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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate] * 1
    #19329575 - 12/26/13 04:35 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
Quote:

The Chronic said:
Quote:

Deviate said:
Man in some ways this is a huge let down. I must admit I really enjoyed reading my Bible and going to church and saying my prayers and studying theology and now to realize all that has been going on all this time was God playing hide and seek with himself, its like it takes all the fun out of playing. Its a bit like how learning about all the physiology and biologically of sex takes all the romance out of it and by the time youre finished, you cant even get a boner from the hottest chick on the planet anymore.




A big part of my path was becoming thoroughly bored with everything, the classic 'falling away of worldly things', i used to see this as such a let down, as how boring to be so bored with everything... but now when this mood comes i embrace it, to be so disinterested in everything means i can just be myself without any distractions

If there was no beauty, love, bliss, within me waiting to blossom then it would be horrible to lose all these external interests, but as these beautiful things become revealed as my very self, what a blessing to become so disinterested in dross

It's good to become let down & bored because it shows we're really making progress, so to speak, we're losing the superficial lusts & opening up to True Love

The only way our undiluted joy can reveal itself is if we stop watering it down with thoughts




That last thing you said really affected me. You see, I have been so into tony parsons lately and he never talks about trying to control ones thoughts or becoming free from thougthts so I had basically dropped all those practices. After I read your post I spent about 40 minutes in "true meditation" (this a practice I learned from adyashanti) and i was contronted with a number of deep thought patterns that had been bouncing around in the back of my mind semi consciouisly for quite some time. Afterward, I felt like I broke through to a new level of being. THe Jesus prayer became very active in my heart and my nous went down into my heart. Then it became frightened of what was happening and it went back into my brain. Now I can feel myself constantly running from my heart. I know that I want to be in my heart and yet there is a part of me which does not and seems to be continually running from being who I am. I am afraid of myself. I am a afraid of what a good person I am and how i have done so much evil. I think I am afraid of what the real me is going to think of the person I have been, because the real me is such a good loving person and the me that I have been is such a depressed, selfish, dreadful and unloving person.





You sure come down with some heavy self judging. A sure recipe for misery imo.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19330665 - 12/26/13 09:16 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
I know that I want to be in my heart and yet there is a part of me which does not and seems to be continually running from being who I am. I am afraid of myself. I am a afraid of what a good person I am and how i have done so much evil. I think I am afraid of what the real me is going to think of the person I have been, because the real me is such a good loving person and the me that I have been is such a depressed, selfish, dreadful and unloving person.




Do your thoughts involve specific things you've done to specific people that you specifically regret?  Is that what you're running from and trying to push out of your mind? It just seems like some people who have abused drugs seem to get something out of 'making amends' with the people they've fucked over.  It's how they stop running, I guess :shrug:.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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OfflineDeviate
newbie
Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #19330814 - 12/26/13 10:04 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

CosmicJoke said:
Quote:

Deviate said:
I know that I want to be in my heart and yet there is a part of me which does not and seems to be continually running from being who I am. I am afraid of myself. I am a afraid of what a good person I am and how i have done so much evil. I think I am afraid of what the real me is going to think of the person I have been, because the real me is such a good loving person and the me that I have been is such a depressed, selfish, dreadful and unloving person.




Do your thoughts involve specific things you've done to specific people that you specifically regret?  Is that what you're running from and trying to push out of your mind? It just seems like some people who have abused drugs seem to get something out of 'making amends' with the people they've fucked over.  It's how they stop running, I guess :shrug:.




Im not running my thoughts, I am running from myself. I am running from the love thats in my heart.

There are some things I have done that I really regret but mostly this is more about my realization that my ego self is a piss poor version of who I could be if I knew how to love. My ego saw its own worthlessness and nothingness and inherent non existence and realized that the only way for me to love the way I want to be able to love, is to let it go, to stop allowing it to be in control. ANd of course thats the last thing my eego wants, to relinguish control.

So now I am overcome with tremendeous death anxiety because I understand that the end goal of all this spiritual practice is the destruction of the ego self. All the rejoicing in the Lord ive done, is just an early celebration of my own funeral. there is something deeply unsettling about that.


Edited by Deviate (12/26/13 10:26 PM)


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OfflineDeviate
newbie
Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Icelander] * 1
    #19330859 - 12/26/13 10:19 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
Quote:

Deviate said:
Quote:

The Chronic said:
Quote:

Deviate said:
Man in some ways this is a huge let down. I must admit I really enjoyed reading my Bible and going to church and saying my prayers and studying theology and now to realize all that has been going on all this time was God playing hide and seek with himself, its like it takes all the fun out of playing. Its a bit like how learning about all the physiology and biologically of sex takes all the romance out of it and by the time youre finished, you cant even get a boner from the hottest chick on the planet anymore.




A big part of my path was becoming thoroughly bored with everything, the classic 'falling away of worldly things', i used to see this as such a let down, as how boring to be so bored with everything... but now when this mood comes i embrace it, to be so disinterested in everything means i can just be myself without any distractions

If there was no beauty, love, bliss, within me waiting to blossom then it would be horrible to lose all these external interests, but as these beautiful things become revealed as my very self, what a blessing to become so disinterested in dross

It's good to become let down & bored because it shows we're really making progress, so to speak, we're losing the superficial lusts & opening up to True Love

The only way our undiluted joy can reveal itself is if we stop watering it down with thoughts




That last thing you said really affected me. You see, I have been so into tony parsons lately and he never talks about trying to control ones thoughts or becoming free from thougthts so I had basically dropped all those practices. After I read your post I spent about 40 minutes in "true meditation" (this a practice I learned from adyashanti) and i was contronted with a number of deep thought patterns that had been bouncing around in the back of my mind semi consciouisly for quite some time. Afterward, I felt like I broke through to a new level of being. THe Jesus prayer became very active in my heart and my nous went down into my heart. Then it became frightened of what was happening and it went back into my brain. Now I can feel myself constantly running from my heart. I know that I want to be in my heart and yet there is a part of me which does not and seems to be continually running from being who I am. I am afraid of myself. I am a afraid of what a good person I am and how i have done so much evil. I think I am afraid of what the real me is going to think of the person I have been, because the real me is such a good loving person and the me that I have been is such a depressed, selfish, dreadful and unloving person.





You sure come down with some heavy self judging. A sure recipe for misery imo.




Certainly, my ego is going to be nothing but miserable from here on out. I have entered the phase of spiritual growth known as "dark night of the soul". I need go through the death/rebirth experience and resdiscover my own innocence and goodness. I am too aware of my ego at this point to continue to live with it. It feels so clunky and awkward, like I am walking around with a suitcase strapped to my chest. The suitcase was there so long that it melded to my skin however and now it is being pried away and this is ubelievably painful. THere is no turning back now though. The cat is out of the bag. I cant live my life trying to please this fictional ego i have created. I am far too aware.


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19330978 - 12/26/13 10:47 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
Im not running my thoughts, I am running from myself. I am running from the love thats in my heart.

There are some things I have done that I really regret but mostly this is more about my realization that my ego self is a piss poor version of who I could be if I knew how to love. My ego saw its own worthlessness and nothingness and inherent non existence and realized that the only way for me to love the way I want to be able to love, is to let it go, to stop allowing it to be in control. ANd of course thats the last thing my eego wants, to relinguish control.

So now I am overcome with tremendeous death anxiety because I understand that the end goal of all this spiritual practice is the destruction of the ego self. All the rejoicing in the Lord ive done, is just an early celebration of my own funeral. there is something deeply unsettling about that.




Nah, I didn't mean you were running from thinking, this whole existential mess you've created for yourself is evidence of that. I meant perhaps you were running from particular thoughts and memories that are too painful to acknowledge, so you distract yourself with this spiritual predicament of ego.  The real reason you can't 'love' is because your emotional growth has been stunted - this would be due to reluctance to learn from mistakes and develop more effective coping strategies.  Unfortunately, it requires a stronger connection between the logical risk/reward parts of the brain and one's decision making.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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InvisibleChronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19331695 - 12/27/13 04:10 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
Quote:

The Chronic said:
Quote:

Deviate said:
Man in some ways this is a huge let down. I must admit I really enjoyed reading my Bible and going to church and saying my prayers and studying theology and now to realize all that has been going on all this time was God playing hide and seek with himself, its like it takes all the fun out of playing. Its a bit like how learning about all the physiology and biologically of sex takes all the romance out of it and by the time youre finished, you cant even get a boner from the hottest chick on the planet anymore.




A big part of my path was becoming thoroughly bored with everything, the classic 'falling away of worldly things', i used to see this as such a let down, as how boring to be so bored with everything... but now when this mood comes i embrace it, to be so disinterested in everything means i can just be myself without any distractions

If there was no beauty, love, bliss, within me waiting to blossom then it would be horrible to lose all these external interests, but as these beautiful things become revealed as my very self, what a blessing to become so disinterested in dross

It's good to become let down & bored because it shows we're really making progress, so to speak, we're losing the superficial lusts & opening up to True Love

The only way our undiluted joy can reveal itself is if we stop watering it down with thoughts




That last thing you said really affected me. You see, I have been so into tony parsons lately and he never talks about trying to control ones thoughts or becoming free from thougthts so I had basically dropped all those practices. After I read your post I spent about 40 minutes in "true meditation" (this a practice I learned from adyashanti) and i was contronted with a number of deep thought patterns that had been bouncing around in the back of my mind semi consciouisly for quite some time. Afterward, I felt like I broke through to a new level of being. THe Jesus prayer became very active in my heart and my nous went down into my heart. Then it became frightened of what was happening and it went back into my brain. Now I can feel myself constantly running from my heart. I know that I want to be in my heart and yet there is a part of me which does not and seems to be continually running from being who I am. I am afraid of myself. I am a afraid of what a good person I am and how i have done so much evil. I think I am afraid of what the real me is going to think of the person I have been, because the real me is such a good loving person and the me that I have been is such a depressed, selfish, dreadful and unloving person.




You seem to be wrestling with feeling unworthy, like you somehow don't deserve to be true to yourself, when really you can not run from or leave yourself as you are yourself, you are the heart and the heart is all, you can't move away from it you can only think you do, just by realizing the innocent immaculate nature of yourself any misguided thing you have ever done is automatically absolved, you have never done anything wrong

Sometimes when we have a new breakthrough all the vasanas come up again snagging on & dragging up our unidentified attachments, bringing them into the light of consciousness, this is like decypher said, shining a light on the darkness, when you see these parts of yourself that have been lurking in you, in my opinion all you have to do is remain as the consciousness of them, that in itself shines a light on it & dissipates the ignorance of darkness, maybe there has to be a trust that just being conscious is enough and the work will automatically go on, like you live in a self cleaning house you just need to power it up by bringing the power back to where you are

It's good that you recognize the dark aspects of yourself, the very fact you are conscious of them shows you are growing out of them, you're no longer living as the negative aspects, you're seeing they are aspects, not the whole, all aspects are seen from the whole, so as you become aware of aspects and intuitvely sense they are not the whole, your consciousness is cracking the egg of self-identification and starting to spread its wings, in no time you will be soaring


--------------------


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OfflineDeviate
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Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19331773 - 12/27/13 05:15 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

What can I to speed the whole thing up?


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InvisibleChronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19332039 - 12/27/13 07:49 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Slow it down


--------------------


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InvisibledeCypher
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Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: lessismore]
    #19333036 - 12/27/13 01:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

mio said:
Sometimes I got an ego, sometimes I dont :wink: , how is that possible?




Yes, during Samadhi, you no longer experience an ego.  Dunno what conclusion you wanted to draw from that though... :confused2:

Quote:

Icelander said:
Quote:

Deviate said:
That last thing you said really affected me. You see, I have been so into tony parsons lately and he never talks about trying to control ones thoughts or becoming free from thougthts so I had basically dropped all those practices. After I read your post I spent about 40 minutes in "true meditation" (this a practice I learned from adyashanti) and i was contronted with a number of deep thought patterns that had been bouncing around in the back of my mind semi consciouisly for quite some time. Afterward, I felt like I broke through to a new level of being. THe Jesus prayer became very active in my heart and my nous went down into my heart. Then it became frightened of what was happening and it went back into my brain. Now I can feel myself constantly running from my heart. I know that I want to be in my heart and yet there is a part of me which does not and seems to be continually running from being who I am. I am afraid of myself. I am a afraid of what a good person I am and how i have done so much evil. I think I am afraid of what the real me is going to think of the person I have been, because the real me is such a good loving person and the me that I have been is such a depressed, selfish, dreadful and unloving person.





You sure come down with some heavy self judging. A sure recipe for misery imo.




QFT :sadyes:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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InvisibledeCypher
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Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19333050 - 12/27/13 01:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
What can I to speed the whole thing up?




Relax.  Breathe.  Stop pursuing.

"Pursuit" of enlightenment/salvation/liberation/etcetera is just words you read or someone told you.  Let it go.

Let it go.


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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OfflineDeviate
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Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19333942 - 12/27/13 06:12 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Ok last night I went through a major transformation. I spent six hours curled up my bed with my ego self desperately clinging refusing to be let go and trying to keep control over me, kicking and screaming and feeling terrified. It lasted for 6-8 hours and I tried praying, I tried letting, i tried non resitance, i tried meditation, nothing would release the anxiety (although the things I tried did help a bit). anyway my heart was beating so hard and for so long that I began having chest pains and I thought what if I die from this? Wouldnt that be hilarious? What would my family say?
"well he came catholic, started praying a lot and within a couple of years he was dead" lol. Anyway after 8 hours had passed, I finally let go of my small ego self and boom I realized who I was. Then I was supremely happy. I saw through the veil of duality. I saw that reality was non dual and everything was within me and it was all a remarkably joyful expression of what is, what always has been and always will be and nothing has ever really changed. Thats why in the Book of Revelation St. John calls God "He who is and was and will be" and worthy is the lamb. Anyway, I understood that this knowledge was self-realization.

Now what I dont get is, when I woke up the next morning, I had an ego again. Not a big one like before. I had shifted into a totally new state of being now. Its wonderful. I am so present. I see eternity in each moment and I know that I am one with it. And yet, something is still off. I am not totally liiberated or enlightened. There is still this ego coming back and trying to retake control over me. Why is this happening? How can the ego come back after Ive seen its not real? Do I need to keep doing my spiritual practices? Do I need to keep inquiring who am I?


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19333957 - 12/27/13 06:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
What can I to speed the whole thing up?




Nothing. If what I have seen of life, in myself and that world, is any indication.  Lifetimes would be needed. So get set for the long haul.  You'll learn humor yet Steppenwolf.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineIcyus
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Registered: 11/07/13
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Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19333967 - 12/27/13 06:20 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Weshould start of killing 99 percent of us... then buildus simple tents and small huts in the forest.. we would make traditions of human sacrafice and psilocybin..  simple lives. Living in tribes, tought by shamans.. that, I think is the way to live.. and harming of innosence, a death penalty.. like killing lions.. i am disgusted by those who kill lions... and wolves for that matter... people like that should be killed.. greedy people should be killed... judgemental people should be killed...


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19333999 - 12/27/13 06:28 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
Ok last night I went through a major transformation. I spent six hours curled up my bed with my ego self desperately clinging refusing to be let go and trying to keep control over me, kicking and screaming and feeling terrified. It lasted for 6-8 hours and I tried praying, I tried letting, i tried non resitance, i tried meditation, nothing would release the anxiety (although the things I tried did help a bit). anyway my heart was beating so hard and for so long that I began having chest pains and I thought what if I die from this? Wouldnt that be hilarious? What would my family say?
"well he came catholic, started praying a lot and within a couple of years he was dead" lol. Anyway after 8 hours had passed, I finally let go of my small ego self and boom I realized who I was. Then I was supremely happy. I saw through the veil of duality. I saw that reality was non dual and everything was within me and it was all a remarkably joyful expression of what is, what always has been and always will be and nothing has ever really changed. Thats why in the Book of Revelation St. John calls God "He who is and was and will be" and worthy is the lamb. Anyway, I understood that this knowledge was self-realization.

Now what I dont get is, when I woke up the next morning, I had an ego again. Not a big one like before. I had shifted into a totally new state of being now. Its wonderful. I am so present. I see eternity in each moment and I know that I am one with it. And yet, something is still off. I am not totally liiberated or enlightened. There is still this ego coming back and trying to retake control over me. Why is this happening? How can the ego come back after Ive seen its not real? Do I need to keep doing my spiritual practices? Do I need to keep inquiring who am I?




Not sure if you are kidding, it seems like you know the answer, but anyway

The thing I did first was to realize how pointless certain thoughts were
judge others? pointless
fear? pointless
worries? pointless
frustration? pointless

let them pass

I am not my thoughts, but the controller of own thoughts
to be the controller of own thoughts I just have to relax, I take walks in nature, I dont do drugs very often
and I dont worry


Edited by lessismore (12/27/13 06:48 PM)


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OfflineIcyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa
Male


Registered: 11/07/13
Posts: 3,502
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Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: lessismore]
    #19334006 - 12/27/13 06:30 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

You got to give up the illusion of controll to.. it also brings suffering... it works as a balance to the superego...


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Icyus]
    #19334016 - 12/27/13 06:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Icyus said:
Weshould start of killing 99 percent of us... then buildus simple tents and small huts in the forest.. we would make traditions of human sacrafice and psilocybin..  simple lives. Living in tribes, tought by shamans.. that, I think is the way to live.. and harming of innosence, a death penalty.. like killing lions.. i am disgusted by those who kill lions... and wolves for that matter... people like that should be killed.. greedy people should be killed... judgemental people should be killed...




Aren't you being judgmental here? :lol:

But since I like your judgments I'm going to spare you.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Icyus]
    #19334023 - 12/27/13 06:35 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Icyus said:
You got to give up the illusion of controll to.. it also brings suffering... it works as a balance to the superego...



Why is control an illusion?

If you are 100% yourself, you would be the creator/controller of own thoughts
thoughts would come and go, but only those you like would you use

observer of the mind

edit:
to Deviate I can recommend "The power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle
if you havent already read it


Edited by lessismore (12/27/13 06:45 PM)


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OfflineIcyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa
Male


Registered: 11/07/13
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Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: lessismore]
    #19334060 - 12/27/13 06:43 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Icelander, how am I being judgemental? I just recite my expereance... I know why... it judge it to be wrong..  why? It saddens me... it saddens me through empathy.. I can chose wether or not to empathize.. not what to... is it really me judging?  Maybe one might argue it is so.. I just cannot help feeling sad when people do such thing.. it hurts me..


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.


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Offlinedeff
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Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Deviate]
    #19334065 - 12/27/13 06:45 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Deviate said:
Ok last night I went through a major transformation. I spent six hours curled up my bed with my ego self desperately clinging refusing to be let go and trying to keep control over me, kicking and screaming and feeling terrified. It lasted for 6-8 hours and I tried praying, I tried letting, i tried non resitance, i tried meditation, nothing would release the anxiety (although the things I tried did help a bit). anyway my heart was beating so hard and for so long that I began having chest pains and I thought what if I die from this? Wouldnt that be hilarious? What would my family say?
"well he came catholic, started praying a lot and within a couple of years he was dead" lol. Anyway after 8 hours had passed, I finally let go of my small ego self and boom I realized who I was. Then I was supremely happy. I saw through the veil of duality. I saw that reality was non dual and everything was within me and it was all a remarkably joyful expression of what is, what always has been and always will be and nothing has ever really changed. Thats why in the Book of Revelation St. John calls God "He who is and was and will be" and worthy is the lamb. Anyway, I understood that this knowledge was self-realization.

Now what I dont get is, when I woke up the next morning, I had an ego again. Not a big one like before. I had shifted into a totally new state of being now. Its wonderful. I am so present. I see eternity in each moment and I know that I am one with it. And yet, something is still off. I am not totally liiberated or enlightened. There is still this ego coming back and trying to retake control over me. Why is this happening? How can the ego come back after Ive seen its not real? Do I need to keep doing my spiritual practices? Do I need to keep inquiring who am I?




sounds like a great experience, and one which seems to indicate that what you're doing that way is working :thumbup: :laugh:


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: After the death of the business man, the Christ child is born [Re: Icyus]
    #19334217 - 12/27/13 07:41 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Icyus said:
Icelander, how am I being judgemental? I just recite my expereance... I know why... it judge it to be wrong..  why? It saddens me... it saddens me through empathy.. I can chose wether or not to empathize.. not what to... is it really me judging?  Maybe one might argue it is so.. I just cannot help feeling sad when people do such thing.. it hurts me..





Yes it's judging.  We all do it. And it doesn't matter the intent.

people like that should be killed.. greedy people should be killed... judgemental people should be killed..

That's some heavy judging going on there. :satansmoking:

But like I said, I agree with your judgments.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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