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Mooby
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How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality?
#19327173 - 12/25/13 10:46 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Let me preface this by saying that I was raised in a sexual vacuum. Sex was an unspoken, dangerous, possibly immoral, and bizarre thing. My parents literally never said a word about it to me, and the only sex education I got was from a militant menopausal lesbian high school teacher (fuck you Ms.Oakwood!) I went through puberty late, still deal with some physical dysmorphia, and was terrified of getting laid. I didn't lose my virginity until 8 months ago at fucking 28 years old. I managed to supress my sexuality for a decade by using porn and being a social withdrawal.
Thing is though, I WANT TO FUCK! I do all right when I know somebody (yeah, not just girls) wants it, but I can't really initiate.
I feel rapey and uncomfortable trying to get laid. The first girl I had sex with said I hit the ground running (wow, you were a virgin?)and then I fell apart when we hung out with our mutual friends. I'm apparently alright at the sex part, but I'm terrible at getting that far. I act really fucking prude in any social situation. 
I somehow managed to have sex with another girl (another FOAF) two months ago and the same thing happened. Had sex, I got weird, no more sex. 
Fast forward to Monday night. A longtime friend from school that I hadn't seen for a decade invites me out through facebook. One of the first things he says to me is that he's bisexual. I'm intrigued. A few hours later we're trading blowjobs in my car. I didn't think it was quite as great as going down on a girl, but still pretty nice and something I'd do again.
Problem is, I'm still a huge closet case sexually. The first girl I was with told me I was a "closet heterosexual." FUCK. Second girl says it makes her mad that I'm only sexual when we're alone. Third person was a guy (closeted as well, to his family at least). WTF? I just want to be a slut, but I can't fucking tell anybody!
I guess I care way too much about my outward moral appearance. It's all a fucking lie though, and it's been going on for a long time.
TL;dr How can I deal with being bisexual when I can't even seem to admit that I like girls?
 Oh yeah, Happy Festivus everyone!
-------------------- Subvert the dominant paradigm; pee in the sink!
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Z O M G
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Mooby]
#19327446 - 12/26/13 12:42 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Most guys get weird after sex. It's a non issue really.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Mooby]
#19327543 - 12/26/13 02:13 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Practice. It'll make everything easier. Don't fuss; just go out there, get laid, get laid some more, get used to getting laid and then you'll notice that gradually, you'll stop giving a fuck about people actually recognizing you as a sexual being.
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Mooby
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: koraks]
#19327566 - 12/26/13 02:38 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hmmm...sounds spot on. I have to say it sucks to be so far behind the curve with so much catching up to do, but damnit, I'll sure as shit give it a go! It does seem to be getting a little easier. I did go from nothing in 28 years (let's call it 13 'cuz maybe getting laid before 15 is a little weird) to fooling around with 3 people in 8 months, so that's something.
I never really suspected that it would be easy for me to pick up and go after being dishonest with myself (and others) for so long. I guess I'll just deal with that by finally trying to have some fun for a change.
-------------------- Subvert the dominant paradigm; pee in the sink!
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Icyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa



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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Mooby]
#19327575 - 12/26/13 02:56 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Listen to Tenzin.. fuck whatever you want as long it aint hurting noone.. nothing wrong with that..
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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Roflspammer
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Icyus]
#19328051 - 12/26/13 09:12 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Man I'm 10 years younger than you but still have the same problem. I finally got laid on thanksgiving and the chick was real cool but I have social anxiety and the awkwardness after the secks killed me and now we don't even talk
Its the worst feeling
Edited by Roflspammer (12/26/13 09:13 AM)
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Icyus
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Roflspammer]
#19328073 - 12/26/13 09:22 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Be open.. easy as that.
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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fiddle



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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Icyus]
#19328170 - 12/26/13 09:59 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have the same problem. I don't see myself in a sexual light, so I find it hard to see others in a sexual light. It's easier for me to be open about sex when others open the topic, but I guess I'm still too shy to go there myself. It's a shame; I've lost several girls because of this, too.
Posting to remember this thread.
-------------------- Tickle my bassline.
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Bassfreak
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Icyus]
#19328175 - 12/26/13 10:00 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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OP. i feel you
i grew up the same way, like my parents never said shit about sex and it was really sumthing that was never discussed and maybe taboo. so i can understand where ur coming from
like when i brought my first gf home when i was 23 my parents were all being like "you two gotta keep the door open when its just the 2 of you in your room" and shit like that. obviously i told them to fuck off and i just shut the door, but its just a super lame attitude about something thats normal
i do what i can with girls, but ive only had one serious gf and only hooked up with 3 chicks ever, but im also kinda picky and ill really only hook up with chicks that are pretty hot, call it shallow but idc. ive def had the chance to fuck more, but i either turned it down bc like you i was afraid of getting to that point or they were just ugly
but dont worry about PDA, i mean some people just dont like being so open about it in front of other people, i dont think thats weird. im kinda that way too (unless im drunk or rolling)
-------------------- Tom Brady is a God Free Tom Brady
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Mooby
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Icyus]
#19328500 - 12/26/13 11:46 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thanks everybody! It's nice to know I'm not alone. This is why I love the shroomery--I come here for empathy I can't seem to find anywhere else.
I think the problem stems from trying to make everyone else happy. I just can't stand the thought of anyone being somehow ashamed of me. It sounds so easy to say "Fuck their shame, that's their problem," but I've been so used to 'caring' about their feelngs for so long that it's not so easy to just go indulge mine.
Everyone in my family seems to emphasize love and stability over casual sex. Nobody in my extended family has ever come out as gay or bi. I don't know anyone I'm related to with gay friends. Everybody seems to want to get married, have kids and buy a house. I wasn't raised Christian, per se, but with typically whitebred bullshit morals that might as well be based in some archaic religiosity. I think that feeling this way on my own is worse than anyone explicitly telling me do so. Does that make any sense? At least if someone was telling me what to do, we could have an argument. Instead, I'm fighting myself.
Quote:
Roflspammer said: Man I'm 10 years younger than you but still have the same problem. I finally got laid on thanksgiving and the chick was real cool but I have social anxiety and the awkwardness after the secks killed me and now we don't even talk
Its the worst feeling
While I came here to get advice and not to give it, all I can say is DON'T WAIT TO DEAL WITH IT. It sucks to grapple with your sexuality when you are pushing 30. It has fucked up my professional life as well, and I often get the ego hammer when I do drugs now, so it's ruining that for me too.
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Bassfreak said: OP. i feel you
i grew up the same way, like my parents never said shit about sex and it was really sumthing that was never discussed and maybe taboo. so i can understand where ur coming from
like when i brought my first gf home when i was 23 my parents were all being like "you two gotta keep the door open when its just the 2 of you in your room" and shit like that. obviously i told them to fuck off and i just shut the door, but its just a super lame attitude about something thats normal
i do what i can with girls, but ive only had one serious gf and only hooked up with 3 chicks ever, but im also kinda picky and ill really only hook up with chicks that are pretty hot, call it shallow but idc. ive def had the chance to fuck more, but i either turned it down bc like you i was afraid of getting to that point or they were just ugly
Telling your parents to fuck off...I'm jealous of that. My dad died a few years back, so I guess I don't really have that opportunity. I can't say his death was liberating, because I really did love him. Oh fuck. The guilt!
As for the pickiness, yeah me too. It kinda makes me happy to know that I can be picky and still have something, like I'm not so fucking ugly after all.
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Icyus said: Be open.. easy as that.
Yeah it sounds so easy huh? Being open is the whole problem! This is like telling a depressed person,"just try being happy for a change," or telling somebody with social anxiety to "be more outgoing." Those are goals, not methods.
Thanks just the same! Like I said, I'm happy to be here.
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brokentv

Registered: 03/02/12
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Mooby]
#19328527 - 12/26/13 11:52 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'm 28 and in the same boat. It really does suck dealing with this stuff now. At least you have found a couple people though and got some sort of a start. I'm still trying to find someone and i'm finding it pretty difficult.
Edited by brokentv (12/26/13 11:54 AM)
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Mooby
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: brokentv]
#19328640 - 12/26/13 12:31 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
brokentv said: I'm 28 and in the same boat. It really does suck dealing with this stuff now. At least you have found a couple people though and got some sort of a start. I'm still trying to find someone and i'm finding it pretty difficult.
I was lucky/unlucky enough to start with sex with another person. I may have been virgin forever if not for that first girl and how bad I wanted to get more after I fucked the first time. It forced the awkwardness though, and I feel like shit for having dragged somebody else into my problem.
-------------------- Subvert the dominant paradigm; pee in the sink!
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Roflspammer
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Mooby]
#19328804 - 12/26/13 01:03 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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See... after the first time for me... idk I just don't see the big deal about sex. I feel so weird about it
maybe its because I sucked so bad hahahaha
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Icyus
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Roflspammer]
#19328851 - 12/26/13 01:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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It is like telling a sick person to be healthy, or a corpse to start living..
i get your point..
The way I did it, was to let the suffering of it drive me mad, dulge in it, embrace it. Just get to that point where you do not want to kill yourself anymore, but simply doesnt care if you live or die.. I am now without any fear.. I am strong now. I can do anything.. or die trying..
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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Mooby
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Roflspammer]
#19329142 - 12/26/13 02:31 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Roflspammer said: See... after the first time for me... idk I just don't see the big deal about sex. I feel so weird about it
maybe its because I sucked so bad hahahaha
Yeah, that's the thing...not a big deal right? So why the hell am I being weird about it and making it a big deal?
As for being bad at it...me too. I think I must have done a fine job of covering that up by going down on her. Hell, I didn't even get off.
-------------------- Subvert the dominant paradigm; pee in the sink!
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Roflspammer
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Mooby]
#19329234 - 12/26/13 03:00 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Mooby said:
Quote:
Roflspammer said: See... after the first time for me... idk I just don't see the big deal about sex. I feel so weird about it
maybe its because I sucked so bad hahahaha
Yeah, that's the thing...not a big deal right? So why the hell am I being weird about it and making it a big deal?
As for being bad at it...me too. I think I must have done a fine job of covering that up by going down on her. Hell, I didn't even get off.
I didn't even get fully hard... so anxious.
And I meant its not a big deal, as in sex isn't that great. I don't feel the urge to have sex 
I'm so confused
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Mooby
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Roflspammer]
#19329384 - 12/26/13 03:42 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Again, I came here to get, not give advice...that being said, I'm guessing you still like porn though? Cut that shit out for a while and you might change your mind. Happened to me.
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Roflspammer
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Mooby]
#19329512 - 12/26/13 04:21 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Haven't in 40ish days
Not gonna thread jack sorry bout that
good luck man
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Konyap

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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Roflspammer]
#19331207 - 12/26/13 11:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Mooby?
as in man booby?
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koods
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Re: How do I come to terms with my newfound sexuality? [Re: Konyap]
#19331439 - 12/27/13 01:40 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'm going to give this more thought and post later, but I just wanted to say that you have a fucking awesome attitude OP
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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