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OfflineNettleman
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Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post)
    #19315291 - 12/23/13 08:55 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Friends,
I would like to share what happened during my second trip and ask you for your input. Nobody likes boring long posts so I'll try to keep it short. English is my second language so hopefully this rambling will make sense. Thanks for your patience.

My first trip was 2 weeks ago on Cubensis B+. About 9 wet grams so I assume it's like 0.75g dried. Chilling at home alone with my dog, watching some space and nature documentaries, then closing eyes and drifting away. I liked it much better with my eyes closed. It was nice and colorful. I felt relaxed, at peace, and connected with the universe. Many a-ha moments happened when I was in this dream like state, although they all seem more like a distant memories now.

-- The good part 

I decided to go on a second trip. This time 1g dried and powdered. There were a lot of small aborts in that dose so I wonder if that maybe made it stronger?

First 2 hours were more like the first trip. Nice and smooth. First hour I watched some documentary on Evolution, how the whales and dolphins actually transformed from land to sea animals (mind blowing). Then I turned on some WinAmp's Milkway and listened to Air - Moon Safari. I closed my eyes and laid on a carpet under a blanket curled up with my doxie.

I had very nice visuals and my mind was working overtime. I felt very connected to nature, felt like a kid again and realized how I must have been loved by my parents as a kid. Some tears started rolling out of my eyes, but they were tears of appreciation and love, not sadness. I remembered how I was madly in love with a girl in my teens but never had the chance and guts to let her know that, even get close to her. I tried to forgive myself by accepting it that it is the past and I can't change it and I doesn't matter anymore.

I was tripping nicely and whenever each song ended, my train of thought ended with it, which pissed me of a little because I wanted to go back to those nice places in my head.

-- Now to the bad part...

After about 2 hours my mind started slipping and weird thought started to come up. I was loosing a sense of reality. It's hard to describe, but I started to doubt what is real, who am I, what is "me"? What am I? Is "me" the thing that is living inside this body and looking through it's eyes? How did I get in here? What is the point of being here? My mind was splitting from "me". :confused:

So many questions started to form and I started to panic because I didn't have answers. It was getting worse. All those nature documentaries, all the movies and books I've watched and read about psychology, self-help, brain function, how humans behave... it really started screwing with my mind. I started panic that I will no longer be the same, that the mushrooms that are now in my brain will screw up my synapses and I will go mad permanently.

My main concern was that I will stay this way, my mind and "me" not being one but separate. I was scared that I will not be able to close my eyes and just shut off. I wanted to be normal again, meaning that normally if I closed my eyes, I was safe, and I could sleep. Now when I closed my eyes, I was in hell. I couldn't stop thinking and seeing things. I saw movies in my head, I was in them, overwhelming thoughts that I couldn't get out of my head.

If there is a hell, than it must have been it. I think I knew how mentally sick people can feel. I wanted this to end. If I were to be like that from now on, I would not rather live at all. It was HELL.

I felt that "me" is this "thing" trapped inside this body and I didn't know how to control it. :eek:

There was so much pressure put on a person. Live this life, find a mate, raise a child and I had no idea how I am gonna do any of it. And more so, why should I? What is the point of living? To wake up each day and gathering food and seeking little everyday pleasures so my brain can get some "rush" by going skiing, meeting people, watching tv, whatever? And how do I find a mate? There is so much pressure involved I don't think I can do that.

I didn't have all those thoughts and visuals when I had my eyes opened, but somehow I felt very tired and confused and wanted to sleep so I always closed my eyes again and there it was again.

-- The end --

Today I feel like I have a hangover. Very slow mind, memory is fuzzy and little depressed. All those realizations I had in first 2 hours don't feel real anymore.

What did I do wrong on this trip? Am I one of those individuals who can't eat mushrooms? There is no mental illness in my family btw.
Or was all this "normal"? :sad:

Any input or your experience will be much appreciated.


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OfflineAopocetx
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19315297 - 12/23/13 08:57 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Bro you gotta understand that your mind is splitting from "you" because that's exactly what psychedelics do. They dull or eliminate the effect of your ego. You have to go into a trip knowing this, expecting it, and being comfortable with it.


--------------------


---------> Acacia confusa trip report <--------

############ DPT HCL trip report with Q&A ###########

Follow my psychedelic instagram @psychedelicpage


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OfflinequantumFroth
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Registered: 10/01/13
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19315334 - 12/23/13 09:11 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

This is all relatively normal (though you seem maybe pretty sensitive, dosage wise.)


I recommend maybe reading into some philosophy, the things you're scratching the surface on have been thought about by many smart people before. I think your negativity resembles existentialism thought, which can definitely be brought on by psychedelic use.


There is no point to anything my friend, we are just the remnants of cosmic energy, manifested in the form of bipedal apes. We just happened to evolve to this current state of self awareness and consciousness. And psychedelics let us take that consciousness even further.


But there is a choice. You have the choice to understand, love, and relax. So why not choose those things? There's always a choice friend :smile:


For me, these experiences help broaden my mind and let me know that everything will be fine. They let me escape the normal facade that society tries to keep up ("We know what we're doing.") The facade that I never bought, that never made sense. It is the insanity of the experience that makes sense - the realization that sober experience is just a balancing act of neurological chemicals that can be altered so easily.


You'll be fine OP :thumbup:


--------------------
"There is a transcendental dimension beyond language."

- Terrence McKenna


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OfflinequantumFroth
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: quantumFroth]
    #19315348 - 12/23/13 09:15 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

You can run from a bad trip, or you can learn from it.


--------------------
"There is a transcendental dimension beyond language."

- Terrence McKenna


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Offlinenicechrisman
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19315361 - 12/23/13 09:19 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Gotta let go man. Gotta let go.

Sounds like you had some really good thoughts, but you were just getting too hung up on your sense of self. I would suggest doing some meditation on a regular basis before your next trip. I think it will make a big difference.


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OfflineEclipse3130
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: nicechrisman]
    #19315378 - 12/23/13 09:27 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Seems like you weren't in a comfortable area to trip to begin with, or had no idea what to expect.

You should have known once you eat them, you need to hold on and wait til the rides over because it's a trip.

But instead you were "shocked" by what was happening, and didn't really know how to control the situation. Back to my first statement, maybe you didn't know what you were getting into.

Your first experience was nothing like a true trip, more of a "cool" weed high that you enjoyed. These 1 grams of aborts could potentially be like a 2 gram trip. But either way you seem sensitive, next time you go into a trip, don't run from what it wants to show you. Embrace it, you'll end up learning a lot more


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OfflineHarryL
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Eclipse3130]
    #19315411 - 12/23/13 09:39 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Yes, aborts are more potent than full grown mushrooms but even that... Say that was 2 gm worth...
Not really a huge dose

Am guessing you are dehydrated and need to get some fluids and rest. During the trip, drink water, juice or sweet tea... Stay away from alcohol... Or very much at least.

Can not harp enough on set and setting. You had a decent setting it sounds like but perhaps mentally you were not prepared and stay away from serious or violent subject matter... Even evolution...  Probably want to have a sitter or at least a Phone a Friend who can tell you that your just tripping

The questions and insight are good. You panicking isn't. Have to be able to let go, know it's alright, you don't need all the answers.

Experience will help...

Peace


--------------------
Mushroom hunting:  One bad mushroom can ruin your day! Know it or throw it.


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OfflineNettleman
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Eclipse3130]
    #19315425 - 12/23/13 09:42 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks for all the input so far.

Meditation is something I will definitely be doing before my next trip. Sounds like a good advice.

I'll also read more on what to expect. I have a Leary's book already loaded on my kindle.

Quote:

"we are just the remnants of cosmic energy, manifested in the form of bipedal apes"



Those kinds of "scary" realizations were what was really tripping me up. I felt really empty inside.


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OfflineNettleman
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19315516 - 12/23/13 10:09 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

All your replies are much appreciated. They really help me to put those experiences into a right frame and context.
Thanks a lot!


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OfflineShroomyBudz
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19315517 - 12/23/13 10:10 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Sounds like the mushrooms were making your realize exactly what you needed to realize.. :cookiemonster:


--------------------
.                      Explore the unknown!
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                      Love forever & always..
                                      :heart:
:pm: me if you ever need anything! I try to check them daily! :cool:


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OfflineMightyMustache
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: ShroomyBudz]
    #19315868 - 12/23/13 11:58 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I kinda get a vibe that you tried "fighting" the mushrooms? which is a bad idea and totally futile really.


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OfflineNettleman
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: MightyMustache]
    #19315914 - 12/23/13 12:13 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Looking back, I would say I was indeed fighting them.

I've just read up more on the "death of the ego", which it looks like I was experiencing, and it really took my by surprise. While starting the trip my mind set was to go with the flow and I knew that everything is just in my mind, but the second half of the trip still shocked me and I got scared, mostly because I thought it will somehow damage my brain/psyche.


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OfflineEclipse3130
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19315969 - 12/23/13 12:29 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Nettleman said:
Looking back, I would say I was indeed fighting them.

I've just read up more on the "death of the ego", which it looks like I was experiencing, and it really took my by surprise. While starting the trip my mind set was to go with the flow and I knew that everything is just in my mind, but the second half of the trip still shocked me and I got scared, mostly because I thought it will somehow damage my brain/psyche.




Definitely wasn't ego death from 1 gram of aborts. You were tripping though, probably a level 3 at the max. I wouldn't recommend ever going above 2.5 grams of Cubensis species if you are this sensitive.

Get some more experience under your belt before you even attempt this type of dose again. Always better to start small, you got a little dose of what mushrooms are, but it was good you didn't take more. Next trip take 2 grams of Cubensis non aborts, it should be about the same intensity, even 1.5 if you don't feel comfortable. You eventually will, and will want to move to higher doses when you feel the time is right.


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OfflineAopocetx
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19316296 - 12/23/13 01:56 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Nettleman said:
Looking back, I would say I was indeed fighting them.

I've just read up more on the "death of the ego", which it looks like I was experiencing, and it really took my by surprise. While starting the trip my mind set was to go with the flow and I knew that everything is just in my mind, but the second half of the trip still shocked me and I got scared, mostly because I thought it will somehow damage my brain/psyche.




Yeah that's your problem right there. You have to be ready to let go of your sense of self. That alone will help you tremendously. Just be ready next time and DON'T FIGHT IT! And don't try to rationalize. Just go with the flow and see where it leads you.

Quote:

Definitely wasn't ego death from 1 gram of aborts.




No but there was definitely some ego softening.


--------------------


---------> Acacia confusa trip report <--------

############ DPT HCL trip report with Q&A ###########

Follow my psychedelic instagram @psychedelicpage


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InvisibleBubbles85

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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Aopocetx]
    #19316743 - 12/23/13 03:35 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

My brother had an experience similar to this a while back from 80 fresh P. semilanceata. It was a nightmare (for him anyway)

He totally freaked out. He couldn't understand who or what he was and said the same as your self after the experience, that at the time he thought he was going to be that way forever.

I was tripping at the time to from the same amount. I kept telling him that it was just the mushrooms and that he was fine and it would wear off in a few hours.

The difference between his trip and yours is that he had these feelings from the start of the trip. After 3-4 hours when the immediate intensity had gone he was ok.


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OfflineAopocetx
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Bubbles85]
    #19316990 - 12/23/13 04:30 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Wow. It's no wonder psychedelics get a bad rap in the eyes of society. It's cause people don't do any fuckin research before taking them!


--------------------


---------> Acacia confusa trip report <--------

############ DPT HCL trip report with Q&A ###########

Follow my psychedelic instagram @psychedelicpage


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OfflineNettleman
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Bubbles85]
    #19320740 - 12/24/13 11:44 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Bubbles85 said:
My brother had an experience similar to this a while back from 80 fresh P. semilanceata. It was a nightmare (for him anyway)

He totally freaked out. He couldn't understand who or what he was and said the same as your self after the experience, that at the time he thought he was going to be that way forever.




Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about your brother's bad trip, but at the same time it's good to hear that I was not the only one with this kind of experience. :tongue:

Quote:

Aopocetx said:Wow. It's no wonder psychedelics get a bad rap in the eyes of society. It's cause people don't do any fuckin research before taking them!




Thanks, I guess? :rolleyes:


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InvisibleBubbles85

Registered: 10/15/12
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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Aopocetx]
    #19327599 - 12/26/13 03:56 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Aopocetx said:
Wow. It's no wonder psychedelics get a bad rap in the eyes of society. It's cause people don't do any fuckin research before taking them!




While i agree with this to some extent, its not the case for him. He had tripped on many occasions before this experience and all were positive.

How much research can a first time tripper actually do to prepare them self for such an intense experience?

I belive this type of trip to be quite common place (experienced or not) It seems to me that some people may have some sort of predisposition to experience these types of feelings on psychedelics and thats why there not suitable for every one.


Edited by Bubbles85 (12/26/13 04:09 AM)


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InvisibleBubbles85

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Re: Second trip - from nice to nightmare. HELP (long post) [Re: Nettleman]
    #19327609 - 12/26/13 04:08 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Nettleman said:
Quote:

Bubbles85 said:
My brother had an experience similar to this a while back from 80 fresh P. semilanceata. It was a nightmare (for him anyway)

He totally freaked out. He couldn't understand who or what he was and said the same as your self after the experience, that at the time he thought he was going to be that way forever.




Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about your brother's bad trip, but at the same time it's good to hear that I was not the only one with this kind of experience. :tongue:

Quote:

Aopocetx said:Wow. It's no wonder psychedelics get a bad rap in the eyes of society. It's cause people don't do any fuckin research before taking them!




Thanks, I guess? :rolleyes:




Your welcome bud.

I just thought it would be good for you to hear that your not the only one. Alot of people actually have bad experience's on psychedelics, as with most drugs. After all we are talking about substances that totally changes one's reality and perceptions and that can be difficult for some to cope with.

All you can do is learn from the experience and not to let it scare you. Think about dose before your next trip. Maybe try the dose you had a good experience on again and work your way up slowly? :mushroom2:


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