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InvisiblePeace of Mind 1
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Dropped 3 hits of Lucy
    #19334728 - 12/27/13 10:13 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Took the hits at 11pm. Feeling so fucking good. My body is full of electric pulses and waves travelling through my bloodstream. Feels so good. Grateful Dead playing in the background, I got my night set. Send me vibes! :awecid:


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OfflineJPDancer
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #19334753 - 12/27/13 10:19 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

May the force be with you, brother.


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Offlinekitten_wizard
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: JPDancer]
    #19334874 - 12/27/13 11:01 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Good vibes bro


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InvisibleChRnZN
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: kitten_wizard]
    #19334889 - 12/27/13 11:08 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)



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Offlineflipcode
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: ChRnZN]
    #19334899 - 12/27/13 11:10 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

The frogs are hopping for ya!  Invoke within it for them my friend


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InvisibleChRnZN
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: flipcode]
    #19334904 - 12/27/13 11:12 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

god is love

:rainbowcloud:
 
:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:


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Invisiblecez
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: ChRnZN]
    #19335238 - 12/28/13 01:03 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:vibin::heart::peace:


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InvisiblePeace of Mind 1
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: Peace of Mind 1] * 1
    #19336338 - 12/28/13 10:13 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Well, damn, that trip was intense. For the most part I had a ton of laughs and a really great time. However, there were certain things I was confronted with about myself that I'm really not crazy about.

Sometimes I feel as though these experiences I choose to take while alone in my room can only go so far. I thought about how we expect these substances to "give us" something we are missing, and I came out with this thing where I said, "It's not what the experience gives us, but what we CHOOSE to DO with the experience". I have a little notepad that I use for things like poetry, or in this case, just the insane ramblings of someone who's gone mad. I vaguely remember laying on my floor with my pad and pencil just letting it flow, and I came out with a cross between nonsensical garbage, and an intense clarity in articulation. I am by no means an artist, I never draw, I suck at it, I am a musician, that's my purest form of expression, but I had this undying need to just let the thoughts pour onto paper, and I definitely came out with some things that I never would have in a normal state.

I don't know how many of you on here can relate, but so often I just feel like I am a lost soul. Doomed to live and die alone, and like death, there is only acceptance, and the sooner the better. My past comes back to haunt me, this whole "How did I get to this moment now?" starts running rampant in my head. I think about the sense of innocence I held as a younger kid and now I'm some burnt out 23 year old that thinks by tripping he's attaining some sort of spiritual happiness.

I love tripping, no doubt about that, that's why I continue to do it, but sometimes I feel like I need to straighten out so much in my life before I can continue. So it's like, "So just straighten shit out then", but then it hits me, straighten out WHAT? When I was in middle school and through my early high school years I had girls all over me, I had a personality, I was able to be ME without the aid of any life "enhancing" substance. I was having sex at a fairly young age and loved every minute of it. This is what I miss. I try to be myself, but I'm so far gone, I no longer know what myself is, who am I? Is this burn out who I really am? Or is the real me still lingering under neath this confused and shattered me? I try to pick up the pieces of myself left behind years ago, and I can't seem to find them.

I've lived this past 5 years so sheltered. I mean, I work 10 hours a day, I work hard and help my parents out, I pay rent, I do what I gotta do, I'm no bum, I love to work hard, but as far as social contact, I was deprived of everything a boy should be doing at age 19 - 23. I lost so many good years of my life because of drugs, but did I lose them, or did this path I'm on have to be traveled? Is there some sort of destiny or reason, or have I just took my actions too far and officially lost my mind? I feel so disconnected that In this past 5 or so years I haven't been able to be with a woman, or even make any friends in general. I mean, I have friends, my band mates, which I'm infinitely thankful for. What makes this extremely difficult is that my hormones rage as much as any other mans do, I see titties and I go fucking crazy, but on a social level, I have become so disconnected from this whole thing. What my "heart" wants, my "mind" won't let me have. It's hard man, it really is.

I have images of fucked up things in my head a lot, I have tried to desensitize myself to certain things, so I have spent days on the internet browsing things like beheading's and other methods of torture. It doesn't totally bother me, it isn't like I enjoy watching it, as much as I see it as a wake up call, I never sit there watching this shit tripping though, no fucking way. However, at one point I had The Allman Brothers Fillmore East album playing. I was loving it, so incredibly into it. Then I let my mind wander too far into itself. I started connecting things together like, for instance. "Allman Brothers, they jam at festivals, mountain jam, okay, mountain, the "Dagestan Massacre" took place in the mountains, then instantly just CEV'S of these fucking videos started running crazy though my head and I couldn't get them out. I started realizing how careful we have to be about what we allow into our mind's and what we choose to filter out and ignore. Thankfully I am an experienced tripper at this point, so none of this was "bad" at all, just very, very fucking interesting, I was absolutely fine though. Then, it just stopped bothering me, "That's death, get used to it, it's everywhere, it comes in many forms, the world's a fucked up place, it isn't all this peace love and rainbows bullshit. Then before I could think anymore about it, the page was turned and that chapter of the trip ended. Still plenty of trip left though.

On a positive note, I do feel as though I'm nearing some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps me contemplating and analyzing these things corresponds to some sense of clarity within, where I realize it isn't too late to glue together the pieces of my shattered mind, ego and spirit. I've been working on having it in me to start going out, really socializing again, meeting people with similar interests. I need to go to shows and just find some decent people. My main thing though, is hoping that somehow, there is a girl out there who can save me from myself. Without that, I don't think I could ever really live my life to the fullest.

Then, at one point, I put on an album from a great band called The Moody Blues. The album called, "To Our Children's, Children's Children." This is a band that my Mother grew up listening to, it was her all time favorite band, and I am named after the singer and guitarist of that band, Justin Hayward. My mom was in love with him as a kid and since then she planned on having a boy named Justin, and it was me. Why do I bring this up? This is why. The music started giving me intense feelings about the love I have for my Mother. My Mom is terrified of Death, it scares the shit out of her, and one of my older sisters the other night had a dream that our Mom died, and she goes ahead and tells my Mom about this dream, stupid move, my Mom doesn't wanna hear that shit man. It sounds dumb I know, but my Mom shivers at the mere thought of death. So, to continue. If you listen to this album, it's tone is clearly induced by psychedelics, but more importantly, this music became some sort of spiritual link between my Mother and I. I thought about how, "Holy shit, in a lot of ways, she's the female version of me, before I was even here.".

Then the tone of the music shifted, and suddenly this whole thing with my Sisters dream started haunting me. I swear, I started to believe my Mother was dead, not cool, it sucked. And the music was giving these very spacial CEV'S, and suddenly I heard her voice calling out to me, like she's watching me take these drugs and do this to myself. It was so fucking intense. I snapped out of it and realized she was never actually dead, but I realize that when that time comes, how could I ever have these experiences knowing that I'd constantly hear her voice calling out to me? I don't know, this immense guilt set in. I know she's hurting inside, and I feel like I need to help her, or guide her through life, but I have no clue what to do, because I can't even lead myself. Then that's when my perspective of family changed. My Mother and Father are my parents, yet somehow, I felt older than them, who's "really" the parent and the child? Clearly, this was bullshit because my parents nurtured me and gave me life, but it was just a very interesting outlook.

As for now, I'm just trying to rest my head, more of the trip will come back to me, but I actually let out more than I thought I'd be able to, or even want to. I just can't bottle these things up anymore, and I hope there are people out there who can understand this intense social disconnect. I'm dying to connect again, but it's not that easy after shattering your mind to pieces.

Before anyone calls this a bad trip, no, it wasn't at all. This trip was beautiful, it was realistic, confrontational and Goddamn Convicting, but that's what I want out of a trip, I want to get my ass kicked. It was a wake up call for sure. Like I said though, at no point was I freaking out, I was grinning and laughing the whole way through, none of this stuff really frightened me, it was more an infatuation with WHY it is in my head to begin with. It was "scary", yes, but not scary in the way we typically perceive, I let these visions run as rampant as they had to, they crossed my mind for a reason, to be confronted, so embrace it, and figure it out.

Anyway, hope this was a decent trip report, like I said, in time I might remember some more, but in all honesty, I gave plenty of personal detail, there's no reason to hide it anyway, doing that hasn't helped me one bit either, so fuck it. Lesson of the trip in a nut shell; I have a LOT to straighten out in my life, and the only person who can make it happen is me, so it's time to start making moves.

I've said my piece, thanks to whoever listens and/or responds. :peace:


Edited by Peace of Mind 1 (12/28/13 10:21 AM)


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Offlineflipcode
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #19336830 - 12/28/13 12:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Awesome report and very well written! A+

    I've become a loner/introverted as I grow older and even though it's depressing at times--it's better than the years I spent trying to fit in and be what others expected. I think that a really good side-effect of mind altering substances is the breakdown of ego. It can get difficult to rebuild the pieces, and if you're like me--90% of the hard work is contemplating where they fit best. I've spent years dusting-off, repairing, improving and visualizing each pieces purpose--and while some fit really fricking perfect, others remain unused. (Relationships, kids, relocation, etc. that "normal" people seem to have figured out naturally).
 
    As bad as things might seem--the people we see with perfect smiles, nice vehicles, beautiful families that appear "perfect and superior" also have many problems, and ego plays a major role in them. The morbid video/thought interest is a bit strange, but your right--we all filter and ignore in our own ways. This reminded me of a 20 year old radio call on the Howard Stern show with a mother that found him repulsive and disgusting. Howard changed the conversation to see how the lady would respond to normally "personal" questions, like: do you look in the toilet when you're done to see what you did? She said no and claimed to never have done it (snooty disgusted voice). He asked if she at least looks at the TP after she wipes; again a NO. Well, how do you know when you're done? When you're clean? Apparently she was perfect and had an instinct as a god fearing mother..

    As far as the depressing thoughts and feelings of watching our older family members grow old, turn back into kids and eventually die--I think that we all go through those stages--high or dry. It's deep and pretty f'kng odd that we gradually have to step up to the plate and turn into the guardian. I think that it's part of the reason I am still storing that "to have kids or not" piece--instead of placing it. I really don't want someone to feel that way about me as I grow into the grey; I'd rather hit the open seas and eventually fall overboard with nobody looking for me--than to have people worry.

Anyway--great report! You're no alone; and as Chance The Rapper says: Everybody's somebody everyday, nobody's nothing.



Peace!


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OfflineIcyus
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: flipcode]
    #19336839 - 12/28/13 12:20 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

May Sekhmet bliss you in slaughter :wink:


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.


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Offlineteenagehippie
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: flipcode]
    #19336912 - 12/28/13 12:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Very well written, some deep stuff in there.

As a guy of 19 i'm probably not in the most experienced of positions to give insight on what you wrote but I can try :laugh:

I'd say you're leagues ahead of a lot of people who feel like they've got nothing left. You speak of family a lot which makes me feel like they mean a LOT to you.

Maybe it's time to show them that...try to be involved more, make sure they know you're there and they'll do the same for you. That lonely feeling is temporary. Getting out there (and meeting people) is how you make it go away.

And although tripping is great, i'd definitely say it's possible to over-analyse or over-integrate trippy thoughts and concepts.

I'm not saying it will fix things (or maybe even help for that matter), but maybe you should lay off the drugs for a while too (maybe at least until you've found a better sense of purpose).

I can tell you are someone who actually tries to confront things on their mind which is good, all i'd say is don't spend TOO much time thinking about things that don't truly really matter.

You fear your mum and loved ones dying just like I do about mine...but you gotta let that motivate you to make the time you have with them as great as possible. We all die someday, it's what you do while you're alive that counts :wink:

EDIT: I wish you and your family long fulfilling lives btw :smile:


Edited by teenagehippie (12/28/13 12:36 PM)


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Offlinerikuni

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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: flipcode]
    #19336916 - 12/28/13 12:37 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Take 2 hits and then do this
Quote:

look in the toilet when you're done to see what you did


:goodluckwiththat2:


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Offlineflipcode
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: rikuni]
    #19336965 - 12/28/13 12:50 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)




Edited by flipcode (12/28/13 12:54 PM)


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InvisiblePeace of Mind 1
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: flipcode]
    #19337022 - 12/28/13 01:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

flipcode said:
Awesome report and very well written! A+

    I've become a loner/introverted as I grow older and even though it's depressing at times--it's better than the years I spent trying to fit in and be what others expected. I think that a really good side-effect of mind altering substances is the breakdown of ego. It can get difficult to rebuild the pieces, and if you're like me--90% of the hard work is contemplating where they fit best. I've spent years dusting-off, repairing, improving and visualizing each pieces purpose--and while some fit really fricking perfect, others remain unused. (Relationships, kids, relocation, etc. that "normal" people seem to have figured out naturally).
 
    As bad as things might seem--the people we see with perfect smiles, nice vehicles, beautiful families that appear "perfect and superior" also have many problems, and ego plays a major role in them. The morbid video/thought interest is a bit strange, but your right--we all filter and ignore in our own ways. This reminded me of a 20 year old radio call on the Howard Stern show with a mother that found him repulsive and disgusting. Howard changed the conversation to see how the lady would respond to normally "personal" questions, like: do you look in the toilet when you're done to see what you did? She said no and claimed to never have done it (snooty disgusted voice). He asked if she at least looks at the TP after she wipes; again a NO. Well, how do you know when you're done? When you're clean? Apparently she was perfect and had an instinct as a god fearing mother..

    As far as the depressing thoughts and feelings of watching our older family members grow old, turn back into kids and eventually die--I think that we all go through those stages--high or dry. It's deep and pretty f'kng odd that we gradually have to step up to the plate and turn into the guardian. I think that it's part of the reason I am still storing that "to have kids or not" piece--instead of placing it. I really don't want someone to feel that way about me as I grow into the grey; I'd rather hit the open seas and eventually fall overboard with nobody looking for me--than to have people worry.

Anyway--great report! You're no alone; and as Chance The Rapper says: Everybody's somebody everyday, nobody's nothing.



Peace!



Thanks man. That really helped. And the morbid video thing really isn't a "morbid" thing. I've watched videos like that in the past just to wake me up and realize how much worse it can be. Those images have never played out in my trips before, but this time those images came and haunted me. It's not that I watched shit like that normally, that's what was strange. It's just things I've seen in the past that just so happened to take over my consciousness.

I agree, I'm very unsure about having a family, but a companion would help at least ground me. I had a rough past when it comes to relationships, and it's made me somewhat cynical. It's hard to ever trust any human being after certain things happen, especially trusting someone enough to let them into your soul like you would a Woman. I couldn't imagine tripping with the person who was right for me, just to feel like I am loved and understood.

Family is extremely important to me. It's funny too because I have 3 sisters, and out of all of them, I'm the only one who ever got into drug use. Their lives are so much more normal than mine, and it's so hard to feel like you're disconnected from even your own family. Not like they don't love me, but more that they have absolutely idea about the experiences I am taking, and have been taking for 5 years. I don't know, it isn't disconnected like I don't feel close to them, I just get very guilty sometimes, it's strange. I mean, my parents come from the 70's so they did their share, but not to the level I did, I know this for a fact. I'd never even dare tell them half these thoughts in my head.

Makes me wonder if there is really ever an escape. Suicide? Even if it's successful, how do I know that I'm not doomed to another form of existence? I couldn't imagine a purer form of Hell than being not just prisoners of our mind, but prisoners of this Universe. We die only to have to live again, no means of escaping. I'm not saying I believe this, but it scares me. Many people fear death, I fear life, and having to live over and over without ever just reaching nothingness. It sounds dark, I know. But it isn't so much. This is just motivating me to get up and make things happen. I think way too much, I shattered my mind, and all I can do is take what I've learned and use it as the glue to stick the pieces back together.

Thanks for your response bro, I appreciate it.


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OfflineIcyus
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: flipcode]
    #19337028 - 12/28/13 01:08 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Spoilerthing.. i recommend not reading this, tripper.. it is a bad joke, which may be misinterpreted..







You dropped three hits on Lucy? Stop that.. dont hurt her..

that is abuse.. when you redose.. not nice at all..


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.


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Offlinerikuni

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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: flipcode]
    #19337275 - 12/28/13 02:19 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:teehee:


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InvisiblePeace of Mind 1
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: Icyus]
    #19338610 - 12/28/13 08:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Icyus said:
Spoilerthing.. i recommend not reading this, tripper.. it is a bad joke, which may be misinterpreted..







You dropped three hits on Lucy? Stop that.. dont hurt her..

that is abuse.. when you redose.. not nice at all..



This didn't make much sense to me


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Offlineflipcode
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #19338742 - 12/28/13 08:30 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Icyus can explain it better; the disclaimer sort-or ruined the joke.

"Dropping hits" on someone could be interpreted as throwing punches.
In all fairness "it is a bad joke, which may be misinterpreted" was part of the disclaimer.
I got it, but I get many things that others don't get and vice-versa.:smile:


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OfflineVsnares.Zappa
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #19338854 - 12/28/13 08:53 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

"So just straighten shit out then", but then it hits me, straighten out WHAT?





do what makes you happy, make music , be in a band if this is what you love to do.....it's a good way of meeting people. lay off drugs, Try to read as much as you can and cultivate yourself...etc etc.......


Edited by Vsnares.Zappa (12/28/13 08:54 PM)


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Offlinespiny
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Re: Dropped 3 hits of Lucy [Re: Vsnares.Zappa]
    #19339321 - 12/28/13 10:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Very interesting report.  It's good to wrestle with your place in life.  Not a ton to add, but if you're feeling burnt out, you just may be.  I felt the same way at about 22 and wanted to change, and what it took was a pretty significant re-direct in my life.  I ended up quitting drinking and using drugs, and it turned out to be an easier and far better decision than I could have ever imagined.  My old self and interests and energy came back, meaningful relationships blossomed where there were none before, my career got started on the right foot, etc.  Keep wrestling with these ideas and you'll get there too, I'm sure.


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