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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19303758 - 12/20/13 04:26 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I don't feel like a polyamorist would have the same connection with their partner than a monogamous relationship would have. As a monogamous person, I also feel that it's a cop out for not having to be completely emotionally available to someone. Monogamy relates to the heart of compassion. Pain is central to the experience of positive change. Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust. I'm not being black and white on this before I get complaints, I'm just stating how I feel, as someone who knows what it's like to love someone enough to want to do anything for them, even give them my body. Love is dedication, and dedication in polyamory is marginal at best.

People should just do what makes them happy.


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
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Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19303806 - 12/20/13 04:38 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
I don't feel like a polyamorist would have the same connection with their partner than a monogamous relationship would have. As a monogamous person, I also feel that it's a cop out for not having to be completely emotionally available to someone. Monogamy relates to the heart of compassion. Pain is central to the experience of positive change. Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust. I'm not being black and white on this before I get complaints, I'm just stating how I feel, as someone who knows what it's like to love someone enough to want to do anything for them, even give them my body. Love is dedication, and dedication in polyamory is marginal at best.

People should just do what makes them happy.




I would never begrudge any human being a right to their opinions and observations. I mean hell, observations is a rather large part of the scientific method so it can't be that weak-sauce can it? LOL!

I'll agree with you though in that there are some polyamorists I've met who don't really attempt to fulfill the needs of their partners. I've encountered a fair few who equate sexual excitement with the kind of spiritual revelation one would find amongst converts or new non-smokers but, on the flip side, some poly individuals (myself included) tend to be very picky about who they enter into relationships with because you're not just attending to the emotional/mental/and physical needs of one individual but two or even more. It's one thing to date a bit, or have a bit of NSA sexual exploration and quite another to tend to the desires of another person aside from your "primary" partner.

But on the other hand, I do not think "pain" is nearly as paramount to the human experience as some people like to think it is. That's a philosophy I have never ascribed to. Have my husband and I had little tiffs? Sure! I am allergic to putting the toilet paper on the roll and he leaves his clothes in the middle of a freshly mopped bedroom floor (hardwood FTW) but if there was pain involved in our union I wouldn't do it (and neither would he).Tt makes me wonder just how much of the whole Romanticist notion of love has been absorbed by mainstream society that "pain" is considered something to justify whether a relationship is "real" or not. That just makes no sense to me. Would you keep placing a hand in a fire as it burns you?

This isn't Guinevere and Lancelot.

Why would you accept something similar from something, someone, sentient and capable of knowing right from wrong?

Hair shirts don't make one monk any better than the other and martyrdom does not always make the saint.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19303846 - 12/20/13 04:48 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Perhaps I shouldn't have used the word pain. I don't find my relationship painful. I more meant the things you endure together.

And you can't have compassion without the need for it.

I agree that there are certain things about a monogamous relationship that can look unappealing, anyone can admit that. But all those things I've found are cured with a little compassion, and dedication. I don't look poorly upon anyone not choosing to be monogamous, but I myself and truly happy being just that, and part of me thinks it's sad that some people can't feel exactly the way I feel. Not because I feel I'm right, but because I'm happy, in my own way.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304053 - 12/20/13 05:34 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

deCypher said:
Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Its a given in my mind that monogamy is unnatural and psychologically damaging




For some people, sure.  Plenty of people out there who have healthy, satisfying monogamous relationships however.




Maybe, that seems far from the norm however. Divorce rates in a non-stigmatized country reflect that to a limited degree



Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
My god nearly every polyamorist on this board is self righteous as fuck. They act as if every person who believes in monogamy is socially inferior and that polyamorists are better and more evolved than people who believe in monogamy.




:werd: and all monogamists act like non-monogamous people are diseased creepers too right?


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304076 - 12/20/13 05:38 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
I don't feel like a polyamorist would have the same connection with their partner than a monogamous relationship would have. As a monogamous person, I also feel that it's a cop out for not having to be completely emotionally available to someone. Monogamy relates to the heart of compassion. Pain is central to the experience of positive change. Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust. I'm not being black and white on this before I get complaints, I'm just stating how I feel, as someone who knows what it's like to love someone enough to want to do anything for them, even give them my body. Love is dedication, and dedication in polyamory is marginal at best.

People should just do what makes them happy.




I view monogamy as an emotional cop-out, a statistically nonviable crutch.

"Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust." That sounds like a mantra, there are plenty of alternative lifestyles to yours.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304125 - 12/20/13 05:46 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Polyamory bases the relationship off of lust. its the centerpiece of the whole thing. its people's true don't deny it. I'm not saying there isn't a connection but you're together becausw you let eachother fuck other people. Monogamy is dedication to loving who the other person is. if you can think of a more direct simplification as equal to mine of polyamory please be my guest.


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Invisibledeadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh? Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304141 - 12/20/13 05:50 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

@Repetoire: Uhm what? Not at all; I'm merely saying that the polyamorists I've seen post on the shroomery who advocate polyamorists act as if they are some superior, and more evolved species of humans than people who believe in monogamy. It happens in every single thread that gets made about polyamory or monogamy.


I'm not saying this applies to all people who believe in polyamory, but on the shroomery, it holds true for a very great portion of posters who believe in polyamory. But in reality, everyone is equal and no ones belief makes them more superior than the other.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304178 - 12/20/13 05:57 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
Polyamory bases the relationship off of lust. its the centerpiece of the whole thing. its people's true don't deny it. I'm not saying there isn't a connection but you're together becausw you let eachother fuck other people.



:lolwut:

Ridiculous generalization dude.  Who are you to say polyamorists cannot truly love multiple partners?


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304209 - 12/20/13 06:01 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
@Repetoire: Uhm what? Not at all; I'm merely saying that the polyamorists I've seen post on the shroomery who advocate polyamorists act as if they are some superior, and more evolved species of humans than people who believe in monogamy. It happens in every single thread that gets made about polyamory or monogamy.

I'm not saying this applies to all people who believe in polyamory, but on the shroomery, it holds true for a very great portion of posters who believe in polyamory. But in reality, everyone is equal and no ones belief makes them more superior than the other.




I don't know who's going around advocating their superiority based around sexual preferences, personally I just view monogamy as going against the psychological grain.

Many in the monogamous community like to wave a self-righteous puritanical flag in everyone's face, and as most people are for better or worse culturally engrained into monogamy I make a point of advocating non-monogamy.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304242 - 12/20/13 06:06 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
Polyamory bases the relationship off of lust. its the centerpiece of the whole thing. its people's true don't deny it. I'm not saying there isn't a connection but you're together becausw you let eachother fuck other people. Monogamy is dedication to loving who the other person is. if you can think of a more direct simplification as equal to mine of polyamory please be my guest.




When one has met the fourth 'one and only', what then? The far majority of monogamous people don't marry the first person they 'fall in love with'.

That sort of love doesn't interest me, my love is empathy and there is plenty of that in me to go around.


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Invisibledeadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh? Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304247 - 12/20/13 06:06 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

I don't know who's going around advocating their superiority based around sexual preferences, personally I just view monogamy as going against the psychological grain.




It doesn't have to be advocating, but you basically just proved my point. Time after time, people are saying that the ones who believe in monogamy are going against the natural flow, and are just brain washed by what society believes in.

It's quite hilarious.

Quote:


Many in the monogamous community like to wave a self-righteous puritanical flag in everyone's face, and as most people are for better or worse culturally engrained into monogamy I make a point of advocating non-monogamy.




"culturally engrained into monogamy"

Yup here we go again, all us people who believe in monogamy are just so brainwashed and worse off.

:doublefacepalm:


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304272 - 12/20/13 06:10 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
Quote:

I don't know who's going around advocating their superiority based around sexual preferences, personally I just view monogamy as going against the psychological grain.




It doesn't have to be advocating, but you basically just proved my point. Time after time, people are saying that the ones who believe in monogamy are going against the natural flow, and are just brain washed by what society believes in.

It's quite hilarious.

Quote:


Many in the monogamous community like to wave a self-righteous puritanical flag in everyone's face, and as most people are for better or worse culturally engrained into monogamy I make a point of advocating non-monogamy.




"culturally engrained into monogamy"

Yup here we go again, all us people who believe in monogamy are just so brainwashed and worse off.

:doublefacepalm:




Your argument doesn't seem to address the actual idea at hand, whether or not monogamy is psychologically damaging.

The fact that you have to take the very idea as a personalism and threat makes me wonder.


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Invisibledeadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh? Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304294 - 12/20/13 06:13 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Makes you wonder about what?

I fail to see any evidence that shows monogamy is psychologically damaging, I'm more than happy to be presented with this factual evidence. The only evidence I've seen, is anecdotal evidence which can't be relied on to prove something.

Personally, I think both have an equal chance of being psychologically damaging. With polyamory, there are multiple people involved. If one doesn't balance time equally with all people involved, than one person may begin to feel emotionally unsatisfied. With monogamy, the same thing can happen.

Ultimately it's whatever works best for the individual.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304380 - 12/20/13 06:26 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
Makes you wonder about what?

I fail to see any evidence that shows monogamy is psychologically damaging, I'm more than happy to be presented with this factual evidence. The only evidence I've seen, is anecdotal evidence which can't be relied on to prove something.

Personally, I think both have an equal chance of being psychologically damaging. With polyamory, there are multiple people involved. If one doesn't balance time equally with all people involved, than one person may begin to feel emotionally unsatisfied. With monogamy, the same thing can happen.

Ultimately it's whatever works best for the individual.




41% of marriages involve infidelity
roughly 55% of people have cheated
while roughly 70% would cheat if the opportunity arrived

This is a statistically significant issue.

(not to mention again: divorce rates & the number of relationships monogamous people participate in)


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Invisibledeadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh? Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304420 - 12/20/13 06:36 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Okay, those facts are cool. Got anything to back that up like a research document, Or is that just your own personally gathered statistics?

So those stats automatically equate that the problem is with monogamy? Did you ever think that maybe the problem was with the people who they were partened up with, and the way they dealt with all the problems that arose? Or did you automatically just start thinking that the problem is with monogamy?


It is entirely wrong to automatically conclude that because relationships, and marriages fail due to infidelity that manogamy is the problem. That is a huge jump to make, with no basis to support the jump. In fact, all I think those statistics mean is that the way people in those relationships dealt with the problems was terrible, or that they didn't deal with the problem at all.


Edited by deadwk (12/20/13 06:39 PM)


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304587 - 12/20/13 07:10 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
Okay, those facts are cool. Got anything to back that up like a research document, Or is that just your own personally gathered statistics?

So those stats automatically equate that the problem is with monogamy? Did you ever think that maybe the problem was with the people who they were partened up with, and the way they dealt with all the problems that arose? Or did you automatically just start thinking that the problem is with monogamy?


It is entirely wrong to automatically conclude that because relationships, and marriages fail due to infidelity that manogamy is the problem. That is a huge jump to make, with no basis to support the jump. In fact, all I think those statistics mean is that the way people in those relationships dealt with the problems was terrible, or that they didn't deal with the problem at all.




You make a lot of assumptions concerning the content of arguments you haven't heard and people you haven't met, if I were to confront each assumption in these posts it would take longer than I care to write this.

I'll have to get back to you on sources, spent the last half hour trying to find two different articles and have to get on with my night.


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