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Offlinepsychotikfuck
Stranger
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Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 423
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
PSYCHOTIKFUCK- untitled aspirations support feedback, love you all
    #19305358 - 12/20/13 09:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Oxy's
Oc's
Under my tongue
Crushed up
Under the weight of my thumb
On a piece of paper
Over a slab, a hard surface
This situation I'm in aint glamorous

Takin all my money and I'm smashin it
Swallow a few, insufilate(sp) the rest of it
Bitch I ain't tryna be fabulous
Never was this shit about being cool like cool kids
Always was just tryna get out
escape this reality holding all these limits,
where all the kids already know
their parents on some bullshit, they don't grow
This was my childhood, tryna grow
up and above those
who wrote the biggest books, fathomed
the theories that aren't conspiracies
but concepts which touch us all in places we can't see (our soul)
I'm bound to fall, the shits got me throwed,
the shits got me in fits of elevated hope,
so realistically I can see the way to change,
though, it all fades away like possibilities missing resources
fades away like millions of youth ahead of their time,
their minds mail nourished, fed reasons to strive,
all for sold out culture and dollar signs,
instead of being rewarded for recognizing deceit,
for having the wisdom to question
a minority population in defeat
I'm not black by no means,
none of that in my genes,
but hear it in my voice when I speak
you got no choice
to recognize the pain of even your own streets,
We're all blatant victims
It's just hard to see
when your enemy makes it so hard to see,
feeding you and your families communities
with lies without even having to lift their feet,
delivering your emotional forecast for the weeks
to come,
while you underneath the blankets
searching for cold spots in your sheets, like I'm
searching for a relatable set of eyes to read,
Cause even me,
with all this passion,
my soul subconsciously told me,
to never leave,
my soul finds it most difficult
to walk alone amidst corruption and
trust my first instinct
when it comes to everything I see.


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OfflineTmethylM
Smear in the shale
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Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: PSYCHOTIKFUCK- untitled aspirations support feedback, love you all [Re: psychotikfuck]
    #19305390 - 12/20/13 10:04 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

:kaneclap:


--------------------
¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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OfflineAtrium
Cunt Tickler

Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 1,284
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: PSYCHOTIKFUCK- untitled aspirations support feedback, love you all [Re: Tmethyl]
    #19306652 - 12/21/13 07:03 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Rap song or a poem?

As a poem, it's OK. Doesn't have a CLEAR image made out but is defined by the middle of the second stanza.

As a rap song, I'd say back to the drawing board, here's why. It sounds too much like something someone else has already done. Drugs, conspiracies, etc. Also the high amount of vulgarities suggests that a fluent English vocabulary is lacking. I'd look into that first. Bitches be baffled by belligerent profanity. I would gave made it all b's but it's hard for that line lol anyways, yeah maybe just start looking up random words until yoiu have an arsenal of 50 cals under your belt.


--------------------
The only thing about Chemistry I like is all the psychedelics that come from it.

The only reason I study Psychology is to have a legitimate excuse to enjoy Chemistry. :tongue2:


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Offlinepsychotikfuck
Stranger
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Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 423
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: PSYCHOTIKFUCK- untitled aspirations support feedback, love you all [Re: Atrium]
    #19307061 - 12/21/13 09:20 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

lol, I write in poem but am heavily influenced by drug,hippie rap culture, it's a pretty new scene/art and I guess you may have never heard of it or heard it at all, but the vulgarity is part of the expression which might be hard to digest through a computer screen,.. as far as conspiracies go or whatever, I just say what's on my mind, I don't care what's been done before, if someone else is talking about the same thing I am, that just supports my confidence in what I am talking about is a relatable and alive issue in other peoples minds and realities as well.  thanks for the criticism/advice :thumbup::heart:


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