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InvisibledeCypher
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Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: Grigore]
    #19343568 - 12/29/13 09:05 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Grigore said:
You are truly one person that I wouldn't hurt,not because I couldn't do so,just because I realized that you were too nice to me and even though that was not what I needed because I can't actually feel empathy for someone,it's something that can't pass away without being appreciated.




:raisemyglass:


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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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OfflineGrigore
Young Lunatic
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Registered: 06/15/13
Posts: 432
Loc: Romania
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: TheShroomingAtheis]
    #19343629 - 12/29/13 09:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I'm a diagnosted schizo and currently taking meds.


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OfflineGrigore
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Registered: 06/15/13
Posts: 432
Loc: Romania
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: TheShroomingAtheis]
    #19343641 - 12/29/13 09:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Well,it's a self forced sign of minor empathy,that's all I can do..


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InvisibleTheShroomingAtheis
He's gone....


Registered: 12/31/11
Posts: 2,734
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: Grigore]
    #19343677 - 12/29/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Aha, I see. I'm positive you'll be fine...

If it wasn't for harming others, I would have you in great admiration. I myself like to delve into dark practices such as appreciation of the unholy etc.  I also admire your choice of drugs(datura). Just don't give up on yourself. You are unique and can overcome this dark time.

I assume this emptiness you describe was caused by the loss of your grandmother?


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You gotta face the music!


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Offlineg00ru
lit pants tit licker
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Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 21,088
Loc: georgia, us
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: TheShroomingAtheis]
    #19343681 - 12/29/13 09:25 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

what many consider 'unholy' might just be a modern challenge to a modern faith...


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check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss


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OfflineGrigore
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Registered: 06/15/13
Posts: 432
Loc: Romania
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: TheShroomingAtheis]
    #19343703 - 12/29/13 09:29 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Well my grandmother loved me really much,always showed me affection and every time she would do it I would just swear/insult or threaten to hit her if she continued to act immature with me.She died at the age of 97,in front of me,exactly after I told her that I hate her.


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InvisibleTheShroomingAtheis
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Registered: 12/31/11
Posts: 2,734
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: g00ru]
    #19343709 - 12/29/13 09:30 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Unholy as in dark. Not exactly against holiness but close.

What you said is very true but I didn't mean it this way.


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You gotta face the music!


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Offlineg00ru
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: TheShroomingAtheis]
    #19343723 - 12/29/13 09:33 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

even darkness...

it takes a strong light to penetrate into true darkness :grin:


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss


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InvisibleTheShroomingAtheis
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Registered: 12/31/11
Posts: 2,734
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: Grigore]
    #19343730 - 12/29/13 09:35 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Oh, I'm really sorry man. That must have been very traumatizing. Maybe if you could spread the love she gave you, to others around you that care for you, her love will have not gone to waste. I bet nothing would make her happier than seeing you be happy and a changed man.


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You gotta face the music!


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OfflineGrigore
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Registered: 06/15/13
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: g00ru]
    #19343744 - 12/29/13 09:38 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I think I still live in a state of denial that started when my grandmother died,might this be the reason that made myself become interested about occultism and perform an invocation ritual at her grave?
I just figured out one piece of the puzzle,but I'm not totally sure.


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OfflineGrigore
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: TheShroomingAtheis]
    #19343761 - 12/29/13 09:41 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Well,that moment changed my life for the worse,it made me feel heartless and it determined me to lie myself and consider myself nothing more than an emotionless psychopath,but,maybe,after all,everything that I wanted was to apologize in some way to my grandmother and done this by hurting others,doing something that my subconscious knew that is wrong,so,in the end,hurting myself,punishing myself for what I did to her while amplifying the emotional scars that were already deeply carved into my soul.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,068
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: Grigore]
    #19343776 - 12/29/13 09:46 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Grigore said:
Well my grandmother loved me really much,always showed me affection and every time she would do it I would just swear/insult or threaten to hit her if she continued to act immature with me.She died at the age of 97,in front of me,exactly after I told her that I hate her.




Thats awful.  You know though, you have a way to make things right.  Make amends and change your ways. 

If she could help you to be a better person even after she is dead, don't you think she would want to do that?

Try talking to her honestly.  Tell her how you really feel.  Whenever I have really needed help it has always come from my ancestors and all the other people suffering alongside me at this point in time.  Just open yourself up and ask for help.


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InvisibleTheShroomingAtheis
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Registered: 12/31/11
Posts: 2,734
Re: This is getting funny... [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #19343812 - 12/29/13 09:52 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Exactly. It's never too late.


--------------------
You gotta face the music!


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OfflineGrigore
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #19343817 - 12/29/13 09:53 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I don't think I'm spiritually ready to ask for help.
I don't feel like I've inflicted enough pain on myself and others,I can't go on and repair my mistakes before I make myself suffer as much as I made my grandma suffer,every fucking day,every single day wouldn't pass without hearing her cry in her room after I would scream at her and curse her and say that I wish for her to die faster.


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Edited by Grigore (12/29/13 09:53 PM)


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Offlineg00ru
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: Grigore]
    #19343826 - 12/29/13 09:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:nonono: the minute you are truly needing of help is the second it will be there. this is a very loving universe.


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss


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OfflineGrigore
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: TheShroomingAtheis]
    #19343832 - 12/29/13 09:55 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I am truly a terrible person,I don't deserve forgiveness and this is why I have nothing left to do than to continue ruining my life every day,by taking datura and killing everything that I get my hand on.


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OfflineGrigore
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: g00ru]
    #19343840 - 12/29/13 09:56 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

there are situations in which people are left hopeless,I'm deep into that kind of situation,I did too much bad to even have the right to ask for help.


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Offlineg00ru
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: Grigore]
    #19343847 - 12/29/13 09:58 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

hopelessness is never eternal. the fact that happiness exists at all is proof that the universe is inherently good, ya dig? keep on keeping on!


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss


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OfflineGrigore
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: g00ru]
    #19343868 - 12/29/13 10:02 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

after talking with you I realized that all I want is to kill the ''beings'' that I hate the most and then commit suicide,sorry for wasting your time.


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Offlineg00ru
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Re: This is getting funny... [Re: Grigore]
    #19343875 - 12/29/13 10:03 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

you didn't waste my time, but i do encourage you to find an outlet for whatever it is you're feeling :wink:


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss


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