|
devicat
Stranger

Registered: 12/13/13
Posts: 4
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
|
My introduction + spiritual awakening + current affairs
#19271762 - 12/13/13 05:27 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
My life has been one strangely paced rollercoaster.
When I was younger, I never imagined myself paying any attention to spirituality. I wasn't raised with any religious influence, and so I saw myself only as a physical being within a physical realm. I thought myself the product of chance, in a random but evolutionarily assisted world. I identified with well known Atheists like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens. The way they tear into any and all religions made it seem foolish to believe in them. If that wasn't enough, they frequently remarked upon the bloody history of the world's major religions. These ideas in mind, I was in no hurry to jump onto the bandwagon with any of these nonsensical belief systems.
For years I've been very internally troubled because I do not believe I was born the right biological sex. I was born physically male, but I feel like I'm running on a female's operating system. This conundrum is what prompted me toward the world of psychadelics, because I wanted to understand the 'me' beyond the physical. I also wanted to know why the hell I am the way I am. Is there any logic to it whatsoever? Is it some sort of a punishment for a past life's misdeeds?
I tripped on 25i, and my world changed. I felt myself becoming more a part of everything around me. I was everything, and also this human laying down on my bed. It became clear to me that gender is as only as real as culture, and myself being very open minded, culture dissolved away as the trip continued. We are all 'god' looking through a lens we call ego. We all exist simultaneously like a single light refracting through a prism. All of this is old news to anyone who has spent any time with psychadelics, I'm sure.
While tripping, I had some very strong revelations. One was that I needed to force myself to be less dependent and addicted to technology. I've only owned a cell for a short time, but I'd already ditched it long before. I needed to become less addicted to video games and instead devote myself to something that actually matters in my life. Something that will always make me happy doing, rather than the dramatic ups and downs of competition.
My second revelation was that I absolutely needed to trust myself and my own judgment before that of the 'official story'.
My third revelation was that I needed to find myself some form of expression. I felt like a receiver, with everything in our culture coming into me, and nothing being returned. Since then I've gotten myself a guitar, and I'm currently teaching myself to play it. Work in progress.
Fourthly, I need to seriously pursue something in life that I feel is worthwhile. For two and a half years I studied psychology at a local university. Initially, I was really into it, getting better grades than I ever did in highschool. I attributed this solely to the fact that I was learning about topics I found interesting, as opposed to the mandatory classes I attended all throughout childhood. But in my third year, I found myself questioning everything, and my motivation toward learning what was said in the text books lessened.
My entire relationship with psychology has become a rocky one. Particularly psychiatry, which I have grown to loath. During my first year at university, I went to see the campus counsellor regarding the troubles I was having with my gender, as well as what were considered the symptoms of depression. Looking back, one of the first questions this counsellor asked me was weather or not I was on any form of medication, and recommended that I should seek to get a prescription. I was extremely wary of the notion of taking a pill in order to somehow feel better, but he convinced me that it was the right decision, and soon enough, I was taking a prescription that is still costing me to this day.
Here's my problem: I find that both psychology and psychiatry are treating the symptom and not the cause. New illnesses and syndromes come out with every edition of the DSM. It's all just one big joke, and I was on a train ride to becoming a part of it. My gut was telling me not to do it, but my head was telling me to continue. It was quite a struggle, which is why I performed so poorly in my third and final year, eventually ending in me dropping out just a week before finals.
Now we're caught up to current times. It's been about a year since I've last tripped, because I felt very strongly during my past trips that they would have been 'cleaner' had I taken care of some things in life (mainly the ones outlined above). I've got a lot on my mind right now, and what I'm to make of this life.
Our situation is uneasy, with the government controlling every facet of life. Browsing for jobs today, I spotted an ad for a forester, and it noted that a chainsaw operators license is required. What's next, the cops are going to handcuff me for operating a power drill with an expired license? My point is that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find a way out of our culture, and to do anything that isn't leading to the pockets of the few big bankers. We live, we pay taxed, we die.
Here's ideally what I'd want to do. I want to have one big building, and alongside it would be a communal garden full of all varieties of vegetables, fruit, marijuana, and any other plant-based psychadelics someone wants to put the effort into growing on the property. On this property there would be no money. Ideally there will be plenty of everything to go around, but if bartering happens, its through the direct exchange of goods. People can come and go as they please. I don't care who you are, how old you are, or what your beliefs are, so long as you believe in the fundamental principal to do unto others as you would unto yourself.
The biggest issue with this is immediately the legality of the illegal substances growing on said property, but that portion of the plan could be postponed if need be (until laws change). The second issue is funding. The irony of creating a moneyless haven is that it requires money to be sustained. Unless I move off to the barren countrysides of Iraq, or some other uninhabited wasteland (don't really want to). I've heard plenty of people say they'd like to leave this culture and live in peace elsewhere, but I think that's missing the point of life, because you'd only be living it for yourself. What about all those people you left behind, stuck in that culture you so hastily left behind? Therefore, I say it would make much greater waves to establish such a place in a community within my own culture, so that it may stand as a testament for what is right. When the shit hits the fan, and the dollar plummets in value, who will they look toward?
I don't know where to go from here, in my life. Do I take the legitimate path, or do I try and make something like this come to fruition in the physical realm? The fact that I don't currently align with any religion also hinders the plan.
|
DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,827
|
Re: My introduction + spiritual awakening + current affairs [Re: devicat]
#19271872 - 12/13/13 06:02 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
I sympathize with your current and past difficulties. I have known and been acquainted with people who match your descriptions.
I feel, though, that the only part it would be appropriate for me to comment on is the last, since that it all I have had direct personal experience with. Unfortunately (since I don't explicitly want to discourage or dissuade you), I'm going to have to be a bit cynical.
What you have described was invented long ago, even before the sixties, and it is called an "intentional community." Basically a commune which is completely self-sufficient and egalitarian. Sounds great.
But I used to be (weakly) attached to the buildup toward an intentional community in Costa Rica, and let me assure you -- it doesn't work. The problem is, you guessed it: money.
The theory is that once it gets going, there will be no monetary system because you'll have all you need.
The reality is that, to even begin to set one of these up, you need a very large amount of startup funds, and these can be hard to come by, especially if your investment will not bring any return capital or capital gains.
And, doubtless, there will be problems that arise for which money will be necessary.
Trust me, I was involved from a distance with this stuff about fifteen years ago -- it is almost impossible to get it off the ground. And, on the off chance you do get off the ground, staying airborne becomes a real problem too.
Try to make friends with the system, because it isn't going away for anyone.
I know it sucks.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
|
all this beauty
Stranger
Registered: 02/13/13
Posts: 779
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
|
Re: My introduction + spiritual awakening + current affairs [Re: DividedQuantum]
#19272028 - 12/13/13 06:44 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Great post, devicat. I hope you continue to be an active participant here. I sense you'll be a valuable asset in this forum.
Know that your transgendered status is no impediment to spiritual awareness and delight. In fact, many cultures (Native Americans, for instance) have bestowed special spiritual status on the transgendered. A place of special honor.
Institutional religion is responsible for almost 100 percent of the sorrows experienced by LGBT people (of which I am one). Don't make the mistake of conflating institutional religion with spirituality. They are often two entirely different things.
Hold on to your spiritual impulse. Embrace it. Nurture it. Let it grow.
Peace to you.
|
lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
|
Re: My introduction + spiritual awakening + current affairs [Re: all this beauty] 1
#19309133 - 12/21/13 07:09 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Gender is a social construct :-)
one love one soul
do what you love, then there is no doubt
stopping doing what you love because you dont like some parts of the system you might have to reconsider
embrace the system, see the good in the system the system is usually there elected by the people, to help the people
if you are dissatisfied with the system, maybe try politics, volunteering i.e. mental health volunteers are always seeked i.e. and it grows you personally and also looks good on the CV i.e.
any system has both good and bad sides
I always chose my study because it was what I loved, and wanted to do for the rest of my life been enjoying what I do since I was 10 or so the system is making it very hard for me these days (always stressing everybody), but I still love it
that got me into politics in my sparetime, so I now try to tell my personal opinions to others, and write articles to local newspapers sometimes more freedom, more tolerance, more equality, less stress in society
more freedom in all laws, the politicans shouldnt be judges let the people in charge be
the duty of the state is to ensure freedom to the people so the state shouldnt exist, only when absolutely necessary
freedom of body, freedom of thought, freedom in own home, freedom on the street freedom of expression (NSA/snowden anyone?) freedom in own building(smoking bans for restaurant owners anyone?)
Edited by lessismore (12/21/13 07:28 PM)
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
Re: My introduction + spiritual awakening + current affairs [Re: lessismore]
#19312654 - 12/22/13 04:52 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,891
Last seen: 1 hour, 23 minutes
|
Re: My introduction + spiritual awakening + current affairs [Re: devicat]
#19312797 - 12/22/13 05:28 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
devicat said: My life has been one strangely paced rollercoaster.
When I was younger, I never imagined myself paying any attention to spirituality. I wasn't raised with any religious influence, and so I saw myself only as a physical being within a physical realm. I thought myself the product of chance, in a random but evolutionarily assisted world. I identified with well known Atheists like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens. The way they tear into any and all religions made it seem foolish to believe in them. If that wasn't enough, they frequently remarked upon the bloody history of the world's major religions. These ideas in mind, I was in no hurry to jump onto the bandwagon with any of these nonsensical belief systems.
For years I've been very internally troubled because I do not believe I was born the right biological sex. I was born physically male, but I feel like I'm running on a female's operating system. This conundrum is what prompted me toward the world of psychadelics, because I wanted to understand the 'me' beyond the physical. I also wanted to know why the hell I am the way I am. Is there any logic to it whatsoever? Is it some sort of a punishment for a past life's misdeeds?
I tripped on 25i, and my world changed. I felt myself becoming more a part of everything around me. I was everything, and also this human laying down on my bed. It became clear to me that gender is as only as real as culture, and myself being very open minded, culture dissolved away as the trip continued. We are all 'god' looking through a lens we call ego. We all exist simultaneously like a single light refracting through a prism. All of this is old news to anyone who has spent any time with psychadelics, I'm sure.
While tripping, I had some very strong revelations. One was that I needed to force myself to be less dependent and addicted to technology. I've only owned a cell for a short time, but I'd already ditched it long before. I needed to become less addicted to video games and instead devote myself to something that actually matters in my life. Something that will always make me happy doing, rather than the dramatic ups and downs of competition.
My second revelation was that I absolutely needed to trust myself and my own judgment before that of the 'official story'.
My third revelation was that I needed to find myself some form of expression. I felt like a receiver, with everything in our culture coming into me, and nothing being returned. Since then I've gotten myself a guitar, and I'm currently teaching myself to play it. Work in progress.
Fourthly, I need to seriously pursue something in life that I feel is worthwhile. For two and a half years I studied psychology at a local university. Initially, I was really into it, getting better grades than I ever did in highschool. I attributed this solely to the fact that I was learning about topics I found interesting, as opposed to the mandatory classes I attended all throughout childhood. But in my third year, I found myself questioning everything, and my motivation toward learning what was said in the text books lessened.
My entire relationship with psychology has become a rocky one. Particularly psychiatry, which I have grown to loath. During my first year at university, I went to see the campus counsellor regarding the troubles I was having with my gender, as well as what were considered the symptoms of depression. Looking back, one of the first questions this counsellor asked me was weather or not I was on any form of medication, and recommended that I should seek to get a prescription. I was extremely wary of the notion of taking a pill in order to somehow feel better, but he convinced me that it was the right decision, and soon enough, I was taking a prescription that is still costing me to this day.
Here's my problem: I find that both psychology and psychiatry are treating the symptom and not the cause. New illnesses and syndromes come out with every edition of the DSM. It's all just one big joke, and I was on a train ride to becoming a part of it. My gut was telling me not to do it, but my head was telling me to continue. It was quite a struggle, which is why I performed so poorly in my third and final year, eventually ending in me dropping out just a week before finals.
Now we're caught up to current times. It's been about a year since I've last tripped, because I felt very strongly during my past trips that they would have been 'cleaner' had I taken care of some things in life (mainly the ones outlined above). I've got a lot on my mind right now, and what I'm to make of this life.
Our situation is uneasy, with the government controlling every facet of life. Browsing for jobs today, I spotted an ad for a forester, and it noted that a chainsaw operators license is required. What's next, the cops are going to handcuff me for operating a power drill with an expired license? My point is that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find a way out of our culture, and to do anything that isn't leading to the pockets of the few big bankers. We live, we pay taxed, we die.
Here's ideally what I'd want to do. I want to have one big building, and alongside it would be a communal garden full of all varieties of vegetables, fruit, marijuana, and any other plant-based psychadelics someone wants to put the effort into growing on the property. On this property there would be no money. Ideally there will be plenty of everything to go around, but if bartering happens, its through the direct exchange of goods. People can come and go as they please. I don't care who you are, how old you are, or what your beliefs are, so long as you believe in the fundamental principal to do unto others as you would unto yourself.
The biggest issue with this is immediately the legality of the illegal substances growing on said property, but that portion of the plan could be postponed if need be (until laws change). The second issue is funding. The irony of creating a moneyless haven is that it requires money to be sustained. Unless I move off to the barren countrysides of Iraq, or some other uninhabited wasteland (don't really want to). I've heard plenty of people say they'd like to leave this culture and live in peace elsewhere, but I think that's missing the point of life, because you'd only be living it for yourself. What about all those people you left behind, stuck in that culture you so hastily left behind? Therefore, I say it would make much greater waves to establish such a place in a community within my own culture, so that it may stand as a testament for what is right. When the shit hits the fan, and the dollar plummets in value, who will they look toward?
I don't know where to go from here, in my life. Do I take the legitimate path, or do I try and make something like this come to fruition in the physical realm? The fact that I don't currently align with any religion also hinders the plan.
Sucks when reality comes into conflict with ideals, doesn't it? For what it's worth I think you should abandon the idea of utopia. People have been seeking it for millenia to no avail. In my experience it causes more harm than it ever brings good.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
|
factsmachine
Voted for Pedro


Registered: 12/25/13
Posts: 19
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
|
Re: My introduction + spiritual awakening + current affairs [Re: Kickle]
#19327528 - 12/26/13 01:58 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
This is very interesting. I highly reccomend you read The Power of Noe by Eckhart Tolle, this will answer many questions you may still have after your spiritual journey. 
Your post reminds me of that because you speak of the ego, and how money is negatively influencing our everyday life even if we are spititual creatures. There are very positive states as well as negative that come as a result of a spiritual awakening.
"We are not humans having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-------------------- Growing: 5 San pedro, Poppies, Morning glories, Kanna. Germinating: Bridgesii Wishlist: Sally D... Mushies.
|
|