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Anonymous #1

Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery..
    #19300690 - 12/20/13 12:08 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I will never forget the day. When I found out. It was something so  bad, so disgusting, I literally didn't eat or  sleep for days. I attempted suicide because I don't know how to  handle it. I was such a happy person before . But now? Only happiness I have now is faked. I try so fucking  hard to feel normal again. I just can't handle it. A year ago we found out my father was molesting my younger brother. My father was molested as a child. As well.  I was always close with my dad but never as close as my younger brother was.

But my younger brother was much  closer to him. Until he told us about the sick  untellable things he experienced.  I don't even know how to accept the fact of this all.  I wish I could have somehow stopped this all from happening. If only there was a. Way I could have stopped it. We found out too late. He had already went through years of this terrible torcher.  Our family disconnected from my dad and my mother has my younger brother in her custody now. But it's never talked about. We haven't gotten my younger brother therapy. I'm terrified he wi become another repeat. 

I just feel there's not much I can do now. I moved about 3,000 miles away from my family after attempting suicide. I couldn't handle the fact of it all and I felt as if I moved away it would all disappear. It hasn't. This shit is eating me alive. It's getting worse everyday.  I keep telling myself  it will all solve itself. It's not. Everyone in my family is pretending like nothing happened. My dad is decaying from drug abuse and he probably won't be living much longer.  I hate him for what he did to my younger brother. But is he just a  victim of the illness he got as a child as well? I don't understand. it and probably never will as I didn't go through what they went through. I still feel as if I'm in a terrible nightmare and I'm just praying that I  wake up. Quite frankly, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help my brother. I don't even know if I should hate my dad for what he's done to him. After seeing my dad in town I could tell he knew what he did was wrong. I could see the very horror and regret in his eyes without even exchanging a word with him.  I could see the drug abuse quickly  withering away what little health he had.

I know this is probably hard to read. It's still hard for me to understand.
I haven't talked about it since my mom first told us the news. I don't really know who to talk to this about so I will just vent to the shroomery. I need help. My brother needs therapy. I wish this would all just go away.


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OfflinePsilosopherr
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19300778 - 12/20/13 12:40 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

man, thats some of the heaviest shit I've read in a while.

The only way I can relate is when I found out my dad was trying to use my mom for sex when she really need something from him to help me and my brother. Using the fact that she NEEDED to help us to try and get her to fuck him.

It pales in comparison to what happened to you...I really hope you can find a way to cope with those feelings and find some genuine happiness.

You deserve to be happy man.


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OfflineMrHill
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19300797 - 12/20/13 12:46 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Damn man, that's some pretty shitty shit.
I can understand that you're pretty fucked up from that.

How close are you with your brother? Try reaching out to him.
Is he grown, or still a kid?
Sounds like not only your brother, but you also would benefit from counselling/therapy. It goes a long way to be able to speak your mind freely to an individual.
May happy thoughts and peace be with you for the holidays OP.
Take care :psychsplit:


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: MrHill]
    #19300995 - 12/20/13 01:57 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

People react differently to this kind of thing. It is not set in stone that your brother will be irreparably harmed by what has happen, nor is he necessarily traumatized by it.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: koods] * 1
    #19301194 - 12/20/13 03:26 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

koods said:
People react differently to this kind of thing. It is not set in stone that your brother will be irreparably harmed by what has happen, nor is he necessarily traumatized by it.




I agree. Sometimes the stigma can be worse than the event. Like anything, it's case by case. Don't avoid your bro because of it.


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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Offlinejimboob
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19302568 - 12/20/13 11:58 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah dude, I've never experienced anything like this. I had a friend who grew up in the foster system who was molested, and aside from being a lazy stoner he's a good kid.

My 2 cents: Like the above posters said, it's all about how you react to things. I know it's hard on you to find out what your father did, but it's your brother who's the focus here. You need to be strong for him, and help him react to the situation in the wisest way possible.

I read somewhere that when a crises happens, you look at the person in the center of the crises as the innermost circle. Then you draw a circle around that, that circle is where you and your family are. The circle after is your brother's closest friends, beyond that lesser friends, ect. ect...

The point is that when talking to someone on a more inner circle you should be strong for them, help them as best you can. If your talking to someone on an outer circle relative to you then you can vent, much like you are here on the shroomery.

But yeah, don't run away from this dude. I'm sure you're helping your bro out but you need to be there for him, to be strong for him even if you don't feel strong. I couldn't imagine what the hell he's feeling/thinking as a result of this, but you need to be there as his friend/therapist/sholder-to-cry-on and brother whenever he needs you.

The world seems dark because all this crap has depressed you...it's easier said than done but you need to do something to make yourself feel better, like the world isn't so bad. NO DRUGS!!!! Maybe go to a puppy store and roll around with some pugs or something. Their unconditional love will lighten your heart.

:feelsgoodman:

well that was my best shot at giving advice on something I know nothing about, but I like to think my advice would be universal to any serious problem...

good luck my dude, don't ever give up yourself, your little brother needs you.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: jimboob]
    #19305610 - 12/20/13 11:04 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Honestly, thank you everyone for your responses. I'm too tired to reply individually to everyone but I feel much better after typing this out. There still is MUCH more to story than I could type out here. I think my sister may have also been molested by him. I'm starting to get more motivation to talk to my family about this. We all need to talk about it more to figure out what to do. I may have also been molested but might have been too young to remember. I have no recollection of anything of that sort but it's starting to seem like he did it to all of my siblings.  Talking about it seems like the only thing that will make it better and better is all I could hope for right now.


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #19306366 - 12/21/13 04:12 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Don't start creating false memories.


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #19308025 - 12/21/13 01:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I dunno, when i read this its not the worst thing ever. So your dad diddled your little brother for a while. Hes a criminal obviously, and now hes out of the picture, fuck that dude anyways. Your whole moral compass regarding whether your dad is a product of his upbringing, my answer is no. Dude had a choice and decided to let his urges get the best of him. Adult making a shit decision is just that.

As for your little bro i like what someone else said, the stigma is sometimes worse than what happened. By letting your dads actions DETERMINE the course of your life and likely your brother life by letting him shell these feelings up, no therapy, and avoiding everything including in your own life, you are really just perpetuating a bad thing.

Most i can relate is that i was diddled when i was younger by some kid in my neighborhood, i turned around and did it to some other kid when i was about the same age. Forgot all about it till i was older. I didnt let it wreck my life. The shit happened, and i chose to accept it and move on. Thats one of the big challenges in life, do you let its events break you down, or do you use those experiences to grow and find self-love and acceptance. Sounds like you and your brother both could benefit from some counseling, and i strongly suggest that. Escapism is the worst way to handle it. Talk about it openly man, its a part of life to go through some terrible shit every now and then, so open that can of worms and let your brother feel like hes not scarred for life by being able to laugh about the shit weve been through and to put it to rest, and behind us


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Everything in life looks dark after making a terrible discovery.. [Re: ManianFH]
    #19308573 - 12/21/13 04:10 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

It's almost a taboo in our culture to say anything other than being sexually abused is the worst kind of trauma a person can endure.

This topic reminds me of an interview I heard with Alan Ball, the guy who wrote American Beauty and created Six feet Under and True Blood. He had a very different response to his own experience. He talks about it at about 26:30 in this interview.

http://pd.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/fa/2008/09/20080910_fa_01.mp3?dl=1


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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