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Offlineteamkiller
ghetto drama whore
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Registered: 06/06/11
Posts: 8,806
Last seen: 14 days, 17 hours
Best craigslist ad i've ever seen
    #19349614 - 12/31/13 01:52 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

fucking brand new, hot off the presses:
http://denver.craigslist.org/tlg/4265851346.html

Quote:

So here's the situation...

I'm 46, 6-3, 275. I believe in 90 days I can be down to 215, but i,need very specific help.

Here's my daring plan:

I move in with someone (you?) for 90 days.
I have no,clothes, I am nude with no way to leave the house.
I pay you $2000 a month plus my food, that you regulate to 1000 calories a day. Plus a $1000 bonus if I got to 205.
All my stuff is in storage, you can have use of my car.
I will be your virtual maid, I can do all chores including vacuum, laundry, kitchen duties, toilet cleaning, etc..
I know I would thrive on the situation ad lose lots of weight.
I would need a strong minded person or couple., but I am very obedient and will do as told.
I would serve any inclinations, a guy, a gal, a couple, gay straight, whatever.
In case you think this is some weird sex thing, NO. I am fine just being a platonic servant, how ever I would do whatever I am told, even if it's for your entertainment. After all, I would be completely dependent on you.

This is sincere and serious. If you're interested, please write and let's discuss.




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InvisibleHobozen
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Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: teamkiller]
    #19349620 - 12/31/13 01:54 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

he lives in wheat ridge


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Offlineunderfliptown
I suck and you should kill me


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 14,344
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: Hobozen] * 2
    #19349627 - 12/31/13 01:56 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

That is DEFINITELY some weird sex thing

We should all troll him and post the replies


Edited by underfliptown (12/31/13 01:57 AM)


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
semi retarded
Male


Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 2,803
Last seen: 8 years, 15 days
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: underfliptown]
    #19349674 - 12/31/13 02:16 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I move in with someone (you?) for 90 days



:curbyourenthusiasm: I don't know why that made me laugh so hard


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
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Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: teamkiller]
    #19349681 - 12/31/13 02:23 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I don't find this all that funny, there are definitely a lot of better ones.


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 6,457
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19349689 - 12/31/13 02:28 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

2 grand for 90 days it's roughly $22.23, the bonus he mentioned would be $33.34 a day, fuck that.

I can't be assed to put up with someone's shit for 90 days @ 20-30 a day.


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OfflineEnjoywho
Rags to Bitches
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #19349698 - 12/31/13 02:32 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I dunno seems like a pretty good deal. If I had a downstairs to rent out I'd definitely cook him his 1000 calories and kick his ass down the stairs for 2k a month.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
semi retarded
Male


Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 2,803
Last seen: 8 years, 15 days
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19349701 - 12/31/13 02:35 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TrentBoyett said:
I don't find this all that funny, there are definitely a lot of better ones.



so post them then. :snub:


--------------------
“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19349708 - 12/31/13 02:38 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
Quote:

TrentBoyett said:
I don't find this all that funny, there are definitely a lot of better ones.



so post them then. :snub:



I was really just posting because op has me ignored, but okay...

HERE YA GO


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
semi retarded
Male


Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 2,803
Last seen: 8 years, 15 days
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19349724 - 12/31/13 02:46 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:yaysugar:


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19349726 - 12/31/13 02:46 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

the ones asking for drugs always give me a chuckle


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Offlinetripp23
Kratom Freak
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Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 4,030
Loc: Florida, US
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19349731 - 12/31/13 02:48 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

if his price was 60,000 id do it in a heartbeat. i dont think anybodys gonna do it for 20$ a day :lol:  sketchy but not so sketchy :shrug:


--------------------
Experience my nightmarish first time of smoking Ganja!



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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: tripp23]
    #19349739 - 12/31/13 02:52 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

$2,000 a monthe is not `$20 a day, it's more like $66...


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OfflineTopPmz
<No Title>
Male User Gallery

Registered: 01/13/13
Posts: 2,615
Loc: FL Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19349746 - 12/31/13 02:56 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
Quote:

I move in with someone (you?) for 90 days



:curbyourenthusiasm: I don't know why that made me laugh so hard



It did me, too. Lol


--------------------
"Freedom Isn't Free" is only half correct. True freedom doesn't exist in the society we exist in. What the saying really means is "The Illusion of Freedom Isn't Free"


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Offlinedrkkenny
Explorer

Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 1,440
Loc: Down a well
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: teamkiller]
    #19349749 - 12/31/13 03:00 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)



--------------------

No More Stories Are Told Today, I'm Sorry They Washed Away // No More Stories, The World Is Grey, I'm Tired, Let's Wash Away.


God 2 read 10932148 Unread messages


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InvisibleHobozen
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Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: drkkenny]
    #19349757 - 12/31/13 03:03 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

is that you in the bunny suit?


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Invisiblerulesq
Bad Mogambo
Male


Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: Hobozen]
    #19349761 - 12/31/13 03:06 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

blankk said:
is that you in the bunny suit?



Suddenly it all makes sense :mindblown:

Assuming it's him


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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: drkkenny]
    #19349764 - 12/31/13 03:08 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

drkkenny said:




:lolwut:

Dat shit was cray cray.


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Invisiblerulesq
Bad Mogambo
Male


Registered: 05/10/13
Posts: 5,317
Loc: Суомалиа
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19349766 - 12/31/13 03:09 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TrentBoyett said:
Quote:

drkkenny said:




:lolwut:

Dat shit was cray cray.





--------------------



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Offlinedrkkenny
Explorer

Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 1,440
Loc: Down a well
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
Re: Best craigslist ad i've ever seen [Re: Hobozen]
    #19349784 - 12/31/13 03:19 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:hahthatscute:  :hahthatscute:


--------------------

No More Stories Are Told Today, I'm Sorry They Washed Away // No More Stories, The World Is Grey, I'm Tired, Let's Wash Away.


God 2 read 10932148 Unread messages


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