|
Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,002
|
Methoxetamine -- Dead is Good
#19310638 - 12/22/13 05:44 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Its been quite a while since my last report, but I decided to take a 100 day break, because the usage was getting a bit too frequent and I wanted a break to not just revert tolerance but also assess to what level I had gotten addicted to the substance.
The first week was not easy, but not particularly hard either. The rest was easy peasy. Saying YES or NO to methoxetamine is a choice and if you say NO the drug wont give abstinence symptoms (at least at my level of use which hovers around a gram a month) but you just wont have it. I'm not patching a life that sucks so going without isnt a particularly big deal.
After lil over 3 months of abstinence had gone by and with the end of the 100 days less than a week away my dear best friend came over and proceeded to get fucked out of his fuck on 15 beers and 2 grams of weed. I decided that, since it was all easy peasy, why not join the drug orgy with some Methoxetamine? Weapon of choice 2x30mg oral.
It was pretty epic and after he left I burned the midnight oil. I took 30mg more and ended up in a shallow Hole. The Hole was all fluffy and snowy with fluffy cotton and gentleness, it was a complete christmassy feeling, very cosy. This was very good news as it meant that 3 months of abstinence hade pushed back my Hole dose from 5x30 back to 3x30, which what it was back in 2011 when this started. The effect was much richer but also side effects were more prominent, there was very clear additional reduction of tolerance beyond what a mere month does. I took an additional 30mg, grand total 120mg and it put me in a deep Spiritual Hole which welcomed me with the words "welcome Home."
In the days after I off and on experimented with MXE and tolerance was indeed quite reduced.
The day before yesterday I awake early after a bad nightmare involving death and decided I wanted a life affirming session, so before breakfast I took 30mg MXE and was taken aloft. Throughout the day I was to max out, and use a grand total of 300mg MXE, spending most of that day either edging or deep into the Hole.
Yesterday I woke and to my amazement I felt I had unfinished business, that which I came for had not yet happened, so before breakfast in went 30mg, and then later on a 40. This had overwhelming results. I zombie-shuffeled to my bed (in the morning ) and got between the sheets where I fought like a lion to not freak the hell out by the fierce intensity, while at the same time thoroughly enjoying my peril and struggle to surrender to it. When I had surrendered it was all good and I started cleaning my house, washing my sheets, taking a shower, tidying up on the outside after a cleaning on the inside. I went to the store in a halfway dusted state and returned with groceries. Then went on a second trip to get candles to burn as a sacrifice to my Nkisi on my home altar. Got home and devoured a snack, yesterday had left me hungry.
I got the impulse to hit up again so I did a 30+40mg with 40 minutes interval. To my amazement I promptly ended up deep in the Hole, in the formless void I have been before where I come in direct dialogue with my Higher Self. It welcomed me and said that in the days leading up, despite having Holed several times, this encounter was what I really had been looking for, and that there was yet one more step to take.
It coached me very personally and lovingly with current life issues. Theres little point in writing them down as y'all don't know the fine points of it and most of it is none of your business anyway. Lets just say I was coached thorougly, lovingly and effectrively about my past months, my present and for the time to come. Then it sent me off to cook dinner and digest it before the next installment" and it told me it would "keep the Hole open" and that the Hole wasnt fleeting or unstable that night. It said "its certainly solid enough for you to cook in and nourish yourself, now go cook.".
I boiled the pasta, stirfried the meat and veggies ands united it all with the sauce expertly while in the Hole. Handling the hot pots I was alert to the danger though there was an unreal factor but It told me "The Lord watches over those who need watching over, the only ones who get an accident are those in need of one."
I ate and digested my food, darkness had fallen again, in the dark days before Christmas. I lit three candles in my livingroom, then proceeded to my home altar. I offered the candles to my Nkisi and lit them. During high dose Methoxetamine experiments there exists a telepathic feeling link between my consciousness and whatever part of me that represents itself as the Nkisi spirit. It thanked me for the candles.
I lit incense, for which I was thanked. I asked it for its blessing for the journey I was about to undertake. It asked me the time honored question: "Why do you wish to embark on this journey? Is it to learn and improve?" "It is to learn and improve, but also for the joy of experiencing. I intend to take 40 milligrams." "Then you have my blessing, my protection and guidance in time of need. Watch out for the trap of hedonism, it can be an obstacle in your path." I thanked it and got seated.
It developed, later on I took another 30. Things flowed and moved and then I found myself before my Nkisi again, Lighting an incense offering.
"I have come to ask for your blessing for the Journey I am about to embark on. I Intend 40 milligrams. I seek to explore the Hole." "Are you aware you are already inside the Hole?" That made me realize that indeed, I was. It still felt right. "I do now, yes." "Are you doing this to explore and advance or out of hedonism?" "For now, mostly to expore, there is something I am on the verge to realize." "Indeed you are, then you have my blessing, my protection and my guidance in time of need though this one is guided by the High one, more so than you or me." I thanked it and got ready.
The Hole deepened, it was beautiful but I was spiritually relatively unengaged. I started to feel growths on my head, which to me is a sure fire signal the Hole is about to get profound. I whispered solemnly "Theres stuff on my face." Immediately I heard the audio hallucination of a rather selfassured African American woman singing to a hiphop tune that "Theres stuff on my face! Theres stuff on my face, yeah! Theres stuff on my face, uhuh!" then that ebbed away and I decided to get a pint pack of milk to drink.
I opened it, put it to my mouth and very gently started pouring. All that there was left was this dark undulating void and into a place in that void, I didnt feel a body, cold milk was poured. I tasted the milk, and the taste filled the void. My higher self got involved.
"You do realize what you are drinking right?"
"Milk?"
"Hum.. refrigerated baby fluid from the tits of a cow. Think about that one." It blew my mind.
"You are a mammal. You like milk because its one of the oldest tastes you know. Milk should be warm don't you think? Like when you first drank it?"
I remembered.
"Yes it should."
"Thats one of the typical things you have in incarnations on planet Earth. There is a whole industry based on drinking the tit juice from other mammals and making derived products thereof and people there think its the most normal thing in the world."
I finished my milk.
"Thank you, Mama Cow, from letting me drink from you." I whispered and to my Higher Self i said: "This blows my mind, I havent really thought about it this way."
"Oh really, well since you got me started let me show you more. Lets talk about Death. You are very afraid of death right?"
I agreed.
"And yet.. here you are."
Suddenly I became aware.
I became aware I was sitting in a chair, upholstered in the leather of animal skin, wearing sandals of animal skin, furnitures and clothing fiber made from trees and plants murdered for the purpose, the room wallpapered with the pulped flesh of trees. Death was everywhere, I was clothed and surrounded by death like an interspecies Ed Gein Nothing different from Ed Gein, just the species of the corpses differed. I was horrified and amazed. I had eaten the flesh of lifestock, the chopped up remains of plants and their genitals, the pasta had been made from ground up grain embryos!
"You sit there, feeding on death, clothed in death in a chair of animal skin and you tell me you are afraid of death? They all died for you and that is no biggie but when you die its this big problem that you tremble in fear for all your life? Death is GOOD. Living is GOOD and Dead is GOOD. All those lifeforms are all reincarnations of you. You are an eternal being in an eternal cycle of reincarnation and that is what makes all this usage of death okay. Subconsciously you know that its all YOU and that reincarnation is eternal, thats why it isnt WRONG and you aren't bothered by it the least bit. Thats why animal skin chairs and ground plant embryo bread are normal, because underneath the facade of human ignorance your higher self knows that Life is Good and Death is just as good. The Yin, the Yang, they are both two fingers of the same hand. Your hand. Not you as a human but your entire essence. The essence of you and all things."
I was blown away on a cosmic scale, it all made sense.
"All there is is the God/Universe, and people say that it is Love because those who catch a true glimpse of what it is can feel nothing but total love for it. Dead is Good."
My eyes slipped open after an eternity and I found myself whispering "Dead is good, dead is good" in awe.
There was a disappointment but also a relief. I knew I was though for that session I knew I had gotten THE insight that needed out. 240 milligrams had been taken that day. I felt completely ready to part with the drug, there was zero inclination to boost even more.
I popped open a can of lager and raised it "To the Journey" Then drank it down, went to bed early and woke up nine hours later feeling completely refreshed.
And that, as they say, was that folks. Thank you for reading and bearing with me, Merry Christmas and Godspeed to you all!
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
|
Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 87,002
|
Re: Methoxetamine -- Dead is Good [Re: Asante] 3
#19310657 - 12/22/13 05:50 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
TL ; DR
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
|
larry.fisherman
shoulda died already



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
|
Re: Methoxetamine -- Dead is Good [Re: Asante]
#19311700 - 12/22/13 12:28 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
You make me really want to try this shit.
|
AntiEverything
im not a doctor


Registered: 07/07/06
Posts: 6,003
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
|
Re: Methoxetamine -- Dead is Good [Re: Asante]
#19311703 - 12/22/13 12:29 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Wiccan_Seeker said: TL ; DR

this^
wiccan have you done ketamine? if not you really need to.
-------------------- You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart. -Franz Kafka
|
mapleleafmarijuana
Archaeotek Magos



Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 9,063
Loc: Alberta, Canada
|
|
great report, i was recently re-reading mxe reports by a few members here, you among them and it's great to see a new addition
how did you get to be acquainted with your Nkisi?
-------------------- Vinegar Tom stay black cocksucker, thats the most important thing - joey coco diaz Flesh is Weak. All Hail the Machine God!
|
Magicman69
All About the Benjamins



Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
|
|
Another solid report Wiccan! Thanks for all the great info you provide this community through your experiences.
|
st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
|
|
I had similar insights during high school that prompted me to become a vegetarian.
I really enjoyed your story, W_S! I find you shamanic use of MXE very interesting.
Gotta fucking try that stuff lol
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
|
memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
|
Re: Methoxetamine -- Dead is Good [Re: st1llnox]
#19311777 - 12/22/13 12:49 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
welcome home
|
|