barista: ummm no

you: woah wait a second you think I just wanna sleep with you, but you're wrong I just came here to order coffee and make friends. I thought that we might have some interesting things to talk about, but I see that I am wrong. (bring out her guilt with words).  Please forgive me by giving me your number.

Barista : If you don't leave Im getting my manager

You: ok Im leaving without my coffee, what kind of establishment is this? I ask for one thing you can make, and you don't give it to me. and the other thing I asked for is just 10 numbers.

Barista: Im a lesbian

you: that's ok I love women too.

Barista: I have a boyfriend

you: well I just wanted someone to connect with.

Barista: I like to lock men in my basement and starve them.

You : and you don't sleep with them?

Barista: no, I torture them.

You : ok , I'm in. Here's a pen (and paper). Here's my card. Here's my number.




please dont tell me your serious? really?

if not then i officially label you as a

:Trollface:


--------------------
we are the universe contemplating its self.



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InvisibleMe_Roy
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 3,230
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: theRAPeutic]
    #19353114 - 12/31/13 10:51 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

You're not that into Facebook. That's perfect -- it shows that you like hanging out with people irl.

You'll have to go to the coffee shop alone -- that's also perfect. She'll probably gather that you're interested in her in some way or another. This is how you start a relationship.

Just bring a book in case the conversation doesn't come naturally and you have to kill some time.


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Invisiblelets drive around
That kid with a stupid low Jetta
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Registered: 07/25/13
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Me_Roy]
    #19353121 - 12/31/13 10:54 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

Me_Roy said:
Go to the coffee shop to see her.




And ask her when she is planning on taking you out to dinner.


--------------------



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Invisiblemr sniffles
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Posts: 1,663
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: lets drive around] * 1
    #19353125 - 12/31/13 10:57 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

just improvise and hope for the best lol


--------------------
:likeaboss:


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Me_Roy]
    #19353134 - 12/31/13 10:59 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

Me_Roy said:
You're not that into Facebook. That's perfect -- it shows that you like hanging out with people irl.

You'll have to go to the coffee shop alone -- that's also perfect. She'll probably gather that you're interested in her in some way or another. This is how you start a relationship.

Just bring a book in case the conversation doesn't come naturally and you have to kill some time.




That's a really good idea. But our boy here has got some mega anxiety. I might actually run with this myself. AVGN game at a coffee shop. I will attract all the ladies as I say "AAASSSSSSSSS!!!!" on my last life.

Then be like, "What? You've never played a shitty game before?!?!"


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Invisiblelets drive around
That kid with a stupid low Jetta
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19353179 - 12/31/13 11:16 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

DebuteMachine said:
Quote:

Me_Roy said:
You're not that into Facebook. That's perfect -- it shows that you like hanging out with people irl.

You'll have to go to the coffee shop alone -- that's also perfect. She'll probably gather that you're interested in her in some way or another. This is how you start a relationship.

Just bring a book in case the conversation doesn't come naturally and you have to kill some time.




That's a really good idea. But our boy here has got some mega anxiety. I might actually run with this myself. AVGN game at a coffee shop. I will attract all the ladies as I say "AAASSSSSSSSS!!!!" on my last life.

Then be like, "What? You've never played a shitty game before?!?!"




I wish I could be there to see her reaction lol


--------------------



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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: lets drive around]
    #19353180 - 12/31/13 11:17 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Lol, I would probably get stymied really bad until I let out I was just acting. That's when the DSHSB comes in.

:dealwithit:


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OfflineRavageTheEarth
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19353183 - 12/31/13 11:18 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

She likes you for you. Not for the friends that you may or may not have. If she asks about why you don't have any friends on facebook just tell her that you rarely use it. If you have gotten this far with her then you are obviously a really cool and likable guy. Have some confidence in yourself brotha! Life is too short to question how likable of a person you are. Love yourself. Love life. Love this world. If you can do those things you will have no problem accomplishing any feat you set your mind to.


--------------------
Crazy... toys in the attic I am craaaazy


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19353220 - 12/31/13 11:36 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
i almost didn't want to add her to facebook cause then she'd see my nonexistant social life... i haven't touched my facebook for years. She enjoyed chilling with me and my friend because we both came across as cool guys, but she didn't really get to know me. If she knew i was a loser with no friends she might find me much less likable as a person. So I basically need to find a way to get her to keep finding me as a likable person despite my current situation...

And I can't go back because then i'd go back by myself without my friend and it would be obvoius that I would only be going to see her and that seems desperate and something a loser would do. I can only go back if she asks me to or something.

I think i could safely call myself socially incompetent because i have no clue how to escalate this to a friendship. Wtf do I say?? We never hung out in the first place, and it seems so forward to just ask her to hang out over facebook so I need to really ease into it, but i'm not sure how. What kind of silly flirty things can I say?




:rolleyes:

You can do whatever dude but your entire post reaks of self pity.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Invisiblemr sniffles
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Posts: 1,663
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Enjoywho]
    #19353231 - 12/31/13 11:42 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

Enjoywho said:
You can do whatever dude but your entire post reaks of self pity.



This, dude.

Being alone doesn't mean that you're a loser. It just means that the circumstances led you to live your life this way, but you really can handle it better than that. Just think that you're good at being independent or something. Don't let what society wants you to think get to your head.


--------------------
:likeaboss:


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Offlinetripp23
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: mr sniffles]
    #19353278 - 12/31/13 11:58 PM (10 years, 30 days ago)

your over thinking this lol

for one, life doesnt revolve around facebook.  You could have never even had one in the first place and she wouldnt even known the difference.  Their could be plenty of reasons of why you dont go on facebook.

Two, as the other have stated, she found you on facebook, the works done.  Just message her and say.. im bored, would you like to go get some food?  And most likely.. the convo will build from there.  Or.. im bored, lets go bowling.  Or.. I got no plans for the weekend, lets plan something!  Anything.

You can't go back to the coffee shop?  Did they just recently pass a law that says "fellow evenbreak is banned from the coffee shop and will be help accountable"?  Go to the coffee shop and get your favorite coffee and if you happen to run into her, act surprised and say no way!  Shell ask, what are you doing?  You, oh, just getting my favorite coffee before work/going home/going to shit..  Would you like to try my favorite coffee?  And then the convo will build from there.  Or say.. No way, i can't believe your here of all places, are you doing anything today?  If she says yes, say what about the next day.. If she says no, ask her if shes hungry and wants to get food.  If she claims shes busy the whole week with no other open days (rejection) just say.. oh, well Ill shoot you a text soon then.  Then walk away so its not so awkward.


--------------------
Experience my nightmarish first time of smoking Ganja!



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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: tripp23]
    #19353282 - 01/01/14 12:00 AM (10 years, 30 days ago)

tripp has got some game. /thread yo

until OP responds again i think we pretty much beat this into the ground, lol.


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Offlinetripp23
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19353413 - 01/01/14 01:17 AM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

DebuteMachine said:
tripp has got some game. /thread yo

until OP responds again i think we pretty much beat this into the ground, lol.




lol its not as hard as people make it out to be.  Whats hard is finding a good girl you "click" with.


--------------------
Experience my nightmarish first time of smoking Ganja!



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Invisibleevenbreak
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Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19353414 - 01/01/14 01:18 AM (10 years, 30 days ago)

i just msged her on facebook saying "hah how did you find me" and plan to lead it up with a joke about how shes a stalker cause we joked about how shes creepy for guessing/remembering my name from high school when i never met her before.

then i'm going to tell her i never even use facebook so its hard to find me and im going to ask if she wants to help me make some friends to add on facebook......


that sounds weird when i type it out. do you guys think my plan is stupid/not going to work?

i know you guys keep telling me to go to the coffee shop but man i feel really weird doing that. it just feels weird as fuck to suddenly visit that obscure coffee shop that's kind of hole in the wall that i never visited before so i could talk to a girl. i mean, i don't even want to necessarily date her either i just want to be her friends but her coworker (guy) was passing by and said "oh hes handsome" and she said "haha he said youre cute" so they already think im hitting on her or some shit when im not. actually i don't know wtf is going on but all i know is if i go to the coffee shop by myself without her asking me to on facebook, ill feel very weird and awkward..


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19353422 - 01/01/14 01:21 AM (10 years, 30 days ago)

everything is kosher, just ask her to help make some friends IRL and not on facebook.

last paragraph: hole in the wall = win. holy fuck hole in the walls are awesome.

also, you're reading into what they are saying too much. they aren't looking at your like you're making a move, shes already made a move on you ffs. :facepalm3:


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19353612 - 01/01/14 03:13 AM (10 years, 30 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
i just msged her on facebook saying "hah how did you find me" and plan to lead it up with a joke about how shes a stalker cause we joked about how shes creepy for guessing/remembering my name from high school when i never met her before.

then i'm going to tell her i never even use facebook so its hard to find me and im going to ask if she wants to help me make some friends to add on facebook......


that sounds weird when i type it out. do you guys think my plan is stupid/not going to work?

i know you guys keep telling me to go to the coffee shop but man i feel really weird doing that. it just feels weird as fuck to suddenly visit that obscure coffee shop that's kind of hole in the wall that i never visited before so i could talk to a girl. i mean, i don't even want to necessarily date her either i just want to be her friends but her coworker (guy) was passing by and said "oh hes handsome" and she said "haha he said youre cute" so they already think im hitting on her or some shit when im not. actually i don't know wtf is going on but all i know is if i go to the coffee shop by myself without her asking me to on facebook, ill feel very weird and awkward..



not to be mean man, but that's a terrible idea.

you've gotten nothing but good advice in this thread yet refuse to follow it, just like on EVERY other thread you make about girl problems.

Either a: go to the fluffing coffee shop or b: ask her to HANG OUT IN REAL LIFE over fb

I mean hell, if you ask her over fb and she says no WHICH SHE WON'T then big deal, you literally never have to see her again.


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Invisibleevenbreak
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19376257 - 01/06/14 08:22 AM (10 years, 25 days ago)

alright well i said "haha how did u get my facebook?" and she said "from your friend's facebook. happy new years" and i said "you too" and then it died off

i figured i misinterpreted her signals and she wasn't really interested in anytihng more than just being facebook friends

but today she messaged me again saying "hii!" so i figured that's a pretty good sign of interest so i said "hey gurl" and "hows the shop"... hpoefully this will lead somewhere!


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19376435 - 01/06/14 09:03 AM (10 years, 25 days ago)

Just admit your shy. She probably digs that


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OfflineIcyus
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: King Klick]
    #19376442 - 01/06/14 09:06 AM (10 years, 25 days ago)

Coffe shops... i wish we had em here too...


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OfflineGoldenEye
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: lets drive around]
    #19376471 - 01/06/14 09:14 AM (10 years, 25 days ago)

Quote:

lets_drive_around said:
Quote:

Me_Roy said:
Go to the coffee shop to see her.




And ask her when she is planning on taking you out to dinner.




Do this, trust us.


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OfflineMilkdudTitties
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19376784 - 01/06/14 11:00 AM (10 years, 25 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
alright well i said "haha how did u get my facebook?" and she said "from your friend's facebook. happy new years" and i said "you too" and then it died off

i figured i misinterpreted her signals and she wasn't really interested in anytihng more than just being facebook friends

but today she messaged me again saying "hii!" so i figured that's a pretty good sign of interest so i said "hey gurl" and "hows the shop"... hpoefully this will lead somewhere!




hopefully it will lead somewhere?

No, its not going to lead anywhere until YOU ask her if she wants to hang out.

Most girls dont like to 'make a move'

Thats considered the guys job.  Most girls are too shy to ask a guy out

She wants you to do this, thats why she keeps talking to you. But, if you dont do it soon, she will think you aren't interested and she will move on.


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: MilkdudTitties] * 1
    #19376848 - 01/06/14 11:16 AM (10 years, 25 days ago)

This thread is fuckin hilarious. OP you sound like a nice dude but you need to grow some balls. Go back to the coffee shop, make some small talk, eventually ask her to hang out. It doesn't get much easier than this


--------------------
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] * 2
    #19377052 - 01/06/14 12:06 PM (10 years, 25 days ago)

Man OP... I wish I could slap you. In a nice way. It's crazy how, in this day and age, even the most natural, normal things become huge obstacles to people. I don't know how old you are OP, but I assume you're not that old and believe me, when you get to your thirties, you'll think back on how shy and overthinking you were and you'll facepalm.

Push forward man! Life is all about taking chances. If something ever falls on your lap, throw it away, it's not worth it. You need to earn things.


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: solstice]
    #19377057 - 01/06/14 12:08 PM (10 years, 25 days ago)

And when you turn eighty, you will think of how ignorant you were thinking there was any use in lecturing anyone.


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Edited by Icyus (01/06/14 12:09 PM)


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Icyus]
    #19377092 - 01/06/14 12:18 PM (10 years, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Icyus said:
And when you turn eighty, you will think of how ignorant you were thinking there was any use in lecturing anyone.




Uh, that wasn't meant as a '' lecture ''. It might have come off that way but all I was trying to say was that experience often makes you realize that you shouldn't take things too seriously. Taking things too seriously will usually materialize those worst case scenarios you're worried about. It's the worrying that kills.


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Icyus]
    #19377100 - 01/06/14 12:20 PM (10 years, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Icyus said:
Coffe shops... i wish we had em here too...




I always figured there were coffee shops pretty much everywhere. Do you live on a boat or something?


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19377588 - 01/06/14 02:54 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

Quote:

i know you guys keep telling me to go to the coffee shop but man i feel really weird doing that. it just feels weird as fuck to suddenly visit that obscure coffee shop that's kind of hole in the wall that i never visited before so i could talk to a girl. i mean, i don't even want to necessarily date her either i just want to be her friends but her coworker (guy) was passing by and said "oh hes handsome" and she said "haha he said youre cute" so they already think im hitting on her or some shit when im not. actually i don't know wtf is going on but all i know is if i go to the coffee shop by myself without her asking me to on facebook, ill feel very weird and awkward..




Uh, dude, visiting that obscure coffee shop to see her is exactly what you want to do.  It's not weird, it tells her you took the time and are interested.  You are interested, right?  Then visit the shop, act a little indecisive then ask her what she gets for herself when she gets coffee, pretend to think like you're considering it in your head briefly, then say it sounds really good that you trust her judgement.  Or be just slightly skeptical about one thing in a way that she can try and convince you on it a little bit, but without being difficult about it know what I mean?  Then have her make you what she gets for herself.  Eye contact and a smile at all times.

And dude if you can't work some kind of conversation from any of that that interaction you're screwed.


Edited by abltsandwich (01/06/14 03:05 PM)


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OfflineIcyus
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: abltsandwich]
    #19377598 - 01/06/14 02:56 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

I meant coffe shops as they have in the nnetherlands..


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Icyus]
    #19377616 - 01/06/14 03:01 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

Everything is about confidence. If you think you've got nothing, you've got nothing. If you don't let your dwindling social life get you down, she won't care that you don't have many friends.


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19377647 - 01/06/14 03:08 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

What exactly do you mean she "broke up with her boyfriend in front of you guys"

Like, she full blown officially broke off a relationship with someone that she'd considered her significant other - right out in public in the coffee shop, and then went and randomly sat down with you guys for some casual conversation right after?

Also, I don't think I'd say "yay! :laugh:" is a conversation ender, that's just like an exclamation of like expressive emotion


Whatever happens though good vibes and stuff with the new friend and stuff


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19377680 - 01/06/14 03:13 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

DSHSB.


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19377738 - 01/06/14 03:24 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

Quote:

TrentBoyett said:
DSHSB.




Well that goes without saying, but he's gonna have to talk her into it and herein lies the problem...  :cactuarrun:


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: solstice]
    #19377988 - 01/06/14 04:22 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

fuck the facebook talking op, just ask her out already! then proceed to DSHSB


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: AD420]
    #19378750 - 01/06/14 06:57 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

update: she responded to me asking "how's the shop" with "the shop is boring as usual. how's the xx" (xx is my job i told her about)

what do i say?


I'm serious. I am completely fucking godawful at conversation. I literally don't know what to say right now. In real life if this exchange went down, I would just say "its good..." and the conversation totally dies.

You guys don't understand how incompetent i am at social things.

And yes apparently her boyfriend was sitting in the corner by himself and she decided to sit with me and my friend and we started chatting, then when her bf went outside she said brb, went out, came back in, and said she just broke up with her bf.

The other guy at the coffee shop sat with us too and he was commenting on the whole situation and laughing his ass off.

Anyway, listen, i know i'm coming across as a big pussy right now. I know you guys told me to just go see her in person. But I absolutely can't do that without something leading up to it. I just can't. So will you guys please tell me how to steer the conversation so i can naturally and fluidly lead it into that direction? What is my next response to her question about how my job is that will have a good followup to the next subject? Or perhaps I should talk about my job for a while to build rapport first?


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19378775 - 01/06/14 07:02 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
update: she responded to me asking "how's the shop" with "the shop is boring as usual. how's the xx" (xx is my job i told her about)

what do i say?



I believe something along the lines of "My job is absolutely awful and I'm personally offended that you would ask me such an outrageous question" would be an appropriate thing to say in this situation

Kidding aside, I'd probably tell her how your job's going. Maybe include any unusually exciting or interesting things that may have happened recently at it, and perhaps also bring up another topic into the conversation :justdontknow:


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Sheekle]
    #19378789 - 01/06/14 07:05 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

ok, i told her my job sucked the other day because of something happening and i'd rather work at her place and ended that sentence with an lol to make sure she knows im joking


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19378853 - 01/06/14 07:16 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

you're taking this all far too seriously.  I didn't read the entire thread but in the first half of page one you already admitted you view yourself as a loser.  if you've committed to that belief how do you expect to convince anyone else otherwise?


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: unam sanctum]
    #19379333 - 01/06/14 08:38 PM (10 years, 24 days ago)

don't really know what to add to the comments already, fascinating btw, but as a girl I feel that you are taking it too seriously and care a little too much and maybe you just need to let it go and consider that in the grand scheme of things you have a lot more to offer the world even if this doesn't work out. desperation usually will kill fun. people want to get to know people who are passionate and after something, this might be why you feel drawn to her, so be the same. pick something worthy of pursuing, know why you want it, and be reckless in going after it... if you don't get it, look at it from the standpoint of hey, at least you gave it your all and THAT'S what makes you count for something.


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Invisibleevenbreak
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: showme]
    #19386122 - 01/08/14 12:47 AM (10 years, 23 days ago)

ok... even if she seems interested in talking to me on facebook, how do I know she's not just one of those people who really enjoy facebook conversations because she's bored but has no interest in hanging out with me?


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: unam sanctum]
    #19386163 - 01/08/14 12:59 AM (10 years, 23 days ago)

Quote:

unam sanctum said:
you're taking this all far too seriously.  I didn't read the entire thread but in the first half of page one you already admitted you view yourself as a loser.  if you've committed to that belief how do you expect to convince anyone else otherwise?



:whathesaid:

You are thinking too much op, just go with the flow and stop asking yourself those ''what if''?? stupid questions

Ask her out man, ask her what she's doing on her weekend if she already has plans just tell her that you were planning to ask her out man its not that hard:shrug:

Worst thing can happen is that you won't fuck that pussy but who cares? at least you tried

Stop acting like a fucking loser and bang that gurl:stoned:


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Invisibleshowme
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19396371 - 01/09/14 10:50 PM (10 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
ok... even if she seems interested in talking to me on facebook, how do I know she's not just one of those people who really enjoy facebook conversations because she's bored but has no interest in hanging out with me?





1st, you DON'T know, no one knows anything for sure, but seriously the odds of that are like me going, how do I know i'm not going to get into a fatal car wreck today? that doesn't stop me from driving around for my job. you are never going to be 100% sure of anything and the only reward in life is from taking risks! don't be scared

second, WTF, i catch myself thinking about your situation when i'm in my car randomly one day and i'm MAD! because this girl is practically SCREAMING "I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU!!! LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!!!!"


WTF OP! Stop being scared and just be a human, you want to know her, she wants to know you, maybe stop treating her like some fucking tool for making friends and more like a new possible friendship/relationship!!!!!!!!!!! WITH SOMEONE WHO ALREADY IS INTERESTED IN THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


EXCLAMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19396519 - 01/09/14 11:28 PM (10 years, 21 days ago)

Judging by your posts you are like 1 million times more adventerous and social than me.  I dunno if people remember but this guy has had some epic escapes he's shared with us.


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: moonrockmushy] * 2
    #19396730 - 01/10/14 12:09 AM (10 years, 21 days ago)

Every time he posts it's so painful to read.

We can't have your conversations for you.

I imagine him getting a date with her being on the shroomery.

"She asked how my steak was what do I say!!!?!?!?!?!"

:rolleyes:


--------------------
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Enjoywho]
    #19396792 - 01/10/14 12:26 AM (10 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

"She asked how my steak was what do I say!!!?!?!?!?!"



:canthelpbutlaugh:

yeah until he nuts up he ain't getting anyone.


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Invisibleevenbreak
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Enjoywho]
    #19396796 - 01/10/14 12:27 AM (10 years, 21 days ago)

um she said hii again so i said whats up and she said nm u and i told her i was just reading horror stories and its really fascinating. then she asked me to recommend her some, so i sent her this story of this guy who keeps waking up to his family being raped and murdered and being stuck in this endless loop forever. She said she'll read it, and then she never sent anything back.

i guess i blew it?


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Invisibleshowme
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19403425 - 01/11/14 11:42 AM (10 years, 20 days ago)

i feel like you are a troll OP


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OfflineIma TrooperS
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19403484 - 01/11/14 11:58 AM (10 years, 20 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
um she said hii again so i said whats up and she said nm u and i told her i was just reading horror stories and its really fascinating. then she asked me to recommend her some, so i sent her this story of this guy who keeps waking up to his family being raped and murdered and being stuck in this endless loop forever. She said she'll read it, and then she never sent anything back.

i guess i blew it?




Not at all, that was perfect. Oh, wait, are you trying NOT to freak her out? Never mind then.


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19404059 - 01/11/14 02:10 PM (10 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
um she said hii again so i said whats up and she said nm u and i told her i was just reading horror stories and its really fascinating. then she asked me to recommend her some, so i sent her this story of this guy who keeps waking up to his family being raped and murdered and being stuck in this endless loop forever. She said she'll read it, and then she never sent anything back.

i guess i blew it?



hahahahahahahah oh man thats classic as fuck, thats seriously something i'd do


but dude, u've gotta keep in mind she's human too so she might be understandable if u just explain urself

u should probably send her a follow up message like "hey yeah i really hope that story i sent u before didn't rub off the wrong way, i was kinda thinking after it would probably make sense if it did lol. it just happened to be what i was reading at the time and i didn't really think twice about sending it, but afterwards i sort of realized that if someone who i didnt know well had sent that to me i probably would've been a bit weirded out by it so i dont blame u, i hope u know im not some like weirdo creeper typa guy or anything like that llol, i really do enjoy talking to u and dont wanna give off the wrong impression"


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: showme]
    #19404391 - 01/11/14 03:37 PM (10 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

showme said:
i feel like you are a troll OP





this.





--------------------
Man woke up in a world he did not understand and that is why he tries to interpret it - Carl Jung


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InvisibletheRAPeutic
Hueman
Male

Registered: 07/22/13
Posts: 8,702
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19404421 - 01/11/14 03:44 PM (10 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
Quote:

"She asked how my steak was what do I say!!!?!?!?!?!"



:canthelpbutlaugh:

yeah until he nuts up he ain't getting anyone.




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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: theRAPeutic]
    #19404544 - 01/11/14 04:14 PM (10 years, 19 days ago)

JESUS CHRIST!  You are funny OP!  So are all of you^

Just be you.  Let her be her.  Find out about each other.

There are no canned phrases or conversations that can be supplied by others IMO.

Do something together.  Take a walk in the park.  Go to the coffee shop.


Edited by FishOilTheKid (01/12/14 04:56 AM)


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #19406705 - 01/12/14 02:42 AM (10 years, 19 days ago)

update: she still hasn't responded back. i'm too much of a pussy to send a followup and apologize or explain myself. whatever... thanks for all the suggestions though, i guess i could learn from this.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: evenbreak]
    #19406775 - 01/12/14 03:29 AM (10 years, 19 days ago)



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Offlinedeladude
king size


Registered: 05/16/08
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #19406947 - 01/12/14 05:14 AM (10 years, 19 days ago)

Buy the mystery method book.
Read it and live it. Changed my fucking life!


--------------------
losers always talk about doing their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen.


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OfflineRauhfasertapete
The Final Cauliflower of Doom!
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Sheekle]
    #19407032 - 01/12/14 06:00 AM (10 years, 19 days ago)

Follwo the recommendation of Sheekel:

but dude, u've gotta keep in mind she's human too so she might be understandable if u just explain urself

u should probably send her a follow up message like "hey yeah i really hope that story i sent u before didn't rub off the wrong way, i was kinda thinking after it would probably make sense if it did lol. it just happened to be what i was reading at the time and i didn't really think twice about sending it, but afterwards i sort of realized that if someone who i didnt know well had sent that to me i probably would've been a bit weirded out by it so i dont blame u, i hope u know im not some like weirdo creeper typa guy or anything like that llol, i really do enjoy talking to u and dont wanna give off the wrong impression"




Just copy/paste that passage, whatever, youve got nothing to loose. And if you blew it anyway, whats the problem? Just send her something, just try, you may at least fail in a different way than usually.

its okay to be a bit freaky sometimes and its quite common to have problems with socialising, or to cause weird misunderstandings. that is just part of communication

again: NOTHING TO LOOSE


--------------------
Ich will Eins werden mit dem Gewürm auf dem Felde!


if mutual gift exchange is desired, follow this link


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: Rauhfasertapete]
    #19407100 - 01/12/14 06:43 AM (10 years, 19 days ago)

Its like you are sabotaging yourself OP!  Why...??


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OfflineRauhfasertapete
The Final Cauliflower of Doom!
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Re: socially incompetent, tell me how to be friends with this girl [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #19407151 - 01/12/14 07:00 AM (10 years, 19 days ago)

He wrote so many elaborate passages on this thread, expressively explaining his situation to the mushroompeople, but he wrote only a few short sentences to her. hm...

OP! the time of your life is passing away! hurry! do something! now!


--------------------
Ich will Eins werden mit dem Gewürm auf dem Felde!


if mutual gift exchange is desired, follow this link


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